Help! How do deal.....

[anyalynn]

With a completely unsupportive significant other. Fortunately, we do not live together so I can, at least, make my own meals and eat how I want without being questioned and bothered during the week. But I'm just getting started going raw and I know that it's going to be difficult enough these next few weeks, but especially with Thanksgiving coming up, he's going to want to come over for dinner and I know he's going to start question my food choices. He's already expressed his dislike for a vegan or vegetarian diet, I can only imagine how he would react when he realized I'm only eating raw foods.

He's not a controling or mean person, just very opinionated. I'm not going to talk about it around him, just keep eating the way I want to and if he says anything, I'll just tell him I'm happy with my food choices.

Anyone here have totally unsupportive significant others? What did you do or say when you got started raw? Was is difficult? How much harder (or easierby being "rebelious") was it for you? Did you just keep your new raw diet to yourself, or did you explain yourself and ask for support or to at least no be questioned and harassed?

[StarFire]

Sometimes, the best thing to do is just to lead by example. Live your life, be happy, be raw, all the vibrant foods to heal you, strengthen you, rebuild you... and when you SO sees that you are glowing and beautiful, calm and vibrant... they will see and be curious and be drawn to you.

the wonderful thing about this lifestyle is that we don't have to prove anything. We simply become walking 'billboards' advertising our vibrant health!

stay true to your heart ... and it will all be fine! rawkon !!!


http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/sun.gif

[JennaBoBenna]

Tell him to keep his opinions to himself because you don't care to hear them if they are going to be negative.
If you don't question or bother him about his food choices, what right does he have to do that to you? I think it's highly disrespectful and I would have a talk with him about it.

[missthomas86]

I agree with Jenna and Starfire. At this time you only want positive energy coming your way and if he is going to be negative tell him to knock it off and go bout your business. You know whats best for you and your body and that is what matters.

[Riiiya]

that's true- positivity is the key..

it's hard sometimes- especially when you anticipate an attack :( My significant other invited me for his family's dinner..... and he finally explained his mother why i can't eat the things she cooks (grrr all red meat and fat, everything's fried...uuh) but i can just see it: Thanksgiving dinner, she proposes me turkey, potatoes, this, that.... omg i dont know what to do- i can bring a salad. and yet it's going to be awkward to not eat anything SHE cooked.

other than that my boyfriend is quite supportive- at least not negative... but i don't think his parents can coprehend this

[mel_s12]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. When I started raw, my boyfriend and I had already been living together for a year. Our relationship was all about the food. We moved across the country together so we had no friends where we were. All we did was go out to eat, or stay in and cook.. etc. So when I went raw, it was a huge blow to the relationship. He didn't want to eat raw so I struggled with cooking for him.. then not cooking for him because I would eat the cooked food and feel like crap too. Blahhh.

So now, finally after a year he's accepted it. He still eats SAD but does not send any negative comments my way. Sometimes he makes fun of it, but you have to just let it slide sometimes. He sees how it has improved my health and happiness so there's not much he can complain about.

So one day in the future I'm hoping that he will see the light and begin eating raw with me too :D

As for your guy, he will come around. It just takes some time to get used to. He will eventually see how this lifestyle is making you healthier, and happier, and hotter!

[StarFire]

that's true- positivity is the key..

it's hard sometimes- especially when you anticipate an attack My significant other invited me for his family's dinner..... and he finally explained his mother why i can't eat the things she cooks (grrr all red meat and fat, everything's fried...uuh) but i can just see it: Thanksgiving dinner, she proposes me turkey, potatoes, this, that.... omg i dont know what to do- i can bring a salad. and yet it's going to be awkward to not eat anything SHE cooked.

other than that my boyfriend is quite supportive- at least not negative... but i don't think his parents can coprehend this

ya know what everybody... we need to just stop a moment and think here. I totally understand what you're saying Riiya... but... WHY SHOULD WE FEEL AWKWARD?? when I first read that statement I thought - "yea - I know.... inlaws and all that - and being judged - it sucks..."

