Major Milestone!! Pics Included...

[Frugal Raw]

I am so over the moon about this, I have posted it on my blog and am posting it out here in the Discussions as well!
As of this morning, I have lost 52.5 pounds!!!!!

I FINALLY BROKE THE 50 POUND BARRIER!!!!!!

WOOO-HOOO!!!

Me in May 2007, at 267.5 pounds:
http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k230/Lapisrose/meandblitzer3.jpg

Me Yesterday, at 215 pounds, in my fourth month RAW!!!
http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k230/Lapisrose/DSCF2785-1.jpg

[Hannah]

Wow - you look great! You look as though you are 5 years younger - good work, keep rawkin!

[monkapotapus]

WOW!
Congrats!
You look AWESOME & glowing!!!~;)

[aliciamatheson]

You have beautiful skin and coloring - love the pics! Alicia

[SuBu]

Wow!!! Mattye, we need you on the Obese thread to give us some pointers. You are awesome!!! What a change--my inspiration!

[crystalmoon]

You look so beautiful Im blown away.
Please come on over to the obese thread & tell us how you did it!

[Migrou]

Wow keep up the good work , you look so much younger and definitely glowing!!!

[GoingtoRAW]

WOW!! YOU LOOK GREEAAATTTT!!! AT LEAST 10 YEARS YOUNGER!!!:) KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!

[sugarsnap]

You look amazing! Actually like two different people. You are a great inspiration. Thanks for sharing your beautiful pic with us!:)

[IamLoved]

Way to go and Congrats!

You have beautiful eyes!

Great work!

[jaydee]

Amberstorm, you are such and inspiration and bee-u-tee-full! Thank you so much for sharing and keep it up, girl!!!

[Raw Jewelrylady]

Megga congrats to you!!!!!!! You look simply STUNNING !!!!!;)


RJL

[maui_butterfly]

freakin' amazing! check you out... its a glow fest. truly inspirational. you must feel incredible!

CONGRATS!

[justinesmith]

Gorgeous!!!! :d

[tanishamarshall]

Wow you look great and you have all of that great looking food on your blog, I love it.

[rawbeliever]

Wow, you look beautiful! congrats! over 50 lbs in four months! that's so inspiring.

[RawHeaven]

You are beautiful and have that raw healthy glow girl. Thanks for sharing. I love your beads too. :)

[eachpeachpearplum]

It's stories like yours that so inspire and motivate. You are just glowing. The visual change is remarkable!

Excellent job!

Cheers,

EPPP

[Mialsse]

Look at you, Girl!!! WOW. Your skin is has so much color and glow to it, very healthy looking.

You look GREAT!!!!!

RAWK ON!

[greenday]

I'll up that 5lbs from earlier post and say....you look at least 10 YEARS YOUNGER!!!! it's not just the weight, it's the vibrancy. Skin glow and sparkly eyes. Awesome! :D

[beppa66]

Congrats! That's amazing! You look great!!!

[RawSweetie]

WOW!! You just look beautiful! I'm happy for you!

LOVE the hair and hat.

[Morn]

looking good!;) Keep up the good work and enjoy eating raw!

[EZ rider]

Traveling the raw journey is AMAZING. You look great !

[Evie]

:) Great job!!! I love process pictures! Yours are awesome! I am inspired by your hard work.

[StarFire]

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/thyahoo.gif Can we say.... Sexy !!!!! http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/smiley_danceegyptian.gif ...


so proud of you Amber Girrrrll.....

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/ththliloandstitchhug.gif

[Malina]

Congratulations!! You look amazing. :) And I love your colourful style.

[Shell]

Yep, super! So wonderful to see how far you've come in such a short amount of time! Congratulations!

[Veganforlife]

WOW WOW WOW!!!
Not only do you look great, but I bet you FEEL wonderful too! For me losing the weight was secondary to how I feel EVERY day!
I'm so proud of you! Keep up the good work! That is absolutely wonderful!!!
YAY YOU!!!
And thanks for posting this. This WILL help others!!!

::holding up a green smoothie in your honor::

[mountaintop]

Rawk On, Raw Sister!

[dalimeindacoconut]

WOO HOO! You are still so young too. I am so happy for you that you are conquering this now! Those two pounds make all the difference in the world don't they? It's amazing! You truly are an inspiration! Can't see that double chin anymore. It is gone and your beauty is shining right on through!

