View Full Version : Finding Yourself
05-14-2005, 02:32 PM
I am 32 and I feel that I am not connected with myself at all. I go through the motions of the day but have to be busy. If I end up home alone I go crazy and ultimately feel really depressed. I am posting this because I need help - has anyone gone through the process of finding themselves? Has anyone felt detached like this? I remember as a girl knowing exactly who I was and never wanted for anything because I had this incredible imagination and was always doing interesting projects or reading, etc. Now when someone asks me, What are your hobbies/interests? I have no answer. What do I say, Watching tv. I guess I am fearful most of the time and get immobilized. I feel this is so important to get over this! Not only for myself but to establish better relationships - if I don't nurture and get to know who I am how can I meet my soulmate? Thanks for listening - I figured if anyone had some insight it would be you guys.
05-14-2005, 02:53 PM
I am a counselor, and without doing an interview, I can't really make any kind of determination.
Just "be" by yourself, for say one hour.
Don't listen to anything, like a radio, or music, or the TV, just be by yourself.
Just sit, and think, or don't think, whatever.
Don't get up and walk around, don't clean house, don't DO anything.
Just sit, and be.
After the hour, (if you can make it that long), write down everything you can remember thinking. Don't talk yet. This is part of it.
No communication with anyone or anything. Just sitting and then writing.
Now, go about your regular day.
do this three days in a row, and when you are finished with the third day, read what you wrote all three days.
do you see a pattern? Were you able to just sit for one entire hour, without any noise to distract you from yourself?
Were, you able to daydream, look outside at clouds? What went through your head?
This will be the first step in getting to KNOW who you really are.
I used to sit and "OM" meditate twice a day for an hour each time, then I realized one day I meditated for 8 hours, without moving, (and I wasn't sleeping) lol.
I just sat there, being, no thinking, no doing, just being.
It was such a profound experience, it truly opened my mind to the entire Universe.
Now I can just "be" in line at the bank, or sitting in my car at a stop light. or anywhere. And it is marvelous, to be able to connect with my inner being at any given moment.
It can be a challenge when we are trying to hide from ourselves.
Usually this feeling comes when we are unhappy with our life choices, or relationships or our work.
So, if you feel totally cherished and love and truly worshipped by your partner, then it isn't your relationship that is the challenge.
And if you feel totally and completely appreciated by the people who give you money, and you feel energized to get up every morning and start your day, then your work is probably not the challenge.
One of the many things that happens when we release our addictions, is the "stuff" that we were suppressing with them, comes up for us to heal.
So, you may be choosing to see some stuff in your life that needs embracing and healing, at this time.
05-14-2005, 05:00 PM
I totally know where you are coming from. Growing up, it was "less complicated" what needed to be done: chores, eat ,sleep, color with crayons etc etc but now that I am hitting 30 real soon, having CHOICES makes me more anxious and overwhelmed.
I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling like you don't clearly know yourself---I really believe it's an ongoing evolving process that ought to NOT stay the same.
My former Econ professor once said "There are so many choices out there......an economist would say and NOT doing anything is also 'doing something!"
It's awesome that you can be real and honest about these feelings---some find it easier to live with it rather than want to come face to face.
"Your journey is worth a thousand faces--reflections of you."
05-14-2005, 05:41 PM
Well, I started that search back in '77. Took me 9 years to find my teacher/mentor, so, at 36 years of age, I was told ~ "You don't know who you are". Well, unlike you who KNOW it (good place to start), I said "of course I know who I am". Well, as it turned out, I didn't. I had a tough exterior and an interior made of marshmallow (or worse ~ as marshmallows are sweet <g>). It took me 16 years and a LOT of work ~ getting past suicidal tendancies, learning who I was and how worthy I was to live; what gave me joy ~ and that it's o.k. to be jo-filled and happy, etc.
I used to spend my weekends sitting at home in my lil "sanctuary", reading. Never did watch t.v.
Here's a suggestion. Start noticing and acknowledging what you appreciate in your life. No matter how bad life is, there is always something (or 10 things) to appreciate. I worked with a woman who was borderline suicidal and even she got up enough passion about something to want to fight back ~ so, that was one step.
My mailbox is open.
05-14-2005, 05:42 PM
Ae you feeling if there is 2 of you - one watching the other one live?r
05-14-2005, 06:20 PM
I feel the same way RawPriestess does in that these emotional issues are surpressed by our habits and addictions. So,when we release ourselves from our cooked food addiction, lots of stuff can come up. i believe that, as we've gotten stronger and healthier, we can now handle these. Our mindbody (and God/dess) doesn't give us anything we can't handle, ya know.
Was there something that happened that precipitated this, Kathleen? A break-up, a job change, a move, a change in your family structure? This type of malaise isn't uncommon; what is uncommon is that you've chosen to do something about it.
