I feel like a failure, need moral support.

[miaculpa]

After 11 days on the MC this time (I quit smoking, hence the mc)
I broke down and had a raw vegan thing. I feel like a failure. I ended up making a 'sandwich' with the raw dehydrator bread, avo, tomato, baby spinach, and fakin. I am craving flax seeds big time. I am thinking that friday-wednesday I will finish the MC/begin again, just to get to my goal. I feel so guilty. I cannot believe I did that.

I think adding the sesame 'supplement' I ate this morning that did me in. I haven't left the house, haven't finished any tasks I need to do and that makes me feel even worse. I am so depressed.

And a banana. I ate a frickin' HUGE banana after all that improperly combined crap. I feel like a pig.

I sat there for a good ten minutes after eating that, literally SHAKING with nicotine/cig cravings. It was horrible. This is the worst day I've had since starting the quit.

I know LOGICALLY that I've done well these last two months, that what I ate was all raw, etc... but I still feel sooo horrible inside. I don't want to blow up like a balloon, either. I know i need to stay in the now and let this go, but I had to get this out.

*sigh*

[RawHeaven]

Mia mia mia ((((big hugs)))) to you! I'm going to give you back some of the support you've given me over the past 3 months. Now first of all you are hardly a failure and that just makes me laugh. Not laughing at you, but I don't see you like this at all. Second, you just reminded me about the whole Cancer direct Mars thing and I woke up feeling like a truck hit me this morning and I was really down. Just these intense emotions were all over the place. I released bucket loads of tears that came deep from my diaphram. Wow and I feel so much better now. I'm still blue...but not like no one in the world loves me kind of feeling. I think you're also being super hard on yourself because of all this planetary action in combination with you dredging up some heavy duty toxins in your bloodstream from the master cleanse. Which is a good thing. :)

You're still raw, you're still amazing and you're still on your path.

I've never been a smoker, but I have family members and former boyfriends who were. And I know how hard it was for them to quit, it's not an easy thing to do. So how in the world can you call yourself a failure? Please give me a break. I hope this made you laugh. :D

You just came off of a really long master cleanse a few weeks ago and you started another one again. I think what's really happening is your body wanted some solid food today and you listened to it. You could've easily gorged on really unhealthy food choices, but you chose good stuff. Don't you think so? Have you considered taking a break from the master cleanse...a few weeks maybe? Then start again in the Spring with the change of the seasons. We can do it together. I was thinking about doing a 21 day cleanse in late March/April.

In the meantime, give yourself a big hug and enjoy your orange juice and green juices. And don't forget the probiotics.

Love,
Crystal

[miaculpa]

thanks, crystal. I needed that.

It passed as quickly as it came, actually. These nicotine things are what get me and seem to be triggered by eating. I used to smoke after eating and it is like coffee-- it stimulates digestion, makes you go, etc.

I am going off MC for a bit. This exercise program I just started helps tons, too.

HUGS and blessing

[carolg]

Please don't beat yourself up. You are not a failure. Today's a new day. You can always pick up where you are at. Every lesson is a new journey as I see it. We're hear for you and of course not denying your feelings. I just didn't want you to think you failed but just trying is a reason to celebrate.

carolg

[Aleesha Sattva]

as my hubby says to me all the time "honey, you fall off the wagon into a health food store!"

[miaculpa]

thanks, everyone, for the kind replies.

I am getting better dealing with this, as each day passes.