Support for those of us with Eating Disorders?

[Jenifae]

I would like to start a thread for those of us who struggle with Eating Disorders. Anorexia, Bulemia, Binge-eating, Over-eating. Whatever it might be. I think the common bond/thread is that we want to have control. Control over what we eat, control over our weight, control over our feelings.

Eating Raw can help with finding a healthier path and not using Cooked/Processed Foods to cope with. Although what I am finding is that is a process to get to that place of complete freedom. I still struggle with cravings; especially when eating out with others. Sometimes I give into them and sometimes I dont'.

The hardest thing is not beating myself up for not being perfect, not doing right.

So, I would like to start a thread where we can support one another while we progressively walk this path and help each other to process our feelings, slips, and growth (not weight ;) ).

Anyone interested?

Jen

[Raspberry4]

If the moderators allow it I would LOVE to join in! And, not focusing on the weight issue would be really good for me. Healing the addiction and binge eating is really important at this point. :)

[The Forager]

I'd like to join. I'm an over-eater / emotional eater / self-saboteur / addict to cooked foods.

[debilana]

I have issues with eating foods that I know will make me feel poorly.

I did great on raw for about 5 months but lately I have been struggling:(

[Zaphirah]

I have lived with ED my whole life. I have been on every part of the spectrum. Raw is the ONLY thing that has worked.

[Jenifae]

I'm so excited that there are so many of looking for support. If the Moderator's allow this thread I would like us to focus on how we are staying raw in order to not act out. Maybe, we could share our Experience, Strength, and Hope, Ask questions and get advice from one another.

Thank you everyone for your willingness, openess and support :)

This should be great!

[monster]

Wow, I totally just blogged about this. I'm so in!

I don't know if others feel this way, but eating raw brings up a lot of this for me. Live foods really are healing foods.

[joya]

yes, that would be helpful.

I was raw for 3 weeks... then one little crack, and a downward spiral into cremehorns, pizza, burritos, coffee, etc. ... completely and utterly over the top.

I recently admitted to myself that I do indeed have an eating disorder... part of what I am recognizing as an addictive part of my personality.

I want to get back into raw, and release this addictive/cycle once and for all.

Anyway, this board is great. Thanks all.

[garydeb44]

Hi, I would love to join in also. I have a LONG history of eating disorders. I guess if I really think about it, I'm doing sooo much better than I ever did before, but still seriously stuggling with BINGEING big time even though I am 100% raw for 1 year. Thank you for starting this thread. Great idea.

Debbie

[erialicia]

I want to join too. I have ED with binge eating, emotional attachment to food and self sabatauge myself. I am also addicted to the "scale" if that is an addiction:eek:

[rusmiley99]

would join in a heart beat...struggle too...i'm a binger, so sad

[RawSinger]

I'm the biggest binge-eater in the world. It's sooooo destructive and I'm sick and tired of it. I hope the moderators allow it because it's a completely relevant thing. I'm sure there are ED support forums on the internet but I doubt that there is substantial ED support on other raw food forums, and these two things should be combined.

[RawSinger]

I am also addicted to the "scale" if that is an addiction:eek:

I'm addicted to the scale as well. It's not that I obsess over my weight per say, but I'm just addicted to weighing myself. It's become a habit.

[Jenifae]

I'm addicted to the scale as well. It's not that I obsess over my weight per say, but I'm just addicted to weighing myself. It's become a habit.

I too am addicted to the scale and to my weight. I am in a cycle of morning and evening weighing. I am not as obsessed internally/emotionally as I was but, still am in the habit and would like my numbers to change. Of course :o

I too am binge-eating more since being raw. Almost as if I have given myself permission to eat more because it's Raw? :confused: Does that make sense?

PS: I'm so happy to not be alone in this, here.

[RawSinger]

I too am binge-eating more since being raw. Almost as if I have given myself permission to eat more because it's Raw? :confused: Does that make sense?

PS: I'm so happy to not be alone in this, here.


Yes, that makes sense and of course you're not alone. At least what you're binging on is raw (can't say that much for myself), but it's still not a healthy thing, physically, emotionallly, spiritually.

Many people have told me (okay, therapists have told me), that when you binge (aside from trying to self-soothe), you're also trying to fill a hole inside yourself. Whatever that hole may be (I still don't know exactly what mine is), it cannot be filled by food. I know this because even after I'm done eating ENORMOUS amounts of food, I still feel entirely empty. Sorry to sound so depressing, but it's a reality.

[Jenifae]

Yes, that makes sense and of course you're not alone. At least what you're binging on is raw (can't say that much for myself), but it's still not a healthy thing, physically, emotionallly, spiritually.

Many people have told me (okay, therapists have told me), that when you binge (aside from trying to self-soothe), you're also trying to fill a hole inside yourself. Whatever that hole may be (I still don't know exactly what mine is), it cannot be filled by food. I know this because even after I'm done eating ENORMOUS amounts of food, I still feel entirely empty. Sorry to sound so depressing, but it's a reality.

I'm not 100% raw anymore but, I would say I'm 95%. And yes, it's better that I'm binging on raw rather then not raw but, still slipping on sweets. That's my downfall.

I eat at my emotions. The whole I've always thought was a God Hole. My needing to connect and trust in a Power Greater then myself. And, I know that I use food to cope with my feelings. I too have been to therapy but, works best for me is to keep talking with fellow ED's that are striving for freedom from our addiction and through that I become more aware and have more of an ability to choose if I'm going to act out or not. But, not always.

Sometimes for me it's not one day at a time but, one second at a time.

[4forme]

I'm not 100% raw anymore but, I would say I'm 95%. And yes, it's better that I'm binging on raw rather then not raw but, still slipping on sweets. That's my downfall.

I eat at my emotions. The whole I've always thought was a God Hole. My needing to connect and trust in a Power Greater then myself. And, I know that I use food to cope with my feelings. I too have been to therapy but, works best for me is to keep talking with fellow ED's that are striving for freedom from our addiction and through that I become more aware and have more of an ability to choose if I'm going to act out or not. But, not always.

Sometimes for me it's not one day at a time but, one second at a time.

Hi Jen, how are things going? I am definately in! I had a few good days, and then right back where I began. Interesting you mentioned a "God hole". I know this is the same in my case. There are hurts from the past, or circumstances that I need to put my trust in Him, yet, I seek tangible evidence, mostly in food.
There are also physical things that keep me eating more, especially sweets. I have systemic candida, or at least I am pretty sure I do. When I leave out all sugars except fruit I do so much better.
Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for starting this forum!
We can beat this, with raw and God!

[Jenifae]

Hey Wendy,

So good to see you. I was wondering what happened to ya :). Yeah, I too am sweet eater..............I have always craved them. Even as a lil' kid. So, I tend to want to binge on sweets and carbs if I do.

The "God Hole" is really a metaphor for our connection Spiritually to whatever we feel a connection to. I myself find it in nature and in my animals mostly. Probably because, they are naturally tuned into the Universal Connectedness, if you will. I feel one with everything mostly when I am there and out of my head.

My feelings are what I tend to eat at so, if I can pause, share, journal, or exercise before I start stuffing with food I usually do better. Easier said then done though. That seems to be my case.

So, glad you are here. :)

[4forme]

I suffered similar problems for years, years ago. So I would love to offer whatever help I could give, as I know what it's like going through all of that.

I would LOVE to hear your experience(s) on how you were able to get through and overcome your difficulties with food!

[4forme]

I have gotten myself into a bad place. Raw is a distant dream these days. I wake up and say, I will be raw today. Only to fail the minute food come in my path.
I have this problem, it's called, "Open mouth insert food". I am not even thinking about consequences or anything other than the temperary gratification of whatever food it is I am serving the rest of the family. Hunger isn't even an issue. I even go so far as to stay up late so I can have whatever I made them without them knowing! :eek: It's come to a point where I know it's got to change, and NOW, it can't wait any longer.

So, I am starting from here, right now. I will begin a blog today, for all to see and critique, telling of what I am eating, and hopefully it will hold me accountable for what goes into my mouth each time I open it!
I hope I don't sound to freakish with this problem. I am working on not feeling guilty about it, but realizing it's part of the path, part of learning. It's okay, but I want to choose better next time!

[Raspberry4]

4forme - I know exactly what you are talking about. No consequences at all. Just alot of physical and emotional discomfort after the eating. And the staying up late part - same trap I'm in. But I posted elsewhere this is going to stop today. Good luck to you and I hope you the best.

Imacranberry - thanks for sharing. Exercising control over one's thoughts is like exercise - what a great thought. That makes alot of sense. It did not work for me when I tried it - but like exercise I would do it for a while and then stop. No wonder I would get no where. It has to be exercised and used daily. I will keep up on this one as it is a useful tool. Thanks for sharing and for the idea.

[4forme]

iamcranberry, thanks so muhc for sharing! That was an amazing story, and helped me realize I am not totally freakish about how I view things and how things from my past are dictating things I do now.
It's midnight now, but I will post my story sometime this week. It has alot to do with how I see myself and the way I react to food now.
You said something about changing your thinking, it reminds me of something my mil always tells me, she says "you are listening to old tapes, you need to change the tapes!" I am believing things that aren't true, they just are in my perception. Does that make sense?
Raspberry4, thanks for your support too, glad I am not alone. I did it again today, figured I messed up already this morning, might as well enjoy it. Stupid mentality, especially when I came here all talking big about changing NOW! But I did post in my blog. And will start posting what I eat each day, I plan on doing a GS feast, as my dh is traveling so only need to feed the kiddos and me. My 18mo loves green smoothies, and I need to get my 6 yo to eat more of them cause he is so skinny, needs some good nourishment. Will use this week to do that.
I digress.
Thanks for the support. It's been stressfull.
Off to bed or I will not have the ability to think clearly and make better choices in the morning!

[4forme]

Like I said, I tried and failed for years before actually getting anywhere...and I didn't even realize I'd made progress until I looked back and thought..."wow...2 years ago I would be doing <whatever thing here>"

Persistence really is the key.


Yeah, actually, I have been doing this for a couple of yrs and I see a very slight change in the way I would have reacted before, so that's good, huh? Keep putting one foot in front of the other and we will get somewhere eventually.

[iamacranberry]

Yeah, actually, I have been doing this for a couple of yrs and I see a very slight change in the way I would have reacted before, so that's good, huh? Keep putting one foot in front of the other and we will get somewhere eventually.

Yes!! And get all the support you can get...I think in-person support would be the best, as that's something I really wish I had. The few people who knew about what I was struggling with were either critical of me or had similar (worse!) problems.

[Leiloshka]

Hi,

I'm a recovering bulimic, coe and compulsive restricter. I've had food issues for as long as I can remember. Going raw helped me for a while, but I saw with raw my compulsive overeating, etc. didn't go away. I'm not a person who can eat as much as you want as newbies to raw are often told.

I went from that to then narrowing my raw food choices due to reading of other raw authors and at the point where I was about to eliminate more raw healthy food from my diet to just certain kinds of fruits because one author said that was the "best" way to eat I had to pause. My thinking about food isn't "normal".

I think those with eating disorders need the structure of a 12 step organization like Overeaters Anonymous or fairly recently I found a 12 step group for anorexics and bulimics. Here is the main page: http://www.anorexicsandbulimicsanonymousaba.com/ Their textbook was so eye opening to me. Often I felt out of place at the OA meetings, but the ABA information made me feel so understood. And, the telephone meetings are great as well. It's hard to find a "raw" sponsor in either of these groups, but there is a Raw Vegan OA yahoo group where you can post questions and give support to one another. The home page for it is: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/RawVeganOA/

[Jenifae]

Hi Leiloshka,

Great info. Thanks for sharing. I too went OA at one times many years ago and I did not feel apart of even though I related. I think people who are obese feel that their is no way that we can relate to them but, we at least I sure did. It's the thinking and the feelings that are the same. I found OA to be to strict. It made me more commplusive like calorie counting did to me to. The more I had to weigh, measure, and count the more nuerotic it made me and the slips I had.

With Raw I have recently realized that at first I gave myself person to eat as much as I want. I can not eat like that becuase, it triggered my overeating. Then that will trigger the aspects of restriction or purging. I have not acted out in over 12 years with anorexia or bulemia but, have recently given it more thought.

Thank goodness I have not gained weight but, I didn't lose weight and was expecting to and became obsessed with that.

SO, where I am now is realizing that I know what works best in the way of eating for me...............which is when I eat smaller amounts I feel better, I have more energy expecially when I'm doing it with Raw!

So, it's important for us to know our bodies. Some people can eat alot and some people can not, and some people are nibblers. SO, I think we need to know who we are and what works best with our bodies while doing and transitioning in Raw.

I do feel it's important for us to not beat ourselves up and trigger guilt, shame, or frustration for that will for sure trigger an obsession or even acting out.

[ShantiYogini]

I am so greatful to have found this thread. Count me in. I've had different eating disorders for years, and recently started using pretty hard drugs to keep my weight unhealthily low. Because that nearly took my life (in more ways than one), now I'm dealing with that......I don't find myself addicted to drugs. I find myself needing to lose the access weight that I have put on SO DESPERATELY, that i will do anything. I have tried raw, but I think my emotional eating is so deeply ingrained, that I just can't stop the cravings. I would LOVE if anyone wants to share any insight or experiences on staying RAW even in the tough times.
Would anyone like to start RAW with me tomorrow??????????
(yes, this means today was already a write-off)
Eryn
Also, if anyone wants to email me personally to chat, that would be awesome:
eryn@advaita-yoga.com

[chilove]

What a great thread! Support is so crucial and this board is by far the most supportive raw board that I have found in the five years that I have been raw.

When I first went raw and was overcoming my emotional eating and addiction to cooked food spending time online on raw boards and making friends online (and at local raw potlucks) was extremely helpful to me. I think it is especially important for those of us whose immediate family and friends are not all that supportive.

Blessings,

Audrey

[Green_Woman]

I didn't know there was a name for what I felt as a young adult entering my teens/twenties until recently, when I learned there were societies online for Anorexic girls.

My anorexia was triggered more intensely by my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, MD.

MD is 6'2" and at his heaviest when I knew him, weighed 145 lbs... in other words, he is BONE thin... to him, being thin was the only way to be. But you see, he achieved his "fit" look by drinking excessively, chewing tobacco, and smoking. Also, he only ate one meal a day, generally, and usually never finished his food.

When I first met MD, I was 5'4", 125 lbs. I was the thinnest girl in THIS town, at least. :D But birth control, going off my then-raw diet and eating cooked food, and binge eating to hide my depression over how generally negative the relationship made me feel added 20 lbs on my tiny frame.

I'm the kind of girl who looks pregnant if I gain a pound, unfortunately!! And the weight I put on within only a few months of starting to date MD caused everyone in our small town to spread rumors that I WAS pregnant.

My embarassment over that, plus my new UNhealthy lifestyle with MD (I worked 60+ hrs a week, stayed up late to spend time with him, ate TOTALLY crappy food, and slept very little and never good, plus stopped exercising) added to my guilt.

By the time things went totally sour between MD and I, last November, I perpetually felt FAT, NASTY and completely unattractive.

Add to that the depression of three break-ups with the man in just as many months (he was, btw, my first boyfriend and 7 yrs older than me, so, I was definitely codependent, sadly... :( ) and the stress of multiple jobs, full-time school and my family falling to pieces around me...

Needless to say, food became my crutch and my bane.

So, I did the only thing I could think to do. I starved myself. For months.

I guess it's called anorexia? :D I really didn't even know what I was doing was so powerfully negative.

But yes, I starved myself for a long time...about 6 months. And during that time I also developed the lowest body image I'd ever had in my life. I would literally walk in front of a mirror and shrink back wondering why I was so "fat".

It didnt' help that AFTER the final break up with MD, I learned that he hadn't left me for the original reasons he'd said, but that he'd left me to be with another girl he'd already been "seeing" *coughcough* quite a bit... and she was the same height as me but about 30 lbs lighter...

He had always been making comments about how hot skinny girls were, and how he liked so-and-so's figure because they were SO skinny, etc etc.

In a way, MY already low self esteem combined with MD's unrealistic view of women pushed me into becoming severaly anorexic.

About a month ago (around the time I decided to go raw finally!), I did a photo shoot for a friend. When I showed my dad the pics, and boasted about how thin I finally was, he demanded to know how I lost the weight. I tried to gloss over the starving, and said "Well, I just haven't had much appetite lately, I guess" and he threatened to institutionalize me.

Now, when I look at those photos, I realise he was right. I was headed down a REALLY bad path... thinking I HAD to be skinny at all costs was so dangerous and damaging!!!

Since I've gone raw, I've gained a few pounds back and am NO LONGER looking like I was imprisoned on bread and water for ten years. *laughs*

RAW has given me HEALTH, HAPPINESS and HOPE.... and most of all, I'm beginning to recognise that THIN does NOT mean beautiful. It's the glow of the eye, the curve of the smile, and the happiness that comes from being healthy and at peace with yourself that equal BEAUTY...


Oh, yes, and MD's new gf has put on a few lbs, too. *laughs at the irony*

Maybe someday they will discover raw food too and live healthy lives? ;)

[Jenifae]

RAW has given me HEALTH, HAPPINESS and HOPE.... and most of all, I'm beginning to recognise that THIN does NOT mean beautiful. It's the glow of the eye, the curve of the smile, and the happiness that comes from being healthy and at peace with yourself that equal BEAUTY...

I love this..............thank you for sharing.


Eryn,

Welcome......................it can be a struggle but, together we can overcome one day one bite at a time :)

[andra]

Count me in, please. I am new to this and I am not quite ready to post about this (or much else at this point). But I wanted you to know that I support this thread.

andra:o

[Jenifae]

Hi Andra

Thanks for joining :). Hopefully we can use this place to share more on how we are doing.

I have been doing better the last few days. I've been letting go of being 100% and working on not being so Food Focused. I am proud to say that the last 2 days have been 100% raw and I haven't been obsessed with Food like I was.

Seems like when I went Raw I got really obsessed with Food and now it's starting to balance out :)

[NYbutterfly]

This thread is really lovely. Thank you all for sharing. I found that my ED sypmtoms and bad body image did not improve with raw as I wished it would. However, I stick with raw as an apology to my body for the lifetime of abuse I have caused it and hope to heal my organs and bones. But the weight gain I have experienced since going raw is massive and horrific to me. It's a struggle.

Anyway, not sure if I will be posting much but I did want to add that Alissa's last blog has an amazing article from Oprah magazine. It is worth reading, trust me.

Best of luck to everyone here...

[Jenifae]

This thread is really lovely. Thank you all for sharing. I found that my ED sypmtoms and bad body image did not improve with raw as I wished it would. However, I stick with raw as an apology to my body for the lifetime of abuse I have caused it and hope to heal my organs and bones. But the weight gain I have experienced since going raw is massive and horrific to me. It's a struggle.

Anyway, not sure if I will be posting much but I did want to add that Alissa's last blog has an amazing article from Oprah magazine. It is worth reading, trust me.

Best of luck to everyone here...

Hi NYButterfly,

I initially gained weight going raw and can still gain if I eat too many nuts or just too much. I have never been a big eater - more anorexic - so, when I found bulemia I thought I found a dream. I could eat and get rid of it. Little did I know I would become a binge-eater from that when tryng to control my bulemia and not act out. I quit Binging & purging over 12 years ago, probably 13 now. But, have struggled with over-eating a bit since. Becoming Raw is almost as if "I" felt like I could eat, eat, eat and so I did and still do sometimes..............because, well it's Raw. But, my body does better on smaller more frequent amounts. SO, I'm pulling myself back out of that compulsive behavior and finding balance once again :rolleyes: Hang in there I'm sure you will find your balance too. I try not to beat myself as that can creae me feeling hopeless and acting out more. I just remind myself that it's "Progress not Perfection" and try to be easy on myself. This way of eating is for my health both physical and mental ;) and for the long term. So, in the beginning I think it's normal for us to struggle. That's true for me anyways.

[mangosteen]

yes, yes, yes! I know that I personally feel so much stronger when I find people who can relate. I eat constantly, and do not even enjoy it. My family points out my weight gain, and I lose composure, lose raw, and put myself in an even worse place. It is really nice to feel like I am part of a community, and this place has done a great deal of that already!

:D

[andra]

I agree with everybody here and mangosteen, it is good to have a place to discuss concerns in the context of our unique circumstances (having either a history of eating disorders or currently symptomatic). Unfortunately, a lot of people who have no direct experience with eating disorders dont necessarily understand how complex these conditions are. I value EVERYBODY'S support, however, sometimes I need support/information from somebody who truly understands what I am dealing with.

Most non-suffers dont understand, unless they have had a close friend or family member with the condition. Heck, most professionals (i.e. doctors, therapists) dont even understand. I remember being told I had to learn to become comfortable eating cupcakes/ho-ho's in order to recover. The voice inside me was screaming "no" and this was not because of the anorexia, it was because, before the onset of my condition, I was eating very very healthy i.e. whole food vegan. I would not have eaten ho-ho's or twinkies prior to the onset, so why in "recovery" should I become ok with that? Also, I dont even like sweets much (except berry based, like a berry smoothie) so if I was truly honoring myself, why would I force myself to eat sweets when I truly dont like them much? Even my sister said "you dont even eat sweets much"--so it is known that my body does not even like sweets.

Now, having said this, in browsing this site in the food/recipes forum, I have seen the beautiful pictures of desserts and there is one type that really catches my eye. They look like mini tarts (I know the crust is crushed almonds and maybe something else) and inside is a fruit filling (looks like raspberry but I could be wrong). That looks really great to me and I am hoping the recipe is in Alissa's book, which I just got yesterday.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I am just glad this thread is here.

andra

[raw_danceruk]

Just wanted to pop in and say hats off to everyone on this thread, raw is a awesome step to ED recovery.