Yay for you. \o/ \o/ \o/
05-15-2005, 12:19 PM
See? I knew I had come to the right place to ask this question :) Thank you everyone for your heartfelt and practical advice and thank you for reminding me that I should feel happy I want to do something about this instead of just accepting it. I went to my friend Annette yesterday who is a spiritual counselor and her advice resonates what I have received here ~ That this point in my life is meant to be a time to go within, to sit with the loneliness, and listen and challenge those negative voices that come up. She also recommended the curriculum of "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron - especially the morning pages to start to re-connect. I feel better because I know that awareness is always the first step. Thanks again and blessings to all!! Love,Kathleen
05-15-2005, 12:37 PM
Kathleen, enjoy your "soulsearching" passage :)
05-15-2005, 12:37 PM
~ That this point in my life is meant to be a time to go within, to sit with the loneliness, and listen and challenge those negative voices that come up.
One thing I recognized a long time ago that being alone and being lonely are not synonyms. If you feel lonely when alone, find the peace in being alone ~ find the love for you ~ and you'll never be alone ~ or lonely.
She also recommended the curriculum of "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron - especially the morning pages to start to re-connect.
Ohhhh yess! If you have any interest in some other books which made a difference in my life, please feel free to ask. I'm sure others have some also. Maybe best to just focus on the one though? (I'm a 5-6-at-a-time reader. Don't know if you are or not).
05-15-2005, 01:22 PM
I agree with everything posted above but would like to add we all go thru seasons in our life sometimes we aren't ready to give up one because of the uncertainty of the next. Hence the feelings that you have. When I was in my early 30's I experienced the same thing as you discribe and wasn't ready to change/grow. I didn't want to give up the security of my life. Looking back now if I had changed then, I realize I would be much farther along in my lifes journey. Because, in my 40's those same feelings happened again fortunately this time I was ready to 'look' if not 'listen" and finally as I near 50 I am really just finding the beginings of who I am and where I want to be. I AM A SLOW LEARNER. GOOD lUCK ON YOUR JOURNEY!
05-17-2005, 08:13 PM
I understand what you are going through. I feel the same way-just going through the motions. I also feel stuck with where I am in life and I get depressed. When I get depressed I then eat and have put on weight, the depression is one of the reasons I decided to try to switch to raw foods. I keep reading it will help with depression and other health problems. I am trying to learn to look at the positive instead of focusing on the negative and reaching out to friends even if it is just a call to say hello helps.
I am 32 and I feel that I am not connected with myself at all.
hey kathleen ad everyone,
well yes i did go through this at one time--and i read a lot of books to try to get some ideas because i felt stuck.
one book i read by a wonderful author whose name i've momentarily forgotten gave the advice: "just do anything that resonates in your heart", so i followed that advice, and i have to say it was a challenge, and it helped because i had a new hobby, but it did not change anything in terms of connecting with myself.
in fact, the very BEST advice i read, in another book, whose name i also forget, gave the advice: "do nothing. listen quietly to your inner self", so i followed this advice, and a miracle occured in my life, changing my world completely. it was just a simple little book too. i think the title was :"Do Nothing" it had a purple cover i think. i read it at chapters. it was on a little table.
the first book sort of got me out of myself, and gave me a new positive direction, but i was still basically stuck, the second book unstuck me. i realized that i had been hiding my true self and i also realized i needed to be braver and face the things i had not realized i was actively avoiding. so i did all sorts of thigs i'd put off: i studied my insurance policy and determined my insurance was all wrong, i had a lawyer do up my will, i had conversations with people about how i wanted things to be, i started walking an hour a day, i started raw, and i chose to be only around non-addicts and loving people. a lot of people i knew were unhappy with my choice but i was so much happier. the first book was a comfort to me, but the second book changed me forever and enabled me to connect with my true self and take charge of my life.
09-30-2006, 07:26 PM
Hi, Kathleen. My name is Nicole and I'm 22 years old. I realize you may not receive this as you posted the original quote give or take a year ago. I too feel disconnected from myself. I am currently studying abroad, and sometimes I have a whole day free to myself, but I don't know what I want to do. This has led to a lack of self-confidence which is affecting all areas of my life. I'm curious about the progress of your soul-searching and what you are doing to achieve it.
10-01-2006, 03:18 PM
What a brave thread, thanks you!
Seek yourself, but be happy to find only the part that you are being right now, and accept you have found an always changing part, by the mere fact that you are looking it is changing. Have nothing, be everything.
Do the things you believe in and connect with them, skip allthe rest,
Learn to be blind, and deaf for what is not touching you, but be open to be touched by everything, have a wide soul.
Be all the time ready to change all your points of vieuw.
A part of your time don't change anything, and don't add, don't change the colour of the sun, it will change by itself tomorrow, when was the last time you ever did see "yellow" like it is, without adding toughts, let it go as it is into yourself, trust on your deepest source, which doesn't need you.
Don't be afraid of being alone:
"Wo is close to himself is close to everyone"
Don't be afraid of doing nothing:
"When you do nothing there is nothing that's not being done" (Lao-tse)
Your inner sculpture is a ready made Michelangelo or Da Vinci.
By talking to myself it would be lovely if i am talking a little bit to you all.
10-01-2006, 07:59 PM
Finding yourself is easy. You just have to stop sticking your nose into where you are not.
We often look for ourselves in places where we believe we are supposed to be, rather than where we are.
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