12/21/07

[simply_michelle]

well, no good news to report for yesterday. another bad bingeing day. when i went to bed last night i watched part of larry king live with some of the people from "the biggest loser" on it and i just sat and cried and cried. there is no excuse for what i have been doing to myself. it is NOT making me feel any better. i woke up this morning with new resolve. thank you lord that each day is a new one with you!

i took a bunch of M.O.M. this am, not to purge but to get my bowels moving. i am praying i don't get sick from it as i took more than i am supposed to but with all of the bingeing i am really backed up. i just want it to move out of me. i had a cup of juice with it and am drinking a smoothie right now. today i have a very busy day (as usual).

work 8-12, run home, then go out of town for work til probably around 5.
get home and do dishes and vacuum
finish wrapping
do one hour of exercise
come here and journal and plan out my day for tomorrow
pray, of course!
start reading one of the many new books i got on autism (for work)
do at home bible study before bed

food so far:
glass of apple juice 100 cal
smoothie 160 cal
banana (i am bringing to work) 50 cal

i'll recap later.

oh, and i will start daily weigh ins tomorrow. there was NO WAY i was weighing in today with how "backed up" i am!

[Zaphirah]

oh (((((honey))))). I can so relate. I am the poster formerly known as Purl on here. ;) I have spent the last 28 years battling food addiction and binging. There was an old post from about 1 1/2 years ago just revived re: food addiction. Everyone's journey is different, so what worked for me may not work for you, and vice versa, ya know. Just keep rededicating yourself each day-and make sure to dust yourself off after each stumble. DO NOT feel guilty about your mistakes-that's where we learn the most. I wish you the best of luck. My journey is not over but it's finally not at a 90 degree vertical climb-more like 45 degrees on a good day. LOL! :cool:

[ShelShel]

I did the same thing yesterday. I just ate and ate and ate...all the wrong foods. So, I recommited to a 30 day challenge starting today. I'm going to do this because the last time, lasted 6 straight months raw. If I am to stick with it...I have to run this race with endurance. I can do this and so can you!
It's not all about eating what we feel like, but rather eating what is best for our bodies...and sticking with it long enough to see the results that push us higher!
God Bless you and all those on this forum struggling this week. You are in my prayers! (((HUGS)))

[simply_michelle]

thank you you guys!:D

[4forme]

Have a look at my post above, am dealing with the same thing right now. I have a history of eating disorders as well. I saw on your blog you are reading bondage breakers, I am reading breaking free. Would love to chat with you and see how you are doing with it!
One day at a time, you can do it.

[simply_michelle]

sure we can chat. you can leave me messages on my blog in the forums area and i will respond there.

[RawHeaven]

Jafragirl, I empathize with you. Have you considered fasting or have tried it in the past? It may help you burst through the door of whatever it is which is holding you back. Try either the master cleanse for 10 days minimum or a green juice or green smoothie fast for 7 days mimimum. Definately squeeze in a liver cleanse at some point also. Your colon and liver are toxic which is contributing to you feeling depressed and discouraged. You more than likely would benefit greatly from a really good cleanse as I believe you're already aware. It would also help you with the emotional and mental piece of this...I know, I've been there myself.

Change your thoughts.

Change your life.

Wishing you much success. I see you getting there. :)

Peace,
Crystal

[simply_michelle]

it is a thought HOWEVER being a recovered bulimic fasting tends to set me up for a binge. i try not to do things that will set me up. maybe when i am a little further down the road...

[RawHeaven]

I do understand what you've shared about your reluctance to fast. Focus on being a present day raw foodist rather than a recovered bulimic and you'll find that everything will begin to shift for you. As long as you're focused on bulimia, you will stay stuck in that energy, even as a survivor. If you start to focus your thoughts on what you do want and that you want to make good food choices, you will. As long as your thoughts remain focused on binging, even when you're not binging, you will binge when food is in front of you. Does this makes sense? The things that bring the greatest fears are usually the same remedies to what will help us. Like fasting for example. I've known many people who've struggled with bulimia cure themselves by fasting because they got in deeper touch with the reasons for their compulsion to overeat.

That's all I will share as I do respect your need to get to a place of understanding this on your own. But since you posted on a public board I thought I'd chime in and share my own thoughts with you, but I sense that you've got it covered and are just sharing. I truly wish you the best and I hope whatever you plan to do works for you. Take care.

[apower2me408]

(((((Focus on being a present day raw foodist rather than a recovered bulimic and you'll find that everything will begin to shift for you. ))))) Crystalzgoneraw
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is such a good quote. This made me realize that I am not thinking of myself as a compulsive overeater anymore, but an aspiring raw foodist!
Thanks for this.