[Lady Green Jeans]

Wow is an understatment! Congratulations on your wonderful accomplishment--and so awsome in only four months. Your beauty just shines through right off the page. You go girl!

Kathy

[Aleesha Sattva]

i am right here beside you! in august i weighed 265 and in my last weigh in, last week i was at 211 but i can tell with my clothes i've released more since then.

you are absolutely glowing and we both know... the secret is in the raw!!! there is no bigger secret for me anyways, it's all in the raw!

congrats and remember... you look amazzzzzzzzing, we can all see it!!! i'm so proud of you!!!

keep on RAWkin'!

[blix]

My goodness Amberstorm, you look like your other selfs daughter. Well done and God bless.

[Radiantly Raw]

Beautiful! WOW, what a transformation! And like everyone said- you really are glowing!!! How inspiring!! Good job!

[trinity082482]

:eek: wow!!

[Frugal Raw]

Blix - I LOVE your comment! I have a 22-year-old daughter, whole has always been my spitting image - it wasn't until I saw how beautiful she has been all her life, that I saw how beautiful I once was...

Thank you all for your lovely comments and support :D I really appreciate you!

[irishserra]

Gorgeous.

Simply Gorgeous.

[klomasius]

You look amazing! Actually like two different people. You are a great inspiration. Thanks for sharing your beautiful pic with us!:)

That's exactly what I was going to say!

It really is like pics of two different people, such a lovely raw photo!

[klomasius]

Blix - I LOVE your comment! I have a 22-year-old daughter, whole has always been my spitting image - it wasn't until I saw how beautiful she has been all her life, that I saw how beautiful I once was...

Thank you all for your lovely comments and support :D I really appreciate you!


WHAT THE...?

Did you have her when you were TEN or something???????????????

I thought you were my age (32).

[Frugal Raw]

Nope - I am 41 - I'll be 42 in April;) I was 19 when I had my daughter...
Here are some pics of her - in this one, she is the girl on the right - this is the other girl's wedding day, and Mandy was her maid of honor:
http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k230/Lapisrose/Mandy1.jpg

Here she is dressup for Halloween:
http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k230/Lapisrose/MandyHalloween07.jpg

and in one of her many swimsuits!
http://i89.photobucket.com/albums/k230/Lapisrose/Mandy2.jpg

[Frugal Raw]

That's exactly what I was going to say!

It really is like pics of two different people, such a lovely raw photo!

...Would you believe my Mom is saying the same thing? She's even saying that she's going to start incorporating raw into her life after the holidays, now that she has seen my progress!

[klomasius]

...Would you believe my Mom is saying the same thing? She's even saying that she's going to start incorporating raw into her life after the holidays, now that she has seen my progress!

I wouldn't be surprised at all! I'd not pick that it was the same person if you hadn't said so!

I have question that's interested me ever since I saw my first before and after photo years back and I hope you don't mind if I ask it.

How has your self identity and self esteem changed? How do you relate to yourself and others as a different being visually? I'd love to know how you see yourself atractive-wise and how the interactions between you and others have changed (both male and female others).

I had a friend who was obese for many years and lost a heap of weight in her early twenties, so she'd grown up with being overweight, seeing herself as overweight and interacting with people as an overweight person. She told me she was shocked at the difference the weight loss made to the way people interacted with her, but also how it forced her to rethink her self image and self worth (she'd always had fairly low self esteem, even though she had friends who thought she was great and were supportive).

It seems that looks can be a massive behaviour changer and I was wondering if you see yourself in much of a different light now.

Hope they aren't too personal a question for you!

:)

[Aleesha Sattva]

may i be so bold as to share my thoughts? hope you don't mind.

i've lost the same amount of weight in the same amount of time as mattye.

i hold up my pants and think... "i can't wear these, they are waaay too small" and then they fit. i put on my favourite clothes and find them falling off of me.

my weight release is surreal. i keep wondering if i'll wake up and be overweight again. (not that i'm not still overweight now)...

now when men say nice things to me, i take them seriously whereas before i took it as a "pity-compliment" cause i didn't believe it myself.

i think it'll be a little while... (and once i release more weight as well) before i really 'get it' that i'm no longer obese. i always hated that word... it made me cry inside everytime i heard that word. it cut like a knife into my soul. now - it's just a word.

weird how that changes.

thanks for indulging me and allowing the opportunity to share.

[MangoMyst]

Amberstorm!

