The fear that tries to take me from raw

[iluvcacao]

I'm on day 19 of return to raw after being gone for a year and half. Last time I transitioned to raw over 4 1/2 months and then only made it all raw for 12 days...Thanksgiving and then the holidays brought me down.
This time I am loving the food and feel good (some potty issues :o , but I'm hoping these will level out), minimal cooked cravings...a much smoother time. I'm finding it fun and yummy to eat all raw. But....I have figured out what is the fear that creeps in, the social connection to food. The food does not make me feel deprived, but the social change does, all the social changes that have to happen, going to dinner at someone's house (which right now I've just decided to eat whatever is served, make the best of it, and deal with the results). I HATE trying to describe my "weird" eating habits. I love to travel internationally and feel overwhelmed by having to put all this energy into trying to figure out how I'm going to eat, rather than just enjoying traveling. I'm going on a 12 day trip at the end of March and don't want to have to put so much focus on what I'm going to eat, like it is going to rob me of some of the trip's experience. I want to live in another country again in the next few years, enjoy that culture and fear that my eating raw will deprive me of some of that experience.
I just want to change my eating, not my friends, not where I go or what I do. Is this possible? I would love to hear from some long-timers and see how this has worked out in your life. Thanks.

[Aleesha Sattva]

it sounds to me that you want to be high raw not 100% raw... which is better than low raw LOL

[rawstrength]

In time you fill find that you will have to change some aspects of your traveling and your social life, but you will develop your own ways of making your raw traveling and raw social life just as enjoyable (if not more enjoyable) than pre-raw. Think of all the extra energy you will have to spend on your friends now that you are healthier.

As for raw traveling, you will still get a HUGE taste of the food culture even if you are only eating raw food. There are thousands and thousands of species of edible raw plants on this planet. If you travel to the tropics you will enjoy all the cool fruits. In northern places, there is a large variety of leaves, fermented veggies and roots. You may even have a more exciting time because of your raw food explorations. I, for one, will never forget bargaining for cherries in la boqueria in Barcelona, Spain, two summers ago. Would I have experiences an open-air Spanish market if I were not raw? I don't think so. I probably would have just stuck to the more normal supermarkets.

Anyway, don't be discouraged! Have the bravery to stick to what you love, raw foods, and don't be ashamed of who you are. Instead of trying to explain your diet to the people you are eating with, SHOW them and SHARE with them some of the yummy foods and health benefits you have experienced.
I wish you all the best of luck!

[parsnip]

I agree that high-raw is more appropriate in some circumstances. I lived in Poland for a year, and I was not raw then, fortunately, because it would have been really alienating in a lot of circumstances. If you're in a restaurant or a grocery store, you're very likely to be able to pull together an all-raw or mostly-raw meal, but if you're in situations where you're a guest in someone's home -- a situation that can be really rewarding, and that you wouldn't want to miss -- often you just have to graciously accept what's offered, at least until you've formed a relationship with them. Accepting hospitality is a big part of traveling, and I've found it best to just be flexible about that.

I think you can be high-raw in most circumstances, and all-raw in many, but not always in every situation. I'd encourage you to take every opportunity you have to eat raw, but not to be afraid to eat a little cooked food when truly necessary. And you can develop a sense of when it's truly necessary.

It's not just about food -- when you're traveling, you often need to be flexible about all kinds of things -- privacy, noise, what's considered polite/impolite, being able to understand and be understood -- all sorts of things. You just don't have as much control over things as you do at home. It shakes you up a bit, but that's what makes it rewarding.

Enjoy your trip!

[parsnip]

Hey iluvcacao,

I've been thinking about your post. I've wondered how I would manage eating raw while traveling, especially another country. I haven't been raw for long myself (30 days at 100%, and then several months at about 90%), so I guess I'm not really who you're asking anyhow. :) So, sorry if my first response wasn't really what you were looking for.

