A little advice please

[peacelover]

Why is it that people think you are insane when you tell them you do not want to eat cooked food?????? :)

I don't usually vent but I know all of you will 'get' this better than anyone.

The short of it is that I work with a bunch of carnivores that really want me to be like them. I call them that affectionately to their face because I know they can't help that they like meat. I have been in this group for 6 years and vegan that entire time. I am a Director so I go along to lots of 'extra' functions that usually revolve around food or drink. (I do not drink alcohol either but that is for another message board :p )

Last month they went Dove hunting-EWWWWW!!!:eek: and my boss did not speak to me for 3 days because I did not go

It isn't enough that they tease me for being a veggie-saurus(hey Mel, wanna go get some dead cow?)Now they are really having fun poking at me about going 100% Raw.

It cracks me up and twirps me off all at the same time. This should not be an issue at all and yet I was told today that it really is....'It's like one of the team that just doesn't ever want to be with the other team members or thinks they are better than everyone else or something' -(yes, one of my peers REALLY did say that)

I guess it would not really be an issue except that I really do not fit in with their little clique. I don't really want to, understand that up front, it is just that now the 'group' is beginning to really insist that I eat like them and that just annoys me to no end, when I say no they act as if they have become my parents and I am 5 instead of 40.

Yesterday, we went to a BBQ place for lunch-me, avo/lettuce in hand ready to go out to the park for a little peace at mid-day when they decide we gotta go to the BBQ joint. I go, because it is worse for me not to go, and the owner all but demands I eat 'at least' a baked potato because when he sees me standing to the side of the line he just cannot stomach that I am going to eat my wraps instead of the lunch he is buying for us. So, I do the 'push around the plate' dance for a while until he notices and like my dad or something says, " You are gonna eat some of that potato before we leave here!" So, I do...(not being able to pay my mortgage is a strong motivator)

Fast forward 30 minutes and I am huggin the toilet at work, one of the other directors comes in and asks what is wrong(all i am thinkin is CAN YOU HEAR ME barfin.:rolleyes: .that is what is wrong!)and then proceeds to tell me how me being sick is proof that I am hurting my body by eating only veggies and now going to such an extreme as eating only RAW...even goes so far as to tell me I should think about the long-term consequences to my health and how dying early would effect my teenagers. Good God!

WOW-I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

I know it sounds stupid but being so different is seriously starting to effect the relationship I have with these folks and that is just so wrong.

Small minds.

Really small minds.

Anyone have some creative ways to tell them to leave my health to me without me getting canned???? I have tried all the humor I know and they just keep on comin at me-must be all that B12, eh?

Thoughts are appreciated!

Peace Ya'll
Melissa

[EZ rider]

Here's a recent thread about a raw food eater trying to figure out that issue also:

http://www.rawfoodtalk.com/showthread.php?t=35009

[DavidZaneMason]

Sure. You say, "I've heard you. Thank you." and leave it at that. Beyond that, you just let them know your diet/health is not open for discussion. Maintain your dignity boundaries. Private sex, religion, and dietary choices are all very personal...and do not need to be defended or discussed......or allowed to be cross-examined.

-Defensiveness gives rise to the actual need to defend.

-David Z. Mason

[mountaintop]

True. They should be grateful that you are not attacking their food choices.
What if you acted like them? Because they out number you, it makes them feel they have the right.

[StarFire]

Sure. You say, "I've heard you. Thank you." and leave it at that. Beyond that, you just let them know your diet/health is not open for discussion. Maintain your dignity boundaries. Private sex, religion, and dietary choices are all very personal...and do not need to be defended or discussed......or allowed to be cross-examined.

-Defensiveness gives rise to the actual need to defend.

-David Z. Mason


EXTREMEMLY WISE WORDS.... yes it can be hard to be in this situation like you find yourself in... but the choice is yours... stand up - be strong - set your boundries and do not waiver! You can do this, and eventually they will respect you for your stance. (please forgive me -- but they sound a bit nutty.... it is certainly not their place to judge you like this... nor is it LEGAL to put pressure on you to eat a certain way in order to 'keep you job'... crazy carnivores... :cool:

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/homerribwich.gif

[EZ rider]

There's an old saying "choose you battles carefully". If you want to battle or not about what your eating is a choice you may be faced with. Remember it takes two to fight. The more fuel you add to the fire the more likely a raging battle will occur. What you feed grows and what you starve dies. If you just go about your business and if necessary ask for the same respect for your views and opinions that you give to others then hopefully you will not have to engage in this battle over what you choose to eat. If you do have to battle why not choose the battle ? Possibly a battle over your right to have your point of view or opinion as long as you are willing to give the other person the same respect for their point of view and opinion.

