Toxic Relationships

[The Forager]

If you had relationships (familial, platonic, not just romantic) that were toxic for you and caused you distress when you spoke to said people, would you cut ties/severely diminish time spent with these people? And, what if those people were very close to you, such as a parent? Would you still cut ties?

[RawHeaven]

Absolutely, I've let go of toxic friends and family in my life. I believe once you begin taking care of your body, you naturally begin to clear out other (toxic) areas of your life. The same is true for employment, places of residence and dysfunctional situations. It's not always an easy process and can sometimes take years, but if a relationship is causing you emotional distress that is not coming from within or your physical well being is in danger or health is at risk, it's time to go! My opinion only.

[RawSinger]

Yes I would. I have done it in the past with friends. I haven't had to cut ties with anyone in my family yet, but I do have family members that I can only take in small doses.

[Revvell]

Very close to me and toxic? Noooo. I moved 3000 miles from my mother. Good choice. I've pretty much eliminated the toxic folk. Might meet 'em at a networking meeting on occasion, just don't sit at the same table.

[Conscious Midwife]

I avoid toxic folks like the plague including those that claim to have blood relations.

[Raene]

Very close to me and toxic? Noooo. I moved 3000 miles from my mother. Good choice. I've pretty much eliminated the toxic folk. Might meet 'em at a networking meeting on occasion, just don't sit at the same table.

I did this too but she followed me :(
Toxic people are awful. My advice is to get away from them too. My partner and I decided not to invite our parents to our wedding b/c they are really negative and judgemental people. Unfortunately people convinced us that we'd regret it further down the line and we decided to invite them. Now we really regret it. They've not been supportive at all yet they still plan to come and bring that negative energy with them. We are to the point where we may un-invite them. Better that we hadn't told them in the first place.

[Revvell]

I did this too but she followed me :(

*shudders*


Toxic people are awful. My advice is to get away from them too. My partner and I decided not to invite our parents to our wedding b/c they are really negative and judgemental people. Unfortunately people convinced us that we'd regret it further down the line and we decided to invite them. Now we really regret it. They've not been supportive at all yet they still plan to come and bring that negative energy with them. We are to the point where we may un-invite them. Better that we hadn't told them in the first place.

"Toxic" to me is stronger than the word "parent". I am soooo blessed my mother didn't follow me. When I went to visit (how we forget, eh?), I couldn't get away fast enough.

Know that people come from their own perceptions. They talk about "regret", blah, blah, blah. I have NEVER regretted my decision to move away ~ and stay away. When I tell people I'd not seen my mother in over 25 years, they get this saaaaad expression like "oooooh, I'm so sorry". I wasn't. Life went on better than ever w/out someone dragging me down.

Do what YOU want to do and enjoy YOUR life.

Revvell

[Conscious Midwife]

ELOPE

and come home and celebrate with your "friends", which are the family you get to choose!!!

[lafsalot]

ELOPE

and come home and celebrate with your "friends", which are the family you get to choose!!!

That's what I did ~ Cathy

[Coconutcutie]

Ugh, I moved across the country and my mother followed me eventually as well...now she has moved in with us even! It has helped us financially to have her living with us and paying rent, but it is truly driving my husband and I crazy...

The worst thing is that she is completely unsupportive of our healthy lifestyle and insists that our two little boys need meat and pasteurized milk to grow!! She works in the meat department of a grocery store and constantly brings meat home and cooks it in my kitchen and the smell alone makes me want to throw up! Of course, I am constantly teaching the kids about the importance of raw foods and I make sure they eat plenty of healthy stuff, but I know that she is sneaking them things that I wouldn't approve of when she takes them for walks to the store, park, etc. She also has a fridge in our garage where she keeps her own food. She recently went on a trip back to our hometown in Connecticut and I think she was worried that we would "starve" our kids. I think she told the kids to eat food out of her fridge while she was gone because I caught my four year-old in there, and there were muffin wrappers, an opened package of ham, chocolate soy milk, and an open bag of potato buns. It looked like she had stocked it for the kids before she left!

