hesitation

[rawhippie]

so about five years ago, pete and i had a falling out with another couple and we haven't spoken until now.

my hesitation is this, we have both changed vastly in last five years that i need to find a way not to be judgmental. let me try to elaborate. i am a very passionate person and raw food has opened up new ideas on life for me. i have changed over to all natural products and plan on raising a raw baby (when the time comes) and also use alternative naturopathic doctors, cloth diapers, etc. i know i don't need to explain why here, so i won't get into that now. my concern is that rachel is in the process of adopting her sisters child who is two years old and already lives with them as their own. now she is pregnant with her own. pete and i are to be married next year and we will most likely hop to right away on a family.

i am so against traditional medicine, food, etc. that i don't want to come off as judgmental or superior to them if they choose to live opposite from me. so how do i find a happy median? any other mothers or mothers to be out there experience anything like this?

i love these two so much, i just don't want personal preference on how to live the best life get in the way. the last thing i want is to come across a time when we argue about what is best for our children. i know i'm jumping the gun a little because i don't even have a child yet, but at the same time i think it would be a little naive not to think ahead. living the life we all do here is very much under the microscope and i want to be as educated as i can on everything while i have the opportunity ahead of time.

thanks for any input
peace
hippie

[racheyCYZ]

well, one thing is for sure...you just do not know until you have your own..I have twins and a baby and you just find out what you made of at some points, maybe even shocking yourself (smile), for good or bad. anyway, different opinions really make the world good...and balance is key, so what better than to have someone in your life who is opposite?? and GRACE, you have to have it , so does the other person for it to work. and the best thing Ive found is that thinking of the persons choices or lifestyle is OFF limits, you just decide that now and that should be fine. KIDS do make relationships a little sticky at times, open communication to leave it alone is a good idea, unless advice is asked for (like a conventional baby who has earinfections, momma may get tired of that and ask acvice). Good luck! my best friend (since 1st grade) loves the processed foods for her and her kids but she is amazed and envious of my kids who eat swiss chard, kale tomatoes and everything. but its o.k., when they come over I make what i make and maybe add a little something I know they'll eat too. anyway, I KNOW Ive said enough hope it helps out a bit.

[StarFire]

not a problem -- unless you make it a problem... that's how I see it.

I wouldn't think to push my viewpoints on any mother (OR PERSON) -- unless I am asked. so... basically -- she raises her kids the way they see fit... and you and Pete raise yours. nbd...

please don't think this sounds snobby - cuz I don't mean for it to come off that way... but... just because you love someone - does not give you the right to offer your opinions unless they are solicited. (unless of course we are speaking of your own personal child -- then parental responsibility steps in).

Having that attitude in my life has saved me a lot of grief when it comes to how my brother raises his kids... or how I see my bff raising her kids... it's frankly none of my business. IN my house - they follow my rules. they eat what I prepare and there you go. (I do try to have something everyone will enjoy - I'm not cruel and make kids eat something they detest!)....

but at the same time ... I realize in THEIR HOUSE... MY kids must follow their rules and eat what they prepare... so - I have a couple of choices....
send food for my child...
and if I don't like the rules of their house... make sure I AM ALWAYS there with my child to make sure - if there's a question... I am available for my child to come ask me.

If you love this couple... just love them for who they are... its' so wonderful when you don't have to be judging or worried about what they are doing - or how they are doing it...

Just be the best mommy you can be... and if your gf asks your opinion... speak honestly. If she can't handle what your opinion is -- that's okay too... it's your opinion and it's not worth fighting about -- cuz its YOUR OPINION.... and you are entitled to it. No manner of arguring will convince you that she is right... I have said that often when people are uncomfortable with 'my opinion'... and they will begin arguing and I refuse to argue....

I refuse to discuss it - because ... I am entitle to my opinion...and they will not change my mind -- no matter what they say or how they feel.... it is after all... my opinion... my children...

so -- I tell them -- lets agree to disagree in love... and its all good!

You'll do fine... I love your sensitivity to the issue though... and it's good to have a 'game plan' as to what you might do if it ever does come up.!
Waay to think ahead....

rawk on!

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/bigthumbup.gif

[pete]

^ thats some solid advice.

thanks.

[EZ rider]

I think it comes down to a matter of respect. You respect the other persons right to their "space" and at the same time assert your right to your "space" and you do that without even talking about it because in my book thats a "given" (math term).

[rawhippie]

hey, who invited the boy in this conversation?
just kidding pete
love you!