So...ANGRY. (S.A.D Family's Cruelty)

[kaleidoscopeeyes]

So just for a little background: My parents are divorced. My mother is supportive of my raw lifestyle. My dad and stepmother don't know I'm raw, but do know I'm vegan and wheat/gltuen free. I spend equal time with both parents. I'm really sick right now and my throat is killing me.

So I did a little research on the forums to find some natural remedies, because the medicine my dad and stepmother wanted me to take wasn't even VEGETARIAN :eek: When I told them this, they didn't care. I've been a vegetarian my whole life! And then my stepmother made me tea...IN THE MICROWAVE.

But what really irks me is what they did when I gave them my list of remedies and asked them to buy a few for me. My stepmother said "what are you going to do with these; make a potion?" but was willing to get some of them until my dad came in the room and started screaming at me, telling me "We're not witches. We don't believe in that stuff."

UGH. :mad:

[StarFire]

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/laugh.gif... oh sweetie ... I'm sorry to laugh -- and I know you are seriously upset ... but your parents.... oh my goodness...

honey... sometimes people are just ignorant.. that doesn't mean they are stupid... it simply means -- they 'don't know'....

I guess it tickled my funny bone cuz I've been called a 'witch' all my life. And frankly -- I'm quite proud of it! :D Ever heard of 'kitchen witches'?? I suppose there is a bit of 'witch' in all of us -- and yes -- we all make potions of one kind or another... including your mother....

every time she cooks and puts love into her cooking... or hopes that her family enjoys the meal... she's basically 'making a potion'... bascially casting a spell... because she's putting energy into her 'potion' there cooking on the stove!!

so -- I'm sorry your family wouldn't get you the healing herbs and things you needed.... but know that it's okay that they don't understand. (its not okay that they disrespect you like that...) but - if you are a minor living under their roof... well.. all you can do is stand your ground (respectfully) and as you get older - and they continue to see you not waivering from your LIFEstyle choices... hopefully then - they will understand...

but in the mean time... do the best you can. I really respect the choices you have made for your health... blessings on your journey little Goddess....

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/ththliloandstitchhug.gif

[kaleidoscopeeyes]

THANK YOU for your support. I really appreciate it. They are just so frustrating! I remember when my dad first started dating my stepmother, she made me a hamburger and he forced me to eat it. I actually threw up onto the plate and was accused of doing it on purpose!

My dad admits that veganism is a healthy lifestyle, but continues to eat meat and dairy and all these things that are bad for him. I just don't understand...if you know something's wrong why keep doing it? I'm afraid that if he doesn't start eating healthier, he won't live much longer.

Only a year and a half until college, where I'll be able to carry out my "witchy" lifestyle. Sigh. I get that he doesn't approve, but he's not the one taking the medicine - why can't I do what works for me? And he didn't have to be so mean about it! There wasn't even a precursor - he just walked into my room and started yelling at me!

I'm sorry for ranting, I'm just really upset right now =/ Thanks again for the support, you're wonderful. :)

[momma-rawma]

By the time I was a teen, I pretty much was avoiding the dad and step-mom's house.

If you indeed think they are cruel to you (and being that insensitive IS cruel in my book!), then I would cease visiting.

I am only guessing you are a teen based on how you are posting.

As a grownup--I fend for myself when I go to the parents houses.

Honestly--I would consider how your paternal units (as I call mine :D ) are treating you and if it warrants you limiting your physical contact in terms of anything involving a lengthy visit.

Since my dad and step-mom wouldn't respect me the way I wanted to be respected (not food related btw)..I just decided that enough was enough.

No parent should ever force their child to eat anything..EVER! You may not be aware, but it is psychologically damaging.

Also--holistic medicine is NOT witchcraft.

[kaleidoscopeeyes]

MommaRaw,

Yes, I am a teen. I'll be 16 at the end of March. I can't just "stop visiting" - my parents have joint custody that was decided in a court of law. Plus I need to continue living here to stay in my school district. I guess I just have to deal with them for the next year and a half.

[Bananna]

Hmmm. Yet another issue. Yes, I remember being 15 and almost counting down the days, lol!
Now, at 33, I see my Dad 2 hours a year...and it's too often! That being said, I do love him, but I do find him ...what was the term? Psychologically damaging...
All that being said, all he, and your parents are trying to do, is raise you well. I think it's DrPhil who always says 'you just do the best with what you have, and when you know better, you do better'...or atleast strive to, but that last bit's my adding.
Maybe, just a thought, I don't know if it's an option or not, but perhaps a part time job would give you enough money to buy your own lifestyle specifics?
Anna.
PS, don't be too hard on your parents not changing their ways, ie. diet. It's hard to change!!! ...guess that goes for parenting too. And step parenting which is even harder. Maybe make sure you let them know how much you appreciate the allowances they do give you...kinda like complimenting what you want more of...
...but alas, my Dad cannot be worked, I find him a destructive force, I cannot confront him at all, and I have a step mother who can be equally as judging etc. and the only solution I have found so far is just to remember that they grew up in a totally different generation, with different parenting skills put on them, just a much more different and strict culture. And my own resolve to parent with respect....which took a lot of work to change and not just mimic my own experience, and do only what I learned growing up.
Take care
Anna.
PS...honey will help your throat, although I don't know if you would use it. Or is it lemon? I think Starfire once said you only need one but I can't remember which it was!

