View Full Version : husbands, HELP PLEASE???
My husband has really jumped on board, until this morning when I said " I think we should officially get ride of the foods we can no longer use". He freaked out! He said " I love to cook, I enjoy being in the kitchen creating new things". To which I replied you can and will do that with raw "cooking". He then said "I need to do this in steps, what will my family think of me if I can not go to there house to eat with them". I had no clever remark.
The problem is, is that his family greatly values there time around food, weird! Mine family does not do things around food, so I am not sure what to do without getting him all weirded out! I need some advice, because I am ready to move on and need to.
We have a child with special dietary issues, so with that I am having to deal with making one meal for my son, then one for me, and then one for my husband.
Hello...that is crazy, I don't even get paid for this! I fill frusterated, help!!! I love my family, but I just need some suggestions or some really really good recipes. I am going to get alyssa's book and my mom has a few others to get me started with some new recipes, but anything else would be greatly appreciated.
Take care!:p :cool: ;) :confused:
04-01-2008, 04:19 PM
hmmm. well it seems like you have a enough on your plate without having to worry about your husband and his emotional family issues. If he wants to cook and make his own dishes, then let him. putting pressure on someone you care about to do what you want them to do won't really help anything. I totally know how he feels, my mom practically exiled me when i told her i didn't want to eat any of the food she made me. That energy is intense coming from family. It seems like going raw for him is going to be a much different situation than when you went raw for yourself. The best thing you can do is support him in whatever way YOU want you. And with that he should support you in your decision not to worry about making a third meal everyday. That is his choice.
I've come to realize with my experiences that if a person wants to go raw they will, and if they don't they'll find a reason not too. So when he's actually ready, he'll do it.
04-01-2008, 04:28 PM
Let him do it in steps. Going raw gradually was the only way I could make myself do it...changes that are made slowly are more likely to be permanent. If having the cooked food around bothers you, why not agree that some cabinets and fridge shelves be reserved for "raw only"? Then you know where to and where not to look when you want something to eat.
04-01-2008, 04:54 PM
Some people like to move toward things in baby steps and others like to jump in with both feet and just go...you're a GO! girl. :)
Food in most cultures is really a bonding and social thing...if his family is tied in this way that's part of his personal core. Food choices are also very personal. I never realized until recently while reading a study that a person can change religion more easily than food choices.:eek:
Hubby may even find that cooking being his creative outlet is being "taken away" too soon. He'll experiment with raw and be super creative but might want to have his familiar palette and palate to create cooked items too...he sounds like a person who needs to adjust a bit at a time. (I'm like that too. Whereas my hubby is like you.) My 2 cents is just to continue happily on your raw path and he'll be on his slightly raw path right next to you and you can hold hands along the way...
04-01-2008, 05:02 PM
Oh and desserts desserts desserts! Cream Pies baby! And Rawkinlocks Cinnamon Rolls! Raw healthy Pizza!That's the way to get people to embrace raw. He can be so creative with these items and serve them to his family too. Such a great way to include them and intro them to raw yumminess without the shock value.;)
Recipes all over this board and here too...
04-01-2008, 05:23 PM
I think one of the insurmountable barriers has been the idea that "to do raw food" you have to go all the way, eating raw all the time right from the get go.
I think that any raw percentage that people can commit to, especially in the beginning, is great. Alissa herself took quite some time before attaining and maintaining at 100%
You can listen to her and Rev talk about this very subject in one of the early RawkinRadio shows ~ Cathy
You all have wonderful comments and I greatly appreciate them all. Its a lifestyle that I want us to be able to live continuously. I do have some
under-lying frusteration on my part about why I want to go completely raw now. We have been around 65% raw for about 6 months. I've lost 30lbs and I want to get at least 40 more off sooner than later. WE are going back to my hometown this summer for the first time in almost 8 years. I just want to feel like I look better, if that makes sense.
The thing is that I also need to go slow so It sticks! If that makes sense!
Your responses all made me think about what is really important here and that is showing my husband ( and myself) that this is not a whim for me to lose weight but a perment lifestyle change and slow is better.:D :D :rolleyes:
04-01-2008, 11:48 PM
have fun on your journey! all our blessings are with you!!! :) :) :)
04-04-2008, 09:24 PM
Jami, since he says he loves to create in the kitchen, maybe you should let him do it. Go ahead and fix meals for you and your child and let him create, create, create for himself. Do what you can do and let go of the rest. Good luck!