I think if you're living in another country as, say, a Peace Corps volunteer in a small town (which is similar to what my situation was), it's important to adopt the local culture, at least to some extent, and food is a big part of that, which can be really inconvenient. But I have no idea if that's what you're thinking as far as living abroad. If you're living more independently, and live in a place where you can get fresh food fairly easily, it seems much more doable.

And I agree with rawstrength about all the opportunities that seeking out raw food can give you, and that it could also be something to share with people, when you feel comfortable doing that.

Some people make a point of sampling local wines when they're traveling... some like to go to coffeehouses.... you might make local fruits and food markets your specialty! :) Outdoor farmer's markets are always a great place to go, just as a tourist attraction, no matter what foods you're looking for, but you'd find lots of lovely fresh produce there.

Your trip in March -- where are you going, and who with (tour group, friends, family)? Are you traveling with anyone who's a vegan? Are you staying in places where you'll have access to a kitchen? Are you on a really tight budget, or is it sort of medium? Is food included, like it is in some tour packages, or are you on your own for most meals?

There are lots of things you can do to make it easier to eat raw while traveling, but it does depend on what you can do and enjoy without feeling all obsessive about it. Maybe the best way to get around that is to really appreciate the raw food that you can get, and not be too focused on perfection. That way, raw food will still make you feel happy and healthy, and if you end up eating a bit of cooked food here and there, just eat the best food you can in any situation, and don't berate yourself about it. Congratulations of 19 days of all-raw!

[iamacranberry]

As this is an all-raw board, I can understand that this post may be deleted, but I deal with it by making exceptions for social occasions. Because I feel that being anal about it causes me more stress than it is worth, which is probably even MORE unhealthy than the bit of (always vegan) cooked food I may eat.

[DavidZaneMason]

My experiences:

-Through my job, family, friends, and social connections...I eat out many times. I often have to go to lunches, weddings, receptions, presentations....or just nights out with the gang....or I'm invited to a bar....or other restaurant. I've ALWAYS eaten before I go out....so I'm never hungry when I get there......and I don't want to eat that stuff anyway...so it's no big deal. I let my family and friends know that I won't be eating (that I've already eaten...which is true)....but that I'm there to spend time with THEM. They all know that I only fresh stuff. I've never been in a situation where that is not good enough. Sometimes they bring me stuff - most times not. Its really not an issue for me. I maintain my 'dignity boundaries' by simply deflecting (with humor) any questions....and CERTAINLY any critique. One's sex life, religion, and diet are VERY personal issues - that are not open for debate or critique...unless YOU let them.

-When I travel (as I just did to New York) finding good local produce is not a difficulty for me...and CAN be fun! When I traveled in Greece & Italy...same thing. Fresh Italian grapes and Grecian pommegranates are just wonderful! To stand at the top of a mountain...and munch grapes...and look at the sea.....

-On the VERY RARE occasions where there was nothing for a day or two....I drank bottled water....and generally felt even better than while I eat.

-My suggestion is that if you cannot bring presence...joy...and eat the way you want at your present location...it is probably better to make plans to head someplace where you can.

-Just keep in mind that life...and social occasions...should ALWAYS be judged by how well YOU tried to support and and be of service. Can't expect people doing the 'wrong' thing to understand or support you...or feed you......any more that you can EXPECT maturity and adult behavior from a small child. It's nice when it happens...but...heh..heh...well you get the idea! LOL.

-What do you think?

-David Z. Mason

[lily]

I think that's a very inspiring post, David: thank you.

[belleadonna]

As this is an all-raw board, I can understand that this post may be deleted, but I deal with it by making exceptions for social occasions. Because I feel that being anal about it causes me more stress than it is worth, which is probably even MORE unhealthy than the bit of (always vegan) cooked food I may eat.