[jacsam]

I do have to say that Starfire gave you some good advice....give them time and know that it will be you they'll be coming to when the tide changes their opinion about that type of stuff. More than likely it will not be you but someone else. Even if they don't change and agree with your ways, just remember that everyone floats their boat differently.....even among us raw fooders. Figure out what conversations will keep the peace and stick with that for the time being. You'll know when you can venture out but I do know for sure and that is you aren't going to be able to change their minds until they are ready!!!

[kaleidoscopeeyes]

I actually do have a part time job, at a raw restaurant! Juliano's Raw in Santa Monica, do you know it?

It's really helpful in that I don't have to be home for dinner (except two nights a week) so I can disguise my rawfoodism.

This thread is making my dad and stepmother seem like terrible people, which they're really not. He really is a loving dad who does a lot for me, we just don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. I think he's upset that I turned out like my mother, heh.

[DavidZaneMason]

It must be very upsetting to you. In my experience, it is unrealistic to expect people who are doing the wrong thing...to understand the people that are. If YOU feel you are doing the right thing...then it is important to do it intelligently and compassionately. Support others...but don't expect them to understand or support you. Be a good example by being happy, successful, self-prepared, and utterly content. A contented soul at peace with THEIR world is the best advertisement for ANY lifestyle....good or bad.

-David Z. Mason

[RawHeaven]

So just for a little background: My parents are divorced. My mother is supportive of my raw lifestyle. My dad and stepmother don't know I'm raw, but do know I'm vegan and wheat/gltuen free. I spend equal time with both parents. I'm really sick right now and my throat is killing me.

So I did a little research on the forums to find some natural remedies, because the medicine my dad and stepmother wanted me to take wasn't even VEGETARIAN :eek: When I told them this, they didn't care. I've been a vegetarian my whole life! And then my stepmother made me tea...IN THE MICROWAVE.

But what really irks me is what they did when I gave them my list of remedies and asked them to buy a few for me. My stepmother said "what are you going to do with these; make a potion?" but was willing to get some of them until my dad came in the room and started screaming at me, telling me "We're not witches. We don't believe in that stuff."

UGH. :mad:


Kaleidescopeeyes, I think all of the advice is right on . My response became a bit long and so I sent you an email. I experienced something similar when I was a teen. Hang in there and a big hug to you.

Crystal

[D'vorah]

I'm guessing dad came down on you rather than risk crossing his wife. That's a game my parents played right up till the end of mom's life. It's not about you. It's not your fault. Say that to yourself five times every hour until it "feels" true. It's their issue, one that does have an impact on you, but it's not your fault.

I know at your age, a year and a half seems like forever. It's not. When you're my age, you'll look back and see a blink in time. Hang in there, get the support where you can. Good for you for coming here where it's safe to vent.

I'm a mom of four, ages 18 - 24. I'm sending you lots of momma hugs.

Much love,

Deborah

[shashibala]

It sounds like you know your path and are committed to it. You are strong and sure of your decisions. It must be a great support to be working at Julianos.
You are already ahead of the game having figured out some important things at a young age. So, it seems that you needn't be worried about your step mom and dad's challenges to your choices. That being the case, try to focus on the love. Bring love to the situation and show them all the loving qualities inherent in a lifestyle based on life instead of death! Remember, we all are blind in some areas, no matter how old we get!! In fact it sometimes gets worse with age!! Best wishes to you! :) :) :)

[mykidzrkute]

first off i'm amazed that you have the knowlege about food that you have at your age. I wish i did when i was 16, or even 20! And what everyone says is true, a year and a half isn't as long as it seems. If it makes you feel any better, you have the knowledge and lead the life that is going to be so beneficial to you as a mother one day. i wish my parents were a little more health concious when we were growing up. Just remember that everything u are dealing with now, you cam erase when a new generation comes around. Good luck sweetie!