You are Beautiful! 50 Pounds! Way to go...Keep on doing what you're doing...I know you must be feeling sooo many things right now...And all of them GOOD!

I am so happy for you!

[klomasius]

Hey recgoddess, thanks so much for the thoughts!

I have always had fairly good self esteem, but I remember when I put on a huge amount of weight while being pregnant with my son and retaining that weight for some time afterward, that I felt like I was living in a different world.

My interactions with everyone were different. Before the weight I had been seen as an attractive person to males but once the weight was there it was like I was invisible!

My self esteem plummeted and I just felt so worthless. I know that it did have partly something to do with post pregnancy hormones and a bit of depression, but still...

I've been fascinated by the effects of such a transformation on someone who perhaps has been overweight (I won't use the word obese, so sorry if this hurt anyone) for a significant amount of their adult life. I wonder how they cope and really importantly, how they see themselves.

I wish I could go back and tell my overweight self not to worry so much, and that self esteem needs to be more strongly linked to who we are as people, not what we look like. But the sad thing is that much of society doesn't get this, and we agonise over our weight and our looks, and health (mental and physical) takes a back seat.

It's the same with ageing, and I often think of how I will react when the time comes I am seen as 'the crone' rather than 'the maiden' (symbology there, and not entirely how it comes across, I studied this in my writing course, very interesting).

:)

[Frugal Raw]

I wouldn't be surprised at all! I'd not pick that it was the same person if you hadn't said so!

I have question that's interested me ever since I saw my first before and after photo years back and I hope you don't mind if I ask it.

How has your self identity and self esteem changed? How do you relate to yourself and others as a different being visually? I'd love to know how you see yourself atractive-wise and how the interactions between you and others have changed (both male and female others).

I had a friend who was obese for many years and lost a heap of weight in her early twenties, so she'd grown up with being overweight, seeing herself as overweight and interacting with people as an overweight person. She told me she was shocked at the difference the weight loss made to the way people interacted with her, but also how it forced her to rethink her self image and self worth (she'd always had fairly low self esteem, even though she had friends who thought she was great and were supportive).

It seems that looks can be a massive behaviour changer and I was wondering if you see yourself in much of a different light now.

Hope they aren't too personal a question for you!

:)

Not at all too personal of questions! I also had a very low self-esteem. I could never be pretty enough, thin enough, yada-yada in my mother's eyes. At 15 years old, and 105 pounds on a 5'5" frame, my bones showing through my skin...and her telling me to lose another 5 pounds...

Then I (unknowingly) married an abuser when I was 16. He was a friend of my brother's, and the abuse didn't begin until after we were married and the baby was born. He wasn't ready, and he became a monster. We had our first kid at 17. The culture shame of me having a teen pregnancy (early 80's)plus him referring to me as "heifer" and inquiring about my daily "tonnage" (I was usually only around 126 pounds then) all served to deeply embed into my psyche: not only a low self esteem, but it also served to really warp my sense of my own body image. Needless to say, no matter how small I was, I allowed these people to misguide my personal perceptions. I felt bigger than a house no matter what size I was.

He was a loser, so I lost him when I was 23. That's when weight began creeping on, and by the time I was 29, I had broken the 200 pound mark. I avoided scales for years, walking blindly to what I was doing to my body. Then between the ages of 29 and 34, I put on an additional 100+ pounds. I had carried and yo-yo'd that weight up and down to 267.5 in May of this past year.

My ex-mother-in-law said I gained and carried the weight to keep men away. I believe that (in part) to be true. I was never comfortable when men would look at me when I was little, because my ex would abuse me for it when he got me home. I never noticed them looking at me - but he did. I pretty much kept my eyes to the floor when we were out together.

I've done a lot of healing along the way, and decided 2 years ago that I want my body back. Like I said in an earlier post in this thread (with pics of my daughter) that I never knew how beautiful I had been until I saw how beautiful my spitting-image daughter had become. I started dabbling with raw foods back then, but could never stick to it due to time and money.

Now that I am losing the weight, knowing that I will succeed - that I will have my body back, I am over the moon! I see where I need much more work, but I am able to see how far I've come. My body image perception is much more on the mark these days, which I also attribute to raw foods. When you go 100%, you will lose the mental baggage - because it's going to bubble up to the surface you WILL have to deal with it! That said, I do have a certain amount of self-amazement when I look in the mirror, or when I look at my current photos! I look at how beautiful I am becoming and it's like seeing familiarity, but also like really seeing myself for the first time. Sometimes I cry, because I just can't believe that I am getting my body and my beauty back.

