before/after/now

[kiki_louis]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v38/xkikix/meb4raw.jpg

This is me before, I was over 200 pounds here and I was smoking hookah daily and drinking several times a week.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v38/xkikix/mebtop.jpg
Me at 172 :) over 2 months raw

[kiki_louis]

Unfortunately I fell off the raw wagon and unfortunately gained weight and a drug problem accompanied by smoking cigarettes, but I am back and I am trying my best to get back to 100% raw!! This is what I look like now but I will update in a month to show my progress. Much love to all my raw friends! :) I know this is going to be hard for me but I am feeling ready to try again.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v38/xkikix/Picture1-5.jpg

[rawstrength]

Kiki
You are beautiful and on the path to radiant health.
I wish you all th best!

[shashibala]

You still look beautiful. I'm sure you will reach your goals! You've done it before!:)

[oceanee]

Best of everything~ it is a continual learning process ~ lovely pix~you are beautiful. We must remember that we are all beautiful!
Oceanee

[Aleesha Sattva]

you can do anything... you just have to want to :) (((hugs)))

[Bodhi]

Hang in there, you're on the right track.

[spicyfull]

RAWonderful...............

[Seabie]

Oh gosh, you are stunning! you have the most beautiful eyes and shiny hair! I wish the best for you on your quest to get healthy.

[rawxstasy]

I'm so glad you are back! I've wondered how you were doing! You look awesome!

[jacsam]

Wishing you the best of success.

[Bethanie]

I tried to pull up your pictures but the boxes have small red x's on them.
Nothing is happening.
I would have loved to see your progress:D
You can MAKE IT!
B.

[Bethanie]

Wow what an inspiration.
Thanks so much and you should feel really good about what you have accomplished:D :D
B.

[Kendra]

Hi - you look amazing!! You are just stunning. You can do it!! :)

[Morn]

Welcome back! I look forward to the updates to come!:D

[Bluedevil_angel]

kiki are you stunning!

[Bethanie]

slip and have cooked food?
You look so beautiful:D
I've heard that others have had slips and gotten back on the wagon.
Yesterday i purchased a bag of sweet chili chips, they were vegan but not raw.
B.

[gritsnla]

Just remember how great you feel RAW....your pictures are beautiful!!

[luna99]

wow, you are gorgeous! raw really looks good on you!!! :)

[moonstar]

You are stunning and are on the journey right along with us!

Thank you for the inspiration...

[RawHeaven]

Kiki so glad you're back. You're a very beautiful woman. Thank you for your inspiration.

[thinagain]

Unfortunately I fell off the raw wagon and unfortunately gained weight and a drug problem accompanied by smoking cigarettes, but I am back and I am trying my best to get back to 100% raw!! This is what I look like now but I will update in a month to show my progress. Much love to all my raw friends! :) I know this is going to be hard for me but I am feeling ready to try again.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v38/xkikix/Picture1-5.jpg

You are beautiful anyways:)

[LNdolls]

it is not a slip.. simply a meal that you can learn from having eaten. Let it go and go on with more good raw food.. no blame, no inner yelling. Simply part of the journey.
The percentage of raw is hugely in your favor still. Keep moving on the raw path. And you are beautiful indeed!

[Aleesha Sattva]

it is not a slip.. simply a meal that you can learn from having eaten. Let it go and go on with more good raw food.. no blame, no inner yelling. Simply part of the journey.
The percentage of raw is hugely in your favor still. Keep moving on the raw path. And you are beautiful indeed!

You took the words right out of mouth! *I also noticed you took a gold filling and I want it back!* LOL

[carolg]

We're there to support you. You are beautiful! Remember feel the love and not judgment here so share comfortably. We're on your TEAM!

carolg

[JennaBoBenna]

You are very pretty!! :)

[Zella Juice]

You look wonderful. Keep up the good work!

[StarFire]

well sweet kiki... you are truly beautiful!!! This is an amazing journey you are on... and you are such an inspiration and a blessing to all of us...

RAWk on lil Goddess!!

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/smiley_loveshower.gif

[Pturski]

Wow your hot lol

You changed alot from the first pic

[goobygirl]

Kiki,

You remind me of the young girls who enter the beauty pageants, they looks so flawless and have porcelain skin. They don't even look real because they are so pretty..... (I mean this as a compliment...)

Don't feel bad about not being 100% raw, the guilt can do you just as bad as the "cooked" skin can. Make a commitment you can stick to. It's not all or nothing; sometimes "something" is your first step...