She does help with taking the kids off of my hands when I am too tired to take care of them (I have some health issues), but she really tends to take it to the extreme....sometimes I feel like she is trying to replace me as their mother....

Anyway, just wanted to say that I can see the importance of identifying and eliminating toxic relationships. My mother is toxic to me, but I don't have much choice but to keep my distance mentally and spiritually, since physically is virtually impossible right now...

Any advice on how to tactfully and not so tactfully deal with the situation? I have already made it clear that the kids are not to eat junk and I have also addressed all of the other issues that I have with her but nothing seems to change....?

P.S. We eloped as well and it was AWESOME! No regrets about that whatsoever!!

[Revvell]

Any advice on how to tactfully and not so tactfully deal with the situation? I have already made it clear that the kids are not to eat junk and I have also addressed all of the other issues that I have with her but nothing seems to change....?


Sounds as though there's more between you than you think and THOSE issues need to be addressed. Your mother is using food as a wedge between you and your children. Why is that do you think?

What I would suggest you do is get a hold of Byron Katie's book "Loving What Is" and/or listen to my interviews with her as well as my latest one with Tomas and Nouk here: http://CelebratingYourPotential.com.

When something like this is going on, we always need to change our part of the story. Once we do that, the other person has to change his/her part. It's fun and interesting to see the results.

Revvell

[Zaphirah]

we tried to live with a "toxic" family member for 7 years. It nearly cost us our marriage. We moved to end the drama, but it only lessened it. We are in the processes of re-evaluating/re-stating our boundaries and planning a Dear John letter to this person in the next week or so. This is a very close blood relative, but this person has many mental health issues. This is why we have hung on so long-we feel terrible about how miserable they are, but we can't continue to sacrifice our peace and sanity.

[April22]

I guess it would depend on how that toxicity manifests and how close they are. Sometimes, there are other options than closing down a relationship completely. Then again, sometimes running from chaos is the only way out. Best of luck to you!

[Coconutcutie]

Sounds as though there's more between you than you think and THOSE issues need to be addressed. Your mother is using food as a wedge between you and your children. Why is that do you think?

What I would suggest you do is get a hold of Byron Katie's book "Loving What Is" and/or listen to my interviews with her as well as my latest one with Tomas and Nouk here: http://CelebratingYourPotential.com.

When something like this is going on, we always need to change our part of the story. Once we do that, the other person has to change his/her part. It's fun and interesting to see the results.

Revvell

Oh, I KNOW that there is a lot more going on between us than just the food thing....the food thing is just the most current and obvious issue on my mind.

It is easy to see that she is using food to drive a wedge between my children and I, it's just sad to think that she would want to do such a thing. I somehow feel like she really enjoys interfering with with the relationship that I have (or am trying to have!) with my kids. She even lets my youngest sleep with her despite the fact that she knows my husband and I do NOT want the kids sleeping with her and have even gone in and taken them out of her bed in the middle of the night and put them in their own beds.

I will check out the link that you have provided...she just returned from her Connecticut trip last night and I suspect the tension will begin to rise again over the next few days as things get back to "normal"...

[Zaphirah]

Coconutcutie-I had NO idea we were sisters!!!! :rolleyes:

[Coconutcutie]

Coconutcutie-I had NO idea we were sisters!!!! :rolleyes:

Haha and all this time I thought that I was an only child:p

[oceanee]

Toxic environments of any kind are unhealthy whether work,family or friends. Some are harder to release verbally and emotionally yet others may bring a sigh of relief. I have no contact with one of parents and have not since my early teens. Choosing that path for me was only painful regarding what I never had but the years of freedom have been priceless. When you cannot help someone for whatever reason and their toxic personality grates at your inner harmony core it is also effecting those dear around you who are healthy as well. I always feel a huge sigh of relief and lightness when I remove myself from toxic people or a toxic environment.
And just think ~ one less person in a toxic mess is changing the impact to a more positive world and therefore less negativity.
It is never easy but the sweetness in the end is all worth it.
Just watch the White House next year ~ no matter what we'll all feel less toxic:rolleyes: . ( I am an optimist ).
Oceanee

[Revvell]

Haha and all this time I thought that I was an only child:p

Well, hey, I'm originally from Ct. This is not good! LOL :cool:

[RawSinger]

When I tell people I'd not seen my mother in over 25 years, they get this saaaaad expression like "oooooh, I'm so sorry". I wasn't. Life went on better than ever w/out someone dragging me down.