I am much more confident these days. I am beginning to explore being and feeling sexy - alluring. I look at people out in the world, and it scares me how much larger than me they are. I am frightened for them, and I wish I could do something about it...especially in regards to children. As for my own interractions with people, I am friendlier, and more outgoing than I once was...regardless of gender. I am also nicer - but I think that's also from the peace that we get from living a raw lifestyle. ;)

[klomasius]

WOW amberstorm, what a post. Thanks so much for sharing that.

Right now I'm trying not to feel an immense amount of anger toward your mother for the treatment you had to put up with.

I CANNOT imagine doing something like that to a vulnerable loved one. If I had a daughter I would want her to know how beautiful she was just as she is, EVERY DAY.

I'm SO SORRY you had to go through that, I really am. I really wish I could apologise and make it all better to every child who had to put up with that sort of thing, which does permanent damage.

Yet I am SO GLAD that you 'found out' that you are beautiful. And I really hope you keep finding out and discovering your true self. AND that you keep posting pics like you have, to inspire those with a similar past (or even those who simply need inspiration to lose weight and become healthier).

I'll choose to dwell on the positives of your experiences, as I see you are already doing. I'm sure there's strength inside you that comes directly from what you've experienced, nobody can take that away from you now.

[Frugal Raw]

Thanks, Klomasius. The sad thing is that my mom will deny it every time. She told me the other day after receiving a current photo of me that "she's always said I was beautiful" - I about vomited. She lives in her own self-created reality no matter how much damage she's done or to whom.

That's the doubled-eged bit of this. While my life has been a rough one, I wouldn't want to not be me. My brother was so coddled by her, he is socially, emotionally, etc - dysfunctional on most levels. He is two years older than I am, yet he is incapable of holding a serious, deep conversation.
I pity him. Me on the other hand - I have been tempered by my experiences, and like a well-made sword, I no longer break easily.

[shine72]

Okay first, your pics. Girl! You are smokin'! You have the most beautiful compelling eyes, and now that you skin tone is even and you're dropping the weight, they pop!

Secondly, great for you for knowing that all you've been through has shaped you into the beautiful person you are!:D I know that one's not an easy road, but dang, don't if feel good on the other side!:D

Congrats to you beautiful girl! You are amazing and inspiring.

(Runs now to read this blog everyone's talking about!;) :D )

[greenfeline]

I almost can't believe it is the same person! I have been reading your blog for a while and I didn't know you were the same person until now (Amberstrom vs. MattyeLee)! Ha!

[SuBu]

Mattye--Just wondering what issues your mother had that made her project such negativity on you as a youth? Especially for her to come around now and be interested in your metamorphasis.

[Frugal Raw]

Mattye--Just wondering what issues your mother had that made her project such negativity on you as a youth? Especially for her to come around now and be interested in your metamorphasis.

Well, my Dad always told me that she didn't want me. She had my brother and he was her world. She confirmed that by telling me that no, I wasn't "planned" and that when she found out she was pregnant with me she threatened to commit suicide if the doc didn't give her drugs to get through it.

Looking back, I understand three key things about her - she is a bulemic (has taken laxatives daily to control her weight since before I was born), she is a narcissisist - EVERYTHING is about her - EVERYTHING IS hers. I felt very much the step-child growing up. And third, she is a perfectionist to the core. Anything I did/didn't do she took as a reflection on her. If I made less than an A+ in school, it may as well have been an F. If I did extra chores at home, there was no appreciation, it evolved into an edict of me doing so every day. And yet, when I started developing anorexic behaviors, she told me if I had "that disease it was because I wanted it - not because of anything she'd done."

I also remind her of a sister of hers (I never met) and I think alot of her anger/hatred towards me over the years has been displacement.

When I first told her I was going raw and how it was working for me, the first words out of her mouth were "Well, I can't do that." Now I think it's a thing of she wants the same results I've gotten for herself - she's envious but she won't stick with it - I know her too well. At the first sign of detoxing, she'll claim it's "making her sick" without trying to understand what is really going on. I can talk myself blue in the face, but she will turn it all around into her own self-serving justifications...I've seen it too many times.