AMEN!! I find that if I make something an absolute law, the first thing I want to do is break it!! So, I have learned to relax about it and if I slip up or have to eat something cooked because of a social situation, so what??!! :p
This way, I enjoy raw more and find that I don't crave cooked food as much because I know that if I want it, it's there!! But I don't want it!! Seems like we always want what we shouldn't/can't have. ;)

[Vivafree2]

Very inspiring! Thank you David and thank you parsnip - this is extremely important to live normally, enjoy things and do not offend anyone and get the best while travelling - and balance all that it is not easy, but there are ways. i am planning a trip myself and i know i felt guilty or get myself in trouble and fail in my raw.
Travelling and socializing with no raw is difficult.
J

[sejuwan]

I'm not sure if you have a juicer or a dehydrator, but I heard of a nifty tip that I am going to try when I travel next. When I juice I lose a lot of pulp from my veggies. I use that pulp to make a nice warm tasty soup. I've heard that if you dehydrate it, you can pack it easily while you travel. Then you can reconstitute it and have a nice soup during your travels. You would have to check to make sure you can travel with the certain foods however. I am not sure if you can take it out of the country.

As far as the social, it is very hard. I have learned to bring my own snacks and some to share. I mainly get kudos and my friends ask me for advice on how they can add healthy items to their diet.

Stick with it! Don't beat yourself up over it. You have plenty of support here!

[RawHeaven]

-Just keep in mind that life...and social occasions...should ALWAYS be judged by how well YOU tried to support and and be of service. Can't expect people doing the 'wrong' thing to understand or support you...or feed you......any more that you can EXPECT maturity and adult behavior from a small child. It's nice when it happens...but...heh..heh...well you get the idea! LOL.


Thank you for these words of wisdom David. It is great advice. It's helping me as well put something I'm presently dealing with into perspective. I like the analogy that you cannot expect adult behavior from a small child as much as you can expect someone who has adopted unhealthy eating habits to understand nutrition and the raw food lifestyle. It's about doing your own thing and lowering your expectations I suppose and not judging. Thank you again, now I can let it go. :)

[deberaw]

Great advice David....I believe that I speak for others here...but if you write a book with your words of wisdom I would buy it!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

[DavidZaneMason]

Ha! Thank you. You know...when I was in New York (over the weekend) they had fresh Israeli dates...still on the little stalks? Heh..heh. Not my thing though. I posted a lot of my travel pix up on the website if anyone wants to check em out.

-David Z. Mason

[iluvcacao]

Thank you all for your great posts. My trip in March will involve some cooked food. I am going with a group of 22, and we will be spending significant time in a home for young girls in Northern Thailand. I am comfortable making the sacrifice to eat cooked for that time because I care more about these people than what I eat. It would be HIGHLY offensive for me to reject the food or ask for special food. This is an unusual traveling situation. I am okay with all this. On the times that the team is on its own I am hoping to search out the local markets, have some durian, jackfruit, fresh coconut water, Thailand's amazing oranges, some mangosteen...have I got you all drooling yet :D I lived in Thailand, actually at this home, for a short time, so I know where the markets are. I guess what it is is that I don't want my energies going into what I'm eating, but into all these wonderful people I will be spending time with.
David, I have to say that eating first, when you can, sounds like a great approach. It is about spending time with the people, not the food.
I want to find the way to work this out, I don't want to give up raw, I don't want to give up all the life I want to live. I want neither to restrict the other :o
David, I understand what you are saying...have you had times when your refusal of food would be offensive, and therefore not supporting others? What did you do?
Parsnip, I think that your words fit where I'm at right now. I do LOVE the raw food I am eating right now. If I love it and how it makes me feel, I will get in all of it that I can and the few (and they are few) times I can't will not pull me down.
It is a fear, and I need to see it for what it is. I'm a perfectionist and as several as you said, relaxing a bit will probably help me out in chasing the fear away.
It just really kind of freaks me out, trying to match up a lifelong raw path with my whole life. I have no examples of anyone that has done it before and I don't know what it will look like. It doesn't seem to always piece together well, specifically with social and travel situations.
Thank you for your words of encouragement.

