Please help

[AnonymouslyRaw]

Hi everyone!! I am a current member, relatively active, and desperately need some help, but would like to do it anonymously, hence the name ;).

Moderators- I hope these topics are ok, specifically the first one, but i don't know who/where else to turn to. :o

This is a two parter, so hold on tight, if you do read it, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart!!!

I have a history, two years long, a couple years ago, of daily, all day, cocaine use. I had stopped, on my own one day when i had decided i was done with it. Although, I must clarify that looking back, I was indeed a mess. Have been clean without a problem ever since. Strangly enugh, lately I have had it on my mind frequently, wouldn't dare touch the stuff, but am very curious if it may have something to do with detoxing, and if anyone has experienced anything similar.

This is my much bigger problem- having had many troubles with food, and eating disorders since highschool, when first starting raw a number of months back, I was doing GREAT! eating, allowing myself to, and no thoughts of purging. Lately I am having trouble allowing myself to keep anything down. I try but end up not being able to. I have also been binging and purging, all raw usually, but a few times with cooked food!! Purposely to purge it, not even enjoying it. Many times it starts innocently enough, having a raw lunch and cant handle the food so it spirals :o :mad:

Thank you sincerely for reading, I am in desperate need of anything you incredible people have to offer, if only an "it'll be ok" and a cyber hug.

With all of the love in the world,

AnonymouslyRaw

[lil fairy z girl]

hi, as i read your post i was just wondering if you are using food as a control or a way of coping with things, instead of using the first point mentioned?
you have done really well to quit your drug habit, i can't imagine how hard it must have been. i hope that you can find some support and help.

best wishes
sal
~*~*~*

[tinystrawberry]

well, for one, you are so strong for quitting by yourself.
i think i could have something to do with detox, but that is just an opinion and i'm not very educated on either subject. i know a lot of my friends had trouble with eating disorders, i think that if you continue with raw you will overcome your problems.

hope you find someone with a helpful answer

[crystalmoon]

Hi I am in recovery from daily drug & alcohol use (3 1/2 years clean). I have also stopped caffeine & nicotine - doing this helped me massively to stop cravings for drugs.
My addictive problems began around food as a young kid so I totally relate to your post, especially as my old food behaviours of binging & purgeing or restricting came back with a vengence once i had put everything else down. I have to be careful that I dont use the raw diet as an excuse to restrict food/calorie intake & also as an excuse for binges - my head will tell me it is ok cos raw is good for me etc. I am finding that a balance is naturally occurring the more I learn to sit with myself & my true feelings (meditation, saunas, journalling, walking in nature)
And as each week goes by that I am mostly raw the urges to self harm in this way gets less & less. It will get better but it will be one day at a time, one meal at a time. WE CAN DO THIS {{{{HUG}}}} HUGE CYBER HUG TO YOU.
I have found that raw chocolate/cocoa sets off cravings for drugs I havent wanted in years...be really careful if you use it in your food, smoothies or as a snack, I find it speedy like amphetamines but also abit happy trippy so it may well trigger a desire for cocaine.
Also all the dates/agave etc used to sweeten raw recipes can set up a binge/purge mentality for me cos I havent yet got away from thinking of all sweet things as bad! But I am working on it by cutting things like the date torte into small squares & freezing them so I have to wait a few minutes before they are edible...sometimes just those couple of minutes is the difference between thinking clearly about how much I really need & eating madly in a frenzy!
Eating ripe fruit is also helping me to get used to sweet things being 'good' & positive things to eat.
If I can be of any help or support to you please feel free to email privately if that would help. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FACE THIS ALONE.
Much love to you
Jane

[dreamrawalwz]

I know during detox it's called "retracing" where some people begin to crave foods they haven't had in YEARS while it's finally leaving your body. So that's a good thing, just be careful though.

As for the ED. Really think of why you are doing it. There has to be an underlying emotional reason I believe. You stopped the cocaine and are just replacing it again. Can you go see a therapist to talk to someone? I know how you feel. I've struggled with an ED for quite some time, even with raw, though with raw it's not AS bad as when I eat cooked.

[dalimeindacoconut]