I might get a sad expression on my face Revvell. I would be sorry that you don't have a mother that you get along with. Not that you don't see the mother that you have. I'm sure you have valid reasons for that.

[Coconutcutie]

Well, hey, I'm originally from Ct. This is not good! LOL :cool:

Well, now this is getting scary:eek: ;) I'm originally from Westport...how about you?

[lioness]

Coconutcutie this is just me but I would tell my mother if she couldn't respect my rules and not feed my kids junk food, then she needs to leave my house. She is clearly not respecting you and even though she's your mother she doesn't have the right to do whatever with your children if you say it's not ok. She needs to respect you in your house. I would probably be more forceful because I consider that making my child sick so she would probably want to leave anyway. As long as you're not abusing your children then she should be happy and not try to usurp your authority in the house. That's just my 2 cents. Or 25 :)

[Lady Green Jeans]

I saw your post but did not respond right away as, honestly, I have held onto a couple "toxic" relationships waaaayyyy too long. Don't know your age, but seems life goes so very fast--my favorite analogy is "you blink and yourre thirty; you blink and you're forty; etc.). Now in my early fifties and glad to be still blinking. If there was a way for you to continue a toxic relationship (for whatever reason you felt you had to--guilt, obligation, family ties, marital ties, etc.--maybe think of the true cost to your mental and physical health). Only you can decide if the relationship is worth the mental health or mental punishment--personally, life is short--opt for cutting out the bad where and whenever you can. Enjoy the journey.

[Revvell]

Well, now this is getting scary:eek: ;) I'm originally from Westport...how about you?

Born in Hartford, raised in Bristol. Became a Californian when I moved out at age 21. Best move I ever made. Had $150 in my pocket and started anew. You?

[Coconutcutie]

Born in Hartford, raised in Bristol. Became a Californian when I moved out at age 21. Best move I ever made. Had $150 in my pocket and started anew. You?

I was born and raised in Westport, came out to Tucson in 1998 to attend the U of A, met my husband and married him 5 months later...three months after that we were transferred (he's in the Air Force) to Alaska where we lived for four years before getting stationed back here in Tucson. We have now been back here for 5 years. My mom didn't move out here until I was 8 months pregnant with my second child in 2004....What a mistake...life was more peaceful when she was far, far away....:o

[Revvell]

I was born and raised in Westport, came out to Tucson in 1998 to attend the U of A, met my husband and married him 5 months later...three months after that we were transferred (he's in the Air Force) to Alaska where we lived for four years before getting stationed back here in Tucson. We have now been back here for 5 years. My mom didn't move out here until I was 8 months pregnant with my second child in 2004....What a mistake...life was more peaceful when she was far, far away....:o

Time for her to move!!!! Or, you to. I know she's a help with the kids yet, there are other options, yanno? If you want some ideas, I'm sure others here will help and I've got a few ideas myself. Thing is, freedom comes with a price. You willing to check out what it is (not what your MIND says it is but the truth) and pay it? :) Remember, everyone here is on your side and for me, freedom is worth any price (well, far as I know at this point).

[Coconutcutie]

Coconutcutie this is just me but I would tell my mother if she couldn't respect my rules and not feed my kids junk food, then she needs to leave my house. She is clearly not respecting you and even though she's your mother she doesn't have the right to do whatever with your children if you say it's not ok. She needs to respect you in your house. I would probably be more forceful because I consider that making my child sick so she would probably want to leave anyway. As long as you're not abusing your children then she should be happy and not try to usurp your authority in the house. That's just my 2 cents. Or 25 :)