Recovered myself from ED, I find talking about any of it triggering, so I wont hang about but..sending you guys some love anyways :D

[andra]

Hi rawdanceruk--I have read many of your posts and I totally respect you. Thank you for acknowledging your journey with this. I dont plan on re-hashing my story here....but it is good that if I have a particular question or concern (or just need a reality check) and it somehow also relates to my ed to have this thread to come to.

andra

[iamacranberry]

Jenifae, it is indeed normal for us to struggle. Recovering from an eating disorder classifies as a major life change...and in order to make a major life change that will last, it must be done gradually in most cases.

[Jenifae]

Hi Imacranberry,

Yes, you are so right :)

Thanks :)

[chiarodesign]

so happy to have found it. thanks to everyone who has shared :)

i have only recently begun to see and understand my addiction to food. actually i was thinking in these terms a couple of years ago but pushed the thoughts away. i thought that i was perhaps making a mountain out of a mole hill so-to-speak. but now i think it's actually much better to recognize the addiction and then move on from there.

i have a long history of thinking i'm fat. i saw a pic of me a couple of years ago at a party back when i was in high school. i specifically remember that night and that i felt so fat compared to my friends and down on myself. what struck me when i saw the pic was that i was really thin! not skinny but certainly not at all fat.

combine that poor self-esteem with the fact that i come from a european family who survived post-ww2 poverty (hence food = love) and it's a recipe for turning to food for comfort.

i've known this for some time however what i've recently admitted is the fact that i hide my eating from everyone, and that i eat more & more just from the stress of *thinking* about bettering my eating habits puts me into an addiction category.

to others my weight is a bit of a mystery. i run & walk for excercise & love it, so i talk about it all the time. i also do a lot of reading about healthy eating and have much to add to conversation on the topic. for example i have been reading about raw eating for over a year and am completely excited about green smoothies in particular. yet i remain obese (according to bmi) because of binging on comfort foods.

so... my recent progress includes:

-admitting my binge eating to my close friends & shrink (i've been seeing a shrink since my dad passed... cog. behav. therapy for anxiety) which is really helping me to feel comfortable with where i'm at. i need to recognize where i'm at before i can move forward

-realizing i can choose different behaviour. this is tough but i've succeeded at it before just not yet with regard to eating. for the last 2 weeks i've been choosing to eat raw for 2 meals a day. this does not deny my reg comfort foods... i just wait to eat it until dinner. in reasonable portions.

thanks for reading :)

[Fennec]

Although I was never actually diagnosed with an ED, a document does state that I have symptoms of bulimia. That said, I think this would be a good thread for us with such issues.

At my worst, I was constantly binging and in huge amounts. I remember eating a large slice of chocolate cake, five granola bars, three big muffins, and two candy bars in one sitting... ack. Not pleasant. And I also remember when my father came in my room to find me devouring a very greasy, meaty calazone. Again, not good.

That was back when I was 14. As I got older, I stopped with the gigantic bingeing and instead began to weigh myself obsessively (at least 8 times a day). The point is that I really need support so I can have a healthy mindset. I still eat more than I should and my choices aren't healthy. Some days I have a nutritious breakfast and for the rest of the day do okay, but other times I eat something unhealthy and use that to "justify" eating poorly for my next meals.

I truly want to have a healthy lifestyle. I just need people to encourage me in a positive way! :)

[Jenifae]

so happy to have found it. thanks to everyone who has shared :)

i have a long history of thinking i'm fat. i saw a pic of me a couple of years ago at a party back when i was in high school. i specifically remember that night and that i felt so fat compared to my friends and down on myself. what struck me when i saw the pic was that i was really thin! not skinny but certainly not at all fat.

thanks for reading :)

Hi Chiarodesign,

I giggled when I read this part of your post. I can so relate. I look at old pics and think what was I thinking and then my husband tells me what am I thinking now, even. LOL!
My Head just doesn't work like other people's ;)
But, I have to say it's a whole lot better then it was...................we do recover :)

I'm glad you're here

[Jenifae]

Although I was never actually diagnosed with an ED, a document does state that I have symptoms of bulimia. That said, I think this would be a good thread for us with such issues.

At my worst, I was constantly binging and in huge amounts. I remember eating a large slice of chocolate cake, five granola bars, three big muffins, and two candy bars in one sitting... ack. Not pleasant. And I also remember when my father came in my room to find me devouring a very greasy, meaty calazone. Again, not good.

That was back when I was 14. As I got older, I stopped with the gigantic bingeing and instead began to weigh myself obsessively (at least 8 times a day). The point is that I really need support so I can have a healthy mindset. I still eat more than I should and my choices aren't healthy. Some days I have a nutritious breakfast and for the rest of the day do okay, but other times I eat something unhealthy and use that to "justify" eating poorly for my next meals.

I truly want to have a healthy lifestyle. I just need people to encourage me in a positive way! :)

Hi Fennec,

I'm so glad you are here. This is a place where we can lovingly support one another to heal and improve. I believe a Raw Diet is the only way to go. It's kinda hard to really binge on Raw food and if you do it's good for you.

I don't think you need a diagnosis to realize you are weight and food obsessed. I too have never had an official diagnosis but, have been obsessed with my weight since, I was 7 years old. I was anorexic all my life until about 27 and then I became bulemic. When I stopped starving and purging 13 years ago I have slowly found more balance. BUt, my head is still my head and yes, that has also improved but, it takes time and the most important thing is that we don't beat ourselves up and just keep moving forward. That's what I love about Raw.............most are all about no-guilt!

I love that.

Jen

[dawLs]

this is such a nice thread to have going on here...
i have been entangled in e.d's since i was 13... ten years and have only recently started a recovery process and am scared beyond belief.
i have flipped back and forth between raw and i find it to be a very comforting way of eating... in the sense that raw foods don't terrify me and i also never have an urge to purge (haha that rhymed!!!).
lots of hugs to all,
-hoLs x0x0

[Jenifae]

this is such a nice thread to have going on here...
i have been entangled in e.d's since i was 13... ten years and have only recently started a recovery process and am scared beyond belief.
i have flipped back and forth between raw and i find it to be a very comforting way of eating... in the sense that raw foods don't terrify me and i also never have an urge to purge (haha that rhymed!!!).
lots of hugs to all,
-hoLs x0x0

Hi Dawls,

I'm glad you're here. Try not to worry too much or be too hard on yourself. It's a process....................we are here for you :). It's funny how Raw doesn't trigger like refined, processed foods do?

:)

[dawLs]

Hi Dawls,

I'm glad you're here. Try not to worry too much or be too hard on yourself. It's a process....................we are here for you :). It's funny how Raw doesn't trigger like refined, processed foods do?

:)

Aww thanks:)
yeah, it's interesting how that works...
for instance, a raw breakfast doesnt trigger me to b/p the rest of the day... usually i refuse to eat breakfast due to such a trigger but raw fruit in the morning is the ONLY thing that i can cope with.
i guess it only makes sense for me to eat raw the rest of the day!
LOVE to all!!!
-hoLs x0x0

[iamacranberry]

Of course...because you're setting the stage for the rest of the day. If the first thing you hear in the morning is someone mad at you over the phone, it's going to be a lot harder to have a nice day (happened to me this morning...and I'm still feeling a bit nauseous).

[Green_Woman]

Surround Yourself with Positive Support

I have found a friend who supports me completely and when I start saying "OMG, I'm getting fat" or "I think I gained some weight" in the morning, he gently guides me away from the mirror or just tells me (over and over again) "You are beautiful this morning".

Focus on ANYTHING But the Scale

I have to fight the urge to find a scale in every bathroom I visit. ;) But I'm trying to do so, and to take my focus off the NUMBERS, which really mean nothing, and focus more on how HEALTHY and ALIVE and WHOLE the RAW lifestyle is making me feel. And how wonderful it is to watch my body come into balance, both internally AND externally!!

Strength In Numbers!! (But NOT the SCALE Kind!)

Surround yourself with people who are NOT focused on BODY IMAGE only... whether that means expanding or limiting your friend circle, DO IT.

When I was with my ex-boyfriend, I was surrounded by people who continually reminded me of just how much weight the birth control, and later the pregnancy, tacked onto my body.

Now that I am "technically single" and on my own, I am finding POSITIVE people to envelop my world, and to guide me out of the darkness of ED's and the TOTAL DECEPTION of thinking Hollywood actually MEANS something (come on, point out ONE skinny celebrity girl who is actually HAPPY with life!!??) and realising that real life is NOT about BODY IMAGE or ED's...

REAL LIFE is about RAW. ;)

And RAW = Peace, Happiness, Awareness and HOPE :D

Embrace raw, and leave the ED's behind.

[Jenifae]

Great Advice Green Woman.......... :)

You got me thinking of Tools, now. For me it's been easier said then done. My altered thinking has been so engrained in me that my natural and first response in stressful, hurtful, or even just uncomfortable situations is to beat myself up and criticize me. I have noticed that when I am slightly uncomfortable in a situation I will focus on my weight. When I am upset or afraid I will start talking about, worrying about, obsessing about my weight. This is actually called "Transference". The psyche does this in order to cope therefore, it's a "Coping Mechanism" to deal with those situations in life that we/I have not learned "how to deal" with.

Some Tools I have learned and continue to Strive to Utilize:

1) Positive Thinking........Positive Affirmations.
This is about replacing the negative unproductive thoughts with our goals and stating them as truth now in order to help manifest what we are desiring and wanting. This can be uncomfortable at first and the mind will fight with you saying things like: "yeah, right. That's not true". It works the same way as the "Law of Attraction" "The Secret" or rather how those work, I should say :)

2) Remove all Junk Food, Cooked Food, Processed Food, Preserved Food, Refined Sugar from the House.
This helps me because, if I don't have it here I can't just reach for it. I actually have to go and take myself somewhere to get some. This makes it more difficult to act out and if you do you have time to use #1 and really talk to yourself about why you want to do this and if you still do want to - then Hey, it's okay ;)

3) Bring our own food or Snack foods to Social situations.
This has really helped me to not grab what everyone else has. I have my own snacks to munch on. For me bringing chocolate RawVolution or Larabars are really great. Most people always have like a veggie tray where I am so, it's not too extremely difficult.

4) Have a Support Person or Persons in your physical world.
I have a couple of women who are ED's too and are helpful for me and my husband even though he really doesn't understand ED's and can get tired of hearing me sometimes is very supportive and very supportive of Raw even though that's not where he's at right now.

5) Be Honest
Being Honest is about telling our truth. Be Honest with Everyone who is close to us about who we are ED's and what Food/Health plan we are on so, that they can be supportive by at least not offering us food that isn't in congruence with our diet.

Hope this helps along with everyone else's advice. This was good for me to write for myself and reitterate within my being.

So, thank you :)

[iamacranberry]

I'll second the idea about positive affirmations, but I must strongly disagree with the reasoning for it. There is NO universal law of attraction or anything like that; there is no karma; there is no spirit or god or anything like that.

What DOES happen, though, when you use positive affirmations, is that your subconscious thought patterns slowly begin to change. Have you heard someone say that if you hear something enough times, you start to believe it? This is true, and as you gradually change your subconscious belief system, you naturally gain more and more motivation and desire to do things that further your goal. Nothing magic about it; very simple psychology (conditioned response) of the unconscious mind.

[Jenifae]

I'll second the idea about positive affirmations, but I must strongly disagree with the reasoning for it. There is NO universal law of attraction or anything like that; there is no karma; there is no spirit or god or anything like that.

Well, I guess the Real Truth is is that none of us really know. However, everything is energy and through that energy we are all connected. ;)
However, the "Law of Attraction" is Affirmations in action. Whether they are positive or negative. The Law of Attraction is simply; What we think about we bring about. I know you'll agree :)



What DOES happen, though, when you use positive affirmations, is that your subconscious thought patterns slowly begin to change. Have you heard someone say that if you hear something enough times, you start to believe it? This is true, and as you gradually change your subconscious belief system, you naturally gain more and more motivation and desire to do things that further your goal. Nothing magic about it; very simple psychology (conditioned response) of the unconscious mind.

Yes, this is true. The subconscious mind can be altered but, it takes complete focus and attention to our thoughts in order to effectively alter them. The reason why Hypnostherapy can work so quickly is that it quiets that analytical concious thinking mind down and works directly with the subconcious mind.

We are the MAGIC!
:)

[iamacranberry]

I have to disagree with the law of attraction because it doesn't hold up on a case by case basis. If the resources are available to you, sure, you are quite LIKELY to bring about the things you concentrate on. But if you're, say, a poor farmer in a third world country, you might try and try and try and be generous and thankful and joyful--but may never "attract" the abundance that was desired.

[road2raw]

I'm really glad to see this thread because it helps, in a strange way, to know that you are not alone! I do fine on raw foods except when it's that time of the month. Then I seem to have emotional meltdowns and binge on a bunch of cooked junk. It used to be that when I would binge I would purge afterwards by fasting and enemas, but now, I just try to understand why I did what I did, tell myself it's not the end of the world, and then get back on track. I absolutely have to stay off the scales at that time or I will panic and end up fasting for the wrong reasons. I try to only weigh when I 'feel skinny'. That way, I am usually not disappointed. I am excited to hear some coping strategies from some others who struggle with these things. We truly are in this together!

[Jenifae]

I have to disagree with the law of attraction because it doesn't hold up on a case by case basis. If the resources are available to you, sure, you are quite LIKELY to bring about the things you concentrate on. But if you're, say, a poor farmer in a third world country, you might try and try and try and be generous and thankful and joyful--but may never "attract" the abundance that was desired.

I respect your dissagreement.

Say that Farmer keeps in his mind......."I want to be rich" and he works diligently to keep all other self-defeating thoughts that are not in alignment with that out and then he gets a wonderful crop. That's a manifestation of his thought and the Law of Attraction. Simply the Law of Attraction is Positive Affirmations and Positive thinking. Basically the same thing. At least that's how I understand it.

Love and Light
Jen:)

[Jenifae]

I'm really glad to see this thread because it helps, in a strange way, to know that you are not alone! I do fine on raw foods except when it's that time of the month. Then I seem to have emotional meltdowns and binge on a bunch of cooked junk. It used to be that when I would binge I would purge afterwards by fasting and enemas, but now, I just try to understand why I did what I did, tell myself it's not the end of the world, and then get back on track. I absolutely have to stay off the scales at that time or I will panic and end up fasting for the wrong reasons. I try to only weigh when I 'feel skinny'. That way, I am usually not disappointed. I am excited to hear some coping strategies from some others who struggle with these things. We truly are in this together!

Hi roadtoraw

Thank you for sharing. I can so relate to you and I really appreciate you sharing how you deal with your time of month. I like that. I think I will try to practice more of not getting on the scale unless I feel skinnny.

[tashaleeministry]

hello all, this is my first post on this site.
i recognize my "eating disorder" as both a mental obsession and a physical allergy of sorts.
i have been, up until about a month ago, following a recovery plan for food addicts, which eliminated all forms of sugar, flour, wheat, and refined products. this plan eliminated my physical cravings, as i then understood them, and physically, i felt better than ever!
the bigger part of my recovery, treating the "mental obsession", was in working a 12-step program based on alcoholics anonymous' program of action. my life is amazing now, nothing like it was when it was "all about food and all about me".
in this past month i have read so much about people who had addictions to refined and cooked foods and how that has gone away with raw foods. my food addict recovery food plan was all cooked, except for 2 cups of raw veggies. now that i am giving raw food a try (which was scary at first because i really did not want to get physical cravings again and head back into full-blown food addiction), i have experienced physical changes that feel wonderful and still do not have cravings...wow! and if my thoughts turn to "more food", i know that i have something deeper that i need to address (that's where the mental obsession leads me to think that this time it will be different; this time, eating addictively or overeating or whatever, will make me feel better).
i am so grateful for all the wealth of knowledge and personal testimonies of raw food available. this has been an amazing journey of physical healing for me, and i've only just begun!
thanks all for being here and i would welcome anyone to contact me at totleeha@gmail.com regarding the 12-step recovery process for those of us with eating problems.
love
tash

[agnesius]

Hello guys,
Im an ex-anorectic, ex-vegan. ex-vegetarian, ex-raw foodist, that have gotten over these food fads.

I know Im here writing on the raw food talk, and I know most of you are really convinced of the raw food thing. I dont want to talk you into something else, but for me, raw food only was just another restricted, controlled kind of eating disorder. Think about it, anything that restricts you, makes you bring your own food to friends places, stop you from going out eating: its all eating disorders!

Humanity would have never been able to live in colder climates than africa/india/south america if it wasnt for the invention of cooking foods. Never! We also mutate constantly, and I believe that the clue to health lies in MODERATION and allowing yourself to eat from a range of different foodstuff. less cravings, less guilt, less restrictions. We are here on earth to enjoy our lives, love our bodies, enjoy our food. Raw is great, but why go to the extent of restriction? why consider cooked food "bad" for you, when the enzyme theory has never been proven on human subjects out of the laboratory? Enzymes are indeed super against cancer cells in the test tubes, but it has never been proven that it works that way in human, living beings. Eat raw, but do not condemn cooked food.

I got over my anorexia by finding the love of my life, and by going to India and getting a healthier picture of female body ideals. And by struggle, by little by little letting go. By not condemning, by not being restrictive, by loving my body and wanting all good for it. By loving my soul, and allowing it all the bits and pieces of food...

all I can say: love yourself, no diet in the world can get you there...and there, no diet exists...

[iamacranberry]

I respect your dissagreement.

Say that Farmer keeps in his mind......."I want to be rich" and he works diligently to keep all other self-defeating thoughts that are not in alignment with that out and then he gets a wonderful crop. That's a manifestation of his thought and the Law of Attraction. Simply the Law of Attraction is Positive Affirmations and Positive thinking. Basically the same thing. At least that's how I understand it.

Love and Light
Jen:)

Unless he's in Burma, and his whole farm and house and family gets wiped out by a natural disaster.

[1bigfamily]

I have come on here occasionally but I have avoided posting because I was still afraid to share my life. I have bulimia. I am by no means little but I will binge and purge out of fear of gaining more. I don't usually lose anything, I just prevent myself from gaining. I go through periods where I am fine and then bam...it's like I can't control it. I just went through a period of doing it. I started eating raw for health reasons and the weight loss was just a benefit but as I started losing I became obessed with the loss. I really want to be 100&#37; raw because I enjoy it and I feel so much better but when I try to be 100% raw I obsess over the other foods and ultimately I end up in a binge of SAD which I don't really want and I feel horrible after. So hear I am being honest and open because I know I can find some support here and noone will judge me. I don't want to continue in this cycle.

[lambe]

i recently started a thread asking if anyone had combated depression through raw, when what i covertly meant was had anyone combated depression that resulted from an ED.

i only recently started admitting to myself that i had an eating disorder. ive been denying it, trying to ignore my impulses, & to fix it myself for years. i thought it could have been a variation of obsessive compulsive behavior, but i think that's actually an optimistic diagnosis. my eating disorder, probably like many others', is the kind that absolutely controls every single aspect of my life. i cant focus, concentrate, interact beyond the thought of food. i isolate myself, fuck up relationships, am lazy for no reason. my priorities are completely out of whack. ive dropped out of 2 colleges cos of my lack of focus & correct prioritization, lost at least 3 jobs, & have been suicidal for years. i actually finally attempted about a month ago, was hospitalized, & forced to acknowledge the problem to my family. they had no idea. i am really good at deception.

luckily, my family is extremely supportive & patient. im seeking therapy for the first time in my life, on medication, & finally working healthfully & with the help of others to remedy my binging & purging lifestyle.

the nature of my eating disorder is very psychological. i cant funtion with food in my stomach. not cos of the weight of it there, but because of the weight of it in my head. ive never tried to throw up, cos id still feel the same the food having been in my stomach at all. i got addicted to sleeping pills just so i didnt have to think about food, so id have less time exposed to food. id starve myself for days, or every other day. on those days, i could leave my house. sometimes i overeat on the days in between, sometimes i eat normally, regardless i would NOT leave my house. or if i did, i refused to see any of my friends & tried to avoid people i knew at all costs. im horribly irritable on those day, cos im so consumed with the thought of the food in me, i cant be bothered with anything else. ive always been a thinnish weight - 130, 5'8 frame - but ive never been happy. i constantly think i should be thinner. i think ill be able to focus, go to college, have stable relationships, once i am. yet ive never tried to be anorexic, as in restrict or starve myself enough to actually lose weight. i starve myself for short periods, & then eat for short periods, back & forth, & dont go anywhere. it's a totally weird cycle.

like most others have said, raw is the only thing that helped. i was at my most social, happiest during feb & march of this year when i was raw for the first time of my life. i didnt seclude myself when i ate, i felt lively & empty & full all at once, if that makes sense. i was happy with my body, because i actually lost a little weight without starving & binging. i ate normally. i felt absolutely normal.

it was in may i attempted suicide, off raw for a month, completely desperate & frustrated. i wasnt necessarily "sad" as is suspected of my most suicidal people. i am 22 & have been living this horribly degrading way since i was at least 14. i could not fathom living a normal lifetime that way, having any kind of career, having a family. it felt pointless to even try anymore i had failed on so many occasions, & the anger & frustration i felt were overwhelming. but i had never sought help, & that was naive. i had tried to change things with my own hand for years, & my hand isnt mighty enough. i am determined to work through this with the help of therapy & in conjunction with raw because it is the only lifestyle that has given me hope.

thank you everyone else for sharing yr thoughts & stories. i really appreciate this thread so much.

