What Will You Do???

[ShelShel]

After surviving the Holiday Season this year...what will you do differently to make it more of a success next year???

Personally, for me...I'm going to limit the amount of interaction we have next year. Four dinner parties in one week...was way more than I could take. Two tops next year!

I know that seems harsh...like there should be another way, but I've tried the other options. I've taken (what to me and raw fooders would be a yummy) raw treat only to find that it bothered the others. I've eaten only salad. (Which leaves me feeling like I want more and vulnerable to what ever else is there.) I'm forever explaining why I eat what I'm eating. I and what I eat become the dinner conversation...it is sooooooooo uncomfortable to say the least.

So, for me...I will just simply limit how much of that I am willing to put up with in a week. That will allow the holidays to be far less stressful on my raw diet.

What will you do?

Let's give each other some pointers on what to try out for next year so that we may all succeed with staying raw through the holidays!;)

[Revvell]

This is interesting to me... some of the words you use such as "survive" and "harsh"...

I don't find limiting oneself from 4 dinner parties where one can't eat the food down to two as "harsh"... I find it admirable and intelligent. We only go where we can eat the food and where we are supported in our choices. To others THAT may seem harsh yet, why go through all that discomfort? Fun is fundamental to me and holiday (holy day) is a day of comfort and love for myself and those I'm with.

Now, "survive"? I THRIVE on EVERYthing I do! Every year we find some place to go to enjoy ourselves. On the evening before Thanksgiving we went to some friends' home and had a truly delicious feast. They're not raw yet, they understand my choices. They are vegan though. THOSE are the people "I" choose to hang out with.

On Christmas, we drove up to Ojai, walked the city and then drove out to the beach coming back rejuvenated.

That to me is the BEST way to spend time. Today we're going down to San Marcos. He's got a job down there. We're going early to spend more time at the beach; got a room with free wireless internet access so I can work while he's gone then in the morning, going back to the beach before going home.

We choose not to "survive" our lives; we choose to "thrive" ~ and teach others how to as well.

Revvell

[tvillemom]

I'm not thriving, or surviving.....

Christmas was tooo much.

I went to families on Christmas eve...not prepared....I chose not to. It was just too much to (again) think of what I'm going to eat. Then, when someone asked me if this cracker type thing (it was flat and "herby" looking) was mine ("Wendi, did you bring these") I said, "no, I didn't bring anything this time"...thinking to myself....nobody eats what I bring, and most of my family makes cruel jokes:mad: (I don't care if you don't eat it, just don't make fun of it!) They are my family, and I've been hurt by their comments (Thanksgiving was the final straw, where my DELICIOUS (MARAW'S) PUMPKIN PIE was made fun of!) I was so hurt...they were whispering, giggling, and well you know, when family members are doing something they are not supposed to, someone in the group will hush everyone! So, from now on, I just won't eat, and not take anything....I guess I'm mad. Maybe by next HOLIDAY season I will feel renewed, now I'm just angry that I feel like I had to conform, or keep getting my feelings hurt.

OH well....sorry, I guess I'm not much help....maybe I'll purposefully do a 40 day juice fast during the holiday season next year...I'll feel like a winner that way.

Wendi

[lily]

Next year I'll put much more time and thought into planning and preparing what I'm going to eat. This year I made delicious cooked vegan food for my extended family and planned to make really lovely salad accompaniments to each meal, for them, but mainly for me, but when it came to it, time ran out and I had 'just a little' of what they were having... so in the end I just 'fell off the wagon'.

Now I'm reflecting on that, and making some detailed plans of how I could have avoided it then, and on other occasions. The key for me is having something really delicious already made for myself, so that I can just get that out of the fridge and serve it alongside what I make for the others. They actually find it interesting usually and it's a good way of letting them see how good raw food can be.

But this year I was tired and had so much to do, and didn't get around to it, partly because it needs to be freshly made, whereas a lot of the food I prepared for the cooked-eaters I had been able to do in advance and freeze, just cooking their veg fresh.

I think it's also important for me to take the time to make the raw things I really, really love, like the No Turkey with cranberry sauce from Alissa's book, and the lemon meringue pie from the Cafe Gratitude book, my own easy cream of tomato soup, alissa's pesto mushrooms....

So, back on the wagon now and with practical plans for staying there in the future.

lily

[Revvell]

This is not a put-down or anything of that nature yet, you posted here and I KNOW others have gone through what you have and can relate. I can't. My question in all sincerity is, why and how do you choose to be with people who "....I've been hurt by their comments (Thanksgiving was the final straw, where my DELICIOUS (MARAW'S) PUMPKIN PIE was made fun of!) I was so hurt...they were whispering, giggling, and well you know, when family members are doing something they are not supposed to, someone in the group will hush everyone! ..." "....I'm just angry that I feel like I had to conform, or keep getting my feelings hurt." ?