04-04-2008, 09:40 PM
Why can't he go to his parent's house to eat? I go to my parent's house and I don't necessarily eat what they do. I find out what they are serving and I either bring enough for everyone to go along with what they are serving, or I just bring for me. They always have salad and raw veggies. It's not a big deal.
Your husband is an individual.
You are an individual.
You each have rights as individuals.
Marriage does not mean recinding one's rights to personal liberty, or a license to seek to do so to one's partner.
Marriage is about partnership while respecting one's partner's rights to live as they wish.
It's as simple as that.
Therefore, if your husband does not desire to do exactly as you have chosen to do with your diet, then, frankly, although it might be inconvenient, he is very much entitled to do as he feels comfortable doing. He married a supportive partner, not a controlling one and he married a woman, not a diet.
I would sit down and explain to him that because you love him, you support his eating habits and respect his individual rights, just as you expect him to support and respect yours. A compromise will be necessary in order for this to continue harmoniously. That compromise does not need to be any more severe than simply asking him to cook for himself while you prepare raw foods for yourself. It's really not such a big deal, but long-term resistance to each other (and that includes creating resistance by attempting to force or control), on any level, is only going to breed tension and resentment, undermining the integrity and intimacy of your marriage.
As a man, I always seek to communicate with people in my life, male or female. I wouldn't tolerate anyone attempting to force me to do anything, just to suit their way of thinking, and I would never attempt to behave in that manner towards anyone else.
Iamacranberry, Gingincal, and Apasaraw offered good suggestions.
04-06-2008, 03:04 PM
My husband and my two sons eat different diets too. It was a challenge in the beginning but I accepted it, knowing that eventually they would have interest in my beautiful healthy food. It has been a slow process but they are now slowly adding raw foods to their diets. I just make dinner for everyone and I have raw dishes available at all times during any meal. All I asked was that they give raw foods a chance at every meal in addition to theirs. I stay positive, smile and wait for each to try it. They know how much time I have put into it so they do try it and eat the small amount and even get more when they like it. So everyone has a small serving of raw. They also drink leaf shakes which has helped change their tastes. For the first time my kids like vegetables.
Start trying different healthy alternatives to their snack. "I made this just for you", helps me. I will not buy anymore chips, but I will make them 10x better and hope they appreciate the effort that I have put into them. So far so good.
Don't get stressed.
We can't change anyone just be positive, healthy influences.
I think we are moving in the right direction and having some different recipes to show my husband helped alot. I would never force him in to anything, I was just venting to the fact that I did not know what to do next. My goal Right now is to be about 70% raw, that is possible. We made a few recipes this weekend together and he loves his green drink in the AM and decided that he was going to take it for lunch also. He alos really like the synergy drinks. So we are moving in the right direction. Just needed to do a little more demonstrating and less explaining!! If that makes sense!!
Take care all, Thank you!
04-07-2008, 04:05 PM
Of course it makes sense! It's easier to make a LASTING transition if you do it slowly!
Good luck, Jami, I wish you all the best.
04-08-2008, 10:43 AM
When I go to family gatherings I volunteer to bring the green salad and a dessert, maybe even a fresh fruit tray. That way I have something to eat at dinner and while we all have dessert without making an issue over the food.
04-08-2008, 11:09 AM
I am man, and even thru that weakeness..lol, I have learned to love and embrace a healthy lifestyle. I can understand how your husband feels because I grew up in that kind of environment and setting. My father was a very proud strong man who loved his three big meals each day, which revolved around meat, potatoes, and gravy. And us men have a deep fear of losing that sense of strength. But I also saw my own father become a shell of a man who welcomed the end, due to the effects of years of unhealthy eating. I came to my point of change when I was diagnosed with advanced diabetes with kidney damage. And I can say that I have totally reversed my diabetes now with no dependence on any medication, by just adopting a healthy eating lifestyle. And you know what? When my friends, and even family ask me about my lifestyle, I can proudly tell them how it has given me my life back, with a love for living and my new life. And you know what... they are proud of me for having the strength and love for my family to make that change. And if your husband loves to cook, and enjoys creating new dishes... he has no clue how many fantastic new dishes and meals they are that have exciting flavors that could never be matched by the "conventional" meat and high fat dishes many grew up with. If he claims to be a good cook, challenge him to try preparing some wonderful vegan dishes, there are thousands available on the Internet. You want someone to learn to accept and embrace something, have them create it. It works....lol. And when he begins to feel the healthy energy flow back into his body after just a few weeks of healthy eating.. he will be hooked and you can share the love for healthy lifestyle together. Hope I have given you some encouragement.
04-08-2008, 12:13 PM
Once he sees the changes in you, he'll be on board before long.
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