[Jenifae]

I have come on here occasionally but I have avoided posting because I was still afraid to share my life. I have bulimia. I am by no means little but I will binge and purge out of fear of gaining more. I don't usually lose anything, I just prevent myself from gaining. I go through periods where I am fine and then bam...it's like I can't control it. I just went through a period of doing it. I started eating raw for health reasons and the weight loss was just a benefit but as I started losing I became obessed with the loss. I really want to be 100% raw because I enjoy it and I feel so much better but when I try to be 100% raw I obsess over the other foods and ultimately I end up in a binge of SAD which I don't really want and I feel horrible after. So hear I am being honest and open because I know I can find some support here and noone will judge me. I don't want to continue in this cycle.

I can so relate to you. Although, I don't purge anymore but, will sometimes binge, usually at my emotions - including boredom. Because, I don't purge anymore my binges aren't what they used to be. But, they still affect me because it's the behavior of why.
When I did throw up I never lost weight. I actually weighed more and there's reason for that. First, the body goes into fast mode and the metabolism slows/shuts down and Second, it throws the electorlites out along with some other things and we bloat as a way for the body to attempt survival. So, since it doesn't work for weight loss/control it left me to look at my acting out behavior. I finally ot sick and tired of throwing up and hit my bottom with it. I do belong to 12 step recovery and apply the principles to my behavior but, the OA program didn't work for me. It does for many but, for me it made me more focused and crazy on it.
I think this is why I love it here and love RAW people because, there is no guilt. Most here seem to be on the philosophy of do the best you can do and whatever that is you re doing well and better then before. So, for me this is the Perfect Place for me to continue working on my journey of being Healthy.
I'm so glad you are here and shared. That is so Brave.
I would say Don't Beat Yourself up. You are doing great. Whenever we slip up it's okay. If you can look at it and figure out why and what for - great and if you can't just get back on Track and Keep on Keeping on!
Yay!
Love
Jen

[Jenifae]

Unless he's in Burma, and his whole farm and house and family gets wiped out by a natural disaster.

Well, I don't know what to say other then I try to look at the positive since, I struggle with that. That's why I like Positive Affirmations, etc.

Life does happen.:eek:

[Jenifae]

i recently started a thread asking if anyone had combated depression through raw, when what i covertly meant was had anyone combated depression that resulted from an ED.

i only recently started admitting to myself that i had an eating disorder. ive been denying it, trying to ignore my impulses, & to fix it myself for years. i thought it could have been a variation of obsessive compulsive behavior, but i think that's actually an optimistic diagnosis. my eating disorder, probably like many others', is the kind that absolutely controls every single aspect of my life. i cant focus, concentrate, interact beyond the thought of food. i isolate myself, fuck up relationships, am lazy for no reason. my priorities are completely out of whack. ive dropped out of 2 colleges cos of my lack of focus & correct prioritization, lost at least 3 jobs, & have been suicidal for years. i actually finally attempted about a month ago, was hospitalized, & forced to acknowledge the problem to my family. they had no idea. i am really good at deception.

luckily, my family is extremely supportive & patient. im seeking therapy for the first time in my life, on medication, & finally working healthfully & with the help of others to remedy my binging & purging lifestyle.

the nature of my eating disorder is very psychological. i cant funtion with food in my stomach. not cos of the weight of it there, but because of the weight of it in my head. ive never tried to throw up, cos id still feel the same the food having been in my stomach at all. i got addicted to sleeping pills just so i didnt have to think about food, so id have less time exposed to food. id starve myself for days, or every other day. on those days, i could leave my house. sometimes i overeat on the days in between, sometimes i eat normally, regardless i would NOT leave my house. or if i did, i refused to see any of my friends & tried to avoid people i knew at all costs. im horribly irritable on those day, cos im so consumed with the thought of the food in me, i cant be bothered with anything else. ive always been a thinnish weight - 130, 5'8 frame - but ive never been happy. i constantly think i should be thinner. i think ill be able to focus, go to college, have stable relationships, once i am. yet ive never tried to be anorexic, as in restrict or starve myself enough to actually lose weight. i starve myself for short periods, & then eat for short periods, back & forth, & dont go anywhere. it's a totally weird cycle.

like most others have said, raw is the only thing that helped. i was at my most social, happiest during feb & march of this year when i was raw for the first time of my life. i didnt seclude myself when i ate, i felt lively & empty & full all at once, if that makes sense. i was happy with my body, because i actually lost a little weight without starving & binging. i ate normally. i felt absolutely normal.

it was in may i attempted suicide, off raw for a month, completely desperate & frustrated. i wasnt necessarily "sad" as is suspected of my most suicidal people. i am 22 & have been living this horribly degrading way since i was at least 14. i could not fathom living a normal lifetime that way, having any kind of career, having a family. it felt pointless to even try anymore i had failed on so many occasions, & the anger & frustration i felt were overwhelming. but i had never sought help, & that was naive. i had tried to change things with my own hand for years, & my hand isnt mighty enough. i am determined to work through this with the help of therapy & in conjunction with raw because it is the only lifestyle that has given me hope.

thank you everyone else for sharing yr thoughts & stories. i really appreciate this thread so much.

I'm so glad you are here and I'm so glad you shared. You sound like myself several years back. I still struggle but, not like I did. The Head stuff. And YES, I believe Depression and ED's go hand in hand. Especially since starving, binging, purging throws everything out of whack and messes up our brain chemistry.

What worked for me was Therapy, 12 Step Recovery (NA & AA), Medication, and most especially a support group of other women like myself or whom just loved me. I was anorexic at 7 years old and starved myself until i was 24 y/o when I found bulimia and did that until I was 34 y/o. I sometimes binge like I shared earlier but, not to the degree. I just work on the why and what for and forgive myself and keep going on rather then staying stuck in my head. Now, it's a process and it has taken me years and I still work on myself like I said. So, this didn't start in a day and wont' be cured in day. I was able to get off the meds finally after many years of abstinence from purging and starving and going organic and now raw.

I would recommend staying as RAW as possible but, do not try and push yourself to be 100&#37; because, that can trigger our addictive thinking and then relapse is inevidable. I would also, say STAY in THERAPY, try Anorexics/Bulimics Anonymous - it might be helpful to you.

And Keep sharing with all your support people including here. I'm so Happy for you to be moving into your Health and Wellness.

Much Love
Jen

PS: Positive Affirmations on Body Image helps too!

[spiff]

When I first started raw, I didn't think too much about it...I just ate mostly raw whole foods. Pretty simple huh? When I looked in the mirror and noticed I had slimmed down I was curious and stepped on the scale at the gym (because I thankfully didn't own a scale). According to this scale I had lost almost 10 pounds in a month! :eek: I didn't believe it...no really, I didn't believe the scale, I thought someone had fiddled with the calibrate/adjustment knob and so I bought my own. Ok, so the scale had been right and so I thought "If I can lose 10 pounds I can lose 10 more!" Thus began my obsession again. Instead of eating raw without giving it much thought I think "Gee, are you eating almond butter and dates again? Don't you think you've had enough?" I've gained all that weight back, grrr, so much for those new pants. And I step on that damned scale too often and let it bother me.

My thoughts towards food are negative whether it is raw or not. :( I wish I could stop this thinking! The only time I've ever been successful in losing weight were when my intentions were focused on something over than weight loss. I know this obsessiveness has alot to do with it, I wish I could learn to just release it and be happy that I'm nurturing my body with high quality goodness!

[1bigfamily]

When I first started raw, I didn't think too much about it...I just ate mostly raw whole foods. Pretty simple huh? When I looked in the mirror and noticed I had slimmed down I was curious and stepped on the scale at the gym (because I thankfully didn't own a scale). According to this scale I had lost almost 10 pounds in a month! :eek: I didn't believe it...no really, I didn't believe the scale, I thought someone had fiddled with the calibrate/adjustment knob and so I bought my own. Ok, so the scale had been right and so I thought "If I can lose 10 pounds I can lose 10 more!" Thus began my obsession again. Instead of eating raw without giving it much thought I think "Gee, are you eating almond butter and dates again? Don't you think you've had enough?" I've gained all that weight back, grrr, so much for those new pants. And I step on that damned scale too often and let it bother me.

My thoughts towards food are negative whether it is raw or not. :( I wish I could stop this thinking! The only time I've ever been successful in losing weight were when my intentions were focused on something over than weight loss. I know this obsessiveness has alot to do with it, I wish I could learn to just release it and be happy that I'm nurturing my body with high quality goodness!


I so hear you. I obsess about everything with food my weight. I wish I could just let it all go but so far it hasn't happened.:(

[Jenifae]

Yes, it's so hard not to obsess on weight and food. Arrrrrgh!

[dawLs]

hey,
i haven't posted in a while, mainly because i am really having issues with my anorexia, and also the fact that i am flat broke and am living off canned food that my roomate left behind. i cannot afford fresh food. however i did come to visit my parents and i ate an apple this morning, something that has been a huge challenge for me, but as i am trying or toying with recovery, i am taking my therapists suggestion to eat SOMETHING for breakfast. and all i want is something fresh and raw!!! its amazing how you get used to eating a certain way and then when it is taken from you, you just sorta.... i dunno, sink into a sadness :(
something i am worried about though... i think that she thinks the fact that i am vegan is my way of masking my eating disorder even more... and i don't know how to properly tell her that its not... i dont even want to try to explain that ultimately i would love to be high raw because i feel that she wouldn't quite understand... shes ok with the vegetarianism but everything else.................
any suggestions? anyone in recovery or who has recovered and was able to deal with this?
please take care everyone,
lots of love,
-hoLs x0x0

[kaa]

One thing that helped me and I think others (I am a psychotherapist) is to focus on putting a pause between the IMPULSE and the ACTION (action of the addition ....eating, drinking, etc. ....
even 5 seconds...
over time... perhaps the time between IMPULSE and ACTION will increase.

During this time... try to get out of your head and to feel the sensation in your body without commentary, without telling yourself the same story. Try to really stay with the sensation in the body... is it HOT, COLD, TIGHT, LOOSE, WHAT COLOR IS IT, etc...
Where is the location of the sensation?


With any addition, the question that interests me is

"WHAT DO I NOT WANT TO FEEL RIGHT NOW"

This is a wonderful discussion and very important.
I truly believe that even addition is rooted in an instinct and movement towards healing and health

[Jenifae]

One thing that helped me and I think others (I am a psychotherapist) is to focus on putting a pause between the IMPULSE and the ACTION (action of the addition ....eating, drinking, etc. ....
even 5 seconds...
over time... perhaps the time between IMPULSE and ACTION will increase.

During this time... try to get out of your head and to feel the sensation in your body without commentary, without telling yourself the same story. Try to really stay with the sensation in the body... is it HOT, COLD, TIGHT, LOOSE, WHAT COLOR IS IT, etc...
Where is the location of the sensation?


With any addition, the question that interests me is

"WHAT DO I NOT WANT TO FEEL RIGHT NOW"

This is a wonderful discussion and very important.
I truly believe that even addition is rooted in an instinct and movement towards healing and health

What a Great Suggestion. :D

I have been in recovery for over 20 years now and what I find is the most important part of my foundation is Always being Honest. No Matter What - I tell the Truth and I'm able to grow.

I would bring your Therapist a Raw Food Book maybe from Gabriel Cousens, MD "Concious Eating" She might really gain some insight and respect for what you are attempting.

Many Blessings and Hang in There,

Jen

[lalakis]

So many of our weight/food issues are directly related to us being Americans, having grown up in this "consume consume consume" culture when it comes to EVERYTHING, and the cheap way that products are produced aka frankenfood that people BELIEVE are "normal" things to eat and if you REFUSE to eat such crap masked as FOOD then you have an eating disorder. It's so ridiculous. Going overseas has helped me to put everything into perspective. In Spain for example their women are effortlessly thin, beautiful, and radiant. They don't obsess about body image or food. They eat mostly fresh food from the market (which they walk to) that is naturally raw without them LABELING themselves as RAW FOODISTS. It's so funny to me what is put into the box of "fad diet" in this country. "Fad diet" is eating from the earth? Eating foods that are widely recognized as having the most nutritional content?

So we get fat because we eat the foods that are marketed to us via colorful packaging and commercials (you dont see commercials for fruits and vegetables, now do you? they dont need them!) and then we feel bad about ourselves....next comes the bombardment of advertisements for DIET PILLS, GYM MEMBERSHIPS, etc and we pour our money into those things as well....constantly keeping the wheel turning. Sorry I feel I am getting a little political here because I believe a lot of this is due to Capitalism/Consumerism.

To me, the girl with the eating disorder will eat a brownie because she is in public with friends, and then eat nothing else the entire day. Or throw it up. Eat in public, then purge or starve, without much thought as to what is "healthy" or "nutritional". Someone with an eating disorder will do everything to cover it up, not draw attention to oneself by courageously spreading the word about an alternative way of eating like via a raw lifestyle.

Eating raw foods is about GIVING to the body. I have never loved my body or my internal self more since paying attention to the foods I am giving it.

Eating disorders are about self-hatred, a need to abuse or deny the self. Eating raw is the exact opposite in my experience; it is truly about LOVE. It is all encompassing.

Sorry if I seem a little brash, I just absolutely cannot STAND the term Orthorexia. I feel like this whole weight/body image dilemma we face as American woman can be so easily alleviated. Eat mostly whole foods like fruits and veggies, and walk everyday, get some exercise - nothing too strenuous, it's not necessary - you'll be surprised how the benefits extend from simply having a slim body, to feeling overwhelmingly positive and joyful overall.

It's been my personal experience that consuming raw foods extends so much farther than just being skinny. Though I've also never had an eating disorder, so I know my perception is only based on my personal experiences.

[rawstrength]

I agree that excessive consumerism is a huge contributer to eating disorders.
However, they are much more complex than just excessive consumerism and can have many other causes.
And remember, we are all responsible, in part, for our world. I, for one, would rather pay more for less of the really good, handmade, home grown, organic stuff (food, clothes, whatever) than pay less for more JUNK. That's why I'm learning how to make clothes so I can start my own eco-friendly online fashion chain.

[Betsy]

So many of our weight/food issues are directly related to us being Americans, having grown up in this "consume consume consume" culture when it comes to EVERYTHING, and the cheap way that products are produced aka frankenfood that people BELIEVE are "normal" things to eat and if you REFUSE to eat such crap masked as FOOD then you have an eating disorder. It's so ridiculous. Going overseas has helped me to put everything into perspective. In Spain for example their women are effortlessly thin, beautiful, and radiant. They don't obsess about body image or food. They eat mostly fresh food from the market (which they walk to) that is naturally raw without them LABELING themselves as RAW FOODISTS. It's so funny to me what is put into the box of "fad diet" in this country. "Fad diet" is eating from the earth? Eating foods that are widely recognized as having the most nutritional content?

So we get fat because we eat the foods that are marketed to us via colorful packaging and commercials (you dont see commercials for fruits and vegetables, now do you? they dont need them!) and then we feel bad about ourselves....next comes the bombardment of advertisements for DIET PILLS, GYM MEMBERSHIPS, etc and we pour our money into those things as well....constantly keeping the wheel turning. Sorry I feel I am getting a little political here because I believe a lot of this is due to Capitalism/Consumerism.

To me, the girl with the eating disorder will eat a brownie because she is in public with friends, and then eat nothing else the entire day. Or throw it up. Eat in public, then purge or starve, without much thought as to what is "healthy" or "nutritional". Someone with an eating disorder will do everything to cover it up, not draw attention to oneself by courageously spreading the word about an alternative way of eating like via a raw lifestyle.

Eating raw foods is about GIVING to the body. I have never loved my body or my internal self more since paying attention to the foods I am giving it.

Eating disorders are about self-hatred, a need to abuse or deny the self. Eating raw is the exact opposite in my experience; it is truly about LOVE. It is all encompassing.

Sorry if I seem a little brash, I just absolutely cannot STAND the term Orthorexia. I feel like this whole weight/body image dilemma we face as American woman can be so easily alleviated. Eat mostly whole foods like fruits and veggies, and walk everyday, get some exercise - nothing too strenuous, it's not necessary - you'll be surprised how the benefits extend from simply having a slim body, to feeling overwhelmingly positive and joyful overall.

It's been my personal experience that consuming raw foods extends so much farther than just being skinny. Though I've also never had an eating disorder, so I know my perception is only based on my personal experiences.

I like this. I really do. So much truth and vision. Straight from the heart! Thanks!:D

[thepcgoddess]

Hi, came across this thread and I think it's a great idea.

I've suffered the whole ED thing throughout my life - Anorexia, Bulimia, binge eating. I really regret all of it and just want to be healthy now. Tired of feeling like garbage. Currently overweight too. Still somewhat addicted to the scale too.

My main motivation now is just to feel better and be in excellent health. I've done raw off and on (more off then on). I've been eating mostly raw the past few days and today finally felt this fog/depression I've been in start to lift. Yeah!

[dakinimind]

I am so in!!! That's the entire reason I was attracted to raw in the first place! It's the only thing that has helped with my food addictions. The addiction cycle is what makes me feel the worst about myself...and the most lonely.

[iamacranberry]

Might as well give the scale to someone else...otherwise it's always there, and it's always a temptation.

[RawSinger]

Eating disorders are about self-hatred, a need to abuse or deny the self.

Not necessarily. I'm not sure if someone who has never had an eating disorder can truly understand them. Sorry.

[andra]

I also do not agree with lalakis's statement. Eating disorders are complex medical illnesses as defined by the DSM-IV; they have strong biological processes and researchers are now finding genetic factors that possibly make a person vulnerable to developing these conditions. There are many research articles in peer reviewed studies that support the fact that anorexia and bulimia are complex MEDICAL diseases.

I emphasize this because it is an oversimplification to say anorexia and/or bulimia is caused by a culture's expectation of women or self-loathing. This is not supported by peer reviewed research on anorexia or bulimia.

I do not believe in blaming the victims of these diseases.

andra

[lalakis]

Sorry, I did not mean to generalize the disease in such broad terms. I realize that sometimes outside influences really have nothing to do with a person developing an eating disorder. I just wanted to throw in my personal experience when it comes to the term "orthorexia" aka eating too healthy.

I suppose I was remarking on what exactly the definition of "disorder" is. By today's standards, it seems like anyone who refuses to eat processed food or meat can be accused of having an eating disorder, as I have. I have been accused of being orthorexic and I'm still dealing with anger when it comes to that.

I love myself and want to give my physical body all the things to make it function to its fullest potential, and I don't see how that means I have a disorder.

I didn't mean to throw in my opinion as a fact when, like you guys said, I wouldn't be able to truly understand the reasons for developing a real eating disorder. Sorry if I offended anyone!

[andra]

See my post below....somehow I double posted but I just deleted this one.

[andra]

And I am sorry if I came across strongly. As somebody with a history of an official DSM diagnosis of both anorexia (now in remission) and bulimia (now in partial remission) by a medical professional, I am a bit sensitive to theories about these diseases, especially theories that do not take the complex biological factors and genetic predispositions into account. Especially when there is scientific research being done (at places like John Hopkins) that is proving these are very complex medical diseases with real biological processes and genetic predispositions. Many of these studies have been published in peer reviewed scientific journals. These diseases are multi-faceted and very complex and hard to treat. I know I must be sounding like a broken record, but it really upsets me when the severity and complexity of these illnesses is minimized by saying that these illnesses are caused by peer pressure, fashion magazines, societies expectations etc. Or by self-hatred or something of the sort. In fact, these are diseases of the brain and complex neurotransmitter processes etc. I remember listening to one researcher speak, at a conference, on some of the latest research on eating disorders and as somebody who has had a life threatening one, I was both frightened and grateful--frightened at what I was hearing in terms of the different complex biological systems involved (and some are biological predictors that indicate vulnerability) and grateful that I have at least made it half way out. So much of it was over my head because I am not a scientist or researcher but I had the opportunity to attend the conference, so I did. It was humbling. Anybody who is interested in researching these diseases would only have to turn to peer reviewed medical journals. They are now finding these conditions are much more biologically based than they believed in the past.

I also emphasize these points to let people like me, who have suffered, and others who may be suffering (and who may be on this board) that these conditions are very very complex and very hard to treat. That does not mean it is hopeless. BUT, if you know recovery is going to be hard, with slips along the way being fairly normal, you can be prepared for this and can adopt an attitude of compassion towards yourself (and hopefully towards others who suffer). Taking a hard line that lacks compassion does not work and can actually cause set backs. I dont want anybody who suffers from these conditions to blame themselves or think that it is easy to recovery because their condition is simply a matter of not hating themselves anymore. That is not fair at all and it places an undo burden on somebody who is sick.

I am sorry that people are carelessly labeling you 'disordered' or 'orthorexic'. That is so silly and sad. Again, anorexia nervosa (AN) and bulimia nervosa (BN) have very specific diagnostic criteria and they are complex medical conditions. Caring about what you eat or how you live your life or loving animals is not a disease. Eating raw as Alissa outlines in her book is not a disease nor does it meet the diagnostic criteria for AN or BN. I know that sometimes people in the early stages of AN will "go vegan" or "raw" purely as a way to hide their illness and to get concerned family members off their back. BUT, it becomes pretty clear, when observed, that the person is frankly not eating at all or is eating is such a disordered manner, that technically their diet would not be considered 'vegan' or 'raw'. In the worst of my anorexia (when I was near death, or as my brother, the doctor, told me, as he grabbed my arm in anger "you look like late stage AIDS"), my only meal of the day would be a small bowl of raw button mushrooms dipped in a few tablespoons of mustard. My mom told me, years later, that witnessing that broke her heart and shook her to her core. Now, does that mean I was a raw foodist? No, I was not. I was severely emaciated and very very ill.

