Proud of myself-in pain but staying raw

[theresaann]

You know, I think the hardest thing about staying raw is facing life totally aware and present, even when it's very painful.

Been going through a very very painful breakup for months. Have to stay in occasional communication with this person until I move out (he pays part of the rent, but doesn't live here and we hardly talk, and he's back with his old girlfriend-ouch). This person was the love of my life. He calls, says he'll see me, then blows me off-over and over and over.

But my point is, for the first time in my life, I am facing this and not backing down-not drinking, not eating cooked food, not hiding out. I am really proud of myself, and kind of amazed. Never faced anything this painful without some kind of mood altering substance. It's not so bad. Besides, the only way out is through.

Now, I really understand what it takes to stay raw. Its just about being present to what IS, instead of wanting to avoid what is. Hopefully there is some spiritual growth to be had out of this too!

THanks for listening....:rolleyes:

[lanettasmouse]

good for you! you deserve only the best for yourself! hope you're feeling better.

[shashibala]

I agree completely. I numbed so many of my feelings and my hopes with food. It is so different to live without that crutch, harder now, but so much better in the long run.
Take care and best wishes.

[Apasaraw]

What an amazing time for you. To have had all this realization at a time when you are going through such a big life changing moment. You're so strong to choose to stay in the moment conciously like that. Sending good vibes your way. You deserve the best..and he wasn't best for you...and now there is room for someone who is!:)

[theresaann]

Thanks you guys, so much!! Really, you are so right. Why are we always the last to know that we deserve better? really.

I am focusing on that now...that I really do deserve better. For whatever reason he's emotionally constipated, if I was loving myself in the first place, I would've seen that.

I'm getting it!! Thanks again for your support. What an awesome community we have here.

Love and blessings, Theresa :)

[Stina]

Ha ha! Emotionally constipated- good term.

Hey, my heart goes out to you. You're really getting some growth out of a hard situation. I can so identify what you're going through. You're a strong woman!:)

[katie01]

theresaann -- so inspiring. Thanks for having the courage to follow your heart.

PS -- stop believing that he'll keep his word. It'll only disappoint you again the next time he does it. KNOW that you deserve to be treated right. Get out there and meet a different man! hehe

[Blazin'Jane]

Good for you! When it stops hurting so much, maybe you'll notice the wonderful clarity that the raw lifestyle brings. It's worth the getting there. Hang in there! You're giving yourself a terrific gift!

[rawnpawgirl]

What you say is true to the CORE! It is truth... no if, ands, or buts. There is no hiding from pain when you choose to stay raw, and you are choosing exactly that! It takes so much soulful bravery to stare PAIN straight in the eye and just welcome it, watch it, EXPERIENCE IT....

Perhaps if you WERE numbing yourself with other mind-altering substances, no matter what they were, you would still be stuck in the bubble of disillusionment. When you are acting from a higher place/consciousness, as you are CHOOSING to do right now, you can finally shed the blinders of ego and see things with so much clarity- "Hey, I deserve better than this. I don't need some guy, even if I tell myself he is the love of my life to yank my chain like this!"

I am sure you went through a lot with this man, and I am sure that he has many good qualities- because a person such as yourself who is open, strong, genuine, aware- cannot NOT be attracted to someone with like qualities. But, as you said, the man is emotionally constipated and not able to use clear vision, at this time. So, what does someone like yourself you is vibrating cosmically higher do in this situation. Move on. Cry. Beat a pillow. Take a walk. Go do something realllllly FUN with your child. Rent a funny DVD that is NOT about relationships! LOL.

You are EXACTLY where you should be. What a blessing for you!

[StarFire]

you should ABSOLUTELY be proud of yourself.

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/high5.jpg

I loved what you wrote -- that the only way OUT is THROUGH it... You are making some amazing strides in your life right now - and making some decisions to believe in yourself - and to honor yourself - because you are worth it.

We can either pick our path or our pot holes in life - and you are choosing to pick your path .... blessings Girl... you are a true inspiration! When you come through this - you will be AMAZED at your growth and how strong you truly are... and how beautiful you are too!!

rawk on... blessings to you ... YOU'RE GUNNA DO GREAT AND RAWK IT GIRL.... you are a true inspiration....!!

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/lotusbloomsj6.gif

[RawHeaven]

You know, I think the hardest thing about staying raw is facing life totally aware and present, even when it's very painful.

Been going through a very very painful breakup for months. Have to stay in occasional communication with this person until I move out (he pays part of the rent, but doesn't live here and we hardly talk, and he's back with his old girlfriend-ouch). This person was the love of my life. He calls, says he'll see me, then blows me off-over and over and over.

But my point is, for the first time in my life, I am facing this and not backing down-not drinking, not eating cooked food, not hiding out. I am really proud of myself, and kind of amazed. Never faced anything this painful without some kind of mood altering substance. It's not so bad. Besides, the only way out is through.

