I so sick of myself!

[Rawkincake]

I have been on and off again vegan and raw vegan for over a year now. I did really good last year until August - I had lost 50lbs and felt great. I had a friend that was on Atkins and the food he was eating was calling to me (LOL) and I ended up *gasp* doing Atkins for a month. I ended up with lumps under my armpits the entire month I was on Atkins and felt like crap. I got off Atkins and pretty much back to SAD until Jan of this year. I transitioned back into a low fat vegan way of eating and was happy then decided to go back to raw. I have been slipping ever since. I LOVE eating raw and it feels right to me but any little things sends me over to Wendys and Subway plus various other places and I pig out :( I woke up this morning and weighed and im up 30lbs! So the 50lbs I lost last year is down just 20....I am SO sick of myself and don't understand why I am having such a hard time. I am now truly digusted with myself and I told myself this morning today is the day I will be raw and will be for the rest of my life. I really believe that. But I have told myself that almost every day. But today I feel I mean it.

[Pitaya]

Hi Rawkincake,

Please try to be patient with yourself, and realize there are many factors contributing to your diet changes ---it's not just YOUR willpower. You are aware and wise enough to know what is best, it's just taking time to get there, is all. Everyone has setbacks---the SAD diet is full of addictive substances that make our body work against our good intentions too, and going back and forth makes it 100000% harder to stick to raw, and it's hard not to be able to socialize as easily as we could before. You are being very hard on yourself---too hard----in my opinion. Maybe practice more gentleness toward yourself? Your intentions are so powerful, and you seem a zillion miles ahead of most of the population, so hang in there, k? You are doing this.

Pitaya

[Revvell]

Sometimes ya gotta hit bottom before making changes. Maybe you're not hurting enough yet; maybe you are. So, when you hit bottom, you've got two ways to go ~ sideways... or up. Your choice. :)

Just know, it's a process. Trust in the process. Life is good.

[Aleesha Sattva]

When I read the title of your thread "I am so sick of myself!" - it makes me shudder. There is HUGE power of intention in the words we speak... and often we speak them without even realizing what we are doing.

Our words create our reality.

So let's create a mantra for you... to say outloud (it can be softly if you are in public)

"I am a light lean healthy being, ready willing and able to nourish my Self in healthy ways."

Try saying this (or something similar if you don't resonate with these words) 20-50 times when you first wake up, before you get out of bed. Then again during your break at work (or 10ish) - again at noon (before you eat your lunch) - then at 3 pm - again at 6 (or before your eat your dinner) and again at bedtime right before you go to sleep. Also try to remember to say this every time you sit on the toilet... GREAT time for doing affirmations!

Try to relax your body as much as possible before saying these words... just r-e-l-a-x. Relax your toes, your calves, your knees, your thighs... relax your buttocks, your spine and ever vertebra of your spine... work up to your neck and relax your neck. Relax your lower jaw, upper jaw, nose, eyes and all the intricate muscles around the eyes, relax your scalp and finally relax your brain.

Now speak your mantra: "I am a light lean healthy being, ready willing and able to nourish my Self in healthy ways."

20 times minimum and more when you have time. Try to visualize what you are saying as you say it. See yourself as being a light lean healthy being. See yourself free of restraints and able to nourish your Self in healthy ways. Imagine it is true. Imagine it is happening.

This may seem like an odd suggestion... but I believe you will be very pleased with the results!

Change your inner communication with your Self and you will change!

[Rawkincake]

I am going to try that Recycling :)

I know I can do this - I have been going through some personal stuff and I always lean on eating the wrong stuff to make me happy.

[earth_sista]

you are being way too hard on yourself. you are only human. just accept where you've been and where you are-and try to love it.

i, too, shuddered when i read your post title. words/thoughts are soooo powerful. perhaps the reason you are having such difficulty is being you are focusing on the negative?

recycling goddess-great reply! i agree wholeheartedly.

[Carlsbad]

Maybe instead of saying "I will be raw for the rest of my life," just try setting smaller goals like "I will be raw today," and being gentler on yourself. Realize that it is a process, and cooked food is an ADDICTION (certainly it is for me, anyway). The more you beat yourself up, the more you will want to turn to food for comfort. Instead, take joy in the taste and flavors of raw food, make yourself some decadent raw treats, revel in the energy and happiness you feel when you eat raw.

And, if you do slip, try to keep it vegan. Those physical addictions to meat and dairy will keep rearing their ugly heads if you keep eating them.

Lastly, you may want to try a fast or cleanse of some kind to give you a kick start. Before I went raw, I did a two week Master Cleanse, and it really helped clean me out and it sort of reset my relationship with food. It might help give you some perspective and get rid of some of those craving-causing toxins.

Most of all, ((((((HUGS!))))))

[SuzyQ]

I think some of us are still transitioning. I got a copy of The 7 Big Mistakes People Make On A Raw Food Diet. One of the things he mentions is going 100% raw "cold turkey". Some people can direct all their time & energy to going raw. However, most of us cannot and it takes time. Some people find 80% raw is all they can do. It is an individual thing. I, myself, am in transition, with most days around 80 to 90%. There are times I have a veggie sandwich(no cheese) at Subway, but really try to get to a grocery store for some cauliflower & green pepper until I can get home. I find that if I am too strict, something will come up and make me miserable. So, I am forgiving toward myself and if I have something not raw, at least it is vegan. Doesn't happen often, but flexibility and no guilt towards food is my plan. Be kind to yourself!

[Aleesha Sattva]

glad to be of help! :) keep us posted how your affirmations work.

[DavidZaneMason]

The problem is not in external yardsticks....but rather your own goal-setting. Set smaller goals (with timetables). Keep them and feel succesful...and this will snowball.

-Remember that you will never make yourself sick enough to make one other person well.

-David Z. Mason