Obviously this is an emotional topic for me. I have been slowly incorporating more raw into my diet and I have Alissa's book (and a few others). I am transitioning very very very slowly. For a lot of reasons. I have physical damage as a result of my past and I am hoping some of this will slowly heal as I change my diet. I also dont want to trigger any biological imbalance that may re-activate the AN. Maybe to others who have never witnessed a loved one go through the hell of an ed, this will sound like a total cop-out. But my healthy side, which is now stronger than any dysfunctional side, knows this is the right approach for me. I dont normally share on this board a lot because I dont want to be criticized or told to go away because I am not 100%. I have already been through a living hell with the AN and almost did not make it out alive. Not a lot of people truly understand that AN is highly fatal and that I am one of the lucky ones. In reading this board and Alissa's book, I believe that anybody who knew my whole story would be ok with my approach or anybody else's approach. I believe that eating healthy foods is a part of recovery. It is so unfortunate that many treatment centers advocate eating donuts or ho ho's as "recovery" and that you should learn to be ok eating garbage.:mad: And if you protest, you must be sick. And if you request 'healthy' foods, that must be a symptom of your illness. That is NONSENSE.

Anyway, peace to you. I am glad you are healthy and doing well. Dont let others ignorance bring you down.:o

andra;)

[Vaclare79]

Eating raw foods is about GIVING to the body. I have never loved my body or my internal self more since paying attention to the foods I am giving it.

Eating disorders are about self-hatred, a need to abuse or deny the self. Eating raw is the exact opposite in my experience; it is truly about LOVE. It is all encompassing.



I like this about raw giving to the body and it's loving the body. This is great way of putting it.

[iamacranberry]

Indeed. And I believe that is one reason we'll never heal until we can change our attitude and outlook.

[brydee]

Id also love to join, iv restarted my raw journey about 5 times, everytime something goes wrong, i end up eating cooked foods again. im finding it really really difficult and im fed up of detoxing over and over again, its really not fair on my body, or me :(

[iamacranberry]

Transition slowly. Otherwise your subconscious will see your failed attempts at raw as merely more instances of forced deprivation, which will only worsen your condition. Do what you can do, little by little, step by step. And celebrate your progress, even if it's only a tiny bit! It's farther than you were before.

[Jenifae]

I"m transitioning slowly. At first I was beating myself up for not doing it "PERFECTLY" (a symptom of ED). I am finally surrendering to not doing it "Perfectly" and doing the best I can. I actually eat more then I ever really have. My weight is fluctuating as a result but, not going higher then my start weight unless i've over indulged in SAD then I swell up and it takes days to release it.
Hang in there and go slow. I think that is the healthier way especially for us ED people. We/I want instant gratification and results. The all or nothing attitude is not healthy and I am really working on releasing those negative thinking patterns not just weight.
;)

[brydee]

[QUOTE=lambe;430397]i recently started a thread asking if anyone had combated depression through raw, when what i covertly meant was had anyone combated depression that resulted from an ED.
[QUOTE]


lambe, i am in alot of ways the same as you, except iv never actually tried to commit suicide however much i've thought about it and i have been suicidal to say the least, i found raw food through obsession with weight, trying to get rid of my severe depression,severe mood swings, stomach pains left over from surgery that i had 5 years ago, severe anxiety/social phobia that stops me from leaving the house nearly all of the time, i would love to chat if you want to?

I've tried curing all my problems by sprituality, raw food, pills from the doctors, herbs,councelling,exercise, even alcohol:( etc nothing has worked upto now, things have worked for a short amount of time but they either seem to wear off and i become immune to things , or i feel that mentally and physically worn out that i go back down the same slippery road.

Thanks so much for this post again, i posted before i think but i cant find it:(

I'd love to chat to anyone actually who wants us all to help each other and can offer advice. i am really desperate :confused:

[Jenifae]

[QUOTE=lambe;430397]i recently started a thread asking if anyone had combated depression through raw, when what i covertly meant was had anyone combated depression that resulted from an ED.
[QUOTE]


lambe, i am in alot of ways the same as you, except iv never actually tried to commit suicide however much i've thought about it and i have been suicidal to say the least, i found raw food through obsession with weight, trying to get rid of my severe depression,severe mood swings, stomach pains left over from surgery that i had 5 years ago, severe anxiety/social phobia that stops me from leaving the house nearly all of the time, i would love to chat if you want to?

I've tried curing all my problems by sprituality, raw food, pills from the doctors, herbs,councelling,exercise, even alcohol:( etc nothing has worked upto now, things have worked for a short amount of time but they either seem to wear off and i become immune to things , or i feel that mentally and physically worn out that i go back down the same slippery road.

Thanks so much for this post again, i posted before i think but i cant find it:(

I'd love to chat to anyone actually who wants us all to help each other and can offer advice. i am really desperate :confused:

Hi Brydee,

I have been on a recovery road for over 20 years now. Recovery from alcohol, drugs, smoking, food, weight, and depression.
What I have learned about myself (and I'm still learning) is that I was chemically off as a kid. Some believe that addiction is a hormonal inbalance in the brain. I think the pitutary gland. I'm sure I'm not accurate but, in general it is proven scientifically that those with addictions usually have this imbalance and suffer from depression. Addiction is not just alcohol or drugs it's any obsession that is to the degree of controlling our lives and takes many forms. Some is alcohol & drugs and many is food, gambling, sex, etc. the list is at infinatum. As a kid I was diffently imbalanced, swinging from happy to depression (very manic) so, no wonder I found relief in drugs. I was anorexic and would refuse to eat by the age of 7.
So, back to what I've learned about myself is that I tend to relapse back old familiar behavior when I'm uncomfortable and don't give the new way of coping long enough and therefore, all the negative effects come back with it. But, when I hang in there and not give up or give in and eventually gets better without my even noticing. I have to stop and say "Hey, I'm doing better ;)"
What I love about most Raw Foodist's is that they are supportive of the process and not the "quilting thing or the you shoulda thing". They say do what you can until you can do better. It's a process. I love that and am so grateful for it because, my mind loves to go to the "All or Nothing" which actually gives my head the opportunity to say "SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" and give up. This way I don't have to give up just keep walking the path.

Hope that helps in anyway to anyone.

[ShantiYogini]

I have had addictions for as long as I can remember. When I found drugs, I found the ultimate answer to weight loss...and that took on a life of it's own. I find that I want to use so that I dont eat.... and end up doing the polar opposite the next day. The self-loathing that enters the picture is pathetic. I'm strying raw again, for about the 100th time, and starting on Friday. Would anyone like to start up a raw challenge with me? The first week I'm doing 100% vegan, 80% raw, so steamed veggies and cooked grains are allowed....
Has anyone experienced relief from addictions (food, drugs, alcohol) once going raw?

[Jenifae]

I have had addictions for as long as I can remember. When I found drugs, I found the ultimate answer to weight loss...and that took on a life of it's own. I find that I want to use so that I dont eat.... and end up doing the polar opposite the next day. The self-loathing that enters the picture is pathetic. I'm strying raw again, for about the 100th time, and starting on Friday. Would anyone like to start up a raw challenge with me? The first week I'm doing 100% vegan, 80% raw, so steamed veggies and cooked grains are allowed....
Has anyone experienced relief from addictions (food, drugs, alcohol) once going raw?

Hi ShantiYogini,

Unfortunately, going Raw is great but, not enough to relieve addictions. It is an actual mental health issue with a DSM III code and spiritual disorder (IMO)so, it is important to incorporate Raw with an Emotional/Mental/Spiritual program as well. Whether it is like AA, NA, OA, etc. or Therapy, or Religion or all the above I have found that it lives in our thinking and it is so important to look at our thinking and change it. I Love Louis Hay for this and the Law of Attraction.
I am going on a 3 day cleanse starting on Monday otherwise I would do it with you.

Hang in there................this all takes time. The important thing is not to be hard on yourself.

Love and Light
Jen

[brydee]

Hi Jen,

Thanks for the reply.
I have become more and more spiritual and it does help, but alot of the time nothing does. I have had quite a few operations, so maybe i could be chemically off? who knows what permanent damage has been done...
This site is such a caring place to be though and everyone seems to know what they are talking about, more than all the SAD doctors out there, if that is the right expression to use.

Didnt realise your an animal communicator, im doing a qualification in it at the moment and im abit .... HORSE OBSESSED, to say the least. Do you take etherium? I take gold and pink and they have made communication stronger. havnt tried the others though. If this is getting away from the subject feel free to PM me :)

[brydee]

I have had addictions for as long as I can remember. When I found drugs, I found the ultimate answer to weight loss...and that took on a life of it's own. I find that I want to use so that I dont eat.... and end up doing the polar opposite the next day. The self-loathing that enters the picture is pathetic. I'm strying raw again, for about the 100th time, and starting on Friday. Would anyone like to start up a raw challenge with me? The first week I'm doing 100% vegan, 80% raw, so steamed veggies and cooked grains are allowed....
Has anyone experienced relief from addictions (food, drugs, alcohol) once going raw?


Hi Shanti,

Thats one thing i have been able to stop myself from doing is drugs, THANKGOD, or who knows what state i would be in today. I'll start it with you, im still trying to figure out if you can or cant pm on this site, if not do you want my email address to keep in contact whilst doing it? It seems to say that i cannot send private messages:confused: I'll go 100% raw vegan if that is okay though, if i eat any cooked food i cant stop and end up eating fully cooked the next day. I havnt experianced any relief im afraid:( when i was 100% raw for about 3/4 months i found that they where about 40% easier to control though, but its getting to that mark again.

[Jenifae]

Hi Jen,

Thanks for the reply.
I have become more and more spiritual and it does help, but alot of the time nothing does. I have had quite a few operations, so maybe i could be chemically off? who knows what permanent damage has been done...
This site is such a caring place to be though and everyone seems to know what they are talking about, more than all the SAD doctors out there, if that is the right expression to use.

Didnt realise your an animal communicator, im doing a qualification in it at the moment and im abit .... HORSE OBSESSED, to say the least. Do you take etherium? I take gold and pink and they have made communication stronger. havnt tried the others though. If this is getting away from the subject feel free to PM me :)

HI

Sounds like you are on the right track and moving forward in you journey. That's great!
I have never heard of the herb/mineral etherium. I did a small research on it. How interesting.
Thanks for sharing. Yes, I"m Horse obsessed too. I recently rescued a Mom and Baby. :)

[iamacranberry]

I think spirituality is a matter of personal preference. For me, it wasn't until I gave up entirely on spirituality that I managed to get back to reality and really get somewhere with my healing. Expecting some nonexistant god or angel or spirit to help me was just making me frustrated--obviously because no such thing exists, so obviously such a thing didn't come and help me. I learned to take responsibility for myself, my own situation, and do what I could do to help myself.

[thepcgoddess]

I've been sitting here reading all of the posts just trying to get caught up. I work, and have a 7month old son that keeps my really busy. He's such a momma's boy. Also have a fiance' and 12 yr old.

I could really identify A LOT with what everyone else wrote about their struggles with eating/not eating/binging, etc.

The one thing that really struck me was using drugs as a way to lose weight. Been there done that. I was in my early 20's when I started but after almost dying a couple of times and being hospitalized I stopped all of that. Well the drugs and starving and purging and just started overeating, especially after I had my daughter.

A couple of years ago I started down that path again after the death of family member and lost ton's of weight. I'd have to lie when people would ask how I was losing the weight. Of course the drug use spiraled out of control and I'm lucky I didn't lose my job, in spite of a failed drug test.

About 1-1/2 months after I stopped using I got pregnant. That was a huge surprise. To this day I still can't believe how my body has managed to endure all of the abuse I've heaped on it yet managed to have 2 beautiful babies. Let me add pregnancy is also a strain on the body. The 2nd one was much, much harder then the first. I will say, this last pregnancy, I felt so good about my body most of the time. That's the only time I've ever felt that way in my life. It was amazing. I didn't obsess over my weight of how I looked and wore whatever I wanted. I even wore bikini's poolside. I surely wouldn't do that now.

I started raw almost 2 weeks ago and sort of blew it here and there the last 2 days. I've had a lot of heartburn and other issues because of it. I'm also admittedly addicted to Smuckers Natural Peanut Butter which I've just recently figured out is not even raw. That just really irks me because I love that stuff!. Oh well.

I really believe raw works and I'm trying to really not just completely blow it. I think all of the issues I have physically will eventually clear up if I just keep eating raw. Right now that is my motivation, being healthy and feeling better, losing weight is secondary.

I haven't even told any of my family and most friends about the raw eating because they will just think I'm headed down the ED path again.

I'm glad this board is here and I'm glad I came across this thread and everyone's honest with their struggles.

[brydee]

HI

Sounds like you are on the right track and moving forward in you journey. That's great!
I have never heard of the herb/mineral etherium. I did a small research on it. How interesting.
Thanks for sharing. Yes, I"m Horse obsessed too. I recently rescued a Mom and Baby. :)

Thanks:) i hope so.

Aww lucky them :D

[brydee]

I think spirituality is a matter of personal preference. For me, it wasn't until I gave up entirely on spirituality that I managed to get back to reality and really get somewhere with my healing. Expecting some nonexistant god or angel or spirit to help me was just making me frustrated--obviously because no such thing exists, so obviously such a thing didn't come and help me. I learned to take responsibility for myself, my own situation, and do what I could do to help myself.


Hi cranberry,

Yeah that would be great, do you want my email address? to anyone who wants to chat its bridiesc@hushmail.com .

[Jenifae]

I could really identify A LOT with what everyone else wrote about their struggles with eating/not eating/binging, etc.

The one thing that really struck me was using drugs as a way to lose weight. Been there done that. I was in my early 20's when I started but after almost dying a couple of times and being hospitalized I stopped all of that. Well the drugs and starving and purging and just started overeating, especially after I had my daughter.

A couple of years ago I started down that path again after the death of family member and lost ton's of weight. I'd have to lie when people would ask how I was losing the weight. Of course the drug use spiraled out of control and I'm lucky I didn't lose my job, in spite of a failed drug test.

About 1-1/2 months after I stopped using I got pregnant. That was a huge surprise. To this day I still can't believe how my body has managed to endure all of the abuse I've heaped on it yet managed to have 2 beautiful babies. Let me add pregnancy is also a strain on the body. The 2nd one was much, much harder then the first. I will say, this last pregnancy, I felt so good about my body most of the time. That's the only time I've ever felt that way in my life. It was amazing. I didn't obsess over my weight of how I looked and wore whatever I wanted. I even wore bikini's poolside. I surely wouldn't do that now.

I started raw almost 2 weeks ago and sort of blew it here and there the last 2 days. I've had a lot of heartburn and other issues because of it. I'm also admittedly addicted to Smuckers Natural Peanut Butter which I've just recently figured out is not even raw. That just really irks me because I love that stuff!. Oh well.

I really believe raw works and I'm trying to really not just completely blow it. I think all of the issues I have physically will eventually clear up if I just keep eating raw. Right now that is my motivation, being healthy and feeling better, losing weight is secondary.

I haven't even told any of my family and most friends about the raw eating because they will just think I'm headed down the ED path again.

I'm glad this board is here and I'm glad I came across this thread and everyone's honest with their struggles.


Hey PCgoddess

I'm so glad you're too. It so neat to meet so many people that have been through and struggle with the same thing. It's so helpful :).

Thank you for sharing............I sure can relate to ya :)

[Jenifae]

Thanks:) i hope so.

Aww lucky them :D


Your welcome :)

[Jenifae]

I think spirituality is a matter of personal preference. For me, it wasn't until I gave up entirely on spirituality that I managed to get back to reality and really get somewhere with my healing. Expecting some nonexistant god or angel or spirit to help me was just making me frustrated--obviously because no such thing exists, so obviously such a thing didn't come and help me. I learned to take responsibility for myself, my own situation, and do what I could do to help myself.

My Perception of Spirituality is our connected to everything. I too am not a subscriber to Man on a Throne or a Hell..........really dont believe that. :rolleyes: But, I do believe that we are all energy and interconnected. Quatum Physics talks about this.

I too am a believer in taking Responsibilty for our actions, reactions, and our Recovery. I like to tell people "Faith without Works is dead" Basically meaning that if we do nothing and just wait for a magic wand I think we'll be waiting a long time :p LOL!

Thanks for sharing.

[iamacranberry]

The more one ACTUALLY learns about quantum physics, in general, as per my observations, the less spiritual he/she is likely to be. This is generally because quantum physics does NOT lead to the edification of spiritualists' interconnectedness claims, but it's a subject that's confusing enough that through the use of loads of jargon and pseudo-scientific explanations of things that most people don't understand, someone can purport to use some segment of quantum physics to build up claims of spirituality. I think it is really unfortunate that this happens, and because there are so few people who DO understand quantum physics to a useful degree, there aren't many defenders of....well, reality.

The only tenuous link I can come up with for the statement that quantum physics states that everything is interconnected is that scientists have pretty much confirmed that the same kinds of subatomic particles comprise all matter in the universe that we know of. This, however, is not profound; it is basic chemistry.

Talk of quantum physics in attempt to create a nonexistent link between scientifically confirmed reality and spirituality has become quite the fad these days. People confuse the laws that apply to the interrelations of subatomic particles and atoms themselves incorrectly to human beings to try and "scientifically" provide backing for telepathy and the like.

The following essay makes most of the rest of what I would have to say on the subject redundant:

http://www.helium.com/items/1014014-quantum-physics-and-spirituality-do-not-mix

Worth a read-through.

[Jenifae]

Well, I find that link to be an interesting view.
Without by any means wanting to get into any debate about Spirituality or Quantum Physics. I have noticed and observed and Respect that you are admittingly not a believer in such things which, is great if that fits you. It's also great that those who do believe in these things and if it fits for them.
What I find interesting is that this all just opinions and thoughts. Just like the thought that the world was flat at one time. Not to say what is right or not because, what we know is our "present experience" and we are going to interact with that. There is no real proof of Spirituality however, many feel it and spirituality is just that......our experience with what we beleive to be true. Quantum physics does prove that all is energy and connected in an unconnected way and that "thoughts are things."
Anyhow....................I appreciate you always edcated and informative postings.

Peace
Jen

[Raspberry4]

Expecting some nonexistant god or angel or spirit to help me was just making me frustrated--obviously because no such thing exists, so obviously such a thing didn't come and help me.


I understand your feeling this way. However, I have to say that it is NOT obvious to me. I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl and make a believer out of you. But that is just MY OPINION, and my experience of what I believe to exist. Whether true or not, right or wrong, we all have different beliefs and experiences and we are all entitled to our own opinion.

Can we get back to the topic now? Have a great raw day everyone (no matter what percentage it is. Eating any amount of raw is doing your body good and your ED too). Good luck on the healing journey everyone... :)

[Jenifae]

I've heard about every type of story there is. But I also cannot ignore the work of great skeptic investigators such as Joe Nickell.

If anyone has any further comments about eating disorders or their recovery, of course, state them. But if you read back a few posts you'll see that the current discussion did in fact stem from a relevant topic, which is that of whether or not spirituality is relevant, important, or even related to recovery form eating disorders. My position is that not only is spirituality not important to recovery but that it can hinder the process as well. Since it wouldn't be very nice of me to just say that and give no reason, I gave my reason.


I think that it is important that we all find what works for us personally in our recovery.

* For some it will be Spirituality and connection to a Higher Source and others.

* For some it will be a connection to Self, Science, and Tangiable things that seems real for them.

* For some it will be neither except a committment to recovery.

and I'm sure there are more the what I listed.

So, whether we all agree on a certain ideal or not we do agree that we want Freedom from our Obsession and that is where the focus is. Everything else is personal and wonderful for each person and their ideas on things.

So, to me - it's all Good!

B

[iamacranberry]

As I posted a few posts ago,

"I think spirituality is a matter of personal preference. For me, it wasn't until I gave up entirely on spirituality that I managed to get back to reality and really get somewhere with my healing. Expecting some nonexistant god or angel or spirit to help me was just making me frustrated--obviously because no such thing exists, so obviously such a thing didn't come and help me. I learned to take responsibility for myself, my own situation, and do what I could do to help myself."

It is indeed personal preference. But I just don't see self-deception as an ideal long-term solution to otherwise permanent problems. Self-development is great; self-deception (spirituality) is, in my opinion, frivolous, because as soon as person discovers that his spiritual whatever is most likely false, his entire foundation of thinking he is "healed" shatters.

[Green_Woman]

*laughs and shakes head*

I've just been reading and watching and waiting to see how this all panned out... ;)

Cranberry, you sound just like my brother (my best friend :)). Educated, llogical and serious - but you need to realise your education in the arena may make you an "expert" but it doesn't make you necessarily convincing. Sometimes, the direct approach is merely a waste of your energy if your receiving audience is NOT open to your option for them. :)

[Green_Woman]

Self-development is great; self-deception (spirituality) is, in my opinion, frivolous, because as soon as person discovers that his spiritual whatever is most likely false, his entire foundation of thinking he is "healed" shatters.

Finally, in response to this, what you call self-deception, others call faith. And in predicting that people of faith will always come to the ultimate conclusion that their beliefs are "false", you are making a highly innacurate statement. You do realise, I hope, that innumerable thousands of people down through history (scientists, inventors, rational thinkers, philosophers, educators and other brilliants included) have lived their lives by faith as well as by reason?

At this point, your education in THIS arena becomes somewhat null and your opinion, merely abrasive instead of thought-provoking.

Rethink, reorganize, regroup - but don't attack individual faith. It's a losing battle, in the end... :)

And what are your "winnings" in a battle such as that, even if you do help convince someone that they have "believed in vain"? You've assisted in the destruction of a force in their life that did, indeed, bring them healing. For how much of our healing starts in our MINDS?

Am I speaking to you as a person of faith or a person of reason?

Actually, as both. :)

[Jenifae]

Back to the TOPIC!