[Revvell]

.....So, I do the 'push around the plate' dance for a while until he notices and like my dad or something says, " You are gonna eat some of that potato before we leave here!" So, I do...(not being able to pay my mortgage is a strong motivator)



I'd be very curious to know what would have happened if you'd have said ~ "Well, we're going to be here for a very looooong time" :D

I doubt you can be fired for not eating cooked food. Can you?

I don't have any answers as this is not in my experience. I am just curious what the REAL consequenses are for someone who works someplace where people go dove hunting and eat dead animals and harrass someone who doesn't. Isn't harrassment illegal?

[RawHeaven]

Melissa, in my former life I was an executive recruiter and senior HR person. And honestly if I were you I would start researching looking for employment elsewhere. There is always a job. Always. I didn't catch which state you're in, but I trust you have a strong background in your career and can find work if you needed to. It sounds like your co-workers care about you but not in a healthy way, and obviously they're threatened by you. If I were in your shoes, I would be very pissed off and I wouldn't put up with it. That said, given how you described them, I'd probably be fired. :) But being fired is not always a bad thing. You'll get severance, unemployment, peace of mind for your peaceloving heart and time to look for a better gig. Oh yeah and if they do fire you under the circumstances, a huge settlement that would alleviate the need to search for other employment. Life is too long to put up with that nonsense.

And I'll add most, if not all major corporations would seriously consider the treatment you're receiving as harassment. For example, creating a hostile working environment under any circumstances is considered harassment in many states and particularly federal employment law. You seem to have a sense of humor about it, but seriously it's harassment. And this sounds like harassment to me: meat eating co-workers and your immediate manager making you feel uncomfortable enough to post for advice on a public forum and getting in your business because you do not eat meat and then forcing you to eat foods you don't want to eat?! That causes you toget sick?!! That's nuts and potentially illegal. I highly recommend you speak to a senior HR person, VP or above (if you have an HR dept) and/or retaining an employment law attorney. That's my advice based on 20 years of experience. You don't have to put up with it. Good luck! ~Crystal

[Aleesha Sattva]

do you have a HR department available to you because i would definitely recommend you contact them and start making some complaints. after all, if they were treating your life this because you were gay/jewish/black etc (just using examples) it wouldn't be allowed... you food choices are the same.

be strong and stand up for yourself. people only pic on people they believe they CAN pick on. when you don't tolerate it any longer, they will stop.

[dalimeindacoconut]

You have received some very sound advice here especially from crystalgoneraw! I have never met or heard of anyone who eats or shoots doves. That is truly crazy. Don't they release doves at weddings? The situation you are in right now is very toxic. Sadly, your co-workers have a very low vibration. I work a part-time gig with co-workers whom several of are raw. How lucky am I? they even bring in raw treats and the other day one brought in the juiciest grapefruit for me. When you make changes in life sometimes you have to change the environment around you. It is going to be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better when you make that change. You will position yourself in a much better place and those people will always be where they are at. Not that you want them to be there I know you would love for them to heal, but all we can do is heal ourselves, just be who we are, and proud of it. Start meditating and find out what it is you really want. How exciting is that? Continue on your journey. Opinions are like apples everyones gotta have one~! How hilarious is that...I just made it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You already know this, but these people are not very evolved or educated. I would start making delicious raw dishes and sharing it with everyone which is what I do or leave it out on a table. They love it. Make super yummy raw chocolate anything and delicous pates. They think I'm a gourmet cook and they know how good it is for them. As they say 'more will be revealed'!

[halikatak]

Based on what you wrote, I sort of get the feeling that this is not a "meat eaters vs. veggier eaters" situation.

That seems to be the most obvious thing to point it at... but I think that they see you as not hanging out / participating in things with them - and that's it.

Of course, I don't know how they would expect you to want to go dove hunting... so maybe more open communication is the key.

Instead of not going - maybe explain to them as to why.
Instead of your diets always being the topic of conversation - agree to disagree.

Life is too short to be worrying about what the person next to you is eating.

Hope that helps! ;)

[SuBu]

Melissa, I just wanted to add that if your diet was due to a health issue, there would be no discussion. Who would insist that you eat something potentially detrimental to your health? Well, eating a raw diet IS for your health. I think you are allowing yourself to be intimidated by these folks because you have not yet found a place where you can feel in control. They know they are intimidating you and like all bullies will continue until they "break" you and bring you back into their fold. I'm assuming they do think they care about you, but are not seeing the need to respect you and your boundaries. The advice from the others here is so good and I would consider it, however, you need to strengthen yourself as well. If your co-worker's/boss's comments were concerning any other area of your life that you truly feel is "off-limits" (religion, sex, family, etc.) there's no way you would put up with it. Don't allow yourself to be bullied. If they really care about you, they will ultimately respect you.