And you say: "...Thanksgiving was the final straw..." but it wasn't. You went back for more on Christmas!!! Gurl!!!!


From what you've posted, next year you'll go back for more maybe assuming things will be different? Is this correct?

If the word "family" didn't surround these people, would you continue to spend time with them?

btw ~ if this is getting TOO personal, please, just ignore me or tell me to "hush up".

Revvell

p.s. This did come up on one of my podcasts. One of my interviewees actually went through that just before our interview and Alissa and I did discuss this numerous times on Rawkin' Radio... if this helps any.





I'm not thriving, or surviving.....

Christmas was tooo much.

I went to families on Christmas eve...not prepared....I chose not to. It was just too much to (again) think of what I'm going to eat. Then, when someone asked me if this cracker type thing (it was flat and "herby" looking) was mine ("Wendi, did you bring these") I said, "no, I didn't bring anything this time"...thinking to myself....nobody eats what I bring, and most of my family makes cruel jokes:mad: (I don't care if you don't eat it, just don't make fun of it!) They are my family, and I've been hurt by their comments (Thanksgiving was the final straw, where my DELICIOUS (MARAW'S) PUMPKIN PIE was made fun of!) I was so hurt...they were whispering, giggling, and well you know, when family members are doing something they are not supposed to, someone in the group will hush everyone! So, from now on, I just won't eat, and not take anything....I guess I'm mad. Maybe by next HOLIDAY season I will feel renewed, now I'm just angry that I feel like I had to conform, or keep getting my feelings hurt.

OH well....sorry, I guess I'm not much help....maybe I'll purposefully do a 40 day juice fast during the holiday season next year...I'll feel like a winner that way.

Wendi

[RawHeaven]

----------

[Stina]

Hey, I just wanted to say it's threads like this that keep me coming back to this e-community. There are people here who are sincerely searching and processing their emotions and some strong voices with the wisdom of experience. Thanks all of you for supporting each other in a loving, positive manner.

[tvillemom]

Revvell: I know you're right...and I knew when I posted that someone (probably you;) ) would question WHY I still go there, when I'm not being supported.

OK...I love my family. I know they love me, they are ignorant (I mean that in the sincere form, meaning uneducated, and they don't want to BE educated) anyway, I guess this year, with my thyroid being off....way off, suffering from depression.....AND I SHOULD USE THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO EXPLAIN TO THEM WHY I HAVE TO EAT HEALTHY.....but this year, just for now, I could not summon the energy. Pity party, I guess. Next year will be different. It usually is, for me I use my food to explain to relatives WHY you should eat healthy, and what true healthy eating is......just not this time.

Thanks for your support. I know you mean what you say, and I know next year, I will be stronger, and I WILL stick up for myself. DH has even decided that next time someone comments on my food, he will blast them himself...even though he doesn't want to go raw, he usually tries my food, and supports me....GOD I LOVE THAT MAN!!:D

[ShelShel]

Hummmm, I'm still processing what has been written.

You said you choose to hang out with those who understand and support making your moments during Holidays refreshing and wonderful.

Unfortunately, the only person in my life at the moment who is like that and always has been...is my wonderful husband. Everyone else in my life (kids included) mock, joke and question everything I put in my mouth.

I am thrilled that for you...your circle of friends get and understand you. I made these friends (and have had this extended family) a lifetime ago before going raw and l love them just as much today as I ever did.

Raw must conform to my world, not the other way around. If I can't be me, with my friends...how is raw a lifestyle that anyone can live with?

I will not walk away from the people I love because they don't understand and in their own way...feel really bad because they can't eat the way I do to be healthy...so that their only response is to try and make me look like the crazy...instead of all of them looking unhealthy! :rolleyes: I understand what they are doing...so what they say doesn't matter to me as much as my response to it...am I able to eat raw...stay healthy in the midst of the life I have?

So, I will ask again in a different way:p ...what will you do next year to aid in your staying raw and and THRIVING through the holiday season...feeling energized and uplifted instead of just surviving the experience?