I have trying to do a cleanse fo the longest. Before I joined here I wanted to try to do a MC cleanse and even after to no avail. I got a 3 day cleanse that is sitting here in my house and the more I try to gear up to it the more I want to binge on food. Now, coming from a formerly anorexic it's a bit odd. I have not starved myself in over 20 years now but, was anorexic for at least 20 before that. So, this is weird, right?
If anyone has any suggestions to help me get my mind prepared and willing to cleanse my body I would sure appreciate the help.

Thanks in Advance!

[Jenifae]

You seem to assume I'm clueless in the arena of spirituality. I'm not. I grew up with spiritual ideals all around me, and I gave it a chance for years.

I realize that there are respected intellectuals who are spiritual. However, they're the minority. According to the Center for Inquiry in Amherst, NY, only about 10&#37; of those in the scientific community with anything behind their names are athiests.

You asked me what I am "winning" by convincing someone his belief is in vain. I am not winning anything, but that person is learning to deal with himself and society through the most realistic perspective possible. Reality is important because truth is important. If spirituality is the only thing keeping a person's life afloat, he or she would do better to learn that spirituality really is only a crutch. Better to face reality, learn to react positively to it, and continue living in it.

Again, why is this important? Because truth is important. For the same reason that I would find it deceitful to lie to a child that Santa Claus or something exists, I would also find it deceitful to tell him that there's a god. Lies have the potential to crumble our hopes and dreams. Truths generally stay true, and if they change, there's generally a reason for it. Point being that if you are looking for stability, truth is...well, quite obviously superior to lies.

And yes, this does have everything to do with the topic at hand...BECAUSE as far as my own personal experience went, I didn't start healing until I faced reality--and by reality, I mean the closest thing to the truth that I could find, even if it means that many things are inevitably left uncertain.

One more thing to read:

http://richarddawkins.net/article,1219,The-Atheism-FAQ-with-Richard-Dawkins,Diganta-Richard-Dawkins

The Truth is is that everything is what we think it is. It only takes Belief. There is no Proof that what you believe is True as to a person who believes in Spirituality.
Everyone has a RIGHT to BELIEVE what they CHOOSE.

You are beginning to sound like a religious fanatic trying to convert others.

PLEASE STOP, NOW!

Again, allow others their believes as we allow you yours.

Can we get back to ED stuff?

[Whisper]

So you are strong and have no need for crutches, real or imaginary. Well done. Please don’t undermine those that do. There are many who have terrible situations who need to find a strength outside themselves. Leave them be .... enjoy your truth... and as for Dawkins ... I would rather have a kind and caring mentor, whether real or imaginary, than someone who comes over so objectionable. Yes I have read his books, and yes I have considered his views.

Each person has to find his/her own truth. The only worry is when it becomes an area for fanatics who must prove that they are right. Just as with eating choices it is personal.

How wonderful to have so many choices – whether it is in reality or in beliefs.

I wonder if Dawkins was deprived of the wonderment of Xmas and the fun of imagination!??! No iamacranberry don’t go there!!! English sense of humour –necessary as I live with your clone! Peace!!!! (He has no idea what i believe either!!Lol)

TOPIC!
Jenifae – I have the same problems when thinking about reducing the food to that level as well as the daily effects of the cleanses. So have decided that raw is the best way to continue – smoothies being filling and nutritious – and cleansing by themselves. Victoria B seems to imply that 100% raw does so much good by itself – (don’t know her views on cleanses as have not looked into that so far as relatively new to this). We can get carried by others to think we must do a certain thing -- only do it when you are ready to and don't feel bad if you don't make it. Another example of listening to ourselves I think. Sorry if that was negative help!

Take care,
Whisper

[RawDancer]

Ok so I think I've been battleing anorexia for about 2 years. The reason I say 'i think' is because I never tried to starve myself or lose weight. My parents divorced and I had to take on alot of responsibility with my 2 younger sisters. I also am a ballet dancer so juggling school, 15+ hours of dance a week and taking care of my sisters took alot of time and energy.

Basically what happened is I lost about 10lbs and I was already slim. I have been thin my whole life. My parents took me to a doctor who diagnosed me with anorexia. Part of the reason the diagnosed me as anorexic is because I was transitioning to Raw food. My dad had gotten into raw foods 5 years earlier. At the time I refused to eat any of the food he made because I thought raw food was gross and I perferred my pasta. So when they took me to the doctor I was partly raw I was vegan and wasn't eating refined sugar/flour. I was no longer allowed to dance because my weight was so low. (dance is my passion) So for the past 2 years I have been trying to gain weight. I have been able to gain 10bl. but still need to gain atleast 10 more. Through out the past 2 years I have continued to trasition to fully raw. At the same time there were periods where I was forced to eat meat along with other cooked foods. But for the past year I have been mostly raw with the occasional steamed veggies, or hummus. Also my mom thinks that me eating raw food is the reason for my eating disorder.
Just this week my mom admitted me to an eating disorder treatment center. 3 times a week I go for 5 hours and have counseling, group therapy & a supervised meal. On the first night they made me eat microwaved food and i got really sick. I started shaking and almost threw up. The next day I brought my own food with me and explained tothem what happed. They said that for the day they would allow me to eat my food but I have to meet with their nutritionist tomorrow. I truely belive that raw foods are the most nutritious food and the only real food and want to feed my body the best food on the planet. My delimma is that my mom and the staff at the eating disorder center think that eating raw food is crazy and the reason for my eating disorder
Does anyone here have experience with eating raw food not as a way to continue their eating disorder? Also any suggestions for convincing the Eating Disorder Center staff that raw foods are really healthy and not contributing to my eating disorder?

[Jenifae]

TOPIC!
Jenifae – I have the same problems when thinking about reducing the food to that level as well as the daily effects of the cleanses. So have decided that raw is the best way to continue – smoothies being filling and nutritious – and cleansing by themselves. Victoria B seems to imply that 100% raw does so much good by itself – (don’t know her views on cleanses as have not looked into that so far as relatively new to this). We can get carried by others to think we must do a certain thing -- only do it when you are ready to and don't feel bad if you don't make it. Another example of listening to ourselves I think. Sorry if that was negative help!

Take care,
Whisper

Hi Whisper,

Thank you so much for your support and encourage to listen to my body, that I am just not ready to cleanse in that fashion at this time.
My Hubby who is not RAW knows alot about GSs - he was Priticine (if I spelled that right) for awhile and he thinks I should just do GS's. So, what I have been doing is just Fruit and Nuts for a couple of days and then yesterday I had a salad and fruit. So, I'm sticking to RAW in order to not trigger myself. I'm doing good if I don't eat any chips or sugar. So, I guess I'm doing good :)

Thanks again

[oceanee]

Santa Claus or something exists,:mad:

Sorry but I just have to say ~ Are you serious ? There is no Santa ..:( ..I am through with this thread....:rolleyes:


On Topic

It is really interesting to read heartfelt shared stories on this thread about ED. I fit in somewhere and reading what so many different facets are w/i the disorder is fascinating .Also I am sure it is eye opening to those who eat just to fuel themselves.
Thank you to those who have shared.
Maybe it's time to start a fresh thread :) .

Oceanee

[Jenifae]

Ok so I think I've been battleing anorexia for about 2 years. The reason I say 'i think' is because I never tried to starve myself or lose weight. My parents divorced and I had to take on alot of responsibility with my 2 younger sisters. I also am a ballet dancer so juggling school, 15+ hours of dance a week and taking care of my sisters took alot of time and energy.

Basically what happened is I lost about 10lbs and I was already slim. I have been thin my whole life. My parents took me to a doctor who diagnosed me with anorexia. Part of the reason the diagnosed me as anorexic is because I was transitioning to Raw food. My dad had gotten into raw foods 5 years earlier. At the time I refused to eat any of the food he made because I thought raw food was gross and I perferred my pasta. So when they took me to the doctor I was partly raw I was vegan and wasn't eating refined sugar/flour. I was no longer allowed to dance because my weight was so low. (dance is my passion) So for the past 2 years I have been trying to gain weight. I have been able to gain 10bl. but still need to gain atleast 10 more. Through out the past 2 years I have continued to trasition to fully raw. At the same time there were periods where I was forced to eat meat along with other cooked foods. But for the past year I have been mostly raw with the occasional steamed veggies, or hummus. Also my mom thinks that me eating raw food is the reason for my eating disorder.
Just this week my mom admitted me to an eating disorder treatment center. 3 times a week I go for 5 hours and have counseling, group therapy & a supervised meal. On the first night they made me eat microwaved food and i got really sick. I started shaking and almost threw up. The next day I brought my own food with me and explained tothem what happed. They said that for the day they would allow me to eat my food but I have to meet with their nutritionist tomorrow. I truely belive that raw foods are the most nutritious food and the only real food and want to feed my body the best food on the planet. My delimma is that my mom and the staff at the eating disorder center think that eating raw food is crazy and the reason for my eating disorder
Does anyone here have experience with eating raw food not as a way to continue their eating disorder? Also any suggestions for convincing the Eating Disorder Center staff that raw foods are really healthy and not contributing to my eating disorder?

Hi RawDancer,

I was a Gymnist and Modern Dancer throughout my life and that contributed to my ED because, you are under pressure to be lean.
I knew I had a problem because, I refused to eat and when I did I ate very small amounts. For years I would only eat 1 peice of toast a day or just a candy bar, etc.
I feel that RAW has helped me because, it removes the foods that actually kick off my ED as to binge, purge, or starve from guilt. RAW is guiltess for me and is helping me find balance.
I would take a RAW food book with you that explains how Raw foods assist your body.

[Whisper]

rawdancer -- I have no idea where you are -- probably US.... as I read your post -- the sentence -- she should ring Alissa popped up. I don't know if this is feasible for you or possible even. In her book people do..... She may have a menu plan which would be perfect for you to take with you.

As a parent we have this scary responsibility and love that starts before a child is born and believe me it never leaves us. I expect your mother is worried that you may be on path that could lead you into danger, so have some sympathy with that view, as i am sure you do.

Can you try and ask the nutritionist to work with you to plan a raw but highly nutritious menu that you can walk out with -- that will show your parents and others that you are taking your health responsibly and recognize that dancing eats up your calories a lot? perhaps loading with nuts and coconut oi, avocado and banana ice cream, etc would satisfy this requirement too?

I have accidentally fallen into this board -- I just want to stay healthy and actually lose weight -- just a stone and a half --raw has made me feel really good -- I have only lost 1kg this month though!! So -- I possibly have no right to give advice at here. I hope these suggestions help in some way -- i am sure we will all be thinking of you... keep up to date here. There is so much support and love on this site.

Jenifae, sometimes we see ourselves quite wrongly and should rely on those who know us best to give us perspective. Your husband sounds great, and your picture shows you as a lovely looking person. I am sure he is a wise sounding board for you.

Take care both of you,
Whisper

[Green_Woman]

Does anyone here have experience with eating raw food not as a way to continue their eating disorder?

RawDancer,

THAT is one of the primary reason I am eating RAW... because I was starving myself to the point I developed some health problems at a time where career/school are demanding that I be my OPTIMUM person. :)

I am eating RAW to bring my body back into balance and into full health...

But you don't really sound like anorexia is your problem, honestly, because it doesn't sound like losing weight/starving yourself is something you're WANTING/TRYING to do...

Call Alissa.

:)

She can probably help you stay raw and show your parents why better than any of us...

[RawDancer]

Green_women- I have never really thought that I was anorexic. Although I can say that with everyone around me always telling me I have an eating disorder and calling me anorexic sort of made me believe it. But everytime I really look at myself I realize that I just what to have the best possible health ever. I started eating raw foods becaause I want to stay healthy and strong so I can continue dancing.

I actually have a nutritionist who I am working with who is high raw. She designed a meal plan for me that is raw. I am planning on taking it in and showing it to the nutritionist at the eating disorder center. My main concern is just that they wont understand the whole raw food lifestyle and just see it as part of an eating disorder and a way to contol food. It's just so different from the norm. I can completely understand their point of view especially if all the other girls they are working with are trying to starve themselves and then in walks a girl who is underweight and says 'oh yeah by the way I only eat raw fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, and sprouting grains/legumes'. I know that raw foods are healthy and not an eating disorder but it's difficult to explain that to others especially when you are at an eating disorder center.

[Green_Woman]

So, what is your height/weight, that is causing them such concern?

It seems like you are NOT all that concerned, but other people are pushing you into fear... you sound actually like a healthy minded person!!!

[RawDancer]

I am 5'1'' and 83 lbs 16 years old
I'm some what concerned. I would like to gain weight, get taller I just want to do it healthily. I don't just want to stuff myself with food especially SAD food just for the sake of gaining weight, so that the number on the scale goes up. I want to gain weight so that I am in the best possible health. I also am defficient is every mineral, so that is a concern.

[oceanee]

Oh so sorry Raw Cranberry but I was just trying to lighten things up ~ I read the entire thread and totally got your drift.
My apologies for even responding to the rest of you ~ please just ignore me ~:rolleyes:
Oceanee

[Jenifae]

Jenifae, I understand we come from completely opposite sides of this argument and obviously disagree, but it is unfair of you to attempt to equate my reliance on logic, which helped me heal, is based on truth, and is the most consistent, repeatable, and valid form of finding out information about the world, with religious beliefs, which are NOT based on logic, have been the trigger for many a war, cause people false hope, and are NOT equal to knowledge derived from logic simply because anecdotal evidence and personal experience are not valid repeatable forms of testing and determining information. I cannot respect a belief that is based on frivolity, especially since I know firsthand how harmful such things can be. My advice to others is to also only believe in things which are backed up by repeatable evidence, as anything else is potentially a form of self-deception and also potentially harmful in the long-run, should that person ever figure out that his beliefs are completely groundless.

Religious fanatics urge their constituents to take things on faith. I encourage the opposite. Your comparison between me and a religious fanatic is a completely invalid one.

You may not agree with the advice I give, or my reasons for it, but there is no need to act like the fact that I've said what I've said and defended it is a cause for alarm.

"Again, allow others their believes as we allow you yours."

I'm not stopping you. But I do openly discourage faith-based (and not fact-based) beliefs because I am aware of their destructive nature. And the fact that you disagree with my approach will neither change my mind or cause me to stop advocating what I have found to be the most effective method for healing: reality.

==
===

In general:

It is indeed more difficult for us to be accepted among "normal" people because the mere idea of eating only raw foods seems, to many, to be an eating disorder in and of itself. Raw will not cure your eating disorder. The self-development you do along the way is what will. In this case, the attitude is more important than what is actually eaten.

Actually, we are not so much on opposite sides of this as you might think. I am not religious but, do consider myself spiritual and also use Psychology and Cognitive Thinking in order to problem solve.
My point to you was not to disagree; for I am about all of us finding what works for us and use it; but, to stop the debate. Everyone, Including you has the right to their own ideals. I am not attacking you but, asking you to ease up. I've always enjoyed your posts. You are a very educated and grounded woman it seems.
My comparison of the fanatic is that your approach of sharing this is not feeling or being taken in a Sharing way but, in a way that you are wronging someone elses.
Just as you want Respect for your way of Recovery (which I and I believe others do as well) so, does everyone else.
I am asking that we all Respect one another's healing process.



Jen

[Jenifae]

Raw Dancer,

It looks like you are underweight about 20lbs. Here's a link to a weight chart

http://www.assessmentpsychology.com/metlife.htm

and another fun one

http://www.active.com/fitness/calculators/weight.htm?KNC-specialsections&section=tools&engine=google&campaign=tools&adgroup=weight&HBX_OU=50#

I'm not sure how old you are if you even stated it but, I would guess that you are in the center for a reason. I was a Treatment Counselor for many years and most people get there because, something is going on.

If you are wanting to gain weight you can add more fats to your diet. I've seen lost of advice here to add Avocados and Oils to gain weight. You can do a search.

I would try to have an open mind and anaylize what you are learning and if it pertains to you or not. You are fortunate to have people in your life who care about you even if it is irritating sometimes ;)

Jen

[Whisper]

You have so much caring thoughts to give iamcranberry --- we acknowledge where you are coming from -- a lot . Now lets move on -- these people need all their energy to focus on their health. We respect that you want everyone to look at things based on facts - in their best interest - I am sure they will where their healthy eating etc is concerned.
My father-in-law once said to me "people should never discuss money or religion, they can lead to wars". How correct.
I feel here it could stop people joining or reading this thread when they most need it.
As Jenifae says we all have summed up your strengths and intelligence. At times you are really nice -- well probably all the time truth be told, but you are coming over very strongly on a friendly board. This is upsetting the balance. You have got to your point of strength and obviously that success is great. Try and remember the fragility you felt before that. Some people are born with a "defect" for needing the light side of life and fantasy. They are usually lovely people who need support from people like you (but run when you get dogmatic!!!!) If they do don't keep taking the rug from under their feet please.

Oh good grief -- now I am at it!!

Oceanee: I'm with you-- the thought is horrific!!!! How are his elves coping without him//!!??:eek:

raw_dancer -- hope it all goes well today. Stick around, we are all behind you.

All the best
Whisper.

[iamacranberry]

No need to flatter me in order to get your point across, and I find it slightly patronising, actually.

"Again, allow others their believes as we allow you yours."

"I'm not stopping you. But I do openly discourage faith-based (and not fact-based) beliefs because I am aware of their destructive nature. And the fact that you disagree with my approach will neither change my mind or cause me to stop advocating what I have found to be the most effective method for healing: reality."

==

To that: you mentioned you don't want a debate, but I've just read 3 posts basically egging on such a debate....???

It takes more than my monologue to constitute a debate.

==

And some more thoughts on that: Debate has a negative connotation in society, and I find that unfortunate. Debate is a great way to challenge existing beliefs, develop new ones, and encourage the sort of critical thinking that leads to progress.

==

I'd be glad to stop posting about those things if all that needs to be said has been said, but when people write things implying that because I disagree with the validity of the spiritual approach that I'm somehow causing trouble. In such cases, a response on my part is not only appropriate but to be expected.

[Green_Woman]

Suggestion:

MOVE THE SPIRITUALITY DISCUSSION ELSEWHERE...


I'm sorry, but it no longer appears to be helping anyone anywhere. One thing to remember: you, honestly, can NEVER change someone else's mind. People will believe what they want to believe and trying to change their minds is just going to cause friction, NOT HELP.


So... :)

[Raspberry4]

Jenifae - I agree - it does sound like you are not ready for a cleanse. I know I am not ready because for me, it would trigger the anorexia problem again. Your mind, body, and spirit will accept it when you are ready. Just getting through the day with as much raw as you can will be healing for you now. You are doing great :)

Rawdancer - good luck to you. Your family is concerned. I hope you can convince them of the benefits of raw.

[Rawkinlocs]

Okay, I have not been following this thread but something was sent to me regarding it so here I am.

All I want to say is, we need to keep religious/spiritual debating out of it...period.

Read the forum rules. Please keep this thread at discussing raw foods and healing eating disorders via raw foods. This is not the place to debate the belief or non-belief of religion or spirituality... I am asking that it stop here and now.

Those who desire to do so, please keep me posted as to if this thread does not get back to the topic at hand and if this religious/spiritual discussion continues. If you all want to keep this kind of discussion going, then I'm sorry but you may have to create a forum/group/list that is separate from RFT.

And please, no one pull the "censorship card" on me. The forum has rules, point blank...this OT discussion is draining the original intent and purpose not only of this thread, but the forum too. If anyone has that strong of an opposition to what is being requested here, (and I don't like saying stuff like this and don't do it very often but...) there are other forums that are more "liberated" or, again, you are very much free to start up one of your own. I'm not asking or implying that anyone leave, by any means, but I know how people get when asked to refrain from certain discussions here.

So once again, let's please get and keep this thread on topic.

Thanks!

[Raspberry4]

Thank you for reminding us that this is a positive forum, based on Raw food, and the idea to move forward and be positive. Too much debate only breeds negativity which in turn turns people off to what otherwise might be a beneficial and comfortable place to be. :)

[Jenifae]

Thank You Rawkinlocs............................

Raspberry4: Thanks for your feedback. I just cant' get myself there yet with a cleanse but, I am doing really good with staying RAW. Yesterday I had a chocolate craving and I have Raw Revolution & Lara Bars here so, I ate some of them (more then normal, which is just a bit but, it's RAW!). I also had a cookie here and took one lil' tiny bite...............OMG! YUCK! I couldn't beleive it. It tasted terrible. That's a first.................YAY!

I went back up on the scale :( I seem to be vascilating with that but, am working on not beating myself up and just staying RAW.

[Raspberry4]

Jenifae - unfortunately we are so tied to the darn scale. When we have gained we sabotage ourselves. We we have lost we feel happy and "I can eat that now" and sabotage ourselves. I don't weigh myself as often as I used to (2 or 3 times a day) and I feel more at peace with myself. Don't beat yourself up with eating sweets - to me, they are a big part of my life and I would really hate to have to give them up. But learning moderation and control is key, for me. Learning to give yourself permission and enjoy them helps alot. Just knowing I CAN have them helps me to not even bother with them. Keep eating as much raw as you can. You are doing the best you can for yourself. Have a great day :)

[Jenifae]

Jenifae - unfortunately we are so tied to the darn scale. When we have gained we sabotage ourselves. We we have lost we feel happy and "I can eat that now" and sabotage ourselves. I don't weigh myself as often as I used to (2 or 3 times a day) and I feel more at peace with myself. Don't beat yourself up with eating sweets - to me, they are a big part of my life and I would really hate to have to give them up. But learning moderation and control is key, for me. Learning to give yourself permission and enjoy them helps alot. Just knowing I CAN have them helps me to not even bother with them. Keep eating as much raw as you can. You are doing the best you can for yourself. Have a great day :)

Hey Raspberry4,

Yes, you are so right. I usually don't sabotage myself when I've gone up but, I do sometimes reward myself for going down. Even though I know this and know that numbers can mess with my head the scale is my last attachment to numbers. *blush*
Thank you for the support and continued encouragement. I do try not to deprive myself from sweets also since, learning a long time ago that deprivation can trigger a binge so, I usually just have nibbles but, once in awhile - well, I have more then nibbles :eek: LOL! I'm glad it's RAW or I'd be really Mad at myself.

