concerns.

[biorobotics]

a bit of background;
i've been 'living' (if you can call it that) with an eating disorder for the past few years, and after many hospitalizations, therapy sessions, dietitian meetings, and so on, i finally feel like i'm more in control of it than it is in control of me.
i don't want to be sick anymore; i want to nourish my body and be able to sustain myself through consuming healthy, wholesome foods.
i am vegan, and that choice does not have anything to do with the eating disorder.

now, i've recently become interested in the raw foods way of eating, and while i have no plans to go completely raw, i do enjoy eating mostly fruits and vegetables, and various sprouted things (lentils, quinoa, seeds).

there are a few problems here (this is going to be rather poorly constructed, i apologize; please bear with me) :

-eating a lot of raw fruits and vegetables means eating a lot of volume, and this makes me feel guilty (i had 3 small bunches of broccoli, plus the stalks, and a pear for lunch today, for example). i know that calorie-wise, it wasn't a lot (or even enough), but i can't shake the feeling that i have this 'need' to be eating a lot; i'm scared that i'm eating low calorie things so i can get away with eating more volume. does any of that make any sense? i mean, i enjoy sitting down to a plate piled high with fruits and vegetables, it's really satisfying, but it just keeps nagging at me that it's too much to be having at any one time.

-it's important that i incorporate nuts and seeds into my diet, but i'm terrified of them. i know the fats are healthy and necessary for my body, but, well, eating disorders don't like to listen to reasons like that. relating to the above issue, as well, is that i can't eat a large volume of nuts/seeds, so i'm scared that i won't be satisfied having a small amount, or i'll go overboard with the portions.

i think those are my two main concerns.
i would really appreciate any advice or words of wisdom that anyone has regarding these issues.

thank you.

[MiahTay]

If you don't have Alissa's book I suggest you get it. She uses words like freedom and food in the same sentence. Something I have been unable to do in my adult life. But I am learning and I have made enough progress that I see that those words may actually go together some day. Good luck. You will find encouragement and strength from others here.

Heather

[iluvcacao]

I had an ed for 9 years, and I think they are correct when the say it is a bit like alcoholism, you always have the tendencies. Raw can be a great way to change the way you think about eating. You need to focus on eating raw to take care of yourself. When thoughts of eating too much come up, you have to put new thoughts into your head...you are worth taking care of and you are taking care of your body with all that good food. Early in my recovery, it helped me to eat when I had no distractions, no TV, no reading, no other people if possible, so I could "experience" my eating. Focus on your eating and stop when you are full, teach yourself to hear your body's cues about eating. Don't stop eating because you feel you are eating too much, stop when you feel full.
My main warning: even at hight raw I start losing weight (which feels so good to someone who struggles with ed issues) and that can trigger me into my cycles. I need to have someone hold me accountable when I'm losing weight.
This may not help you, but that is what I have to do, kill the bad thoughts and replace them with good ones. I also have to be careful about not setting too many eating goals, cause that can trigger me too. Congrats on wanting to take care of yourself, that is the big mental switch :)

[Dr. White]

I have battled Ed for years. I was free for 8 years and just recently triggered and moved in the illness again. Right now, it is an hour by hour struggle for me. Yesterday, I binged and purged and today I did not...I will say that I am only triggered to binge and purge when I step out of the raw lifestyle. If I stay raw, I am safe and do not limit fats or amount of intake. To me, it has become a way to control the ED intead of allowing it to control me.

You do have to talk back to the voice of the ED and tell it that it is wrong and that you are going to care for your body properly. My thoughts are very scattered right now, so I hope this makes sense.

[RawSweetie]

Hi Biorobotics~~

Congratulations on your desire to nourish and care for your body! That alone is a beautiful thing...

I think one of the most wonderful and exciting things about raw is that it will give you a chance to really get to know YOUR body and what it likes and needs. I do recommend Alissa's book, if you don't have it. Her approach to raw eating is so sane and doable, and it allows for each person to experiment and find his or her way. :)

I will say that adopting a raw lifestyle does require *some* letting go of control, because it is about trying this, trying that, seeing what works, instead of following someone else's strict rules or guidelines...

