Am I being irrational?

[Angelic Light]

I am vegan and my 4 children are vegan. Today my mil gave my 6 month old baby son a piece of birthday cake. I only found out cos I found a piece on his bib and when I asked her what it was she said she had given him a bit of sponge cake. I was angry because she knows we are vegan, although I know she doesnt agree with it. He has been breastfed for 6 months and then during this week I gave him around 3 or 4 different tastes of raw fruit. I had been doing so well with him. When I asked her about it and told her the cake wasnt vegan she said that babies need to have tasters of food and that she didnt know he was a vegan. I just wanted my baby to be raw to start off with and I feel it has been ruined. Am I being irrational? I have been so adament that my baby was only having fruit to start with. I am being made to feel that I am weird and I feel really upset.

[crystalmoon]

Hi Angelic Light...I have 3 sons who arent vegan or raw cos unfortunately Im only discovering this path now...but Im hoping they will change once they see the difference in me;)

anyhow...even when I was eating a standard English diet as a young mum I would have been mega upset if my sons had been given cake on the sly when I was weaning them from the breast to fruit. Infact I have been devastated on many occassions by my mother doing just that & worse.

I have had to struggle against my own mother in this way for over 20 years (my oldest son is nearly 21). When I was a child I wasnt allowed sweets, cakes, fizzy drinks, chocolate, etc yet she immediately started giving this crap to my kids :(
I dont know why & when ever I try to talk to her about it she gets all defensive. It's like she associates being a granny with being allowed to spoil kids with sugar!!!
This has really badly affected our relationship & I only see her about once every 6 weeks now because she STILL brings bags of crap to my home when she visits even though all my sons (20, 18, 11) have told her they dont want it. When I have been at my poorest she has turned up at my house with at least 2 black sacks full of crisps, fizzy drinks, sweets & chocolate...about £50 worth...it used to make me cry cos of the thought of how much fruit & good food I could have bought with the money if she had just allowed me to do the shopping.
My eldest son even said to her that he would really like cereals & organic apple juice instead (he lives away from home now but still gets a bag of chocolate from my mum) but nothing changes:(

You are not wierd or wrong to feel the way you do.
You have every right to want the best for your child.

The good thing is that you noticed straight away so now you can keep a check on her behaviour around your child. Be aware that if she is ever left to look after your child she will do this again. It is what she believes is right.

I wish I could offer a solution but I haven't found one yet & Ive been trying for 20 years. SIGH

Try to put this behind you & to not let it disturb you any longer...dont be manipulated into looking like the 'mad' unreasonable person, as I have been so many times in the past;)

Blessings to you

[RaWonderWoman5]

Keep in mind that I am not a mother, but I hope to be one in the next year and a half. :D

My husband is a meat eater and I am not. My in-laws are very respectful of that fact given that they are huge meat eaters, raising market hogs when my husband was growing up. In the past, my husband and I have had many discussions as to whether or not our child will be a vegetarian. Aside from the ethical issues, I cannot, in good faith, give my child meat, diary, refined sugar, etc., and my husband understands. If my in-laws (or any person for that fact) decided that it was okay to give my baby food that a) I knowingly wouldn't approve of and b) didn't ask me prior to putting it in my baby's mouth, I'd be steaming.

As far as people thinking you're weird, I have to keep in mind that marketing is a powerful tool, and many people believe that you have to eat a SAD diet to be healthy. That's why this way of eating is so foreign to most people I know. The tide is slowly turning and, if the repercussions of my healthy style make people think I'm strange, then so be it. ;)

[Riiiya]

ok i'm only 20 and am not planning to be a mother just yet BUT i would be p-i-s-s-e-d off as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel for you, i really do

But there's no point burning your nerve cells now :) Really- let her know that was unacceptable to you so that it would never happen again. Just keep feeding your baby raw- one time is not going to spoil ALL your efforts i believe :o You can not guard your child from EVERYTHING in this world. But you do your very best!

[juliebove]

I don't know what's in a sponge cake but I would presume eggs, milk, and wheat among other things. Eggs and milk are things that should NEVER be given to babies under a year and wheat is suspect too. So your SIL was wrong to do this. What if the baby had an allergic reaction? That was a very stupid thing to do.

[lore-ah]

I'd be totally pissed. My son spent a lot of time in day care when he was little because I was both working and going to school. He went from being an avid veggie/fruit eater to asking for chicken nuggets. I still feel guilty because of that! People will feed kids just about anything if you let them.

Obviously you're going to have to talk to your family again about food your baby is NOT allowed to have. If they don't like it, too damn bad.

As for that statement about things being ruined, that's not true. Don't let yourself go down that path. Just tell them not to do it again!

[JennaBoBenna]

I would be very mad also! You have every right to be angry. This is your child and you should have authority over what goes in the child's mouth. Heck, I get mad when my mom tells me that my pet rats want pop-tarts instead of greens! :rolleyes:

[DavidZaneMason]

Opinion:

-I WOULD be upset if I made CLEAR what I wanted my child fed....and some one DELIBERATELY went against my wishes.....be they family, friends or strangers.

-I would definitely NOT leave my child with some one who was not going to respect my wishes regarding upbringing.