Another idea I had was to take every opportunity to educate my friends more this year about raw foods. Perhaps that will help over the next year to alleviate some of what I experienced this year. :)

[greenday]

I actually pretty much bowed out of ALL the typical holiday stuff this year. Some of it intentional - like not getting into the "buy anything" frenzy with gifts and going to endless parties. I came down with the flu pretty hard - it's week 2 and only now am I feeling better. What's interesting about that? I completely MISSED several work buffets, BBQ's, and parties..and ha, my waistline and rawness is thankful! There's always a silver lining if you look hard enough. :) The downside of not engaging in the holiday spirit, well, I missed some of the good stuff, too. I didn't connect with friends I would have liked to. And I didn't write one single card! :eek: So, I saved the return addresses of all the cards I received - and so happens that each person I got a card from is truly dear to me so my first To-Do for the New Year will be taking a few moments and writing a personal card to each of them to let them know I didn't forget and that they are important to me. :) Holidays are tough, at least for me the interruptions to normal routine make it feel harder to focus on my goals of health and fitness. I'm not regretting past non-actions...and am instead looking forward to a bright and purposeful January! I hope everyone who posts here not feeling great about slip-ups or missed opportunities this month can be gentle with themselves and accept that the past is past and TODAY is a brand new day to reinvent and create the life you dream! :D

[ShelShel]

Revvell,
I was just rereading your post and realized I have another comment. :p

See we had a moment like you described earlier this year. We got together for six hours without our children in tow...to visit with some great friends...who took the time to make a very healthy meal for us to enjoy. We sat in their lovely 5000 sq. ft. home and caught up on life. It was so wonderful. They were wonderful. We were exactly like you said...refreshed by the experience.

This happened once this year. Once. These friends are so busy and her job takes her out of town three and four days a week. And...as you said these people were not our family. This is a lovely date night out with my husband, but it certainly is not a holiday as I have always known it to be.

A normal AMERICAN experience (at least it's what I have always known it) is that many people...from far and close...get together making their own special dishes (full of fat...creams and sugar) to add to a dinner table at one person's house. (Usually the Mother-In-Law) Here they sit around eating, talking, play board games, watching football games and the like. Everyone complains they over ate and it will all happen exactly like this the following year. :confused:

In walks little 4'9" me. :D With my healthy eating..raw foods...weight loss and I turn what was once a comfortable experience everyone indulged it...into this uncomfortable event. Where everyone suddenly feels uncomfortable about what they are consuming, but darned if they are going to change. Where they are feeling bad for me and want me to join in. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! LOL :p I sit there smelling smells I know as holiday time and wishing I could join in all the "FUN" (NOT) and pretty soon...I'm sucked into the experience. Now...this. This is what I would appreciate if it didn't happen next year.

I know I'm off to visit. There is no choice for me in that. So...in the presence of all that...any ideas!?!?!

[Eva]

I really, really have enjoyed the responses here! I guess that I would probably make more raw food goodies to bring along and have around... And just stand my ground. I wouldn't bring it up, but I would not be meek about it. "This is the way I eat. It makes me feel good and healthy, and I enjoy every food I eat."

It really is difficult sometimes to decide if you would like to separate yourself from people who are so different. I guess for me, it's not about the difference but about the attack or about the support. My best friend is not raw and probably won't ever be... but part of the reason she is my BEST and FAVORITE friend is that she supports whatever it is I'm doing. She's curious, she's interested, and she wholeheartedly supports my doing it! She supported me getting married when that was the choice I made at a young age, she supported my husband when we were doing well... but by god now that he has drawn the last straw as many times as he has and we're on our way to divorce... well, she supports that too.

I don't know that I would choose to be around people who mocked me, even if they were family... At the holidays or any other time!...

[StarFire]

wow.... this is one of those threads where the answer isn't just a quick blurb....

I completely understand the 'family thing'. My dh's family holiday get togethers were unbearable for me.... too much food, too much competition between loving family members, the inevitable fight after drinking too much... it was bizarro land as far as I was concerned -- but we put in our appearance - out of respect for his mother.... and always left early.

it's more difficult I think when you have children... then it always feels like there's an obligation to go to these family fiascos.... thankfully - I missed all that as dh and I never had kids together and by the time we married both his (and my) kids were grown with kids of their own. We never put pressure on our kids to come visit - PRIMARILY because we understood how WE felt ~ feeling obligated to make an appearance - rather than being there cuz we loved being there....

and please know -- we do love our families we just didn't enjoy the commotion that seemed to always pop up....

and tvillemom -- believe me I soo understand what you are saying.... dh's family whispered behind my back.... I am after all .... a woman of 'color'... I am not Scilian... I am dh's second wife ... NOT THE FIRST whom they all loved.... but I did go - out of respect for my husband and his mother....