[Eilene]

These people are REALLY sick. Stand up for yourself and if you have to say to them, you have to eat this way for your health...Doctors orders!!!

[deegarry]

How to Win an Argument
With a Meat Eater:




The Hunger Argument

Number of people worldwide who will die as a result of malnutrition this year: 20 million
Number of people who could be adequately fed using land freed if Americans reduced their intake of meat by 10%: 100 million
Percentage of corn grown in the U.S. eaten by people: 20
Percentage of corn grown in the U.S. eaten by livestock: 80
Percentage of oats grown in the U.S. eaten by livestock: 95
Percentage of protein wasted by cycling grain through livestock: 90
How frequently a child dies as a result of malnutrition: every 2.3 seconds
Pounds of potatoes that can be grown on an acre: 40,000
Pounds of beef produced on an acre: 250
Percentage of U.S. farmland devoted to beef production: 56
Pounds of grain and soybeans needed to produce a pound of edible flesh from feedlot beef: 16



The Environmental Argument

Cause of global warming: greenhouse effect
Primary cause of greenhouse effect: carbon dioxide emissions from fossil fuels
Fossil fuels needed to produce meat-centered diet vs. a meat-free diet: 3 times more
Percentage of U.S. topsoil lost to date: 75
Percentage of U.S. topsoil loss directly related to livestock raising: 85
Number of acres of U.S. forest cleared for cropland to produce meat-centered diet: 260 million
Amount of meat imported to U.S. annually from Central and South America: 300,000,000 pounds
Percentage of Central American children under the age of five who are undernourished: 75
Area of tropical rainforest consumed in every quarter-pound of rainforest beef: 55 square feet
Current rate of species extinction due to destruction of tropical rainforests for meat grazing and other uses: 1,000 per year



The Cancer Argument

Increased risk of breast cancer for women who eat meat daily compared to less than once a week: 3.8 times
For women who eat eggs daily compared to once a week: 2.8 times
For women who eat butter and cheese 2-4 times a week: 3.25 times
Increased risk of fatal ovarian cancer for women who eat eggs 3 or more times a week vs. less than once a week: 3 times
Increased risk of fatal prostate cancer for men who consume meat, cheese, eggs and milk daily vs. sparingly or not at all: 3.6 times.



The Cholesterol Argument

Number of U.S. medical schools: 125
Number requiring a course in nutrition: 30
Nutrition training received by average U.S. physician during four years in medical school: 2.5 hours
Most common cause of death in the U.S.: heart attack
How frequently a heart attack kills in the U.S.: every 45 seconds
Average U.S. man's risk of death from heart attack: 50 percent
Risk of average U.S. man who eats no meat: 15 percent
Risk of average U.S. man who eats no meat, dairy or eggs: 4 percent
Amount you reduce risk of heart attack if you reduce consumption of meat, dairy and eggs by 10 percent: 9 percent
Amount you reduce risk of heart attack if you reduce consumption by 50 percent: 45 percent
Amount you reduce risk if you eliminate meat, dairy and eggs from your diet: 90 percent
Average cholesterol level of people eating meat-centered-diet: 210 mg/dl
Chance of dying from heart disease if you are male and your blood cholesterol level is 210 mg/dl: greater than 50 percent



The Natural Resources Argument

User of more than half of all water used for all purposes in the U.S.: livestock production
Amount of water used in production of the average cow: sufficient to float a destroyer
Gallons of water needed to produce a pound of wheat: 25
Gallons of water needed to produce a pound of California beef: 5,000
Years the world's known oil reserves would last if every human ate a meat-centered diet: 13
Years they would last if human beings no longer ate meat: 260
Calories of fossil fuel expended to get 1 calorie of protein from beef: 78
To get 1 calorie of protein from soybeans: 2
Percentage of all raw materials (base products of farming, forestry and mining, including fossil fuels) consumed by U.S. that is devoted to the production of livestock: 33
Percentage of all raw materials consumed by the U.S. needed to produce a complete vegetarian diet: 2



The Antibiotic Argument

Percentage of U.S. antibiotics fed to livestock: 55
Percentage of staphylococci infections resistant to penicillin in 1960: 13
Percentage resistant in 1988: 91
Response of European Economic Community to routine feeding of antibiotics to livestock: ban
Response of U.S. meat and pharmaceutical industries to routine feeding of antibiotics to livestock: full and complete support



The Pesticide Argument

Common belief: U.S. Department of Agriculture protects our health through meat inspection
Reality: fewer than 1 out of every 250,000 slaughtered animals is tested for toxic chemical residues
Percentage of U.S. mother's milk containing significant levels of DDT: 99
Percentage of U.S. vegetarian mother's milk containing significant levels of DDT: 8
Contamination of breast milk, due to chlorinated hydrocarbon pesticides in animal products, found in meat-eating mothers vs. non-meat eating mothers: 35 times higher
Amount of Dieldrin ingested by the average breast-fed American infant: 9 times the permissible level