I totally agree with what you are saying...we have approached her several times about moving out of our house and she claims that she has to "recoup her money" before she can move out. She says that she has suffered a huge loss of money because she *chooses* to take our boys to get haircuts, buys them toys, buys them food/junk, etc. so she needs to continue living with us at a reduced rental rate until she is able to save enough money to move back out on our own...I have told her that we would rather her not spend her money on all of these things but she turns it into a huge self-righteous argument that nobody can win. Everyday my husband threatens to just empty her bedroom and put her stuff on the sidewalk so that she has to leave, but as much as I can't stand her I also don't fell it's fair to do that to her right now. There is also the issue that the rent that she pays us is pretty much the difference between us losing our house to foreclosure or keeping the house. If I were able to work, this wouldn't be an issue. Also, she uses the guilt card, saying "I have done so much for you two, you should be grateful". Granted, she has done a lot, but much of it was unnecessary or unwanted.

I do believe that she feels that the way that we have chosen to raise our children constitutes abuse...from the way we feed our kids, to not vaccinating, to not sending them to daycare and/or preschool...so in her own self-righteous way she feels that her presence is somehow keeping them from our "neglectful" ways. NO matter how I try to discuss my point of view with her, she just can't see it.

When it comes down to it, I want to find a solution that won't completely tick-off (politely said) all parties involved. I can see our side and her side, and I think the best thing to do is continue to *try* to maintain the kid's healthy diet/lifestyle despite her best efforts, and wait until she is prepared to leave and/or something happens that angers us enough to put her possessions on the curb....

[Zaphirah]

Listen to Revvell. She is wise faaaar beyond her 27 years. :p

Seriously, I liked how Revvell put it: "Thing is, freedom comes with a price. You willing to check out what it is (not what your MIND says it is but the truth) and pay it?"

This is EXACTLY what I am at the tail end of. I have 1 or 2 more "things" to do re: my afore mentioned relationship. in fact I am in the process of ridding myself of nearly 400 lbs (my mom AND my sis). By that I mean, having minimal contact since I get NOTHING out of these relationships except judgment, guilt, name calling, belittling, and drama.

Life IS too short and as long as you tell her FIRMLY, from the heart and with tact, I HIGHLY doubt you will EVER regret it. I don't know if she's dramatic, but something that has helped me is to day "It's HER, not me. It's HER not me." in my head as my mom was completely verbally puking on me. What I mean is her FEELINGS are not FACTS. It's HER problem with respecting boudaries, not my fault for having them. :)

[The Forager]

Thanks for all the responses!

I already live about 3000 miles away from her, which is good - but every time we talk (msn) (not too often, thank God), I just feel like everything she says is such a brag, like she needs to be better than me (???). It sucks the life out of me to talk to her. She's so competitive with her own daughter. Even when she lost a ton of weight, it was ALL she talked about. and now that I'm losing, she keeps complaining she stopped losing, etc. She's just superficial and materialistic & we have nothing in common. Sigh.

/rant over.

[Revvell]

Why talk at all? What would happen if you refuse to answer the phone? If you send her a letter and tell her exactly what you are saying to US? What is the WORST that can happen? She hurts her feelings?

God has nothing to do with this. YOU'VE got free will! USE it ~ or don't. Up to you.

*rant over* :D




Thanks for all the responses!

I already live about 3000 miles away from her, which is good - but every time we talk (msn) (not too often, thank God), I just feel like everything she says is such a brag, like she needs to be better than me (???). It sucks the life out of me to talk to her. She's so competitive with her own daughter. Even when she lost a ton of weight, it was ALL she talked about. and now that I'm losing, she keeps complaining she stopped losing, etc. She's just superficial and materialistic & we have nothing in common. Sigh.

/rant over.

[Revvell]

O.k., you're agreeing with what people are saying and you're still making excuses.

For me, I'd get her out and find someone to rent the room; someone who supports you in YOUR life the way YOU live it.