then I caught myself and thought 'WAIT A MINUTE'.... what if we were ALLERGIC to the food... would they judge us THEN? would they sneer at us THEN??? like peanuts for instance... people with a peanut allergy just go thru life MAKING SURE THEY DON'T EAT PEANUTS OR ANYTHING THAT HAS BEEN AROUND A PEANUT... and people HONOR THAT... THEY RESPECT THAT ... AND.... THEY MAKE SURE to not serve anything with peanuts....
so --why should we feel awkward?? (not that we expect them to fix us special foods... but dont look down your nose at us if we bring our own food - or just eat whatever raw foods are available)...
our bodies don't like cooked food... it's what we are - its HOW we are - so what... I ate the tinest bit of fondu last month --- I was sick for THREE DAYS....:eek: (I may not be ALLERGIC)... but my body SURE DIDN'T LIKE IT.

If anyone feels awkward - that's on them.... not us. We eat how we eat and there you go. If it bothers THEM.... then THEY need to learn to DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS ... and they also need to look within themselves and try to figure out WHY - WHAT YOU'RE EATING SHOULD BOTHER THEM ANYWAY!!!

RAWBIES... I'm done feelin awkward... or apologizing for not eating 'their' food... from now on -- I'm simply gunna treat it that I AM NORMAL... cooked food does not agree with me... so there you go... DEAL WITH IT!!

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/xena-1.jpg .... or would you like to discuss it further Mother-in-law?? heheheheeeee!!! ;) :D

[anyalynn]

I totall agree with you starfire. I hate feeling like I have to make excuses for how I eat or what I do. I put up with soooo much crap from people when I started training for triathlons: "ooo, be careful you're not a spring chicken anymore" (I'M 33 FOR PETE'S SAKE!!) "Oh, don't push yourself, you might get hurt." I am soooo sick and tired of hearing that garbage. And I know that this (being raw) will just bring on another string of "oooo be careful, that's not good for you you" sentiments.

Why is it that everything everyone does to try to improve and better themselves gets met with such a string of negative opinions, comments & resistence??!! Why do the overwheight, lazy, unmotivated people get to harass those of us who are trying to become healthy and motivated, but if we try to call out those who are killing themselves with their eating habits and other bad habits it's considered insensitive or uncaring??!! What the heck!!?? Since when did being unhealthy, overweight and out of shape give one license to riducule those who are trying to become healthy, fit and energentic!!??

[StarFire]

Amen Girl... yep... you have motivated me to rise up and NEVER APOLOGIZE for my eating choices again!

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/R11chickendancing.gif ... Go Spring Chicken Go!!!

[StarFire]

Analynn.... check out the blog

its called -- The Freedom to Eat Raw (http://www.rawfoodtalk.com/showthread.php?t=34733)
by -- livenraw



Freedom Baby... RAW RAWKS! ;) :D

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/naked.jpg

[Riiiya]

I do agree- actually, if WE don't expect to feel awkward and truly realize we don't NEED to feel awkward- then there'll be no awkwardness!!! everything starts with your mind- i might go and feel absoulutely great about myself and my choices as well as their choices, politely refuse and propose my dish or smth.. and keep on smiling and chatting- i think people will feel this positivity and react accordingly!

[RawHeaven]

People can sometimes become very intimidated when they're in the presence of someone who is taking the reins of their health into their own hands. Especially close loved ones and friends who knew you when you were SAD. And to play on the acronym, sad in the actual meaning of the word also. I'm truly learning to not make any excuses for my choices, and the warrior in me is surfacing. (I'm loving the Zena photo Starfire!)

I cannot tell you how to handle what's happening with your boyfriend because I think we all have to do what is best for ourselves. However, I can share with you my own bf has stopped teasing me because I got truly pissed off the last time he made fun of my food and was chastising my choices. I told him, no I yelled at him, that it was abusive and it stopped him dead in his tracks. He was shocked that I lost my temper because I'm usually a very calm person. He apologized and we moved through it. But for 3 months prior to me blowing up like that I tolerated that verbal abuse from him and I just had enough of it. No one has the right to tell you how to live your life. We are choosing to be with one another and that should be respected and honored.