The Ethical Argument

Number of animals killed for meat per hour in the U.S.: 660,000
Occupation with highest turnover rate in U.S.: slaughterhouse worker
Occupation with highest rate of on-the-job-injury in U.S.: slaughterhouse worker



The Survival Argument

Athlete to win Ironman Triathlon more than twice: Dave Scott (6 time winner)
Food choice of Dave Scott: Vegetarian
Largest meat eater that ever lived: Tyrannosaurus Rex (Where is he today?)

[Vivafree]

Hi! I don't have advice but i fully understand your problem. Work is especially difficult.
I visited your web page - i like your paintings , congratulations!

[RawforSeth]

Peacelover...your paintings are beautiful. So calming and positive!!

[peacelover]

You guys are all great for taking the time to respond here-I really appreciate it! I love the ethical argument :D

Let me make you guys all laugh even more.

I do not ever bring up the subject of my eating with them because you are right, it is personal. Respect for personal space is not something these folks do well most of the time. I will respond when asked questions, in fact, not long ago I was asked 'Why' and I thought GREAT they actually wanted to know more about this and started telling them how sick I had been when it Turns out my boss just wanted to tell me it was impossible for a human to be healthy never eating meat and that this was what had caused my stomach issues-in truth RAW has resolved my issues-I really do make an effort not to be defensive though because there is no point but sometimes I can't help but stand up for myself.

As crazy as it sounds the HR Director is the one that told me about how my RAW food eating was getting me in trouble with the group-that and not wanting to go drinking and dove hunting, plus I got a lecture about my choice of clothing on Fridays....so the only person I have to talk to about is part of these nasty reindeer games.

Some of you are right about it not only being about RAW food, I am very different from them and that is just not okay with them for some reason(fear I am guessing)

Examples of that: I walked a marathon and raised $2500 for cancer research and was told that I was crazy and would never make it almost daily during my 9 months training.
I run a non-profit that donates paintings to people going thru chemo and I get told frequently that I give paintings away because my pics suck and they would never sell
I don't drink-this bothers them because they all get sloshed frequently and want my to join in-i do go to the parties I just do not drink.
I am a REIKI Master and offered to treat the bosses fibromyalgia with Reiki and well-I sorta got the whole 'you must be a witch' treatment.
My Team started a food pantry playing The Grocery Game and we are ridiculed for it.
I gave blood last week and one of my peers reminded me that 'You get AIDS from giving blood'
( i am in Dallas so I am not in the Hills:p )

I could go on but you get the point I am sure.
It boils down to me being incredibly good at what I do and rising to a Director level position in 1 year that took all of them at least 10 to attain. I turned a failing dept into the companies biggest asset in a position that they all said no one could do right and I did it without a college degree(that they all think you MUST have)and honestly I am always pushing them to 'do better'...so while I make their life sweet and make lots of money(250K per month average) for them I also show them their own weakness without ever telling them they are weak.
Sounds stupid I know but that is how it is..i even had to go into a 'you or her' match in the owner's office against a women who had created a VERY hostile environment for me which I did file reports about...see how that was handled and you can imagine the rest.

For the record, RAW is the only thing making me well-I have dealt with IBD and all kinds of tummy troubles over the last year and I feel wonderful when I eat RAW so I kinda have to do it.

I stay there because I love what I do and the team I direct is awesome and most days are not torture, you just never know when the inappropriate thing is gonna come flying out of their mouth and most days it is the owner and his son-once they start everyone else just joins in. plus, I have no college degree and to be in my position is really incredible. And, I am stubborn, don't want to give up what I have fought so hard for and also I believe in people's ability to change to a fault-I keep thinking they will grow with me as I offer them positive thoughts and prayers. I am not making excuses, I know I am choosing where I am and that there is something valuable for me here-could be standing up for myself is something I should learn.

Truthfully, as the name implies I am a peacelover and don't fight back much because it is not who I am, I should not have to fight I should be able to just be..I do not tell them about how bad their lifestyle is.....they are within their rights to have their opinion and lifestyle preference. Just like I am, that is what I wish they could understand.

I really just appreciate the opportunity to vent-THANKS SO MUCH!

BTW-Thanks for the positive feedback about the paintings on my website-I am now Van Gogh but I love giving them away!

You should see them eat Alissa's Spinach Dip, I took Lasagne to a party and it was gone in 10 seconds and Date Balls-well, I never get to eat one when I take them :rolleyes:

Peace Ya'll