I am trying to find some balance and discpline with myself while on this RAW journey and dont' want to expect to much from myself I guess :rolleyes: Hummmmmmmmmm!

Thank you so much for the support and reminders............maybe one day I'll put the scale in the garage or better yet the trash.........Hummmmmmmmmmm.........

[Raspberry4]

You are so right - deprivation does indeed trigger a binge.

Keep going... raw really is the best way to heal for us. :)

[yogini345]

Hi--I'm pretty new here (just started a blog yesterday) and Jennifae directed me here. I'm so glad that there's this type of support for those of us with food issues (although the more I get into it, the more I find that so many more people have food issues than are willing to admit it!). I had this brief wonderful period in my life for about 1 1/2 or 2 years where my food issues/compulsive eating/bulimia just evaporated without any effort or work on my part, and I lost 30 pounds without trying or noticing. I kind of know why this happened, and I want to get that feeling back of being WONDERFUL exactly the way I am, without needing to be thin, or wear the right clothes, or have a really high paying job--just GREAT exactly the way I am. The way I feel when I eat raw for more than a few days gets me to this place. And I know that it's not the easiest way to navigate through this fast-food world of ours, but I'd so much rather order salads in restaurants and give up cocktails than spend the rest of my life making excuses with my head in the toilet.

I've been listening to Carolyn Myss, who's a medical intuitive, and her take on addictions is that you need them when your mind and your spirit are not congruent, and that no matter how strong your will is, you can't overcome your addiction since your mind will always win ( I think this is what she says, anyway; it's a little hard for me to paraphrase, although I do understand it when she talks about it and always get chills b/c it makes so much sense to me). I know during that time when my ed went away, I always felt like I was exactly where I needed to be. I was no longer a square peg in a round hole (or a peg squeezed into a hole that was a little too tight, making me uncomfortable and unhappy without me knowing why).

Anyway, I'm here to offer support to everyone--I think you're all incredibly brave for even coming forward and having the courage to change. So many people refuse to take a good hard look at themselves, and congratulate yourselves for this big step. And of course, I'm always willing to accept support too!:) I am confident that I can leave this addiction behind, especially with eating raw and the support of this board.

Oh, and if you want to look at my blog, go ahead. But I don't know how to post the link.

[Jenifae]

Hey Yogini345

Glad you made here :). It's nice to have a spot where we can heal and recover together.
I LOVE Carolyn Myss. I've listened to her for years. Hummmmmmmmmm, maybe I should pull out my CD's. They are so helpful in uplifting me.
Thanks for the reminder.

A Big Warm Welcome! :)

[Raspberry4]

Yogini - welcome. Good luck and congratulations to you too for being here!

It makes alot of sense about what Carolyn says. I have pondered why it is that I can't seem to stick to something until 'my head is totally emersed in it' and that now makes a lot of sense to me. It is like when I say 'now is not the right time' and it is more than just being 'lazy' or not having the willpower to follow through. Thanks for the insight.

Have a great journey :)

[yogini345]

Yeah, and getting your head totally immersed in it can take so much energy sometimes (Although sometimes it's easy, fortunately). Right now, I'm having a hard time. But I've made so many excuses about now not being the right time and really, what am I waiting for? Life is not a dress rehearsal (as my friend says, and she's right), and sometimes the best things are the hardest ones. Thanks so much for your support and welcome. I look forward to being here!!

[evezhu]

Hi,

I used to be bullimic and binge. But since going raw, I don't seem to have the urge to do so. I feel satisfied with what I've eaten.

I think I had those things because I was so angry inside and couldn't express it on the outside.

Going raw seems to have reduced the anger so that I can talk about it rather than punish myself.

My thoughts are with you who are still suffering.

xx Eve
http://www.NaturalLivingSecrets.com

[Raspberry4]

evezhu - thanks for the insight too! I would really love to let go and stop punishing myself with food. After all, food is for fuel and enjoyment - it should not be used as a form of punishment or self destruction in my opinion. I used to stuff myself silly with sad - I guess pushing down the feelings. It is better just to get them out and deal with them and move on. Have a great day :)

[Jenifae]

Food is only Fuel for our body. However, we/I associate it with celebrating, coping, etc for our feelings of good or bad. We are taught this all of our lives in our society and people everywhere around me anyways still do that. If I could get to that place where it is only fuel and no cravings physically, mentally or emotionally I would be a Grateful girl.

David Wolfe says that when we get our bodies on RAW and Alkalize it and Detox the toxins that this is a natural state............No cravings or desires mentally, physically, or emotionally.

I'm hanging in there for the long haul. I know I am getting better every day I stay as 100% as possible. Still learning so, much about it and how to cleanse and be free.

I have a feeling it took me awhile to get where I'm at so, it will take a little while to get where I'm going.

I have already come along way even before RAW...............but, to be free of the MIND would be a Blessing.

[yogini345]

Hey Eve--When you went raw and your craving stopped, did it happen pretty much right away? Did you go all raw, or gradually transition? And did the binging stop gradually or like someone turned off a switch? I know that everyone is different and I can't use your experience to predict what my own might be like, but I'm so curious to find out details. I've always been like that... I think knowledge is power, and even if it's something that I think I don't want to know, it's better to be aware of it than pretending it doesn't exist and have it bite me in the behind when I'm least expecting it!

y345

[yogini345]

Food is only Fuel for our body. However, we/I associate it with celebrating, coping, etc for our feelings of good or bad. We are taught this all of our lives in our society and people everywhere around me anyways still do that. If I could get to that place where it is only fuel and no cravings physically, mentally or emotionally I would be a Grateful girl.

David Wolfe says that when we get our bodies on RAW and Alkalize it and Detox the toxins that this is a natural state............No cravings or desires mentally, physically, or emotionally.

I'm hanging in there for the long haul. I know I am getting better every day I stay as 100% as possible. Still learning so, much about it and how to cleanse and be free.

I have a feeling it took me awhile to get where I'm at so, it will take a little while to get where I'm going.

I have already come along way even before RAW...............but, to be free of the MIND would be a Blessing.
See, for me it's a whole stack of different things and I feel like I need all of them to be resolved for me to say "OK, the eating disorder is behind me now." First, the need to keep eating past the point of physical satiation. Second, that mental need to stuff things down. And finally, the constant worry about what am I going to eat, what can I eat, what can't I eat, how much, calories, fat, etc. Yikes! I thought I had put this behind me a few years ago when I tried to legalize food, but once my life started unravelling, I fell into bulimia like a soft feather bed and I just can't seem to muster enough energy to push myself out. It helps to write about it, and I do have faith that one day I will walk away, because the alternative is just too horrible to imagine.

[Jenifae]

See, for me it's a whole stack of different things and I feel like I need all of them to be resolved for me to say "OK, the eating disorder is behind me now." First, the need to keep eating past the point of physical satiation. Second, that mental need to stuff things down. And finally, the constant worry about what am I going to eat, what can I eat, what can't I eat, how much, calories, fat, etc. Yikes! I thought I had put this behind me a few years ago when I tried to legalize food, but once my life started unravelling, I fell into bulimia like a soft feather bed and I just can't seem to muster enough energy to push myself out. It helps to write about it, and I do have faith that one day I will walk away, because the alternative is just too horrible to imagine.

Not so different ;). Sounds like your saying the same thing to me.

ED's are a Mental disturbance which affects our Association and Relationship with food. It starts in many different ways and has many varied avenues but, it's down to our Relationship and Association with Food and Ourselves.

The thought process is usually very simple - it's focused on Food. Being that I am Anorexic/Bulemic I focus on my weight and body image also. It's become a habit that is very difficult to break .............. the longer you've been doing it the more ingrained it is. Even though I have not acted out in Anorexia or Bulemia in over 13 years my mind still focuses on it. The recovery has been slow. My kids tell me how much better I am. I don't obsess like I used too and go into a total panic about what I've eaten but, the guilt and self-punishment still lingers. Yes, it is less powerful but, I still have to self-talk myself back to it's okay and I'm doing good. So, it's really more of a Mental Disorder then anything else..........although the anything elses are prevelent.

Here's some interesting News about me. I noticed Yesterday While at the Grocery Store my cravings did not come up. I hadn't even eaten much before I went and usually my mind goes right to chocolate and not raw cacao :o and I will usually sneak a couple chocolates from the bulk bins :o I know it's bad. I walked through the store not needing any for the first time. I have been transitioning into RAW since 3/22/08 and it's been a process for me but, the more RAW I eat the Less SAD I want. It is a natural process I think and it really gives me hope that I will continue to get better.

Now, the scale hasn't moved down and I do get on the scale everyday :o I know I shouldn't...............but, I do. But, I"m also noticing that not feeling like the numbers have power over me like I used to. You know the numbers telling you how to feel? I just go hummmmmmm. No feeling just like looking at a number with very little attachment. That feels really good and freeing. Numbers really are an illusion especially the scale numbers because they change with water retention, etc.

I'm so Excited and will continue to report how I transition. I do feel this is a Process and to not Allow and go with the Process just makes it harder. So, I think...................

[iamacranberry]

I remember my first few times going in a grocery store and not being tempted to buy junk....it was quite an exciting feeling. Just goes to show that the mindset is indeed important.

[tammay]

Hi everyone,
I just found this thread and am very glad I did! I'm going to try going 100&#37; raw for August starting tomorrow. I've had major issues with binge eating since I was a teenager and the last two years have been very stressful and full of major changes (all of them good, though). Now I feel like things have calmed down a bit or at least enough to try and concentrate on my health. I'm trying to focus on health and not weight loss, even though I gained 20 pounds in the last few years.

Yogini, your description of your relationship to food is exactly like mine. I'm a very anxious person and I think I transfer those anxieties to food as a way of avoiding dealing with the real anxieties. So now I'm trying to find other ways of relieving stress and anxiety (like yoga, exercise, journaling). I'm hoping that going 100% raw will help me feel physically stronger and clear-headed so that I can focus on the emotional and mental issues of food.

Tam

[yogashmoga]

So now I'm trying to find other ways of relieving stress and anxiety (like yoga, exercise, journaling). I'm hoping that going 100% raw will help me feel physically stronger and clear-headed so that I can focus on the emotional and mental issues of food.

Tam


NICE! i truly believe that finding healthy outlets for emotional...constipation?...is the answer to healing.

i have a history of overeating, depression, ODC, anxiety...unfortunately the list goes on. i was on a cocktail of meds through my teen years. in fact, i don't remember some pretty important events from those years. they are all a blur from the meds. when i moved out of my home at 18, i went through a 9-month depression that include some of the darkest moments of my life. i simply woke up one day and felt the intense urge to work on my overall health as an answer to this problem.

i stopped all of my medications cold turkey (i'm not recommending this approach), started shopping organically, and certified as a yoga instructor. this was six years ago and my journey toward health has been an exciting and rewarding one. while i still struggle with depression from time to time, it is NOT the same monster it once was. i just want to list some of the things that help me to actively combat obsessive thought patterns and addictive routines.

-MEDITATION. this is KEY in my life and can reflect any religious/spiritual background. the practice of removing thoughts from the mind and concentrating on the breath and body is a vital tool. it makes 'stepping out' of those negative, self-abusing moments much easier. i recommend meditating at least once a day for 20 min.

-MANTRA. this can be done while meditating, driving, or any time ones mind wanders into the negative. ask yourself what you need to hear in a given moment, and say it over and over again to yourself...slowly and relaxed, with your breath calm and deep. "i love who i am, i approve of me, i am strong, i am beautiful, i can make my own dreams come true." these are some of my favorites. it may be difficult or even seem cheesy at first--but it has taught me to care for myself and empathize with my own emotions as i would another persons. personalize it, and be creative and self-aware.

-HEALTHY EXERCISE. if one is exercising with the sole intention of losing weight, how can it be enjoyable? find an activity that you love to do...or have always wanted to try. get outside and into the sunshine. only allow your mind to focus on the positive of the workout. "my heart is racing...what a great sensation of being alive!" or "if i keep up this activity, my skills will really improve...how empowering!"

-GRATITUDE AND SERVICE. i simply cannot dwell on my own 'misfortunes' when i am concentrated on the beauty around me, on the gifts i have (physical, mental, and spiritual), or someone in need of my friendship or service. there is not greater feeling than that of giving. that being said, this thread has been a gift. thank you to everyone who has shared their experiences and goals with me.

these are just some of the tools i use. of course, healthy living foods are extremely important to me--as they are to all of us on this site :). namaste and best of luck on our journeys!

[Jenifae]

Hi everyone,
I just found this thread and am very glad I did! I'm going to try going 100% raw for August starting tomorrow. I've had major issues with binge eating since I was a teenager and the last two years have been very stressful and full of major changes (all of them good, though). Now I feel like things have calmed down a bit or at least enough to try and concentrate on my health. I'm trying to focus on health and not weight loss, even though I gained 20 pounds in the last few years.

Yogini, your description of your relationship to food is exactly like mine. I'm a very anxious person and I think I transfer those anxieties to food as a way of avoiding dealing with the real anxieties. So now I'm trying to find other ways of relieving stress and anxiety (like yoga, exercise, journaling). I'm hoping that going 100% raw will help me feel physically stronger and clear-headed so that I can focus on the emotional and mental issues of food.

Tam

Hey Tam,

Welcome! I'm so glad you found our lil' thread here of Big Importance to us. This is a Great start.................remember it takes time. We didn't get here over night and we won't be cured overnight. But, everyday we get better. Even when the day seems difficult because, it helps us to continue our path and finding ways of healing.
I joined the Rawgust Challenge too to help me get 100% and feeling better. So far so good. I'm focusing on being 100% raw and not beating myself up on amounts. I have found that when I am transitioning into 100% I tend to eat more but, not neccessarily gain.
Jen

[Jenifae]

NICE! i truly believe that finding healthy outlets for emotional...constipation?...is the answer to healing.

i have a history of overeating, depression, ODC, anxiety...unfortunately the list goes on. i was on a cocktail of meds through my teen years. in fact, i don't remember some pretty important events from those years. they are all a blur from the meds. when i moved out of my home at 18, i went through a 9-month depression that include some of the darkest moments of my life. i simply woke up one day and felt the intense urge to work on my overall health as an answer to this problem.

i stopped all of my medications cold turkey (i'm not recommending this approach), started shopping organically, and certified as a yoga instructor. this was six years ago and my journey toward health has been an exciting and rewarding one. while i still struggle with depression from time to time, it is NOT the same monster it once was. i just want to list some of the things that help me to actively combat obsessive thought patterns and addictive routines.

-MEDITATION. this is KEY in my life and can reflect any religious/spiritual background. the practice of removing thoughts from the mind and concentrating on the breath and body is a vital tool. it makes 'stepping out' of those negative, self-abusing moments much easier. i recommend meditating at least once a day for 20 min.

-MANTRA. this can be done while meditating, driving, or any time ones mind wanders into the negative. ask yourself what you need to hear in a given moment, and say it over and over again to yourself...slowly and relaxed, with your breath calm and deep. "i love who i am, i approve of me, i am strong, i am beautiful, i can make my own dreams come true." these are some of my favorites. it may be difficult or even seem cheesy at first--but it has taught me to care for myself and empathize with my own emotions as i would another persons. personalize it, and be creative and self-aware.

-HEALTHY EXERCISE. if one is exercising with the sole intention of losing weight, how can it be enjoyable? find an activity that you love to do...or have always wanted to try. get outside and into the sunshine. only allow your mind to focus on the positive of the workout. "my heart is racing...what a great sensation of being alive!" or "if i keep up this activity, my skills will really improve...how empowering!"

-GRATITUDE AND SERVICE. i simply cannot dwell on my own 'misfortunes' when i am concentrated on the beauty around me, on the gifts i have (physical, mental, and spiritual), or someone in need of my friendship or service. there is not greater feeling than that of giving. that being said, this thread has been a gift. thank you to everyone who has shared their experiences and goals with me.

these are just some of the tools i use. of course, healthy living foods are extremely important to me--as they are to all of us on this site :). namaste and best of luck on our journeys!

Yogashmoga,

Thanks for stopping in and sharing your story and your success and tips. I really like your tips. I too use Positive Affirmations and Exercising as a major part of my wellness. Also, Connecting with Nature/Spirit helps me personally. When I am 100% Raw I also feel more alive and less guilty for eating food. I agree that the self-talk needs work to be changed. I'm always talking to myself so I might as well try to make it what I want to hear.
:)

[Zaphirah]

hi. I'm gonna go back and read all 11 pages, but I just wanted to say "hi" and "i'm back" after an ugly bout with my ED (again). It could have been uglier and I only gained 6 lbs. :mad: :rolleyes:

but I'm making my way back.

I don't know what overtook me...sadness? anxiety? something major triggered it...and I *think* I know what it was, but it wasn't REAL. it was the FEAR of something that MIGHT happen, it was that and memories from summer's past that did it, I think. So I ate and ate to mash down the fear I had, and you know what? Nothing bad happened in my life, like I was anticipating.

Now I have to lose 6+ pounds and keep going.

[Zaphirah]

okay-I've read all 11 pages. I think I will share my story. Sometimes when I can SEE my life spread out in front of me I can see where I have veered off the path and try to get back on track.

I have had an ED ever since I can remember. In my earliest years I had a physically abusive alcoholic dad and I think my mom gave me food to distract me when we ran away and slept in the car or hotels.
I remember my dad picking me up for visitations (still drunk from the night before.) I was always afraid of him, and he would have stopped about bought a whole grocery sack full of pink snowballs, ding-dongs, red laces, soda, gum, root beer barrels, etc. I would sit in the back of his car and eat and eat and eat trying to ease the fear and anxiety I had as we would weave down the road.
If he was too drunk to come get us, my mom would take us to the bakery across the street from his apt. and we would be supplied with hot chocolate and donuts until he made it across the street to get us. When we got to his apt there was my best friend, the Paper Bag to keep me company while he slept it off for a few hours before having to take us home.

Those are my earliest memories. My mom bought 1 package of cookies to be shared by 4 people for the week. My mom remarried to a RECOVERING alcoholic, who was a handsome athlete with a binging disorder. He would PIG OUT then compulsively exercise like ride his bike from Springfield, MA to Boston and back. He was always calling himself a "fat pig" and then everyone around him would tell him how handsome he was. :rolleyes:

He took the place of my first dad. he was my hero. When I was 13, he commented on my weight. I was probably putting on a few pounds in preparation for puberty, but his comment FLIPPED ME OUT. So I ate nothing but 3 oranges, plus a *small* dinner-so I could keep my secret from my parents, iykwim, everyday for a few weeks. People started commenting on how "good" I looked. My step dad told me I looked good, but I was flabby and needed to start exercising.
I started running. and running. and running. I ran like crazy. I would eat light and drink (A LOT) and smoke (A LOT) in the off season and then eat a lot and run like mad during the spring (track and field), so in a way it kinds balanced out and my weight didn't fluctuate too much. But I was starting a weird cycle with food. Then I became more and more restrictive. My mom was so worried that she would prepare special meals for me with NO fat, because if she didn't I would refuse to eat. My mom and step dad were divorced and I abused myself with alcohol, boys, cigarettes, chew, drugs, and starvation. I got into a relationship with a guy IDENTICAL to my step dad who was a real @ss. I was a real jerk to him, but totally co-dependant, and he fed off that power. We were terrible for each other from day 1. we stayed together for 2.5 years. When we broke up I went into major starvation mode. I am 5' 4", and got down to 114. Doesn't sound bad, but I'm supposed to weigh more. I have a picture of me in a bikini and my bones are sticking out everywhere. It looks like my head was superimposed on my body.
So my food stuff is majorly out of control so I....

[Zaphirah]

go to see someone on campus. (I'm now a 2nd year student in college). I am FREAKING out with food stuff. I hate myself, my body, my life, I just want to die. I go into this woman's office, crying, asking for help with my food addiction/anorexia. She takes my height and weight, measures my wrist and says I am the right weight for my body type. I was stunned. I had to near kill myself to be the "right weight"? She tells me to feel free to eat whatever I want. It was like a light switch going off in my head. So I ordered take-out. Something I hadn't had in a year or two and I eat.

The Whole Extra Large Tuna Sub with Extra Mayo and Cheese.

I felt sick, but at the same time I felt something I hadn't felt in YEARS. I felt full and satisfied. I started eating and eating and eating. I stopped running. I drank A LOT. I started smoking again. I started chewing again. I gained 40 pounds in 1 year. I was so depressed that I joined a "spritual community" (ie., a cult) and lived there for 6 months. They restricted my food so much (because I was considered chubby and therefore not decent marriage material for an older "brother") that I would raid the fridge at night, even at the threat of being caught. I was able to lose 20 lbs in 5 months, not a lot but we never had time to exercise.

I snuck out of the "farm house" and went back home to my mother's. I thought I looked fine. A few months later I met a man who is now my dh. I got pg with twins and they were very very sick in utero. I was told to eat as much as possible because we had to try to get their weight up to a survivable amt so they could be born premature. That really did me in. I gained 40 lbs in 6 months. Together they weighed only 4 1/4 lbs, so the rest was ME. They were incredibly sick for months and we were told on several occasions that death was imminent. I went into a HUGE depression. I binged constantly, trying to relieve or silence that awful despair.