[mongodelight]

Unfortunately I fell off the raw wagon and unfortunately gained weight and a drug problem accompanied by smoking cigarettes, but I am back and I am trying my best to get back to 100% raw!! This is what I look like now but I will update in a month to show my progress. Much love to all my raw friends! :) I know this is going to be hard for me but I am feeling ready to try again.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v38/xkikix/Picture1-5.jpg

I am sorry. I am quite sure that thats a never ending roller coaster untill the end of time. Ok there s a way out, most people who stay clean probably arent aware that they used this way. Its getting rid of the illusions around addictions. I am not a native speaker and its not easy to explain, i dont want to do leo.org all the time. Theres a guy who explained how to get rid of the illusions in your mind. These illusions(caused by different kinds brainwashing) are the reason you decide to jump(;)) off the wagon: If u dont get rid of your brainwash you wont be free mentally and for sure not even physically. The only way to become 100% free is to understand the trap you are in. Basicly the trap you(and me, but i am climbing out at the moment) are in is a Catch-22. If u think about quitting for life you re afraid(if you jumb of the wagon thats a fact) - and if u think of consuming crap(cigs,cooked,alc,drugs)
you re afraid too. This fear causes a real bad feeling. And if u re addicted to anything, you need the anything you re addicted to(Pizza, cig, beer, joint etc) to get over the bad feeling. But you re not allowed to because you quit - and that makes a REALLY bad feeling - And that makes you desire your "addition material" more. And THAT also will make u feel bad. Noticed something? Thats getting worse and worse, a devils circle that never ends. You can stay strong but life will become hell. I call it the fear catch-22. If u re about to mess up you surely notice thats you re struggleing in your mind with yourself: An example dialogue similar to my inner dialogue:Conscious mind: No!!! I want to stay raw AND i dont want to be fat, i want to look good!!!!!!!!!(fear of staying fat, ugly and sick -at that point i am deadly afraid of messing up)...Subconscious mind: But i want that yummy pizza, i want that strong joint, it would feel sooooo good, everything would be so easy... just enjoy it and forget about the fear AND tomorrow you quit. Conscious mind: Oh no stop!!!!! I want to stay raw, damn it!!! Raw and beautiful, sucessful, beautiful, confident...(deadly afraid of never having the things that help me in every situation, my best friends: joint,pizza,cig) ....hmmm but what should i do now... i dont feel good, i dont know what to do,i dont know anything that could pleasure me now, i dont want to do anything, i got no purpose..i could do anything... ANYTHING!!!, i feel like nothing make sense....Subconscious mind: just think about how it would be if u could mess up:... ahhhhhh a fat ass pizza with cheese, a huge joint, a cig... that would feel sooooo good..Conscious mind: But no, stop!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to stay raw, beautiful..pizza confident...joint ..raw cig ...successful ...smoking... argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ Do i have to mention whats the result of an attempt like that? It doesnt matter how much willpower you have, the more willpower you have the more painful will it get and its not getting better untill you re messing up. When you will feel horrible but you re feeling better than before althougth you re posion yourself heavyly. The struggle is over, that feels great...]

So the key is that you loose 100% the fear of quitting. At this point you left the trap and its the easiest thing for you to stay raw and you re lucky to be raw and clean. How to get rid of the fear? Therefor you have to know that the fear that keeps you jumb of the wagon is caused by the illusions(and the illusions are caused by different kinds of brainwashing) So you have to get rid of the illusions(f.e a classic: smoking relaxes me, benching makes me get over bad moods and many more) Like the word illusion allready says these thoughts are NOT THE TRUTH! They are a fata morgana. And you have to cognize these fata morganas as what they are. I know that you think that you already know that smoking isnt relaxing BUT you have to know it by HEART, that means deep in you re subconscious mind you have to realize that smoking isnt relaxing(just f.e.)

[ For all who think smoking is relaxing if u re addicted to it: Thats an illusion like walking with too tight shoes on and when enjoying the feeling of undressing the shoes. Smoking only ends suffering. Its like your neighbor is mowing the grass and you want to enjoy the summer sun on your terrace. The feeling of calm after you neighbor finished is sooooooooo relaxing. Its my first day without cigarettes and if someone would force me to smoke one right know it wouldnt be relaxing? Why? Only my body wants the nicotine, my mind set is nearly nonsmoker allready. Food, drugs, benching, every addiction is the same: The good feeling is only possibles if you suffered first. The sad thing is that you have to REALLY believe this fact in you re subconsious mind to stay clean forever. Would you medicate a groth facial rash that is growing and growing with a lotion that only pushes it under the skin and when make it bigger after a few hours? No, nobody would. But addictions are the same thing. If u realized it in your subconscious mind its so easy to never do the lotion(pizza,cig,alc,drug) again. And you will enjoy the healing process!]

