Friends?

[Theogirl]

I'm wondering if anyone else has had this experience... I've been raw for 6 weeks or so, and have finally lost 10 pounds. I'm looking rather sleek, actually!:cool: Yesterday I got together with some moms including one girl I consider one of my best friends. I haven't seen her in a few months, and I haven't told her I'm raw. I was so waiting for an explosive reaction from her - she really notices stuff and I've been waiting for even one single person to notice changes in me (hasn't happened except for DH). Well, she didn't comment at all, but she turned her back to me and spent the whole time chatting with other people, which isn't like her. She is struggling with her weight I know, and I didn't want to make her jealous, just to NOTICE and COMMENT~!
Has anyone ever felt like their friends were almost mad somehow when they made positive changes? Or am I making this up? I was hoping she would ask so I could share my excitement about raw, which I think she would do fantastic with. But I don't want to bring it up if she doesn't want to talk about it. Waiting...

[Revvell]

Take a deep breath and on the exhale say: "it's not personal; it's not personal". If you hadn't been wanting or expecting something, you would not be creating this in your head. Maybe she just had something to talk about to the others. *shrugs*

Of course, you could ask.

Revvell

[Theogirl]

I'm a little sheepish. I totally had so much expectation built up over this and it was just very deflating to the ego! :o Sorry for the rant, I guess I was feeling sorry for myself.

[shashibala]

Strangely, most of my friends didn't even notice I'd lost weight until i'd lost 30 pounds. I was a bit disappointed myself.Perhaps if you are generally slim your friend really wasn't sure if there had been a change. I'd contact her if you want to stay friends. Just talk about other stuff. She might not be ready to deal with weight. I've tried to share with people i care about and it just isn't happening.
RAW is so life changing, but they have to be ready to change.

[StarFire]

I don't think there is anything wrong with being excited and hoping someone will notice about our weightloss... for most -- that's just human nature. I know I went through that....

but Rev is right... we build up expectations and then we get deflated. I learned that from my dh.... when he didn't compliment me-and I COMMENTED ON THAT!!! and he said -- "honey - I love you - but you gotta be happy and secure within yourself - you cannot expect me to do that for you"...

okay -okay -- I understand all that -- but stilll.... a kind word is STILL NICE LOL!!!

My friends also did not say anything until I had lost about 40 pounds... then they asked if I was SICK!... sheesh! :eek:

I dunno though by what you describe - sounds like a bit of jealousy... and you know what.... that's okay...
you just keep being your wonderful loving self...
you just make sure you look healthy and vibrant and radiant and eventually... if she is truly a good friend - she will be happy for you.

and if not...well... that's okay too... you're still gunna be rawmacious... you're still taking control of your life and THAT'S the most important thing... not what your friends think or don't think....(and I know you realize that or you wouldn't be on this journey!)

so take heart... stay strong... lift up that chin.... smile at yourself - be PROUD of yourself and keep on keepin on girrrl.... You're doin great!

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/tha857f08c.gif

[Theogirl]

Thanks for the kind words! Yeah, my friend is very competitive but usually we're able to talk about things (including weight etc.) openly. I am usually quite slim, so it's possible she didn't notice, or want to draw attention to it in front of other friends. I need to do more of my actions for myself instead of for positive feedback!:o

[Eveleaf]

Not a single person commented on my weighloss until I'd lost about 35 pounds. But I didn't expect anyone to. I certainly wouldn't want anyone to comment if I'd *gained* 35 pounds. :D

I sort of see this issue from the opposite angle. I live with my mother, who gets an attitude and very "hurt" if people don't gush over her when she loses, say, 4 or 5 pounds. It's really annoying.

[Zaphirah]

My family is similar. In the beginning they were glad to see me losing weight, but AS SOON AS I weighed an ounce less than they did-they aren't happy with me losing anymore. LOL! Problem is they are all obese, and I don't want to be.

FWIW-I NEVER comment on people's weight loss. I feel that it is a very personal situation and as someone with an eating disorder, any comment + or - made me more self conscious and more likely to dive deeper into my ED. So, it's my own personal rule never to say ANYTHING about someone's weight since I don't know the situation behind it (healthy weight loss, sickness, ED, stress) and I don't want people to think that I think they look better after going thru a stressful or negative event, since that might imply that I noticed they were less attractive prior...oh vey. Now even I'm confused. LOL!

[rawxstasy]

Theogirl - good for you that you are doing this for yourself, not for other people! I've been through all kinds of reactions and responses! I've learned the hard way not to mention the weight loss unless someone brings it up.
( one girl I worked with told me to f* off and I thought she'd be happy for me! ) Most people I come in contact with have noticed and have asked what I'm doing. Some have acted jealous. It's always nice to have a positive reaction, but no matter what happens or doesn't just know that you are doing whats best for yourself!