After that I was never the same. I was *very* depressed for about 9 years. I had 2 more children, and the twins were dx'd with autism. That was a terrible blow. I had been praying for their health for years and now, autism, an incurable "condition". I ate and ate my way to 215 lbs +/-.

I started losing weight back in '03. I lost approx 45 lbs over 4 years. About 11 months ago I went raw and lost another 30+ lbs. Then one of the twins was hospitalized last Feb for depression/PTSD. I went off raw and gained a few pounds. I found my way back, and I was fine til the end of June-when the dc came home for the summer. Their autism is my biggest trigger. it used to be very very bad (I left out the part about my nervous breakdown 3 summers ago brought on by my isolation and their autism, which usu resulted in pretty severe physical violence towards me and their sibs). So each summer I tend to binge out of the residual fear I have re: being left alone with the twins. They are SO much better and this summer is the best one I have ever had, but still I fell into binging. Big binging. to the point where i thought I might puke, and I STILL ate more.

[Zaphirah]

There is a part of me that really resents being HAVING to be raw. it is the only way that food doesn't control my life 24/7, but I don't like "standing out" to people. I was hoping I could find balance in HIGH RAW, but still eat brown rice or occasionally steamed veggies, but I can't. ANYTHING other than raw brings on binging.

I KNOW this, yet I keep looking for the loophole in my ED. My dh is pretty supportive, but I STILL feel like a FREAK because I can't make the CHOICE to be raw, I HAVE to be raw-even on days that I don't want to be.

I am still learning. I know I will never be TOTALLY free, but I am learning to accept that.

[Zaphirah]

I LOVED what Green Woman's friend said "You look beautiful this morning." I am going to post that on my bathroom mirror "I look BEAUTIFUL today." and I am going to say it to myself every time I go in there. I am going to stop focusing on finding a blemish or a wily gray hair. I am simply going to tell myself how beautiful I am each and every day.

[Jenifae]

hi. I'm gonna go back and read all 11 pages, but I just wanted to say "hi" and "i'm back" after an ugly bout with my ED (again). It could have been uglier and I only gained 6 lbs. :mad: :rolleyes:

but I'm making my way back.

I don't know what overtook me...sadness? anxiety? something major triggered it...and I *think* I know what it was, but it wasn't REAL. it was the FEAR of something that MIGHT happen, it was that and memories from summer's past that did it, I think. So I ate and ate to mash down the fear I had, and you know what? Nothing bad happened in my life, like I was anticipating.

Now I have to lose 6+ pounds and keep going.

Hi Zaphirah,

I'm so glad your back with onlya 6lb gain. It could've been worse then that, I'm sure.

Isnt' it always FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real)? That's where my anxiety will always come from if or when I get it.

It's a continual job for me to work on myself Body, Mind, & Spirit!

Love and Blessings,
Jen

[Jenifae]

Hi Zaphirah,

I just read your story. I could relate in some ways. Of course my story is a lil' bit different. But, the similarities are there with the alcoholic family and the emotional abuse to the self-abuse. I realized at some point in my recovery that my family had abused my emotionally and when I left I picked up the ball and continued by self-abusing.
Louis Hay absolutely saved and helped me to transform myself in the early 90's with positive affirmations. Then I learned from others and continue to learn from all sorts of different healers. But, Louis Hay's 'You can Heal your Life" is life changing. I also like: Carolyn Myss, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, and now David Wofe, Alissa Cohen and other RAW Guru's.
If you need any support or help in your healing I am here for you. I think you are doing Great by getting back and sharing................

Love and Light
Jen

[Zaphirah]

Thank you Jen. :)

I heard this on Oprah once...

"We take up where our abusers left off." (or something to that effect)

Now-does anyone know WHY we continue to hurt ourselves? That's the part I find mind boggling. WHY, if we are finally FREE of the abuse, WHY THE HECK did we THEN HURT OURSELVES ON PURPOSE???

I feel like if I can *just* figure that part out I will be at the end of my journey with emotional eating and I can just work on maintaining, ya know?

[yogashmoga]

zaphirah,

good questions! i notice that OE has been a way for me to turn my brain off...to ignore the present. it's kind of my "dwell" time, which is obviously less than positive. dwelling = reliving abusive experiences all over again. habits are habits, plain and simple. the longer we have been practicing habits, the more difficult it is to break them. staying in-the-moment allows us to change our lives for the better by making new choices every time an emotional issue arises. it is difficult, but forging these new pathways (in the brain, physiologically) is essential to leaving the past in the past. ask yourself why you want to OE in a given moment. ask yourself what the actual emotion behind the urge is (most often a fear of some kind), and nurture that emotion with something positive. it helped me to keep a list of things i love to do handy for such moments.

i would find myself in these moments of panick or sadness and say--often out loud--, "nope. you're not going there. you've been there and you know that road is unhealthy and makes you miserable. i have en entire list here. pick whatever you want to do that is healthy and nurturing. i love you enough to give you what is healthy."

this may sound silly, but talking to myself this way (as a loving and protective parent vs. someone who is frustratingly pushing "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts") has given me the strength to overcome my past. i cater to my inner child with love and respect. i once catered to my loved ones without showing myself the same courtesy.

a higher power of some kind is a great asset in leaving destructive cycles of self-hurt behind.

(thanks jenifae! glad to know i'm not the only one who talks to myself!)

[Jenifae]

Thank you Jen. :)

I heard this on Oprah once...

"We take up where our abusers left off." (or something to that effect)

Now-does anyone know WHY we continue to hurt ourselves? That's the part I find mind boggling. WHY, if we are finally FREE of the abuse, WHY THE HECK did we THEN HURT OURSELVES ON PURPOSE???

I feel like if I can *just* figure that part out I will be at the end of my journey with emotional eating and I can just work on maintaining, ya know?


Yes, "we take up where our abusers left off" is right. We do this out of familiarity for one but, also are self-esteem and worth are a factor too. Usually, we also pick partners in our life that resemble our negative childhoods and parents. We don't know this at the time but, we are attracted to them for that very reason. We are trying to resolve and get love from our unhealthy imagos (parents/caregivers). The problem is we can never get the Love we thought we needed and therefore can not resolve in it that manner. We must begin to heal our emotional wounds and get to a place of forgivenes. For me many years of Therapy is what helped me along with the previous tools I mentioned. It is in our psyche and we have to do the work to mend it. Just knowing it is usually not enough.

Hang in there.................hope that helps :)

[Kella]

This is a very helpful thread. I struggle with my eating habits and would love nothing better than to go RAW. After just losing my job in pathetic circumstances (out of the blue) I have been struggling emotionaly and I know that stress doesn't help your system and weight gain can happen. i'm looking to get back into some sort of control, so I've gotten back into my pilates and yoga, and now slowly trying to increase my Raw intake.

I will be following this thread to see that I am not alone in all this.

Thanks

[Jenifae]

HI Kella,

Welcome. I haven't been here in awhile and boy I need this right now. I've bee out of control and am wanting regain control myself. However, the more I try to get control the more out-of-control I become. I'm really feeling like I need to stop trying and let go and just eat raw.

[Amberly]

When I go off of raw my bulimic tendencies come back. I feel total freedom when I am raw. When I slip, I spiral. I have NEVER thrown up anything raw, even when I over eat. If I have something like veggie lasagna, I start sweating and looking for a secluded place. That's why I have always come back to raw.

[Jenifae]

I"m grateful I have 14 yrs of not throwing up behind me but, I still can over-eat a bit and feel crazy. Being Raw 100% does help but, it's not a total cure because, Food addictions are mental obsession.

[rockstar135]

I greatly enjoyed Iamacranberry's musings and links on this thread.

[JCB44]

Very interested!!

[RawKnitster]

How could I have missed this thread? Where has it been all my raw RFT life? Anyway, I'm glad someone found it and brought it up front again. It is a constant struggle to stay on the right path. Forgeting what we are battling against and for is the road to apathy and failure.

Thanks for bumping it up Kella. :) And thanks to Jenifae for putting it out there. :)

[nellie]

I'm a binger... I'm trying to lose weight but its difficult. Yesterday I found out that dates shouldn't be bought unless in small quantities. I'm hoping raw will help and it will somewhat as certain things (eg bread) are my downfall.

I'm almost afraid to buy a dehydrator because that may mean I'll make things that I'll overeat on. Also I know I need to control myself around nuts and one thing I'm trying to do is eat nuts in recipes versus eating nuts by themselves.

I do wish the struggle would just disappear but it never does.

[Heatherette]

I was so happy when I read this chain!! I have struggled with disordered eating for over 10 years. I feel as though my obsession wtih food and body image has stolen so much from my life. So, that is the main reason I have embarked upon the raw food lifestyle. I feel like I am finally honoring and nourishing my body, rather than using processed food to abuse my body. I feel completely transformed! Honestly, when I have cravings, I just think of how wonderful I look and feel since converting to this raw way. I am a new person. I was so hung-over on processed food and chemicals. Now, I am finally alive and awake and so grateful for every day. I used to dread a new day, now I am just so hungry for life! This group has helped tremendously as well! Just remember to remain focused and grounded. We can do this!

[SimplyFabulush]

I've dealt with different eating disorders for the past 10 years. Because of raw food I finally feel like I can get over this and move on to a better life. My disorder has done nothing but make me feel horrible, even when I am having a "good day." I am more an ED-NOS with compulsive exercise tendencies. Right now it is still very much a part of my life, especially the exercising. I am working out usually 3-4 hours a day, 6 days a week. I just really hope I can be disciplined enough without being overbearing. I am so sick of wasting every day thinking about how much I have eaten, how much I am not going to eat, when I will get to work out next, etc :( I'm glad I found this thread.

[Jenifae]

It's so good to see all the new peeps here. :) I try to exercise daily in order to keep my mind and body healthy but, I have abused that in the past also. If I stay at 60 minutes and no longer then 90 minutes a day I usually can keep that addiction at bay. However, the body image is still a constant battle with my mind on how much I ate and trying not to eat too much sorta thing. Thank God it's improved and I'm not TORMENTED MENTALLY/EMOTIONALLY to where I have Panic Attacks over it as I once did but, it's still there and maybe it always will to some degree.
I am still working at it and searching for Freedom from this Addiction One Day at a Time.

[Rawzula]

i have been struggling with an ED ever since I moved to Long Island nearly 6 years ago. I'm an overeater...and it has caused me many problems, mainly with friends who are concerned about my gaining of weight. I have nearly 90 lbs to lose..and it won't be easy.

[Rawling]

I binge eat and emotional eat. I do soooo good on raw and get exactly where i want to be and feel like a brand new happy person and everything is perfect and it doesnt last very long then i eat some cooked food and cant stop. sometimes i eat until im physically sick and feel sooo full my stomache hurts so bad. my stomache will get distended and will literally look like im pregnant. I can/will gain 15 lbs in 1-2 weeks. Its terrible. especially after being raw for awhile then doing a fast. I havent sucessfully come off a fast ever. I know its unhealthy and i know our bodies are amazing tools but I just wonder how many times can i be raw fast and then binge and destroy it all in 2 weeks until I permanantly hurt myself? its scary how I can go from one extreme to the other over and over and over again and again. It hurts and is like the number 1 main reason for my depression...and my depression in turn ruins everything else....such as my relationship with family members. I wont get along with them and talk ugly to them cuz i no patience and am just miserable myself. I hate being miserable and making my family around me miserable.

this vicsious cycle continues. sometimes its weeks or months but I always eventually return to the raw path and get back exactly to where I want to be and destroy it all over again. This time Im at the beginning but well on my way towards where i wanna be...i have faith this time (lol i do everytime) and I can do it.

Sometimes I feel like the main reason I have the most trouble staying on track is not living on my own or with a roomate...living with my family im around cookies and snacks and junk food and my mom cooks dinner everynight and it smells so good..shes a good cook. an ill eat it and then eat some more. but I feel if I lived on my own where I wouldnt keep that type of stuff in the house it would not be there for me to eat.

Or if i had a roommate I would not binge eat for not wanting them to see notice or pick up signs that thats what i do. I wish there was raw room mate finder sites. if i was more computer savy id make one.

[Jenifae]

Hi Rawling,

Well, I have told myself may times "if only" I lived alone, or didn't have kids, or I wasn't stressed, or if I had a different boyfriend, etc. But, the real deal is I have an Eating Disorder that normal people don't have so, they don't binge or eat at their feelings like I do. I still am working on it. It doesn't seem to go away and it can be a constant battle. I do have moments or times of reprieve but, everytime I let myself have a binge food I'm on a run. So, I ws talking to a fellow ED and we were talking about how we would do good to avoid our binge foods at all costs. What are your binge foods? Mine are primarily; chocolate and salty foods.

[rawintexas]

Hi all.

I was 'normal' weight until after my son was born (16 years ago) and then when I buckled down to lose the baby weight I went a little crazy and became somewhat anorexic and then exercise bulimic. To explain a little more, in the 6 weeks I was on maternity leave, I not only lost the 60 pounds (yikes!) I had gained while pregnant, but another 20. That's 80 pounds in 6 weeks. Of course, some of it just fell off because I was no longer pregnant but I took up living off diet pepsi and steamed zucchini and took up smoking again. And I started running 5 miles a day 2 weeks after giving birth (my doc at the time okayed it) with my son in the baby jogger. Anyway, over the following 5 years it got worse until I would panic if I didn't get to the gym after work and while I was thin, I was a physical and emotional mess. I ended up in outpatient treatment/meetings.

Anyway, I got over those issues eventually. My relationship with food changed but I was still struggling with food issues. I quit smoking (yea!) and gained some weight but certainly didn't regret doing that. Then I broke an ankle (and it was a bad break) and couldn't run every day anymore. That was a big shocker. To this day, I can walk for miles (even hiked down to the floor of the Grand Canyon and back) but running just makes that ankle ache and ache - even after only a mile.

My food issue until easing in to raw was eating 'anything and everything' in almost a backlash to the anorexic years - feeling like I 'deserve' to have my chips and my pancakes and my other snacks. But when I decided I finally was able to consider 'dieting' to lose some of the weight I've put back on over the years without getting too crazy about it. I'm a different person than I was when I was in my late 20s. Much more grounded. But what I found when I did try to diet was - gasp - I wasn't losing much weight and I felt miserable at the same time. I actually did a 'meal replacement' diet and was so sick. (A few months ago I threw out some of those bars I found at the back of my pantry and they reeked of ammonia - so like poisoning a body).

I want to be healthy and I want to eat and I want to naturally release weight. I researched and researched and dabbled in raw until I recently went to high raw and it's working! I feel like it's the "undiet" - it truly is a lifestyle and it's fulfilling (physically and emotionally) and if you had ever told me I didn't have to be hungry and I could feel great and I could shed pounds, I would have told you that you were crazy.

Another problem that I had was alcohol cravings. I loved my beer and wine. I used to crave it. Being high raw completely eliminated my desire for alcohol. I don't know if anyone else who drank before raw experienced that, but I had been struggling with this for a while and it has magically disappeared. I didn't expect that :-)

[Katie P]

I had an eating disorder in the past then for years had more distorted eating. The whole binging thing then not eating the next day or eating hardly anything really took it's toll on my eating habits. It was like I could tell everyone how to eat I just couldn't do it. Thankfully going through alot of health issues & not being able to control my weight helped out in the end. I have been raw for about a month & am loving the fact that I don't revert to my old habits. I think it definetly helps out that I don't eat cooked food b/c thats pretty much what I would eat if I binged. I have definetly gained a sense of peace eating raw & really eating to live & not living to eat but I do think about my weight & wonder alot about why I'm not losing when there are people who do this for like a week and lose alot. That's when I have to remind myself that this is for my health & with time any weight that needs to be lost will be lost.
I have had alot of positive changes in my attitude & learned alot eating raw, but still want to in a way be really lean & toned almost just to prove to people that eating raw is the right thing to do!

[raw runner]

eating disorders are things created to make you feel bad...
You want to eat like a cow in the middle of the night,do it...
You need to drink 1 gallon of coke in the morning, do it...
Don't expect to be wise while you are raw...
never, the mind is the most powerful tool but sometimes the brain,mind whatever you want to call it will play tricks on you...it will try to go backwards and if you are really raw,but IF you are honest to yourself,then you will be able to refuse to come backwards...
i used to drink 1 gallon of coke everyday,to eat hamburger french fries everyday etc...i was't true to myself...i wasn't honest,being 100 percent raw means being a 100 percent honest with yourself.
It is difficult if you have a social life but hey it's your life and you gotta make choices in your life and to make the right choices you must really really know what you want in life.

[Jenifae]

Dear RawRunner,

If you have never had an Eating Disorder I don't think you can fully understand or grasp the ramifications of it. It is a Mental Disorder that usually becomes before or during the onset of puberty. It can be Life Threatening and is a Very Serious Condition and is at Epidemic levels in Millions now.

[Rawling]

You say ED are developed before or during the onset of puberty. Is there a reason why? Are you are born destined to develop it one day. or is it enivironmental...from abuse or trauma?

I dont want it. I just want to be normal and think normally. Ive been addicted to nicotene, alcohol, drugs, a man... Not food too! It feels like Im addicted to everything. I struggle all the time. I find peace with raw but its always up and down off and on.

Each time I feel I hit rock bottom I eventually get back on track..then each tie after that I "hit bottom" its worse than the last time....to the point where I honestly want to die. I dont think about how to kill myself or anything like that...just how nice it would be to go to sleep and never wake up.

[Jenifae]

You say ED are developed before or during the onset of puberty. Is there a reason why? Are you are born destined to develop it one day. or is it enivironmental...from abuse or trauma?

I dont want it. I just want to be normal and think normally. Ive been addicted to nicotene, alcohol, drugs, a man... Not food too! It feels like Im addicted to everything. I struggle all the time. I find peace with raw but its always up and down off and on.

Each time I feel I hit rock bottom I eventually get back on track..then each tie after that I "hit bottom" its worse than the last time....to the point where I honestly want to die. I dont think about how to kill myself or anything like that...just how nice it would be to go to sleep and never wake up.

Hi Rawling,

I say alot of times it is around the time we are developing physically and emotionally into adulthood with the hormones raging and then you have your socialital issues of comparison and unrealistic examples, trauma, abuse, etc., etc. and all the above play roles into developing an eating disorder. Sometimes it can occur before or after I have noticed also. Everyone is different. But, it starts with a cause and that can be an effect. Along with some have a Genetic predisposition for addiction. Now, it is more common with overeating that it is actually taught by overeating parents because, that's how they eat...so, that's how the family will usually eat. Not always I suppose.

I can so relate to you. I am an Addict and it is all encompassing for me. I can use and abuse anything. My first addiction was body image and then controling my food, then alcohol, then drugs, then men, then bulemia, overeating/binging, etc. I have 21 years clean and sober and 14 yrs abstinence from anorexia/bulemia but, I can stiill overeat/binge at times. Nothing near what it ever was but, I know the feelings that is associated with it so, I know I'm eating at something and hopefully, I'll work on that. But, it still can be a struggle and I too am at another bottom looking up.

I really feel this is a process of recovery and the gentler I can be with myself emotionally the better I will recover.

I hope this helps. If you need support keep writing or even email me. I talk with a few gals and we help each other out.

Love
Jen

[Raisingplenty]

How's everyone doing? I am struggling right now. Do you ever feel like if you could just get a couple of "good" days, everything would be fine? Crystal

[Mordenkainen]

I would like to start a thread for those of us who struggle with Eating Disorders. Anorexia, Bulemia, Binge-eating, Over-eating. Whatever it might be. I think the common bond/thread is that we want to have control. Control over what we eat, control over our weight, control over our feelings.

Eating Raw can help with finding a healthier path and not using Cooked/Processed Foods to cope with. Although what I am finding is that is a process to get to that place of complete freedom. I still struggle with cravings; especially when eating out with others. Sometimes I give into them and sometimes I dont'.

The hardest thing is not beating myself up for not being perfect, not doing right.

So, I would like to start a thread where we can support one another while we progressively walk this path and help each other to process our feelings, slips, and growth (not weight ;) ).

Anyone interested?

Jen

Exactly! Don't beat yourself up - you're human. And I've found that it has been MUCH easier going raw if I allow myself to eat whatever I want. I'll go for a week on nothing but raw and smoothies, then I'll eat something I know I shouldn't and I'll feel like CRAP. I'll get a headache, feel nausea, just generally brings me down - after that it's incredibly rare if I'll ever eat that food again, because I know how I feel when I eat it.

So I say keep whatever diet you are on and just gradually add raw as you see fit. I found that I naturally start going more and more raw the more I practice this behavior because I want to keep feeling wonderful all the time.

[Katie P]

One thing that has helped me get over thinking of food all the time or eating non raw crap food is I look at food now with a whole new light. It is living food! It seems so hard for me to think of putting anything other than raw nutritious food in my body. Everything else is dead which serves no purpose in my body. Whenever I crave sugary foods I at least know that eating raw desserts are much better than eating ben & jerry's b/c they still have many great nutrients to them.
Hang in there everyone!

[nellie]

I'm trying hard to change my mindset and I do have really good days and really good moments but then there are the other times...

I use food as a punishment. I overeat to punish myself and I'm aware of that. What am I punishing myself for? I don't know. Really it doesn't matter if its 'dead' or 'living' if you are punishing yourself.