Want me to come over and "chat" with her? :D ... or you? LOL



I totally agree with what you are saying...we have approached her several times about moving out of our house and she claims that she has to "recoup her money" before she can move out. She says that she has suffered a huge loss of money because she *chooses* to take our boys to get haircuts, buys them toys, buys them food/junk, etc. so she needs to continue living with us at a reduced rental rate until she is able to save enough money to move back out on our own...I have told her that we would rather her not spend her money on all of these things but she turns it into a huge self-righteous argument that nobody can win. Everyday my husband threatens to just empty her bedroom and put her stuff on the sidewalk so that she has to leave, but as much as I can't stand her I also don't fell it's fair to do that to her right now. There is also the issue that the rent that she pays us is pretty much the difference between us losing our house to foreclosure or keeping the house. If I were able to work, this wouldn't be an issue. Also, she uses the guilt card, saying "I have done so much for you two, you should be grateful". Granted, she has done a lot, but much of it was unnecessary or unwanted.

I do believe that she feels that the way that we have chosen to raise our children constitutes abuse...from the way we feed our kids, to not vaccinating, to not sending them to daycare and/or preschool...so in her own self-righteous way she feels that her presence is somehow keeping them from our "neglectful" ways. NO matter how I try to discuss my point of view with her, she just can't see it.

When it comes down to it, I want to find a solution that won't completely tick-off (politely said) all parties involved. I can see our side and her side, and I think the best thing to do is continue to *try* to maintain the kid's healthy diet/lifestyle despite her best efforts, and wait until she is prepared to leave and/or something happens that angers us enough to put her possessions on the curb....

[RawHeaven]

-----------------

[Revvell]

Kick your mom to the curb!

So, tell us what you REALLY think! :D

I LOVE this woman!!!! nod,nod,nod :)

[Coconutcutie]

Well you have all given very good advice..I know what I need to do....Will keep you all posted on how this plays out!

It's interesting to see how many of us can identify with this situation...

[RawHeaven]

So, tell us what you REALLY think! :D

I LOVE this woman!!!! nod,nod,nod :)

Ha! I'm telling you what I really think, hahaha. Love you too! :)


Well you have all given very good advice..I know what I need to do....Will keep you all posted on how this plays out!

It's interesting to see how many of us can identify with this situation...

Coconutcutie, I know you love your mother and it's not an easy thing to do. I have to tell you honestly and from my experience growing up around pretty strong women...as soon as how you're raising your babies comes into question with anyone - it's time to go! If your mom had your best interests at heart then that's an entirely different story, but from what you shared she's bringing you down. You're a very patient and loving person this is for certain. :) I do wish you well and please let us know how it plays out.

[Draginvry]

Let's see, toxic relationships. That would be approximately 40% of the people I associate with in real life. A lot more, if you count people at the workplace.

I tend to just ignore these people more, and spend as little time with them as possible, and using that time to hang out with people who actually care about me.

[Portia2012]

I have to say that I relate to this story as well. Hmmm, where to start.


Ok, first my sister. I just sent her a letter telling her that she needs to get her life in order, and for now that I will not accept her phone calls. She was calling me every other day with talk of how her husband of 10 years left her because he felt she nagged to much *big surprise there*. So boyfriend comes in and now he is abusive to her, like most of the men before him. She is drinking, doing drugs, and having sex with every man she sees. This is not good for me, because I use to be the same way in many areas, and I am just getting my life in order from abuse. I am in college now, and doing things to improve my mind, body, and spirit, so I simply had to say no to the relationship at this point. To be honest I am not sure that relationship will ever be mended, it is sad because she is my sister.


Second, I have a friend who wants to call me almost every night, and tell me how bad her life is. You know, the poor, poor me routine. The thing is she is talking to a woman who use to be an expert in this. I thought the world owed me for all the abuse I suffered, and that I deserved to be pitied. Guess what, I got told in so many terms by God one day, that I needed to stop acting that way, and become a real woman. That was not easy to swallow believe me. The point is it got me to think. This girl uses everything from "Do you love me?", making sexual innuendos towards me, thinks that I should hate the man that I love because she dislikes all the men that she ever been with, argues about who has what story right about everything since she is miss know it all. The list could go on. This is another one that I may have to start backing away from. Her favorite line is "I think people is driving us apart". No sweetheart you are the one driving us apart.