[gabscastillo]

Flexibility is a must! I was fortunate in college and taveled all over Europe- in many places the food was strange, sometimes unappealing, sometimes delicious. However, it was always offered in generosity, so I ate it with gratitude. That's not to say I make those things for myself in my own home, but I'm glad I experience the foods, and more importantly, the generosity.

[DavidZaneMason]

I hear you Iluvcacao. I imagine it is difficult to develop healthy dignity boundaries...with loved ones...who are often used to blurring (or striding over) those lines! Ha! ha! But diet, religion, sex life...these are all very private...and NOT open for casual critique. My loved ones know the way I eat - and are very supportive. Me not eating has NEVER been an issue. Strangers will sometimes insist, in which case I simply say that I ate before I came...and I'm there to support them - and show my affection for them. If that is not good enough for them....and they don't want me there...I'm not offended. My feet can do talking of their own. Heh..heh.

-In all honesty, out of 1000's of meals...and many, many business and professional meetings...I have never had anyone take offense. I just sip water...listen to them intently...pay attention to them...and they usually leave feeling pretty good - as do I. A little humor goes a long way.

-For those that are HIGHLY critical, there is a stock phrase: "I hear your concerns. Thank you." If they continue to bust your chops - you KNOW it is a CONTROL issue - and not a CONCERN issue. LOL. Unfortunately.

-I certainly know I am not doing myself or THEM any favors by eating things that are not good for me. If I feel I am going to a sensitive situation, I will let them know in advance I will not be eating....and/or BRING a fresh fruit plate. It is usually appreciated and devoured (not to mention providing food for me! Ha! ha!). I make it clear (non-verbally) that I can certainly NOT come...if they prefer (although this has NEVER happened).

-People's ULTIMATE expectation from you is to be happy and successful. Not being CLEAR internally with what YOUR goals are...will often lead folks to do not so healthy things by 'default' or 'tradition' or 'compulsion' out of some sense of social obligation. But having clear goals allows you to ask the question: "What tools are necessary for my goals?" If YOU regard fresh, raw plant foods (or just not eating) as necessary....then it will be a no-brainer to do it.

-You would not allow ANYONE to convince you to perhaps cut yourself...even a little.....to satisfy some social obligation. And yet eating (what YOU think) is a poor diet helps no one...and might even be more damaging to yourself (and them). If I went to neighborhood that forbade sitting quietly in the shade......or expected me to eat bugs.....or had a tradition to play in traffic....ALL of these things are contrary to my life goals of freedom, and peaceful giving and abundance.

-I can only imagine the fears you perhaps experience. And yet I think you will find that as you bring support to others - they generally reciprocate. Just my thoughts/experiences and opinions...which I hope are helpful.

-David Z. Mason

[iluvcacao]

David-I do see what you are saying in your last post...it gives me a lot to think about :) Thank you.
gabscastillo-I am looking forward to going to Europe in the future! I can identify with that desire to accept someone's generosity. That is a big thing for me, accepting something people offer out in love.

[rainbowgirl]

David talks much better than me, but I felt I might add something.

I live overseas, in a very carnivorous country, lol. Let's just say that they all pass me their salads (for me and my dd), lol.

But, they don't push, or are they taken aback if you do not eat their food.

At the last dinner of 15 women I was at, the lady to my right ate only fruit (she prefers it), I ate only salad (saying my health needs it), and everyone picked at what they wanted.

The idea that others would feel slighted if you did not accept their food may be unfounded. I always bring along a salad or fruit plate (you don't have to cut the fruit), and this is easily done, even if you are in a hotel, honestly, if it is a priority.

I always tell them that my health was bad prior, and now my system can only tolerate natural foods (fruits and veggies and nuts). That it is good for us all to eat more, isn't it. Then we enjoy the company, and conversation.

I am always positive about it, and they reflect that back. No one has ever been taken aback or negative, honestly.

RaWnbowgirl