[ElephanTigeR]

Just know that you are NOT stuck there just because the court said so! I would defy them until they did what was in my best interest. Moving out at 16 was the best thing that ever happened to me! Do you have a copy of the Teenage Liberation Handbook? All my kids are getting one on ther 13th birthdays :D

Never let anyone force you to do anything agaisnt your will. That's so wrong that your dad doesn't respect your bodily sanctityt enough to let YOU decide what happens to it. I know he's not a bad person, but he apparently has some unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors.

All humans have the right to control their own bodies form birth. I would talk to them and if they don't agree that you deserve to be respected, I would seriously reconsider my living arrangements.

Best of Luck to you! Only you know what is best for you, don't let anyone else try to convince you to go against that!

[Dylan]

Stay strong and follow your truth, but let go of requiring other people to follow your example. Yeah it's true that your relatives may not be living the healthiest lifestyle. But both you and them are going to die someday no matter how well you ate during your lives.

Think about it: You could be so focused on the fact that your nearest and dearest are not taking care of themselves and headed straight for an early grave that you forget to have fun with them and enjoy their company while they're here.

I've had experiences where I know my mindset is of judgment and people pick up on this! DO WHAT YOU WANT and FOLLOW your bliss. Nothing else is more important than this. But let go of what other people do and why. Just don't worry your head about it. Everything will work itself out at the right time. Enjoy your life!

[rawfigure]

I found this Post interesting for several reasons. The point was appropriately made that in most cases our Family/Friends simply do not understand and are mostly ignorant of our lifestyle, herbs, potions and all. So generally when we go visit friends and family we do have to be prepared and pack what we need ! I have told friends I am Veggie, Raw and Allergic to ALL SEAFOOD and FISH and the other day we had a party and my husband made a Beef Thai dish and it had Fish Sauce...and my one Friend (who I have told many times..) wanted to know why I wasn't having any....when I told him he said surely I cannot be allergic to fish....:rolleyes:

The other thing I found interesting about the Post was the annoyance with your Step Mom for the MICROWAVE incident, she, like most have no clue that someone may not use a microwave. I don't think she did it as a slight against you. My secretary who works here at my home only uses the Micro and thinks me crazy to not.

I also found it interesting as in some ways I can see their side, not from a SAD point though as I am RAW. My Step Daughter often gets annoyed with me (some is jealousy that I am married to her father, he obviously is smitten with me ...but that is another issue..) and with the food issues. BUT I am on the opposite side of the food issue as I am the kitchen witch. Last time she was here she got mad that I did not have WHOLE MILK in the house for the Grand babies..and where were the snacks for them ? She was upset that I offered the Kids BANANA's (not twinkies or the like) and informed me that the kids didn't like to eat most FRUIT..well they seemed pretty content to me ! lol...:p . So I do not cater to her and run out and buy foods I do not want in my house. I did relent and buy Milk (ick..) for Xmas...but then she said the kids did not want 2%...though my Granddaughter seemed happy to drink 2 %. So Point is there are two sides and each side sticks to what they believe (or have learned) is the best way to be. So may Step Daughter could write a post about horrible me on a SAD forum. hmmm...maybe she has !

[ladypeace82]

I started reading everyone's repsonses but have too much of a headache to keep on going.
Step parents have a way of being ummmm booty heads? I have experiance with an evil step mom. But my dad wasn't around enough at the time to pay attention. He finally divorced her when he figured it out and listened to my brother and I.
most Step mom's try to tell dads how to raise their children. even if they don't have their own children. Father's don't know about girls so they think the new wife knows what she's talking about. Other people may argue this situation but this is my experiance and I'm sticking to it. :) your step mom sounds just like mine. that's why I say this.

On the part of the "potion" what the heck is in those non vegitarian pills? it's a mixture of over 100 different items all boiled and cooked and squished into pill form....that is a "potion" right?
and if they take away the non vegan stuff, its the same stuff you are asking for just not in pill form. right?
well, I'm not pushing you to argue with the parents but in case a heated argument does come up, that is something you can throw out there while your at it. Did you say your mom is cool with raw vegan? Do your parents still talk to each other about you? mine did until about 2 years after I moved out. they were civil enough to discuss their children's well being and their own concerns about us. I just hope they are. Talking to your mom to ask for her help might help. as long as step mom is no where near dad when they have that conversation.

we can all say that your entitled to what you want to do or you should say this or say that or what we would do. but I remember 15. Parents are the authority and most of the time we can't do anything to make them listen or understand. we just have to ride it out until we're gone.

good luck with the step mom

[RawHeaven]

Stay strong and follow your truth, but let go of requiring other people to follow your example. Yeah it's true that your relatives may not be living the healthiest lifestyle. But both you and them are going to die someday no matter how well you ate during your lives.

Think about it: You could be so focused on the fact that your nearest and dearest are not taking care of themselves and headed straight for an early grave that you forget to have fun with them and enjoy their company while they're here.