Last but not least, there is my family issue. The main problem there is I live in their house, so somewhat have to abide by their rules. The problem for me comes in when they start talking and discriminating about other people, treat me like a child who needs to be corrected for misbehavior, alienates me from family functions, wants me to stay here instead of moving to where spirit is leading me. I feel trapped because at this point I do not have someone that I could stay with in LA until I get a job, and with lack of funds it makes it difficult. So now of course I am facing the fact that I need to get a job for a few months here to save up money for my trip. I feel for everyone who needs to stand up to friends and family because I am there.


~Portia~

[Coconutcutie]

To those of you who were following my story and gave advice, I want you all to know that my mom is moving out of my house and into her own apartment on June 16th.

Mission accomplished!

[Revvell]

To those of you who were following my story and gave advice, I want you all to know that my mom is moving out of my house and into her own apartment on June 16th.

Mission accomplished!

Congratulations!!! How you feeling about it now?

[Coconutcutie]

Congratulations!!! How you feeling about it now?

I'm feeling like I wish she were moving sooner!?!

The only downside is the rent that she was paying us made a big difference financially for us. We have already cancelled our cell phone service, cable, and are selling my husband's truck to pay off my car and rid us of the (inexpensive) car payment and still will barely be saving what she would pay us every month. We have sold or attempted to sell everything that we can (including our house, unsuccessfully). Looks like we will be filing bankruptcy. It's an unfortunate situation, but with my health the way it is I can no longer hold a steady job and my husband already works Air Force and has a second job at Dominos pizza so we are doing all that we can....

But at least we will not have to deal with her presence any longer!

[Revvell]

Consider this ~ see how your health improves when she's gone. You just may find yourself having a miraculous recovery. I'd also suggest you get and read the book "What You Think of Me is None of My Business" by Terry Cole-Whittaker. Get it at the library if necessary.

Have you considered getting someone to rent the room? Creating stuff from home to sell maybe in eBay or craigslist? Is your husband driving for D's or inside? I made decent money when I was driving. More than I made working at a chiropractor's office.. but then, gas prices weren't what they are but D's does pay gas allowance.

Revvell



I'm feeling like I wish she were moving sooner!?!

The only downside is the rent that she was paying us made a big difference financially for us. We have already cancelled our cell phone service, cable, and are selling my husband's truck to pay off my car and rid us of the (inexpensive) car payment and still will barely be saving what she would pay us every month. Looks like we will be filing bankruptcy. It's an unfortunate situation, but with my health the way it is I can't hold a steady job and my husband already works Air Force and has a second job at Dominos pizza so we are doing all that we can....

But at least we will not have to deal with her prescense any longer!

[Coconutcutie]

Consider this ~ see how your health improves when she's gone. You just may find yourself having a miraculous recovery. I'd also suggest you get and read the book "What You Think of Me is None of My Business" by Terry Cole-Whittaker. Get it at the library if necessary.

Have you considered getting someone to rent the room? Creating stuff from home to sell maybe in eBay or craigslist? Is your husband driving for D's or inside? I made decent money when I was driving. More than I made working at a chiropractor's office.. but then, gas prices weren't what they are but D's does pay gas allowance.

Revvell

Thanks, I will monitor my health when she leaves and check out that book!

We have considered renting out some rooms (we have two extra now that my boys bunk together) but sharing a kitchen and just living that close with a non-immediate family member might not be the best situation for us (more drama?) We haven't ruled it out, though.

My husband does deliver for Domino's....some days he does well and others he gets no deliveries and ends up coming home early (like yesterday). They do pay gas mileage, and he fashioned up a hydrogen generator to extend his gas mileage so he gets more bang for his buck. He has even been able to talk a couple of people into buying his generators, but each one fell through (probably because they are so easy to make for oneself).

We have sold what we can on craigslist, including some exercise equipment, yet it only gives us a temporary improvement in our financial situation (like enough to buy food that week). Food, gas, credit card bills, overdraft payment and mortgage are killing us. We didn't plan on what happened to me healthwise and the effects it would have on my ability to work when we made most of our purchases. We also got in over our heads with our house, but it felt somewhat OK because I was making great money.