Even though your man is not a mean and controlling person, his comments to you have controlled you in a way. You're writing about it here, so obviously it's been bothering you. I know exactly how you feel. I didn't think my boyfriend was controlling either, but I realized I was being controlled not to speak up about my true feelings.

Stay strong and keep honoring your choice to eat raw foods. When he sees how well you're doing he will get it. And although I believe in not reacting to situations, sometimes you have to bring out your sword, fight for yourself, banish worrying about things that haven't even happened and stand your ground. Give to yourself and please yourself too, not just him.

[RawHeaven]

RAWBIES... I'm done feelin awkward... or apologizing for not eating 'their' food... from now on -- I'm simply gunna treat it that I AM NORMAL... cooked food does not agree with me... so there you go... DEAL WITH IT!!

I hear you Starfire! I was thinking the same thing when watching Rachel Ray this afternoon. I was bored and waiting for Oprah to come on. :rolleyes: In all seriousness, I think Rachel is great, beautiful and I admire her business acumen, but I was watching her prepare Thanksgiving meals this afternoon and I was truly shocked at all of the crap going into the dishes and was just sitting there with my mouth hanging open. How soon we forget!! Wow. Half sticks of butter in everything from pasta to sauces, cooking every nutrient out of the food, tons of red meat, flour, handfuls of salt, alcohol. Oh! And the next thought I had was and people wonder why they get sick. It's the food! It's the food! It's the food! At one point, Teri Hatcher was a guest cook preparing mashed sweet potatoes and she actually said this "if you can't stand the taste of the fresh ginger, you can use powdered ginger". I just snickered to myself, how can you prefer something processed over something fresh? I now feel more pity than anything else for people who are continuing to destroy their bodies with this food and ironically, I know they feel pity for me. lol. "Oh you poor thing, with your carrot and celery sticks". Which I don't eat by the way, ha. If they only knew what they were missing. This is more reflective of how I'm dealing with it these days. I still feel like I'm transitioning with my feelings and my confidence in my choices. I hope to one day be on the other end of it...with the cooked people having zero impact on my life and no longer in my thoughts. That day of enlightenment is slowly approaching, but it's coming. :D

[MusicalRawLady]

That is so hard....

[anyalynn]

Thanks for all the support. It can be hard enough already to resist temptations (my big one is coffee) but then to have to deal with it when you have people giving you a hard time on top it make it even worse. I hate the fact that we live in a society that is actively hostile towards those who choose to live their lives as healthy as possible. It is so aggravating to hear people (my b/f being one of them) say that it "dangerous" to avoid certain food groups or "unhealthy" to not eat certain foods. I'm so tired of hearing people say I'm going to get sick or ruin my health because I eat raw. The ignorance can be pretty overwhelming. But, I know that the only way to prove all the naysayers wrong is to just keep doing what I'm doing and become a living testament to the healthy lifestyle of raw food. I can't understand how anyone can honestly believe that eating nothing but whole, raw, unprocessed, unscrewed around with food is unhealthy!! My favorite example of just how healthy a raw vegan diet is, is the gorilla. Gorillas are the largest, strongest primates on the planet, stronger than even than humans and their diet consists of nothing more that raw plant products! Go figure! I wanna be a gorilla when I grow up! :D

[RowanC]

Anyalynn, I so know what you're going through!

The reason I gained this 20 pounds was because I have no self-control I guess. But the second reason is that my SO eats SAD and it was so difficult living in the same house with him, offering me chips, offering me chocolate, offering me cheese burritos... I just failed.

My advice if you're not living with this guy is to consider... just consider... putting the relationship on hold for a bit. I mean, honestly, this is a LIFESTYLE that is SO SIGNIFICANT to happiness and health, that if you're not tied into the relationship, you may want to find someone who supports you rather than makes it so easy to fail.

I"m sorry.. I know how hard both choices are.
I'm there and recovering from the last 5 months of crap SAD food.
It's an addiction, and if you were an alcoholic you would not want to live with someone who was drinking every day.

This is YOUR life and YOUR health!