I've had experiences where I know my mindset is of judgment and people pick up on this! DO WHAT YOU WANT and FOLLOW your bliss. Nothing else is more important than this. But let go of what other people do and why. Just don't worry your head about it. Everything will work itself out at the right time. Enjoy your life!

This is outstanding advice. I've definately been worried about my relatives' health and your words have definately placed a new spin on this for me. I'm going to consider your advice for myself also. I've printed this out and posted it with my other aspirations to follow for this year.

Dylan, thanks very much for sharing your wisdom. I appreciate it. :)

[spiralgirl]

But what really irks me is what they did when I gave them my list of remedies and asked them to buy a few for me. My stepmother said "what are you going to do with these; make a potion?" but was willing to get some of them until my dad came in the room and started screaming at me, telling me "We're not witches. We don't believe in that stuff."
UGH. :mad:

kaleidoscopeeyes,

That is interesting indeed that your dad said that. Maybe it's how he was
raised. My mom, sister and I are all Christians and are all raw as well. We've never seen holistic medicine that way nor have some of my friends who know about my raw lifestyle. People that I've met briefly and know about me being raw think I'm nuts or weird but that's okay. It works for me.

Hope things brighten up in the future for you. Would it be possible to bring your own meal the nights you have to have dinner with them. Maybe something that looks divine. I don't know just an idea. Just do the best you can. :)

[rawfigure]

Step parents have a way of being ummmm booty heads?


Ummmmm watch the Insults please. "Step Parents" do not have a way of being booty heads. Many times we are stuck in the middle and many times it is every one except the Step Parents who are the Evil ones.

I have told friends who have said , I have an Evil Step ____ , and I will always hate her/him. Hate and Unforgiveness affect the ONE who hates, not the one who is hated. Same with bitterness and unforgiveness.

I challenge those who have evil step parents to show them some love, and give them a chance. You may be surprised. After 18 years of marriage my Step Son who is 23 now decided to open up and love me. On NYEve when he hugged me and told me how much he loved and appreciated me, his father (who is 49) left the room and cried, joy of course.

A STEP PARENT.

[ladypeace82]

Ummmmm watch the Insults please. "Step Parents" do not have a way of being booty heads. Many times we are stuck in the middle and many times it is every one except the Step Parents who are the Evil ones.

I have told friends who have said , I have an Evil Step ____ , and I will always hate her/him. Hate and Unforgiveness affect the ONE who hates, not the one who is hated. Same with bitterness and unforgiveness.

I challenge those who have evil step parents to show them some love, and give them a chance. You may be surprised. After 18 years of marriage my Step Son who is 23 now decided to open up and love me. On NYEve when he hugged me and told me how much he loved and appreciated me, his father (who is 49) left the room and cried, joy of course.

A STEP PARENT.

That is why I said this

Other people may argue this situation but this is my experiance and I'm sticking to it. your step mom sounds just like mine. that's why I say this.

I'm not saying all step parents obviously. My step sister's step mom was the same way and my step dad was bad too, bad enough to cheat on my mom.
So my entire experiences with step parents are bad ones. That is why I said "my experience"

BUT, if my dad and step mom were still married, I'm pretty positive we'd get along just fine. I see her from time to time because my half sister is 11 and lives with her. You would never know the battles we used to have.

But it took 18 years and becoming an adult for your step son to finally figure it out. Because I've learned that we all finally GET our parents by the time we are about 21 to 25 years old. And we've grown up of course. It almost stinks to finally realize your parents were right the whole time.... :eek: :D

[trinity082482]

My stepmother said "what are you going to do with these; make a potion?" but was willing to get some of them until my dad came in the room and started screaming at me, telling me "We're not witches. We don't believe in that stuff."
UGH. :mad:


I had to laugh at that too :D Sorry I sense your frustration but sometimes closed minded people can be quite the hoot! :)

[D'vorah]

Because I've learned that we all finally GET our parents by the time we are about 21 to 25 years old. And we've grown up of course. It almost stinks to finally realize your parents were right the whole time.... :eek: :D

In the case of abuse, it can take a lot longer than 21 - 25, because abuse just doesn't make sense. It has taken me years to really embrace that my abusers were most likely abused themselves, and no, they weren't right the whole time, they were wrong much of the time.

Deborah

[RawHeaven]

In the case of abuse, it can take a lot longer than 21 - 25, because abuse just doesn't make sense. It has taken me years to really embrace that my abusers were most likely abused themselves, and no, they weren't right the whole time, they were wrong much of the time.

Deborah

Amen to that.

[ladypeace82]

Soooo next time I'll just respond to the poster in private email.