-David Z. Mason

[Shell]

Hey Angelic Light! No, you're not weird to be annoyed at your mother in law for giving your baby something you're against feeding him. I think it's a pretty standard reaction, really. When it comes to your kids, and how you're raising them, you want to be able to do it without any outside forces trying to undermine your intents. I personally don't have kids, and probably won't (although at 27 that may change :rolleyes: !), but I know that if I did, I would want my wishes for my children's health upheld. On the other hand, try not to let it dictate how you feel about your mother in law. I assume she's from an older ( SADder) school of thought....try not to fault her for that, at least. Yes, she did something shady, but try not to hold a grudge.....I know it's hard, but it will only hurt yourself, and your family. Don't think all your good work with your son is undone, either! I mean, what a lucky kid, to have a mother that cares so much for his future, that she's making sure he gets the best food he can possibly eat! One nibble of sponge cake isn't going to undo 6 months of pure, unadulterated nourishment. At least now you've made it CLEAR to your MIL that under no circumstances are your children to have anything non-vegan, so she can no longer claim ignorance. Just be vigilant, and watch what happens when she's around baby....make sure there are no errant sponge cakes around! After all, she IS their granny, and ultimately I would think she wants the best for them. Try to let it pass over......good luck!

[RawHeaven]

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[Radiantly Raw]

Opinion:

-I WOULD be upset if I made CLEAR what I wanted my child fed....and some one DELIBERATELY went against my wishes.....be they family, friends or strangers.

-I would definitely NOT leave my child with some one who was not going to respect my wishes regarding upbringing.

-David Z. Mason

Exactly what I would say!

I think you have every right to be upset, angry, and disappointed. I would make it clear that this should never happen again. I'm sorry this happened. I'm a mother of two, 3 yrs old and about to turn 6. I would be furious.:mad: And I don't think this should be made light of- I wish your husband understood too.

Now, having said that, please don't let this stay with you though! No sense in letting the anger boil in you, as I'm sure I would have a tendency to do myself. ;) That would only harm you, and your MIL will never know, and perhaps never care. That's unfair, you know?!

I can really identify with wanting your baby to be away from all that stuff for as long as possible.:(

[rawsurfer]

Man I'm kinda pissed just reading about it. I think it is easy to get in a panic and think that all your good work is undone, but it definitely isnt. One thing about being raw is that our bodies are VERY adept at detoxifying.

Still, I wouldn't trust anyone who deliberately went against my wishes. Ugh. Best of luck to you.:)

[RawHeaven]

It's like she associates being a granny with being allowed to spoil kids with sugar!!!



From what you share, Crystalmoon, you did an awesome job with your children if despite all the goodies from their grandmother, they're still eating well. I would say you did what many couldn't achieve.

[greenday]

I'm not a mother, so no expert. But after reading these posts one thing crossed my mind. It feels like whether the food choice was vegan/non vegan isn't the central issue. It's someone else feeding your child without your knowledge or consent! I don't think you are irrational. :)

[Raspberry4]

Your post brings back such memories. MIL - you gotta love 'em :rolleyes: When I had to ask my mil to babysit I begged her not to bring candy into the house because I took my boys off sugar and milk and lo and behold - guess what they boys had. My husband even told her to knock it off. But she has her own opinions of how children should be raised. Turns out my instincts were right, my sons react to milk by getting congested, and to sugar by getting even more hyper (ADHD), and years later I find out that they have gluten intolerance and they are now gluten free. She still does not get it and will not be asked to watch my children ever again! She will be with us (God help me) this Thanksgiving (my first raw one) and that outta be a hum dinger. I will hope to have my plate at the other end of the table or something like that in order to even avoid the topic. It is not worth the hassle to explain my choices. She will, however, be getting a SAD but gluten free Thanksgiving this year ;)

[greenday]

In no way am I comparing a dog to a child, but I once had this beagle with a finicky stomach. We were at a large friend/family gathering and I TOLD everyone not to feed the beagle, no matter how sad her eyes are (she was biggest beggar ever and totally had good nutrition)...well, behind my back she was slipped crap. A half hour later she thanked her hosts by barfing a GIANT foamy, stinky, yellow-green mass of human food and stomach acid all over their white carpet! :eek: I was pretty upset over this...for my dog, not their carpet. :rolleyes:

[Angelic Light]

Thankyou so much everyone for your lovely kind, honest repllies. I am so grateful to each of you because every reply has made me feel so much better.... earlier I was so upset but I have calmed down a bit now. I am so happy to know that I am not alone in my thinking. Thankyou xxxxx

Thanks for listening to me and offering me your wonderful help, and I sympathise with those of you who have and still are going through the same or similar things.

Lots of Love
Catherine xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Dj 247]

I am a grandmother and I have the reverse problem. My daughter and I argue because she brings him canned raviolis and frozen foods for his meals and I hate to feed him that stuff. I mean the ingredients are long and and unreal on some of that stuff (even the brocoli and cheese). I tell her she dosen't have to bring him meals, but she thinks I am a health nut and wants him to eat the stuff she brings. I feed him a banana or fresh orange slices first then his stuff from home.

[rawsurfer]

I am a grandmother and I have the reverse problem. My daughter and I argue because she brings him canned raviolis and frozen foods for his meals and I hate to feed him that stuff. I mean the ingredients are long and and unreal on some of that stuff (even the brocoli and cheese). I tell her she dosen't have to bring him meals, but she thinks I am a health nut and wants him to eat the stuff she brings. I feed him a banana or fresh orange slices first then his stuff from home.

If I were you I would give that crap to Goodwill or a canned food drive and just give him healthy raw food. :D