[SuBu]

What did her mother (or whoever) do to her to make her be the person she is? The fact that you have anything to do with her is a testimony to the kind of person you are, IMO. I am only questioning the chain of reaction because I've looked at my family history to find out where all the mess came from. And I stress over what kind of mother I've always been; what damage I caused.

[Frugal Raw]

What did her mother (or whoever) do to her to make her be the person she is? The fact that you have anything to do with her is a testimony to the kind of person you are, IMO. I am only questioning the chain of reaction because I've looked at my family history to find out where all the mess came from. And I stress over what kind of mother I've always been; what damage I caused.

She had a very rough childhood - parents divorced and the mother was "banished" when my mother was very young. She never really knew her mother much, from my understanding. Her father died when she was 9, and she was raised in a very abusive (on all levels) foster home. She left there at 17. I just have always figured she never had a real mom, so she didn't know how to be one. That coupled with what I mentioned about her associating me with her estranged sister, I think maybe I just somehow represented loss or encumberance to her somehow.

I always have made note of things I didn't like, were'nt fair, didn't make sense to me - and changed them with my own kids. Those bad cycles don't have to keep cycling. We can all change them so our children and their children don't continue these things for generations to come.

[SuBu]

I sense the anger but also the compassion you have for your mother. How did you come to that point?

[Frugal Raw]

I sense the anger but also the compassion you have for your mother. How did you come to that point?

I finally came to the realization that without developing compassion for those who have abused or hurt me, I would keep myself forever in a sort of self-made prison - reliving those pains every day. You have to forgive them - not because they deserve it, necessarily, but because you love yourself enough to break free from it - otherwise you may as well still be in it.

I think my ex husband was more the challenge for me really on the development of compassion. He abused my kids to keep me in his grip, and I spent YEARS reliving in my mind daily, every harm he ever brought to them. He went after me too, but it was often my kids, and he shattered me by the time we were through. I literally felt like walking broken glass chards. I hated myself for years for choosing the wrong man to father my children, and what they went through for my stupidity. But that, too, I have overcome. I had the strentgh to get them out and I spent their lives teaching them how to love, how to love each other, and I instilled in each of them the knowledge that abuse is not necessary, not healthy and is never warranted. I stopped hating myself when I realized just how well I had done them, getting them out of the cycle.

[JEN]

Awesome!!!!!

[Frugal Raw]

Okay first, your pics. Girl! You are smokin'! You have the most beautiful compelling eyes, and now that you skin tone is even and you're dropping the weight, they pop!

Secondly, great for you for knowing that all you've been through has shaped you into the beautiful person you are!:D I know that one's not an easy road, but dang, don't if feel good on the other side!:D

Congrats to you beautiful girl! You are amazing and inspiring.

(Runs now to read this blog everyone's talking about!;) :D )

Thanks, Shine72 - I've missed my eyes - they were always BIG...until I outgrew them, lol!!! I'm also looking forward to having my hair get long and thick again. I used to have a regular lion's mane of curls when I was young.

Yes, it does feel good on this other side! I am in control, happy, healthy - no more self-destructive behaviors. It's paradise!

[Frugal Raw]

I almost can't believe it is the same person! I have been reading your blog for a while and I didn't know you were the same person until now (Amberstrom vs. MattyeLee)! Ha!


That's funny! I've thought about changing my RFT blog name to Mattye Lee, but I was worried that no one would be able to find me...

[spiralgirl]

Amberstorm,

Way to go, you look great. Keep up the good work.:) :D

[northernstars]

Except that I was sexually abused by my father for about 10 years! That sure took a toll on my self esteem. Before I got obese the men were always all over me and I was not safe. I eventually decided that it was safer to be heavy than slender and trim! Now, getting back to a good and healthy weight is very frightening and I still have a long way to go. This forum has helped so much and all the wonderful and supportive people!

[Frugal Raw]

Except that I was sexually abused by my father for about 10 years! That sure took a toll on my self esteem. Before I got obese the men were always all over me and I was not safe. I eventually decided that it was safer to be heavy than slender and trim! Now, getting back to a good and healthy weight is very frightening and I still have a long way to go. This forum has helped so much and all the wonderful and supportive people!

May Raw living acquaint you with your own inner power! Seek it out as you make your transformation, and use it whenever anyone makes you feel uncomfortable! **big hugs**

[lil fairy z girl]

you look beautiful, lovely pics. your eyes and face are lovely, so young

best wishes
sal
~*~*~*