but -- when we finally decided to move back to MY homeland... omg.... talk about fireworks.... hateful words - no longer whispered behind my back... but literally spit at my face.... the things I was called... the hateful cruel words that were screamed at me.... :eek: I was taking the 'first born son' away from his family.... omg.... I stepped back and just stared at his mother and the rest of his family .... and I got up from the thanksgiving table -- walked out of the door and sat in the car... it was senseless for me to try to defend myself or even speak to them.... I was done....

dh was in that house for another hour... reaming each and every one of them... and pointed out to his mother that the new house she lives in -- I bought her with my own money because I was concerned about her and wanted to make sure that she would always have someplace to live. She had been living in a senior apartment tower thing where old people were dying around her everyday... it was horrible. She is a vibrant fiesty woman and the place was killing her - so I wanted to make sure she would have a home where she could garden and sit outside and swim in the pool.... She thought dh had bought it - so he made sure that she knew that the whole idea about buying the house was my idea and the money was my money that I had before dh and I married. I have not spoken to her since Thanksgiving 8 years ago.....

I did make a point though - that night I did in fact - kick her out of MY HOUSE until dh and I flew to Hawaii... I wasn't about to rent a hotel room for two days ... so I told dh she would have to leave the house - stay with dh's sister and could move back in after we had left California. So - she did that - the house is still in my name although she wants me to transfer title to her I will NOT do it. She is welcome to live there as long as she wants to .... that was the last time dh and I spent celebrating the holidays with his family.

Shel - I'm know that doesn't help you with your question... but I think what I do works for me now.... I just take my own meal --- a plate of spicy tacos, or fajitas, or whatever is beautiful and colorful - so I don't feel like I'm needing more food or tempted .... I just walk in with my own plate of food... if they whisper or laugh -- oh well.... I can't do anything about it...

I do bring a dessert to share - if they don't like it - I don't care anymore.... dh will enjoy it and that's good enough. I'm finding my 'i don't care attitude' has actually made things easier for me with our friends - they sort've accept me better this way. they always come over and peek at my plate though - out of curiosity... and often will ask for a taste - so I ALWAYS make sure to put more on my plate than I can actually eat. If they want more - I smile and say - nope - sorry - this is my meal -- you eat your meal! :D

and this year - we also declined many invitations. We limited our visits to two familes that we love and adore and don't care what i eat or don't eat - just so long as we can share the love and laughter.

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/a3b44903.jpg

[earth_sista]

Revvell,

I love what you wrote earlier, especially, "If the word "family" didn't surround these people, would you continue to spend time with them?"

This year, my Thanksgiving and Christmas experiences were very different and totally put things into perspective for me. First off, I love my "family" and spend as much time as I can with them, which is actually a lot. But, for Thanksgiving this year I was in Colorado. I had one Thanksgiving meal with the folks at an ashram I was then staying at, which was obviously not raw, but, i have never felt closer to such a large group of people in my life. Every single person there was so kind, sincere, and selfless, always seeming to be concerned about everyone else. Next, I had another Thanksgiving meal with a group of friends, all of them vegan or vegetarian and similary, they were all super sweet and caring.

Next, Christmas this year was spent with my blood relatives, and unfortunately, the three other vegans in the family couldn't make it. So, only a couple of people would even touch the dishes I brought, which were super yummy, i must say :) Also, things are just so much more chaotic at my mother's house, I wish everyone would be more courteous and caring towards eachother.

But, alas, I am fortunate to have had these very different holiday experiences. I feel much less concerned about whether I celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving with my blood relatives, especially considering that I am always there for every other event, which is quite often!

[ShelShel]

StarFire,
What a story...I sat there thinking...wow...:eek: As sweet as you are...how can those things happen? That's nuts.

Actually what you said did help.
I was just thinking...you know, if I was half as interested in my own food as I was in theirs...I would have a fighting shot. :p
I think that's it. I haven't found a raw recipe that I can enjoy in front of other people. I'm embarrassed by the way they look or the way they smell. (Based on my immediate family's response to everything.) My first Thanksgiving raw, I brought Alissa's recipes. They were kind, but they all wrinkle their faces and make...well, better you than me comments. It does tend to make one feel weird for enjoying it. But perhaps if I had enjoyed it...then it wouldn't have mattered so much.
But it's very hard to enjoy a raw nut turkey when you have the aroma of the real thing floating in the air. That's it I think. When comparing smells and tastes...I haven't forgotten what the real thing tastes like...and these raw recipes...although good...aren't a good enough suppliment in the face of the real thing. :rolleyes: Like raw mashed potatoes...look like mashed potatoes...but they still taste like cauliflower.