I am looking into things I can do from home...I haven't had much luck....also considering forcing myself to return to work although it is physically, spiritually and emotionally draining ( the line of work I was in, that is....a whole 'nother can of worms that I'm probably not prepared to open here yet). Most hourly jobs around here might as well pay in peanuts and I don't take well to authority anymore, so well....guess I have to bite some bullet one way or another. I would love to become certified as a living foods chef and instructor but it takes money to do that as well....:rolleyes:

Thanks for the suggestions....they are always appreciated!

[Revvell]

We'll send you a certification for $10. Send name, address and what you want on it.

You might think I'm kidding but ask yourself this question: Who certified the certifiers? Yes, I went to Alissa's training but NOT to get the paper. I go to trainings because I like to learn and see how others do things. I'd already been teaching for YEARS!

Put a class together, get it out there and start making some money girl! Go to the public library, church basement, parks and recs or community college and ask if you can teach there or for them.

I taught at Glendale Community College for years! Started by bringing all my stuff there and setting up. That was NOT fun and if it's not fun, I don't do it. So, started holding Raw Foods 101. Made sure everyone knew it was not a prep class but an intro to raw foods. (First time I thought I must be nuts! 2-hours talking about raw food? But hey! It was $70!!!) Brought a few samples and set up for classes at my home. (do it wherever you can!).

BTW ~ depending on the size of the bedrooms, you don't HAVE to share the kitchen. Hot plate and small fridge suffices for many. You'll almost never have to see them. (separate bath? Entrance?)

All I'm saying is, have a pity party then celebrate your freedom and make it happen if you want it to happen!



Thanks, I will monitor my health when she leaves and check out that book!

We have considered renting out some rooms (we have two extra now that my boys bunk together) but sharing a kitchen and just living that close with a non-immediate family member might not be the best situation for us (more drama?) We haven't ruled it out, though.

My husband does deliver for Domino's....some days he does well and others he gets no deliveries and ends up coming home early (like yesterday). They do pay gas mileage, and he fashioned up a hydrogen generator to extend his gas mileage so he gets more bang for his buck. He has even been able to talk a couple of people into buying his generators, but each one fell through (probably because they are so easy to make for oneself).

We have sold what we can on craigslist, including some exercise equipment, yet it only gives us a temporary improvement in our financial situation (like enough to buy food that week). Food, gas, credit card bills, overdraft payment and mortgage are killing us. We didn't plan on what happened to me healthwise and the effects it would have on my ability to work when we made most of our purchases. We also got in over our heads with our house, but it felt somewhat OK because I was making great money.

I am looking into things I can do from home...I haven't had much luck....also considering forcing myself to return to work although it is physically, spiritually and emotionally draining ( the line of work I was in, that is....a whole 'nother can of worms that I'm probably not prepared to open here yet). Most hourly jobs around here might as well pay in peanuts and I don't take well to authority anymore, so well....guess I have to bite some bullet one way or another. I would love to become certified as a living foods chef and instructor but it takes money to do that as well....:rolleyes:

Thanks for the suggestions....they are always appreciated!

[Coconutcutie]

Thanks Revvell for the inspiration!

I guess it had occurred to me that I could organize some classes and the like but I felt that I would not be taken seriously without some sort of official certification?? Seems like you need a degree or certificate to do anything these days, as much as I would like it NOT to be the case. I do have the equivalent of an associates degree in holistic nutrition...:rolleyes:

I live near a community college here and I will certainly inquire about holding a class....out of curiosity how much were your students charged for the class, by the school or by you? Not sure how that works out since I'm sure the school received a cut of the profits. I wouldn't mind even holding a class for free since I enjoy teaching others about the raw foods lifestyle, but since the money would help...:o

I'm confident that the answer to our dilemma will come to us very shortly. It always does....

[Portia2012]

So happy to hear that you are getting rid of some unneccessary stress. The good thing is I am going to be getting my home business going in two weeks.

I also would like to report that today I am going high raw foods. I have the ability to do so now. I got approved for temporary benefits, so I am stocking up on fruits and veggies :D

My aunt has a blender so I will be able to make smoothies :p


~Portia~