simply_michelle
12-23-2007, 08:05 AM
I caved yesterday and caved bad. People who read this blog must think I am nuts! I say I am doing this blog so you can follow my weight loss journey and yet I have not had one good day yet! If I could I would just crawl into bed today and sleep all day long. I don't want to have to do anything today. BUT, I have church this morning then I have to volunteer for an hour or so at hockey and sing at church tonight. SO NOT ON THE MOOD TO DO ANY OF IT.
I have lost over 40 pounds so far. I had lost almost 100 but gained all but 40 back because I lost it the wrong way. All my life I have struggled with this. I lose weight but literally restricting my calories down to the 600-900 level, follow that til I lose a bunch and of course, that eventually sets me up for non-stop bingeing. And that is where I am at right now. I had restricted for quite some time and lost a bunch of weight. BUT, then when I started eating again I just could not stop. And it has been months of this now. I would say since about the end of June I have been eating non-stop with only a few good days here and there. Now, the scary part is, I see my son following in my footsteps. He is only 10 but already eats when he is not hungry or out of boredom. He is going to struggle with weight I can see it. I have got to break this cycle.
Part of my problem is that I am so all or nothing. When I want weight off I want it off NOW and I must stop thinking that way. It did not come on overnight and won't come off overnight either. I must realize that by transitioning into the right way of eating and not starving myself I will be able to keep the weight off. If it takes a year it takes a year, so what. I also think part of the problem is that I am not looking at this is a family situation. I am trying to fix me and my eating and yet still buying the same junk for my kids! That is not good for them and it just tempts me. So no more of that either. They can eat what I am eating. And my son NEEDS to change how he eats and his relationship with food NOW. And I need to do that for him.
Today when I get home I am cleaning all of the junk food out of this house. I am going to email my family and tell them not to buy me or the kids anymore candy, etc... I don't want it in the house. I will explain to them why too. Started tomorrow this is going to be a family affair. I will also plan out the meals for the week today and have it all set. And plan my schedule for the week.
I am an intelligent person, I KNOW what I have to do and how to do it. I am killing myself here and teaching my children awful things about one's relationship with food. THAT IS SCARY! I don't know how I managed when I was 40 pounds heavier because I feel awful right now. My whole body is stiff, I can't get comfortable at night, and sometimes it is really hard to breathe. My legs and back absolutely kill me.
I know that I also cannot think in black and white about raw. Will I try to have my family be as close to raw as possible? yes I will. But will we be 100%? Maybe eventually but not right now. AND I AM OK WITH THAT. Right now I just want to stop the overeating. I want to stop having unhealthy food in my house. I want to only eat when I am absolutely hungry. Eat when I FEEL hunger, not when I am bored or tired or lonely. I want to log what I eat and yes, track the calories. I struggle with whether or not I should set a calorie limit but again wonder if that sets me up as well because if I go over what I set for myself than I figure "oh what the heck, I already blew it anyway, just keep going". I think it would be better to just track what I am eating and be sure I am only eating when PHYSICALLY hungry.
That is all I have time for right now. I wish today was done so I could start me and my family fresh tomorrow. But at least today I can prepare for it.
I have lost over 40 pounds so far. I had lost almost 100 but gained all but 40 back because I lost it the wrong way. All my life I have struggled with this. I lose weight but literally restricting my calories down to the 600-900 level, follow that til I lose a bunch and of course, that eventually sets me up for non-stop bingeing. And that is where I am at right now. I had restricted for quite some time and lost a bunch of weight. BUT, then when I started eating again I just could not stop. And it has been months of this now. I would say since about the end of June I have been eating non-stop with only a few good days here and there. Now, the scary part is, I see my son following in my footsteps. He is only 10 but already eats when he is not hungry or out of boredom. He is going to struggle with weight I can see it. I have got to break this cycle.
Part of my problem is that I am so all or nothing. When I want weight off I want it off NOW and I must stop thinking that way. It did not come on overnight and won't come off overnight either. I must realize that by transitioning into the right way of eating and not starving myself I will be able to keep the weight off. If it takes a year it takes a year, so what. I also think part of the problem is that I am not looking at this is a family situation. I am trying to fix me and my eating and yet still buying the same junk for my kids! That is not good for them and it just tempts me. So no more of that either. They can eat what I am eating. And my son NEEDS to change how he eats and his relationship with food NOW. And I need to do that for him.
Today when I get home I am cleaning all of the junk food out of this house. I am going to email my family and tell them not to buy me or the kids anymore candy, etc... I don't want it in the house. I will explain to them why too. Started tomorrow this is going to be a family affair. I will also plan out the meals for the week today and have it all set. And plan my schedule for the week.
I am an intelligent person, I KNOW what I have to do and how to do it. I am killing myself here and teaching my children awful things about one's relationship with food. THAT IS SCARY! I don't know how I managed when I was 40 pounds heavier because I feel awful right now. My whole body is stiff, I can't get comfortable at night, and sometimes it is really hard to breathe. My legs and back absolutely kill me.
I know that I also cannot think in black and white about raw. Will I try to have my family be as close to raw as possible? yes I will. But will we be 100%? Maybe eventually but not right now. AND I AM OK WITH THAT. Right now I just want to stop the overeating. I want to stop having unhealthy food in my house. I want to only eat when I am absolutely hungry. Eat when I FEEL hunger, not when I am bored or tired or lonely. I want to log what I eat and yes, track the calories. I struggle with whether or not I should set a calorie limit but again wonder if that sets me up as well because if I go over what I set for myself than I figure "oh what the heck, I already blew it anyway, just keep going". I think it would be better to just track what I am eating and be sure I am only eating when PHYSICALLY hungry.
That is all I have time for right now. I wish today was done so I could start me and my family fresh tomorrow. But at least today I can prepare for it.