How to stop obsessing over a person

[rawxstasy]

Guys, I need help in overcoming an obsession with a man. He was my lab instructor at University. It has been two years since our "almost" affair and I still can't stop thinking about him. I live in a relatively small town (pop. 30,000) and we have come into contact with each other on the street etc. I believe he is still attracted to me but he hasn't made any moves to get my number etc. So I feel like I need to move on. Since becoming raw six weeks ago, I am starting to realize just how much time I have spent thinking about him and I feel like this is no longer OK or healthy. Can anyone recommend any books or would meditation help? I know nothing about meditation can anyone recommend some web sites to learn how to do it?

[apower2me408]

I think a good way to get closure is to speak to the person. Ask them how he feels about your situation, and/or tell him that you think it is best for you to move on in your life. I got over having dreams about a guy by going to visit him at his work a few years later, and realizing that he just wasnt so great afterall.

[maui_butterfly]

i posted a while back about a guided sort of meditiation you can run on yourself to help sever "ties" with others:

http://www.rawfoodtalk.com/showpost.php?p=357506&postcount=22

i also heartily recommend the book "I Need Your Love. Is That True?" and an inquiry process known as "The Work" of Byron Katie. These videos (http://www.byronkatie.com/videos/)might help you get the gist of it. this simple process just helps you flip your thoughts around. Any thought or belief that is causing you stress can be questioned in this manner, and if it doesn't let go of you entirely, it releases its hold on you significantly. peace is possible! i have found it an amazing tool.

good luck! i think we've all been in your shoes at some point...

[trinity082482]

I agree with the other post that you need closure. I am not sure how you can get it but maybe try talking to this person and try to get over it.

[Care4raw]

I second the idea of doing "The Work" by Byron Katie. She has the obsessing 'thing' covered really well with her brief, simple inquiry process. It sort of 'lets go of you', when you ask some (4) questions . Almost always brings 'you home' to an honest, wonderful and free place in your heart. Got all 'hippie speak', however it is accurate , for me.

Good luck. I know how painful and disempowering obsessing can be.

Love and Peace
Sharon

[RawHeaven]

I can vouch for maui_butterfly's guided meditation. It works! I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago and did this meditation, more to release resentments and to completely forgive. I did it one evening and he called me very early the next morning which is not like him - he's not a morning person! After I did this meditation, we were able to reach a very loving and forgiving closure with one another. So much so that we may be able to get back together which we've recently talked about. This time with a different foundation of understanding. In my case, I obsessed over this relationship and once I let it go and did this exercise I was able to focus my attention back on my growth and goals in life. Change starts with us no doubt, not the "other person" :). You have to work from the inside out, not the other way around.

I've read a lot of the self-help relationship books over the years and they pretty much say the same thing, 'love yourself blah blah blah", "feel worthy blah blah blah", "expect the best blah blah blah". But I would highly recommend this one because it gets to the heart of the matter, quite literally:

Attracting Genuine Love

by Drs Kathlyn & Gay Hendricks

They speak very candidly about their addictions to seeking the qualities in partners that they did not want. For example, being addicted to finding emotionally unavailable people, abusive people, people who will dump you and lie to you, those incapable of commitment or fidelity, overly needy people, martyrs or any other quality that you might seem to attract over and over and over again. Instead of saying, "why do I always attract such and such or how do I get over this?" It's a very powerful way to reverse this thinking and to really put the focus back on one's self. For example, "Why am I addicted to attracting this type of person or behavior?" And there's usually a mirror involved also which is not so fun to look at.

When the authors both did their work on themselves, prior to meeting one another - when they did meet they speak of how powerful it was and then they started teaching. They share very openly how they were involved in dysfunctional relationships in the past and why. I believe they give workshops and this book is very easy to read. It's somewhat challenging to get through at times because you will hit some deep aspects of healing, but it's really good. There's a CD included also. I still haven't finished this book because there's a wall I keep bumping into, but if you're serious about getting to the heart of allowing yourself to experience a genuine connection and receiving love from another person, it's a very good book.