[oai]

haha. i'm like one of the above posters. girl. at least, someone didn't say "you look sick" just b/c ya lost weight! :rolleyes: :p

anyway, sounds like you lost some weight! oh yeah! awesome for you! now where the pics?!!! hehe. :D

[FreshFreckledFace]

Theogirl: I was kind of wondering why the friends have not reached out and shown more concern knowing that I have cancer. It really hurt my feelings. I was discussing it with my friend, and she said that it is because I don't look sick. (I think that has everything to do with raw food!) But sometimes how I look and how I feel don't match at all. It would be nice to have that personal interest shown, but Revvell is right. You can't expect it, and you can't let anyone discourage you from caring about yourself. I also have to agree with Starfire: Me thinks me doest detect a little green eyed monster. But you said that you consider her your best friend, so remember the good times, the reasons you feel that way about her, and try to be understanding of your friend. But, if this is a pattern, be careful! (Proverbs 27:4; 14:30)

It helps me to count my blessings. Even if most do not go out of their way, I'm grateful for every phone call, email, greeting card, text message, or sincere "How are you doing?" I receive, and see it as loving concern. I've learned over the years that very few with go above and beyond in a crisis, and that, (other than family), support usually comes from where you least expect it.

[Aleesha Sattva]

oh i had people commenting that i released weight... but honestly the people in my life who are overweight don't comment on how i look... it's the thin people who do!

i found this a LOT since august 2007... a lot.

i figure it's such a touchie subject for most people... they know they want to release but have such a hard time that it can be difficult for them to acknowledge the release in others.

don't take it personally instead celebrate with you Self!!!

[jaurequi]

FWIW-I NEVER comment on people's weight loss. I feel that it is a very personal situation and as someone with an eating disorder, any comment + or - made me more self conscious and more likely to dive deeper into my ED. So, it's my own personal rule never to say ANYTHING about someone's weight since I don't know the situation behind it (healthy weight loss, sickness, ED, stress) and I don't want people to think that I think they look better after going thru a stressful or negative event, since that might imply that I noticed they were less attractive prior...oh vey. Now even I'm confused. LOL!


I like this, Zaphirah. Thanks for posting it.

Best,

[Theogirl]

Thanks for all your support everybody! Sigh, being a person with a weakness for outside recognition :p I'm trying to learn to do things more for myself than other people! Work in progress!
I was embarassed after the fact by how much I'd been counting on my friend's reaction. Is it possible I WANTED her to be a little jealous?:confused: Imperfect me.
Anyway, I've e-mailed my friend since and briefly told her about going raw etc. She emailed back saying she was happy for me and planned to go back on low carb for herself (eek!). So we've just moved onto other subjects which we do have in common.

[Theogirl]

Theogirl: I was kind of wondering why the friends have not reached out and shown more concern knowing that I have cancer. It really hurt my feelings. I was discussing it with my friend, and she said that it is because I don't look sick. (I think that has everything to do with raw food!) But sometimes how I look and how I feel don't match at all. It would be nice to have that personal interest shown, but Revvell is right. You can't expect it, and you can't let anyone discourage you from caring about yourself. I also have to agree with Starfire: Me thinks me doest detect a little green eyed monster. But you said that you consider her your best friend, so remember the good times, the reasons you feel that way about her, and try to be understanding of your friend. But, if this is a pattern, be careful! (Proverbs 27:4; 14:30)

It helps me to count my blessings. Even if most do not go out of their way, I'm grateful for every phone call, email, greeting card, text message, or sincere "How are you doing?" I receive, and see it as loving concern. I've learned over the years that very few with go above and beyond in a crisis, and that, (other than family), support usually comes from where you least expect it.

I'm thinking of you, FFF. I'm sure you're coming out on top with this cancer!
When a sis in our hall had cancer a few years ago, her daughter told me that she HATED when people asked about it or about how she felt. :confused: So I maybe people are scared to say the wrong thing. Not that it's any excuse for saying nothing! Do you have a few close friends you can talk to about it? Please keep me posted as to your healing and raw progress! BTW, I really love your photo!

[FreshFreckledFace]

Theogirl: It doesn't sound to me like you wanted to hurt your friend. I think you wanted her to admire you and be motivated herself by seeing you looking good. A little healthy envy. In any case, you did the right thing by contacting her. I'm glad you're feeling better about things.


I'm thinking of you, FFF. I'm sure you're coming out on top with this cancer!
When a sis in our hall had cancer a few years ago, her daughter told me that she HATED when people asked about it or about how she felt. :confused: So I maybe people are scared to say the wrong thing. Not that it's any excuse for saying nothing! Do you have a few close friends you can talk to about it? Please keep me posted as to your healing and raw progress! BTW, I really love your photo!

I'm sure you're right. That probably has a lot to do with it. And I'm not the kind of person that volunteers a lot of information, (except for online :o ).

I do have very loving and loyal friends. It is my belief that most people can count their true friends on one hand.

Thank you for your kind words. I will definitely keep you posted. Oh, and thanks on the picture! It's an old one.

[Theogirl]

Theogirl: It doesn't sound to me like you wanted to hurt your friend. I think you wanted her to admire you and be motivated herself by seeing you looking good. A little healthy envy. In any case, you did the right thing by contacting her. I'm glad you're feeling better about things.[/COLOR]
Thank you! I really DID want to inspire her to try raw herself. I feel so strongly that she would benefit, she has so many little health problems. The thing is, I admire her on so many things - homeschooling her two fabulous kids, being a supportive at-home wife for her busy accountant husband, having great decorating sense, being incredibly hospitable, travel=adventurous, and financially savvy. I would LOVE to actually be the one to inspire her for a change! But I'm so determined not to preach at people and drive them away on this, that the only thing I can do is show the results myself. Anyway, maybe someday she'll ask for more information.
Thanks for believing the best of me! I appreciate that.