I have such a strong sense of smell. I can tell where people have been just by the smell of them. I can tell ingredients in food...just from smell without even tasting. So...to eat an avocado and say yummmmmmmmmm....is great. But to eat something that doesn't smell like a potato...doesn't taste like a potato and say yummmmmmmm in a group of people actually eating a potato with butter and cream with it...I'm can't lie to myself...so, how could I lie to them? :p I suppose that's just my personal problem, but I guess that's it.

I have to find ways that work for me to help keep me strong, happy and on track in my life. I thought that a post about ways in which to do this, might be enlightening for me...and all of us. I was right about myself finding an answer...thanks StarFire.
I need to find recipes I really, really enjoy like I used to enjoy cooked food. Things that maybe don't resemble what others are eating at all...like raw tacos or something...instead of trying to bring the raw equivilent. (Raw Turkey, mashed potatoes and so on.) I'm really going to make it a point eat what I like...where ever...and become ok with it. Maybe then others will as well.
Thanks!

[greenday]

ShelShel - I am finding the longer I persist at making raw food (even the substitute things like mashed potatoes vs. a tried and true salad) my tastes ARE beginning to shift. Ok granted...it's subtle, and not always, but there have been quite a few suprising moments recently when I've tasted or nibbled something non-raw that I used to LOVE...and it comes up short. It's just not as tasty or flavorful as I imagined it to be in my head. Perhaps it's because raw food is so *vibrant* in color and texture that the comparison is what brings about the change, I don't know? So, I hope with time (and persistence) you feel this happening more and more and begin really enjoying the raw recipes more than the SAD version. I agree with you that it's easier to set the example amongst skeptics when you have conviction about what you're doing. LOL, dp was a sport and tried the mashed potatoes and gravy recently - but ate it like a kid being forced their peas. I was on the fence the first time...and now I'm craving the flavor once again! As Martha would say...It's a good thing. :)

[StarFire]

ShelShel.... that's why I NEVER... take anything to 'replace' the traditional meals.... EVER... cuz no matter how much I may enjoy the taste - it's NOT mashed potatoes like you say...

I opt to make something so COMPLETELY DIFFERENT..... off the wall -- but I make sure what ever I take -- it is VIBRANT in COLOR... BEAUTIFUL to look at ... and doesn't even remotely have ANYTHING to do with Thanksgiving.... or traditional Christmas dinners etc....

that's why I love the Mexican themed foods - they are so beautiful - and colorful.... and I enjoy them so completely! ;) :D

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/sun.gif

[Conscious Midwife]

I've often ahd friends over to my homebecause they are interested in sampling whatever vegan or raw concoction I come up with. My true die hard vegan appreciate the fact that i go out my way to make vegan meals for them even when I'm on a SAD binge.

I think rawritos and salsa are the cheapest and most universally acceptable RAW dish I've taken anywhere.

But you know the Holidays can be about celebrating life and loved ones and skipping the food all together. Don;t serve it dont; pot luv=ck it. Just BE with a natural high and enhusiasm to enjoy the ones your with.

Imagine interacting for 3-4 hours wih no food or TV. Many can't hang. Tv AND FOOD GIVES THEM AN OUT WHEN THINGS GET TO DEEP.

[tvillemom]

I love this thread. I have found that I am the most successful if I bring my own food, and make it something that I do LOVE, even if it's not something to mimick traditional foods (like the mashe potatoes). I had a weak moment at Thanksgiving.....just sad that I took a BEAUTIFUL pumpkin pie, and even that was snickered at.......so I decided not to even bother at Christmas, and who suffered, ME!!! I won't do it again, and next holiday I will be stronger...

This thread has actually inspired me to be ME...AND noone else.....JUST ME!! I enjoy the food I enjoy, and so what, who cares what they think. I usually have this attitude, but like I said, it was a weak moment.


STARFIRE: I can't imagine anyone being so hateful to you! Bravo to DH for standing up for you, and for you taking the high road!

Peace to you all....

[Vivafree2]

I would like to be surrounded by raw people, celebrate christmas with raw community.

[herbalgirl]

I think what I am going to do is be better prepared for the holiday season next year. I like what Alissa said she does: she makes a big batch of those fudge balls of hers and carries them around for emergencies. She will pop one or two and it will carry her through it all.

I agree with ShelShel in that these people are my family and friends that I have had for years before I ever thought of going raw. I cannot just ditch them because of this new lifestyle.

It still doesn't make the eyerolls or comments any easier, but, hey, we can't please everyone. So be it! :p