A good friend of mine recommended this book to me 2 years ago. I just recently opened it up and started reading it - it's working for me. I've met a few other men since I've been working on myself. And all demonstrate the qualities I'm looking for in a life partner. It's pretty amazing how quickly you can manifest what you want when you get very clear on what it is that you actually want. And more importantly can allow it in and expect it.

And really, try maui_butterfly's meditation to release this man that you're obsessed about. It works!!!

Good luck.

[rawxstasy]

Thanks for the replies. I am going to be trying some of these suggestions. This site is so healing. I've been reading the Law of Attraction and doing the visualizations everyday since Nov. 30. I think this is another step toward reaching the goals of what I want. I usually don't post much on message boards but I've really felt led to post some issues that have been bothering me. I knew the universe would provide the answers ( through you all! ) that I needed to keep moving forward. Thanks again.

[Raw Mom]

What feelings are you denying by thinking about this man? The REAL feelings are underneath the obsession. They are NOT the man. Meditations help to bring up the actual feeling. If after you've felt the feelings and processed them, you are still attracted to him, then go for it. Take this advice from someone who obsessed for over 12 years. Now realizing the pain that I was avoiding by continually going toward something that wasn't real. Your feelings are real... Good luck. ...tomorrow is another day.....next week is another year....

[KittyMommy]

I'm a big proponent of journalling. It can be very illuminating, and can help you focus in case you want to get in touch with him for closure.

[emmanuel]

Guys, I need help in overcoming an obsession with a man. He was my lab instructor at University. It has been two years since our "almost" affair and I still can't stop thinking about him. I live in a relatively small town (pop. 30,000) and we have come into contact with each other on the street etc. I believe he is still attracted to me but he hasn't made any moves to get my number etc. So I feel like I need to move on. Since becoming raw six weeks ago, I am starting to realize just how much time I have spent thinking about him and I feel like this is no longer OK or healthy. Can anyone recommend any books or would meditation help? I know nothing about meditation can anyone recommend some web sites to learn how to do it?

My thoughts are that you may need to figure out why you keep thinking about someone. there is probably some unfinished spiritual business that needs to occur (not necessarily romantic). Meditation alone is not the cure to obsession, but its probably essential.

From my experience, you should learn meditation from yourself. However, there are a wealth of resources on the internet to help you with some of these issues:

Regarding romantic love, i suggest reading up on Twin Flames (http://crystalinks.com/twinflames.html), Balance Partners (http://crystalinks.com/bp.html)and Soul Mates (http://crystalinks.com/soulmates.html) at www.crystalinks.com... pure information regarding relationships.

Regarding meditation, i suggest taking a chakra test and learning chakrra balancing techniques to get started with meditation at www.eclecticenergies.com (http://eclecticenergies.com)

above all, its all within you.. the problem and the solution. turn to your heart, and your mind and look for inner resonance with all that you do, read and take on... may you find peace of mind and serenity .. and let the light shine through you.

Namasté

[oai]

wow! i'm in the same boat. well, not as much! :o

i've also been obsessed about a person for around 2 or maybe 3 years! :eek: and i was in agony! it sucked... sucked badly! but now, i'm actually ok. i felt that the reason it lasted for too long is b/c i kept in contact w/ the person albeit not ALL the time, but it was enough to keep my thoughts on the person. i guess it's how a gambling addict is fed their addiction. they get those prizes once in a while, & that's enough to fuel that addiction. for me being obsessing w/ that person was the same thing, keeping in touch w/ that person every now & then also fueled the constant thoughts which were making me feel so :( .

although the thoughts aren't totally gone, i'm really happy & cool now. i didn't get closure either. so even if you don't get closure, via my own experience, i can actually guarantee you the thoughts about this person will be as small as a pin point eventually. ;)

[rawxstasy]

Thanks for all the support and suggestions. Wanted to give an update. For the past two weeks I've been using maui_butterfly's meditation and it is working!!!! The first few times I did it I cried so much. But I found that I was thinking less and less of him. I've also started meditation and that has helped alot. I've discovered that I've been trying to distract myself with thoughts of this guy to avoid painful feelings that I need to face. I also am reading "Attracting Genuine Love" doing the exercises and I've noticed alot of positive changes in how men are interacting with me. It feels like I"m sending out a positive vibe and they are responding to that. Thanks again!!