To get rid of the illusions in your subconscious mind you have to become aware of them. Observe people who are eating crap. Are they really enjoying it? Observe yourself while you re benching tons of crap - observe yourself before and after without guilt and fear. Just observe neutrally the whole show. To become aware off all the brainwash in your mind and to become aware whats the truth about your addiction MUCH EASIER(all in the subconscious mind, it feels like a lamp lights on in you re head. Suddenly you understand the whole thing) the guy i mentioned at the beginning comes into play.

This guy can help you. BecomING aware of the illusions and the truth about youR addictions isnt easy if you try it without help. Without help nearly nobody becomes aware. thats why people kill themself althougth they want to live a long and healthy life. Some people become aware, become conscious on their own, but why use the hard way when there s an easy one?

In my oppinion the guy that i am talking off is the worlds greatest authority on addictions. His name is Allen Carr. He wrote a book on how to quit smoking but he said that his method works on all addictions. And eating cooked food and benching are addictions, nobody can doupt that(NOBODY of us^^) This nonsmoker book he wrote will make it much more easy to become conscious/aware off your illusions caused by brainwash. When you re conscious 100% - quitting is the natural consequence, Allen C. calleded it also "the none willpower" method.

Please help yourself, i dont like to see people suffering. I suffered enough, i know how hard it is to be in this catch-22. Its the hell, but theres a way out. There is a way out, believe me. I know it because i reversed allready all associations of my several addictions. But when i was at zero i forgot that everybody can fall into that trap. The brainwashing is everywhere and it stays sleeping in you re brain too. If u dont stay aware you can activate it again. That doesnt mean anything. After a few weeks nothing of you re addiction is left, you re free...

BUT like everyone you can fall into the trap again. Thats what happened to me. I felt months like i was never addicted to anything(100% raw, no nothin).
I swear nothing was left. But i forget about the trap and the trouble at home and the suggery fruits together activate the old brainwash again. It started with eating to much raw to get over the pain(i remember the day ery good) and my brain said: that feels good. If i had been aware of the trap at this moment, i would have stayed raw. But i wasnt aware that benching raw is an addiction too, i thought its not possible to feed you re addiction when you re raw. This benching fed my addictions untill i came back to joints, 15 cigs, benching fastfood. Its never the substance. The substance only gets boring when the addiction grows. And when you re old brainwash is activated again.

Ok but you dont have to do the same fault. If u stay aware of the trap you wont fall into it! You will stay free forever. Like me. I stayed a few months in the trap(after i reversed the addictions into a sleeping brainwash = if u re brainwash isnt actrive you feel free and you are free). I also had to become aware in my subconsious mind again. I knew the whole show but the subconscious mind controls our live. Thats a fact, every scientist in this area will tell you this. If you re subconscious mind thinks that cigs are enjoyable you will smoke(not nonstop) untill you die or suffer you re whole life because of missing the cigarettes.

The second time i fell into the fear trap(first time my mother tought me to become addicted to empty food;)) i thought i stay that way because i enjoy it or because i cant quit. But i was because of the fear of quitting.
Ok i am getting tired. I wanted to make it short.^^ Allen Carr is the man, if u need a little help on the way to consciousness.

[mongodelight]

After you read the book, or/and become aware of the illusions on your own and quitting your last crap meal(eaten conscious):

Everytime the thought of a pizza(or sth else) comes up you have to laugh honestly and feel great that you dont have to do it anymore. If thats easy to you and if it feels like your honest oppinion -You know that in a few weeks you will wonder how someone can eat cooked crap. You will ask yourself why you ve ever eaten crap. You cant imagine to do something senseless like that. If you see somebody eating your favorite old food in front of you - you will laugh, feel good and be very happy to be free.

its crazy. We re a group of maybe 0,00001% of the human species and everyone in this thread has nothing more to help when a few nice words(that shouldnt be offensive, its just the way it is). And we re the elite of awareness. Not the elite of intelligence but the elite of awareness. And Nobody of us(except of me) thinks that he/she knows the EXACT way to help her out of this cruel trap. Thats sad. Somebody has to take us out of darkness. Us means the whole human species. And knowing the EXACT way to stop the force to destroy us is the first step.

I am not an intelligent person. I am an average person that has to much free time. Nothing more. Why there isnt a person of you that offers an exact way to reverse her (food) addictions?

Knowing about the "raw truth" isnt worth anything if u cant ENJOY to stay raw forever.

Maybe i am wrong, but millions of ex-smokers did that method and live a happy nonsmoker life know. I just use the method on other addictions.
Allen Carr was in nearly every Country for a few months a bestseller. And the book is still bought very often after 2 decades
If this method didnt work, he wouldnt have sold 1000 books. His son probably gets a billionaire soon if he know how to invest haha

[ i ate today: At the morning: Nothing. Water
2 1/2 fast hiking(some running) in the mountains, climbing some trees.
I picked a small apple
At lunch: 150g cacao beans with 30g honey
lunch - evening: 1 small apple, 1 hour working in the garden and upper body workout
evening: green smoothie: 200g of 2 kind nettles with some nettles seeds
late evening: 100g cacao beans with 20g honey
All together let it be 1000 - 1500 kcal, i am 83kg and i burned surely 2500 kcal. I have eaten enough, i am not hungry. If science is right i ll die soon. But i am not hungry haha]

[RawHeaven]

Why there isnt a person of you that offers an exact way to reverse her (food) addictions?