In terms of your concerns about all the bulk--
there are many easy, quick recipes that use alot of veggies, etc. in a form that is not bulky, like raw chili, pates, veggie dips, smoothies. They are delicious! I found that they were a great way to get lots o' good nutrition. And I know you can use seeds, like sunflower, in place of nuts in some recipes, if you are concerned about tons of fat. I think for someone recovering from an eating disorder, alot of nuts could be a bit rough on the digestion...

Best wishes on your raw journey!

[Nordicone]

I remember that someone once said to me (having suffered from servere obesity and then finding raw) that "the beauty with eating like this is that I can eat all day, and as much as I want to, but I never need feel guilty, because it's all good stuff!!"

I kinda live by that now.

I feel quilty if I have sat there pigging out on crap, but if sit there stuffing my face withmy raw apple crumble, I just sit back and ENJOY!

[jacsam]

I've been interested in reading everyone's comments because I just had someone come to me a couple of days ago and confide in me that they have an eating disorder. I would really like to understand more how I can be a positive support to this person. He is a young adult, male and says that he binges but doesn't purge, although he will go and do extra exercise sometimes. He talked about body image and basically binging, feeling badly about it and having food on his mind. Now, this person doesn't look like they would have an eating disorder, not that you have to look a particular way, I'm just saying that he looks and eats very healthy (maybe not when he binges in secret). I would love some feedback so I can be a positive influence. THANKS!!!:)

[MiahTay]

I've been interested in reading everyone's comments because I just had someone come to me a couple of days ago and confide in me that they have an eating disorder. I would really like to understand more how I can be a positive support to this person. He is a young adult, male and says that he binges but doesn't purge, although he will go and do extra exercise sometimes. He talked about body image and basically binging, feeling badly about it and having food on his mind. Now, this person doesn't look like they would have an eating disorder, not that you have to look a particular way, I'm just saying that he looks and eats very healthy (maybe not when he binges in secret). I would love some feedback so I can be a positive influence. THANKS!!!:)

You just described ME. I would go to the grocery store and buy 4 candy bars and eat them in the car then walk back to the garbage can in front of the grocery store to dispose of the evidence. Or I would go through the BK drive through and get way too much food and pay for it in cash so there wouldn't be any "record" (like anyone cares) and THEN dispose of the evidence. These are my issues that I have battled since I was 13 when I would walk home from the school bus stop (past a quick stop grocery) and I would buy a box of fudgsicles or pringles and eat them all before I got home. I am now 37 and the only thing that I have found that "works" is raw. I went from SAD to vegetarian to vegan, to vegetarian counting calories, to SAD to RAW! And as I mentioned in my post above when I read Alissa's book and she used the word freedom as it relates to food - I can see that is TRUTH. And I believe green smoothies help with the impulses to binge. JMO.

Heather

[StrawberryFields]

Hi there Biorobotics!

I'm not sure I have any helpful suggestions, just wanted to say I too suffered with an ED for many years and have overcome it. I too, tend to worry about eating large volumes of even healthy food. After all, isn't it still a binge, even if I'm eating raw spinach, if I'm using the food to numb myself? I guess what I'm trying to say is, this whole process takes time, and you may not feel totally comfortable with your eating habits for a long time. In the meantime, eating a diet of raw and living food is the very best thing you can do for yourself while you're getting better. Just take one day at a time, eat the best you can, and try and relax. Good luck! All of the suggestions above are wonderful.

[missvitreous]

Just take one day at a time, eat the best you can, and try and relax.

I couldn't agree more with Strawberry Fields. Whenever I find this lifestyle too restricting, I know I'm heading the wrong way. This is all about freedom, not restriction!:)

[windwoman]

Compulsive overeating is my "game." When I first started detoxification, that compulsion turned to over-spending. I was buying kitchen gadgets to use after the detox so I could go RAW. Even now, after failing at being RAW, I'm starting another detox (tomorrow), so I can start fresh. I bought the food processor, blender, chopping box, chopping board, peelers, garlic press, books, etc., and just purchased a dehydrator online. WHAT I AM SAYING is that the compulsion is still there...it just changed names. :( By what you people are saying, maybe Alissa and book will help me to re-train my mind so I can DETOX THAT and get on to freedom with raw foods without over-doing anything.

Thank you, Biorobotics, for mentioning your situation and helping me clear some things up myself!

I hope you're also getting some insight about the amount of food you're eating.:)