[czpinky]

i used to count calories obsessively. when i moved w/ my dad to a rural town to help take care of my grandma, i spiraled into a deep depression. i can remember crying myself to sleep more nights than not. it felt like i was so far away from my sisters and cousins (who i once saw very often). also, my mother was still struggling with her addiction to alcohol as she had for years when i was younger. i missed my family, but i was much more depressed because of my self image. i hated myself; everything about me was wrong. i hated my body especially, and started working out often at the fitness center at my school (i think this started late 9th or early 10th grade).

i started losing weight and was actually healthier for a little while, but it wasn't enough for me. i wanted to be as thin as the supermodels i saw in magazines and on tv...i wanted to be a size 00 and be "perfect". i went through tons of weight loss articles and finally came to the whole counting calories thing. i started to lose weight little by little and i was hooked. counting calories and obsessing over weight just makes you feel so in-control, you know?

well, junior year of high school i got down to my lowest weight of about 97 lbs. i have a very small frame, so this wasn't too obvious to very many people. i ran a lot and did some strength-work, but mostly it was the restrictive eating that caused the weight loss. i finally looked in the mirror and truly saw myself, one night, and noticed how prominant my ribs were showing and how my pants didn't fit anymore. i remember shopping for new jeans and not finding hardly any pairs that fit me, i was scared. my dad started taking me to see a therapist for my depression, and things slowly began to shift in me.

i stopped running and strength training, and focused more on my yoga practice. i became a vegetarian and then vegan, and began focusing more on my healing rather than my weight. i recently began my raw journey, and feel like now i AM healing truly. i did lose a little weight recently, and that helped me to realize that i needed to gain a few more pounds. i think that i was starting to slip back into calorie-counting, and this was the universe's way of reminding me. now i am back on my healing path, and i am currently working to get to a healthy, happy weight and body. also, i have had amenorrhea for almost 2 years, and i believe gaining even more weight may correct this (i am currently 113-ish and 5'4"). wish me luck! bless you all on your journeys!
p.s. thank you soooooo much for starting this thread, it rocks!!!

[cosmic glitter kitten]

Im so glad to see there is a discussion about ED's here. I am a recovering bulimic and also raw.
My personal experience: at my heaviest I was at 205 lbs, and so unhappy in my body. I dieted, fasted, you name it, just to lose the weight. I was so miserable being heavy.
When I discovered raw food I thought I had found a solution, finally. I thought, this will be great! I can eat all I want as long as its raw and still be thin!! This worked for a while, but eventually by body weight would platau and I was still emotionally very sick so I would try to manipulate my diet to keep losing. (I cut out grains, dried fruits, high glycemic fruits, nuts, fatty fruits etc, etc.) I would rationalize it by saying I was doing a cleanse, or a fast etc. I realize now that my eating disorder was just running rampant. My lowest weight was 109, (Im 5'8") and my period stopped for over a year.
My mom was so worried about me she would make me raw energy bars whenever I would visit her! (which was very sweet, but I would usually just eat them all in one day and then purge them either by vomiting, or exercise)

That was the lowest point for me. Realizing what this disease was doing to my relationships. It was slowly isolating me from life, (along with a whole bunch of other stuff that sucked like always being cold, having to buy little girl bras, having friends ask if your ok, etc)
Anyway, hopefully some of you can relate, this is just my personal story, but I was too weak to recover on my own. I had to get help from others who had struggled with the same issue. I found that in OA. (Google it)
As for eating raw, I still think it is the best way for me to eat. Given my history with food its important that I know what Im eating is clean, pure and full of nutrients. (Pesticides, antibiotics, hormones, and all that stuff just freaks me out too much to even mess with it).
but TODAY I know how dangerous it is for me to focus on perfection. I know there is no such thing as THE perfect diet, and even though its raw, organic, local etc. that doesnt mean its ok for me to binge on raw desserts, or stuff my feelings with food whenever life seems overwhelming. It doesnt matter to me if Im binging on refined sugar/junk food or dried fruits/raw cookies etc. compulsive eating is compulsive eating, and restricting and fasting are one and the same for me.
If you have an eating disorder I think getting help and talking about it are crucial. THANK YOU ALL! for bringing up this important issue. It's helping me SOOO much to be able to share my experience, honestly, and hopefully some of you can relate to my story. I hope this thread continues, we dont have to do it alone!!

[Jenifae]

Thank you for sharing, cosmic glitter kitten! I appreciate you and czpinky sharing your stories. I can so relate to both of you.

I am finding that I can gain on raw as well as sad depending on what and how I'm eating. I am not really trying to be perfect anymore but, am trying to find what works and the more rules I put on myself the more I break them. I want to eat normally and let go of obsessing on what and how much I ate.

[Raisingplenty]

Thank you for sharing your stories! I am so glad that you all are here! My story started when I became obese as a child(200 lbs at 5'4") and I went on a diet in 6th grade. It then turned to anorexia/bulimia in the 9th. I got married right out of highschool at 18. It was at it's worse at this point. I went into Mercy Ministries and then got out because I hated it. After my third child I was hospitalized for suicidal ideations(they think this happened because I withdraweled from prozac). Got out, was much better at this point. Had 3 more children. My ed has continued with all of them but it HAS gotten better. I use to struggle with making it from hour to hour, no credit cards, husband sleeping in the living room near the kitchen (so I wouldn't do it in the morning, etc..) Now I struggle with the couple of hours in the afternoon. It's not everyday either. I thank God for his help! I will have months where I don't B/P and I am so thankful for them! I truly thought I was going to die. Eating raw/living foods gives me the peace and rest that I am doing good for my body and not harm. A complete change! Thank you for letting me share my story to you all! God bless and have a great day!

[Zaphirah]

hi. I'm back. My fast is over. Made it 21 days. It was supposed to be 90 but a few days ago I realized that due to the other stuff swirling in my life, I just don't have the the time to focus on ME as much as I need to right now, to be successful in such a long feast. I'm going to promise myself that I won't fast for at least 6 months-as I have come to rely on it too much to control the effects of my binge eating.
My plan now is to get STRONG and HEALTHY by exercising and being 100% raw. Even tho I still weigh 15 lbs more than I did last fall I FEEL good about where I am. I feel good about my decision to stop the fast and BE REAL with myself and not expect more out of me than I would other people.
Does that make sense? :confused:

[Jenifae]

HI RaisingPlenty,

That's so Great you have 2 Months Abstience! Congradulations!!!!!!!!!!! I havent' B/P in 14 years but, still can overeat sometimes. Once, you get beyond the mental anguish of wheter you are going to purge or not it will just keep getting better. It took my awhile before that was gone. I rarely think about throwing up now even if I eat too much. Keep taking it "One Day - One Minute at a TIme"

Peace and Hugs to you.
Jen

[Jenifae]

Hey Zaphirah

That makes sense to me. SOmetimes for me I think going on GS or Juice Fast can be avoidance of food or even fear of it. So, I really am focusing on 100% raw and trying not eat at nite. Last nite I overate but, today is a new day. :)

[nellie]

Yesterday was a bad day. Today is a new day. I had a cantaloupe smoothie for breakfast and then prepared 2 green smoothies to take to me to work. Also grabbed a couple pieces of fruit and tomatoes. I've decided that I'm going to be doing a lot of GS this week.

[Raisingplenty]

I appreciate this thread soo much! We have cake sitting on the counter from when the kids visited my Mom and I haven't touched it-YAY! Thanks for the support!
Crystal

[Raisingplenty]

Nellie, today is a beautiful NEW day where you can nourish your body. Here for you!

[Stephen28]

Hmm. I have not seen this thread before, I'm not used to seeing so many people be honest about their eating disorders. It's commendable and really brave. I've had an eating disorder since I was four years old. I had no idea what it was though. I was told in therapy many years later that it was a disorder. I used to over-eat until I felt like I was going to be sick, over and over because of a bad home life. When I was fifteen and had a clinically obese BMI I went the complete opposite direction after some really awful partners. By 18 I was very thin and forced myself to go to hospital where I went three days a week whilst managing to hold down a job and go to University (No idea how I did that!) I got thinner still, however, until I was on the brink of being hospitalized for being clinically emaciated. When I had a bone scan and realised how much damage I had done to my body I made a turn around. I am now a healthy weight and about to be discharged from hospital in May after almost two years. I am also about to graduate from University, and still have the wonderful job I have.

I'm trying to incorporate raw into my life to try and heal, still worried I may lose weight (I don't own scales, I hate them so I go by my clothes fitting) I no longer exercise for 6 hours a day and it's a relief more than anything. But I'm here if anyone wants support.

[Zaphirah]

congrats Stephen on all your hard work! You are an inspiration to all!

[Zaphirah]

I'm big on books to help me wrap my head around what I do. When I see stuff explained in print, I can so relate and assimilate it easily.

So what are the most profound books that have helped you understand your ED? what books, or other therapies have helped all of you the most?

[Stephen28]

I'm big on books to help me wrap my head around what I do. When I see stuff explained in print, I can so relate and assimilate it easily.

So what are the most profound books that have helped you understand your ED? what books, or other therapies have helped all of you the most?

I have been to group therapy sessions on how to recognise and manage emotions. I believe they have helped me a great deal. I have never once read a book. I like talking about things to my therapist, as getting things out in the open helps you to make connections and understand things. Also, I have friends who are near-death and have months to live. Those things really hit home and make you challenge yourself to get better.

[Jenifae]

I have been to group therapy sessions on how to recognise and manage emotions. I believe they have helped me a great deal. I have never once read a book. I like talking about things to my therapist, as getting things out in the open helps you to make connections and understand things. Also, I have friends who are near-death and have months to live. Those things really hit home and make you challenge yourself to get better.

How inspiring Stephen28. I too am more of a talker. It helps me process better and find out what's going on.
COngrats!

[Raisingplenty]

As for books, I have found that sometimes they do more harm than good. I am not like many of the examples they give so I found myself trying to find them in me when what I needed to do was listen to what my body was telling me. Everyone is different and has different reasons that they struggle with this. For the longest time I was convinced that I must have been molested because most everyone else was(according to the books) and that I just didn't remember. Too much introspection leads me into obsession. The best thing for me was to get away from the books, stop thinking about it and live. If it happened, get up, move on to the next thing. I don't give it much attention because that is what makes me start going in that spiral downward. Sometimes I will start feeling bad even though I act like this. Usually I start doing better soon though. It doesn't last as long if I don't focus on it too much. So instead of thinking about it all day, I choose to go play the piano, watch a movie, get on the computer, etc... Something creative or worth while always pulls me out of self loathing. Wow, sorry I wrote so much! Thank you if you have read this far..
Crystal

[Jenifae]

Lately, I've been really struggling. It seems every winter I am like my Cat. I gain in the winter and lose in the summer the probably 3-5 years. And I've always fluctuated since, getting clean off alcohol & drugs. Body Image was my 1st addiction and not eating food my 2nd to my 3rd of periodically overeating. So, I'm really tired of it. I eve wonder if being raw and on this site and always talking about food, recording weight, etc. is triggering me. I guess I need to get out and live like Raisingplenty talked about. I know when I am active in my life that it is easier. So, many days I'm on the computer sooooooo much. Maybe, I neeed to pull back a little. I've been more busy so, that is good. BUt, I dont really know. I'm just rambling because, I'm feeling frustrated with myself and my lack of control. Truth is is the more I try to control the more out of control I become. I don't want to obsess about my weight and what I'm eating anymore. I'm tired.

[Raisingplenty]

Jen, there are MANY things that can be triggering for us. I have thought that raw foods just might be an extension of an eating disorder BUT the truth is that for me, it's either count calories with cooked food or be free with raw. Those are my choices(naturally I know that I don't HAVE to count calories but I know myself and I will revert back to it). So, this seems to be the healthiest way for me. I know I am getting fats-something I stay clear of on cooked. On another note, busy is good but sometimes if I become too busy, I get too overwhelmed and drop EVERYTHING. I have to be really careful about that. Just remember that there are people out there(hello everyone) who do raw and DON'T obsess about what they weigh. So it's not always the diet that makes us obsess, it's us. I had to learn that changing my diet was not the essential thing that needed to change in order for me to get better. It's me that needs to change, no matter what food I choose to eat(after all, how many people eat cooked and don't have bulimia/Anorexia). That doesn't mean that changing our diets won't help the cravings/behavior. It just means that changing our thinking is what needs to happen as well. Try taking a nap today and let us know how you are!
Crystal

[Jenifae]

Hi Raisingplenty,

I am not giving up RAW. I have been on a journey of health all of my life but, especially in adulthood and Raw is diffently the next phase for me. I eat primarily organic and raw and am happy with the diet. I guess I didn't speak clearer about myself earlier. I was and still am a bit ... frustrated with the fluctuating scale. I meant that maybe, I am on the computer too much and reading about food more then I should right now. I love this site and it and everyone on it has helped me so much in this past year. I couldn't have done it without this site and a few very special gals. ;) You know who are! :) I just want a place to be real about my issues/frustrations and even my successes/growth (not weight-hahaha).
I understand my Eating Disorder very well. I have been in recovery for over 21years and have been anorexic/bulemic free for 14 of those 21. I still obsess and Yes.........I obsess and Yes it is I/ME not this site or anything or anyone. I am not about to give up RAW because, the scale went up.
That said I apologize if I sound defensive ..... I just really needed to vent my frustration earlier. I have done this cycleI don't know how many times and I'm just wanting to get that place of constant consistancy with my weight and behaviors. That's all..........
I talked with my sponsor earlier today and she reminded me I have alot going on. And yes i/we do. We are having to let go of our Big ranch truck, his work van, and make serious changes in our financial life and hope we don't lose the property or the horses which are considered livestock and they can make you sell them. Geeeeeez! They are my pets and really more of my family to me. So, yea.......I've had alot of worry on me, lately and who knows maybe that is part of it.

Right now I feel like "WHATEVER!" Haha!

Thanks for your feed back.

Jen

[Zaphirah]

(((((my friend)))))

I totally hear you and understand what you are saying. I realized recently that I have always been WAY to focused on the food and not enough on the other parts of a LIVING lifestyle such as incorporating exercise, meditation, journaling, stretching, pure water, sunshine, etc. into my life. In my opinion the FOOD is just 10% or so of the RAW LIVING LIFESTYLE. I tend to get hung up just on the FOOD and still go about living a SAD lifestyle in all other respects.

I brought up the subjects of books the other day-and altho no one agreed with me ;) I'd like to recommend The SunFood Diet Success by David Wolfe. Have you read it? It has really helped me face my fears and doubts in myself and it helps you reorganize your thinking patterns and beliefs about your self. You and I come from similar backgrounds and it really helped me to drown out that ugly negative voice that always told me I couldn't do things in life and that if I was happy I must be doing something wrong-because happiness=selfishness.

It's not a book about ED or anything like that. Its a book about embracing LIFE. Our EDs do not allow us to EMBRACE life. They keep us locked inside our bathrooms, or even just our HEADS and we watch the world go by while we are prisoner to calorie counting, or trying to SHUT UP the voice that the bag of chips seems to have when it literally is calling out for us.

You are under stress-but you have made so much progress. I won't tell you what to do-I don't want to give bad advice-but I did have a similar exp. the other day after meeting with the school and getting NO WHERE in re: to my son. I felt so dang peeved. My first thought was to get a Vanilla Chair Latte and White chocolate scone. Then I KEPT DRIVING past the country store. I made it home then I really sat and THOUGHT about it for a minute. I had an epiphany that I have actually had in the past-but this time it went right to my heart. It's not about the food. It's never about the food. It's about my inability to cope. So now I am working on GOING THRU the fire without food. I tell myself-that I *can* have the food, but I choose another path to cope TODAY. and I don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough worry of its own.

:)

[Jenifae]

Hey Zaphirah,

Thank you so much for your understanding. Yes, I have that book. That was the first Raw Book I bought and was my Bible. I LOVE that book. You've given me a great idea. I think I'll pick it back up and start the exercises again. I love those in the beginning. It's very spiritual and healing. And like you said; the food is just a symptom. So, I am desiring to get back to and stay at that place where food is only "FUEL" for my body. And life is to be savored and enjoyed. :)
That's so kewl you were able to stop the flow of the addict head and move past the desire to hurt self with food to cope with a situation. I have done that over and over and I guess I've been on a run and I feel like; Forest Gump "Well, I guess I'll stop running now" LOL!
Thank you so much again. Much LOVE to ya.
Muah!
Jen

[recycledsoul]

'eating disorders' 'disorders' have many manifestations. as long as you give it a label you are giving it power. every problem comes from doing what you know isnt right(being unconscious). all the mistakes youve made, deep down your feeling, your intution is telling you to make the right choice. always greed, obsession, fanaticism, leads one astray.
i am not saying im perfect. i will overeat on nuts or dates sometimes. so i am deciding not to eat dates for a while, because they are strongly powerful foods. i mean poweful as when i eat them it is hard to listen to the harmony and i get caught in the taste sensation, the sense-sation. if we sacrafice our happiness, our awareness, our balance, our bliss, for a temporary 5 minute (taste) sensation we throw into our path alot of 'karma', trouble, inbalance, emotional unhapiness, sleepiness, etc... this is not just with food. this is the whole life, no? if you are eating unhealthily, you will also see other manifestations in other areas of your life/stlye. always awareness delivers us from these sorts of mistakes. getting to the root cause. Listening more. as the mind wanders, bring the awareness back to the breath..
give yourself a chance, dont condemn yourself, for as you condemn, the pendelum is swinging from indulgence to condemnation, condemnation to indulgence, expression to repressoin, repression to expression, and when the pendelum stops, our problems stop, and the Truth is Here in awareness. hapiness , balance and Freedom then are yours.
it takes time to perfect your balance. i tell You that Meditation is the fastest way to growth. going beyond the mind.not by expression or repressoin, but by observing. there are many meditations: classical, drumming, Yoga, chanting, music, soooo many. most people use tv as a sort of meditation, where they forget themselves and all their 'problems'. it is ok, to get a little break, a little distance, but when you stop the TV the mind begins again and you are a little older, a little more conditioned, whatever you have watched is adding to the clutter in your mind, which meditation would have been clearning. Clarity. Awareness. Right meditation is important.
Association is also important. the people you associate with.
just the same way if you hang around people whos lifestyle leads them to get colds, flus, dis-eases, they make you more suseptible to them(if you beleive in 'sickness'), if you associate with people whos minds are also sick, unclear, disturbed, bad habits, they can influence you aswell. so if you can try to associate with people who are balanced, happy, peaceful, Aware. this doesnt mean only raw foodists, people of your religion, etc.. all balance, aware people.
You may find it very helpful to go to a yoga studio, and meditation classes. there are many free classes and workshops, and some to pay for aswell.
People can influence us but We generate our own re actions.
We cant always change our circumstances but we can change our attitudes.
Try to eat in a peaceful place, and relax a few moments before eating. feel your body, feel the breath as it comes in at its own pace and goes out. as you eat feel the food on the teeth the gums, the throat, stomach..
Another method to remain aware, and thus not overeat, is to count to 20, 50, or 100 as you chew, before swallowing. this is wonderful.
Choose a healthy lifestyle. always the wants are endless, but the needs are really what are important. focus on your needs. most people living a busy life are unconscoiusly greedy, or may have just chosen this way of life because everyone around you is moving at such a fast pace. You dont have to. peace is essential to life. be in peace, be aware. you dont need to do everything. the world goes on wihtout you :)
the continuity of awareness is the secret to success.
may all beings be Happy!

[Stephen28]

Jenifae, I'm not sure if this will help you but it helped me. Two years ago I gave up my scales. I do not own any, I have no idea how much I weigh. Only when I go to the hospital. I find it takes the pressure off dramatically. I eat when I'm hungry, and eat extra if I feel like I've lost weight. In my opinion, scales are the devil incarnate, and whenever I go to my parents I ask them to hide them before I arrive.

[Jenifae]

Jenifae, I'm not sure if this will help you but it helped me. Two years ago I gave up my scales. I do not own any, I have no idea how much I weigh. Only when I go to the hospital. I find it takes the pressure off dramatically. I eat when I'm hungry, and eat extra if I feel like I've lost weight. In my opinion, scales are the devil incarnate, and whenever I go to my parents I ask them to hide them before I arrive.

Hey Stephen,

Well, that's a great suggestion and I even thought about that and have thrown them out in the past. I'll pray on that one. It's a such a habit for me. Hummmmmmmmmmm!
I'll let you know what I figure out. ;) Or I'll just chuck it............aaaaaaaaaargh! lol!

[cosmic glitter kitten]

I think weighing once a week or twice a month is pretty healthy. But for me, I had to accept the fact that I probably wasn't going to be satisfied no matter what the number said. Getting rid of the scale may help, but it may make you crazier.
You might think about putting it in the closet, or under your bed, and make a commitment to only use it at agreed upon times. talking about it with someone can help too.
I made an agreement with myself that I dont weigh myself unless I'm relaxed and feeling good emotionally. If Im depressed or stressed out I just don't get on the scale. It can wait til tomorrow, or at least until I feel more emotionally stable. If Im having a hard day, the last thing I want to do is reduce my self worth down to the number on a bathroom scale. -just my thought on the issue. Hope you find what works for you.

[Jenifae]

Great Suggestions Cosmic Glitter Kitty!

Yea, I'm not as emotionally attached to the scale as I once was but, it is diffently a habit that is only unhealthy when it doesn't say what I want. Hahaha! ;)

Anyway, I flucuate so much that it is probably better once a week. We'll see........today it was more kind. ;) hehehe!

Whatever! Right? :)

[SimplyFabulush]

Cosmic I am the same way. I've always been the type of person who will never look what I really weigh. I have always looked at least 20-30 lbs less than what the scale says. It's been my biggest downfall and has caused me some severe depression and SIV in the past. So I haven't weighed myself in the past 10 years almost. I just cant do it. Or I know it will become an obsession. It works for me. I just don't worry about it. I worry about how my clothes fit or just how my body looks to me in general than that number. A lot safer and healthier for me :)

[Jenifae]

What is SIV?

[SimplyFabulush]

Self Inflicted Violence (cutting, burning, etc)

[Jenifae]

Thanks.........