The first thing that a healer learns whether it is from a teacher or from being a wounded healer is that it is a direct insult to superimpose your beliefs or the "exact way" to heal onto someone else. What you come to understand is that we are all highly capable healers and spirits and have the means to move through any challenge. Especially with addiction you do someone a disservice and invalidate their healing abilities & process when you tell them what to do. This is not the same as offering support, love and providing tools for them to heal. For example, when someone is crying and releasing trauma, oftentimes it is the response of many to try to stop the tears and console the person who is moving through something and releasing it. There are many reasons for this tendency to make someone feel better - it ranges from fear to personal triggers of their own trauma to personal discomfort in witnessing someone in pain (or the illusion of pain). It is best to let them be and not to interfere with their healing process. Let them cry and respect that everything is in divine order and they are healing. I feel that every single person on this thread offers Kiki support from their heart space and trusts that she is presently healing. Therein lies the gift and a reminder to her that she's got what it takes to do it and reach any goal she so desires to achieve. What I pick up is love & compassion in reading the responses. And more importantly respect for her. I didn't read all that you wrote, but your question popped out amongst all of your words and I decided to answer it. I know you mean well, but simply because you did not interpret what should have occurred in this thread, doesn't make anyone's way the right or wrong approach or response. Just my opinion.

~Crystal

[mongodelight]

You re right. Great comment, thank u very much! I am going to offer my help to people who search for. This Help isnt received if the person dont search for it.

I suggested wrong that its possible to "force" somebody to become aware.
Therefor the person has to have suffered enough that he/she is searching for a solution so deeply that the consciousness opens up.

I cant thank u enough for that comment! It confirmed my experience. The first time i read the book(finally nonsmoker, a.carr) i wasnt ready to use the knowledge. My mind wasnt open enough, because of fear pressure and other causes) But the second time my mind was openend by the suffering that caused the strong wish of change.

Without the big suffering and this extremly strong wish to change the whole method is worthless. Because this strong wish opens the mind. Without opening the mind becoming aware isnt possible.

I am going to offer my experience only to people who ask me for the help. Because only this people are able to use it.

Allen Carr healed millions of smokers(i know some of them) in the whole world with his book and seminars. But if u would give a smoker 100 Bugs for reading the book the smoker will use the money to buy cigarettes.

The smoker will think that the book is saying the truth but the subconscious mind isnt open enough. It must be opened first by the strong wish for an solution.

So thank u very much, i learned something really important. That will save a lot of time for me.

But i will offer this help to people that are open minded. Therefor i have to test them first by something that prooves that.

[mongodelight]

when somebody says to me nice words i cant take it. I dont believe that its real. If someone ask me: How are you doin? I feel miserable(even if i feel like its the best day ever) because i always think that the person doesnt give a damn about how i am doing. I cant accept compliments and i am not able to give some. Even if i want to compliment sb i cant because i think that the other person thinks about compliments like i do. If someone compliment me i feel horrible because i either think its not real or i dont deserve it.

So you see i got more to detoxify when physical crap. But i dont have such an easy solution to solve this problem like i have found for my addictions.

Thats why i am writing here about this method although i knew inside that it only will help if u search for it. I think its the only mentionable thing i ve achieved in life and a person who has a love defiency is always searching for a substitute. I got over my addictions know i have to be aware of that trap. Because their is no substitute and getting acceptance is an addiction too(for sure if u use it as a substitute for love)

I have to accept the way it is without trying to substitute. When i guess my love deficieny will move away by psychic detoxifying.

I guess i have to release these emotions of feeling not loved without searching for acceptance. I have to enjoy the pain. Lets enjoy suffering!

[kikilouis]

hello everyone. i have 71 days of sobriety and I am back now. my weight is at the highest ever 256 pounds and wow i am ready to get my life back, both mentally and physically!

[Lizzy S]

Hey girl, welcome back & Congrats on your 71 days!! :) You're a beautiful woman, and I'm sure your body & mind will thank you for making all these healthy changes and decision :) Rawk on chica

~Liz

[Stina]

hello everyone. i have 71 days of sobriety and I am back now. my weight is at the highest ever 256 pounds and wow i am ready to get my life back, both mentally and physically!

Eating raw will hugely help with substance abuse cravings.