Now, I really understand what it takes to stay raw. Its just about being present to what IS, instead of wanting to avoid what is. Hopefully there is some spiritual growth to be had out of this too!

THanks for listening....:rolleyes:

Oh wow, thank you so much for sharing your experience and amazing growth. I've had a couple of those rebound relationships myself and I feel more empowered these days. It feels good to be moving through it and getting to the other side huh? Again, thanks so much for sharing...I needed to hear this today as I've been walking through some pain this week and it's been getting rough. Much light and many blessings to you...

[Pitaya]

Good for you! Such strength and courage to keep pressing on! I hadn't made the connection between food and mood and coping........WOW! I actively meditate and study Power of Now and others, but because food is such an acceptable mood alterer I never put two and two together. Thank you for helping me see this. I spent the last 9 months in a hole because of my breakup - yet like you said so brilliantly, if I had been loving myself I would have seen my ex's "emotional constipation" too! great term! great insight! thank you!
:)

[theresaann]

Thank you all SO SO much for those loving words.

I have to give you an update. As if I wasn't totally suffering enough, guess who I ran into at the sauna (everyone gets a private sauna, so everyone's naked, of course, if they are together) with his girlfriend who he's supposedly not seeing?

They go all the time together. (I used to go with him). Can I share the word "devastating?" He's like all, "Hey, life's great! I'm Mr. Happy!" It was probably one of the single most painful moments in my life, especially because all he's ever said to me is how he's NOT with her, doesn't want to be with her, isn't attracted to her, etc. anyway. I didn't actually see her face to face because I think he tipped her off I was out there. It's ok. I'm not that kind of person anyway. Live and let live. But it was hard.

But the raw is helping me process this faster. Normally I would've gone home and drank a bottle of red wine myself. or for sure eaten something stupid. But I'm getting better at staying present in the "raw pain." and from doing that, I'm seeing HIM more clearly too.

The fact is that I am vibrationally higher than he feels safe to be (I'm a professional intuitive and spiritual channeler, teacher, etc.) She's a lower vibration (mainstream kind of person) and he can control her, so he feels safe there. I KNOW he loves me. I know what we had was real, but he can not sustain it in his being now. Probably not ever, in this lifetime. It hurts like hell, but I realize its not his TRUE self that can't be with me, it's his fear, and hes not his fear, but he's honoring his fear right now. So, I have compassion for that. But I miss him so much and I hope the day comes soon when that stops. But for now, still raw-11 days going strong and feeling INCREDIBLE!

thanks so much for listening! :)

[shakti17]

hi theresa.....

i m sending you love.

you are beautiful and amazing and deserve the best.

that is amazing you are not drinking and keeping raw.....that will help you to move "through it" - nicely put

[Eva]

I have to second this as a really great point you made:
It's not so bad. Besides, the only way out is through.

You're doing GREAT! And, it's so true!!

There's something so real and somehow more pleasant about being fully aware of pain and working through it at the same time.

[rawxstasy]

Hi Theresa,

I am so proud of you for facing your pain. I am learning ALOT through your post and I'm not going thru a breakup or anything really difficult in my life right now. When I want to run away from my thoughts and feelings I think about you and it helps me stay strong. I love your comment, "the only way out, is through". I keep reminding myself of that.

I'm sorry that you had to see him again that I can't imagine how difficult that was. You are much higher vibrationally than he is. Your clarity of thought in this situation is amazing.

Sending you love,
Carol

[theresaann]

yes, being aware of the pain is a totally new way of being for me. It is raw and real and sucks, but at the same time, exhilarating and healing. I have to admit, though, a client of mine offered a glass of $50 champagne and I drank it tonight. can I share that it was also blissful to have a moment of relief as well?

There is mythology that says that the goddess Demiter took pity on the emotional suffering of humans and gave them wine. I can see why....lol. It's ok...I'm still raw...still awake, still feeling and time will heal all broken hearts! But staying raw is SO SO important. I have SO much more clarity from being raw that I just would not have had, even on cooked vegan. It is really remarkable. Thanks to all for your support!! I feel empowered by it, truly. :p

[rawxstasy]

Theresa,

How are you doing? Are you starting to feel better? Let me know.

Carol

[Essensual]

a'la Bill Cosby:


" I LOVE MYSELF BETTER THAN I LOVE MYSELF!":D


RAWK ON!

[islesgirl]

But my point is, for the first time in my life, I am facing this and not backing down-not drinking, not eating cooked food, not hiding out. I am really proud of myself, and kind of amazed. Never faced anything this painful without some kind of mood altering substance. It's not so bad. Besides, the only way out is through.

Now, I really understand what it takes to stay raw. Its just about being present to what IS, instead of wanting to avoid what is. Hopefully there is some spiritual growth to be had out of this too!

THanks for listening....:rolleyes:[/QUOTE]

theresaann,
I think you are growing spiritually in leaps and bounds already by the sound of your words above. All the best to you in this new journey. You will find much encouragement here from others who have had similar experiences.:) Sue.