Dear AnonymouslyRaw, having many days of sobriety all strung together in AA totalling 20 years (went to my first meeting at 19 I'm now 45) yes, I do know a thing or two about the first part of your post. Firstly, it is fantastic that you are acknowledging your cravings, but this is not the forum to do so. The place you need to go to are free programs like: NA (Narcotics Anonymous) or CA (Cocaine Anonymous) to share about your what you are experiencing with others who have gone through the same thing. Conversely, yes when I first got sober on SAD food I experienced weird sensations that tasted like alcohol or some other recreational drug ie: cocaine, crystal meth...a sort of taste down my throat that I didn't even do that much (three years into my sobriety). I am definitely the former. Also, I have known a handful of close friends on the program who had your eating issues. This is a very serious disease one that thank god I did not fall prey to, but I watched them go through this firsthand and it is hideous. You need to get the proper help. A forum like this is very simply about raw eating. You can find other women with your disease (and that is what it is) at free programs like OA (Over-Eaters Anonymous). Not all OA people are overweight some have issues like you are dealing with and you need to go there and get yourself a sponsor. I would suggest going to both OA & CA and getting yourself a sponsor now. On a side note, when I went raw about two months ago my SAD Sugar issue was glaring and it is something I had to address (many people on the program have to address this), so yes, when you go raw, other issues are going to make themselves known. Someone else may think what a joke she is comparing SAD Sugar to drugs. Well, I used SAD sugar like a drug and because I have chosen to be on a sober path it does not allow me to abuse myself anymore in any way. The other day I was knealt down looking in my fridge and a precious thought flashed through my mind about raw eating and here is what I heard 'raw eating is sober eating'. What your going through is a good thing. Not a breakdown, but a breakthrough. Go to the meetings and get yourself a sponsor now. If you don't know where they are at call the operator or get online.

[dalimeindacoconut]

www.ca.org (cocaine anonymous) www.oa.org (over-eaters anonymous) www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org

Hope this helps.

[RaWonderWoman5]

Here's a cyber hug.

[AnonymouslyRaw]

hi, as i read your post i was just wondering if you are using food as a control or a way of coping with things, instead of using the first point mentioned?
you have done really well to quit your drug habit, i can't imagine how hard it must have been. i hope that you can find some support and help.

best wishes
sal
~*~*~*

Thank you, very much! I have considered that, my situation is quite strange, ihad dealt with the ed's through high school, then later on in life the cocaine, then decided to stop cocaine, easy, the ed's were still in the ackground then, now they are more in the forefront, meanwhile, the cocaine use ended years ago, just recently thoughts have surfaced, hmm

[AnonymouslyRaw]

Hi I am in recovery from daily drug & alcohol use (3 1/2 years clean). I have also stopped caffeine & nicotine - doing this helped me massively to stop cravings for drugs.
My addictive problems began around food as a young kid so I totally relate to your post, especially as my old food behaviours of binging & purgeing or restricting came back with a vengence once i had put everything else down. I have to be careful that I dont use the raw diet as an excuse to restrict food/calorie intake & also as an excuse for binges - my head will tell me it is ok cos raw is good for me etc. I am finding that a balance is naturally occurring the more I learn to sit with myself & my true feelings (meditation, saunas, journalling, walking in nature)
And as each week goes by that I am mostly raw the urges to self harm in this way gets less & less. It will get better but it will be one day at a time, one meal at a time. WE CAN DO THIS {{{{HUG}}}} HUGE CYBER HUG TO YOU.
I have found that raw chocolate/cocoa sets off cravings for drugs I havent wanted in years...be really careful if you use it in your food, smoothies or as a snack, I find it speedy like amphetamines but also abit happy trippy so it may well trigger a desire for cocaine.
Also all the dates/agave etc used to sweeten raw recipes can set up a binge/purge mentality for me cos I havent yet got away from thinking of all sweet things as bad! But I am working on it by cutting things like the date torte into small squares & freezing them so I have to wait a few minutes before they are edible...sometimes just those couple of minutes is the difference between thinking clearly about how much I really need & eating madly in a frenzy!
Eating ripe fruit is also helping me to get used to sweet things being 'good' & positive things to eat.
If I can be of any help or support to you please feel free to email privately if that would help. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FACE THIS ALONE.
Much love to you
Jane


Thank you, Jane, for sharing that with me! I truly appre4ciate your response and I may have to take you up on that offer!! Thank you!! :D

[AnonymouslyRaw]

I know during detox it's called "retracing" where some people begin to crave foods they haven't had in YEARS while it's finally leaving your body. So that's a good thing, just be careful though.

As for the ED. Really think of why you are doing it. There has to be an underlying emotional reason I believe. You stopped the cocaine and are just replacing it again. Can you go see a therapist to talk to someone? I know how you feel. I've struggled with an ED for quite some time, even with raw, though with raw it's not AS bad as when I eat cooked.

Hi, dreamrawalwz, that's definitely along the lines of what i was wondering about! I figured that there had to be something along those lines, it just may apply to drugs as well, very niteresting! Thank you for your response and kindness! I have tried therapy, didn;t help, it;s just not for me, i guess, I have always done better repairing problems on my own, it seems, e.g. the drug use. i though professional help was necessary for the ed, but to no avail :(

[AnonymouslyRaw]

Dear AnonymouslyRaw, having many days of sobriety all strung together in AA totalling 20 years (went to my first meeting at 19 I'm now 45) yes, I do know a thing or two about the first part of your post. Firstly, it is fantastic that you are acknowledging your cravings, but this is not the forum to do so. The place you need to go to are free programs like: NA (Narcotics Anonymous) or CA (Cocaine Anonymous) to share about your what you are experiencing with others who have gone through the same thing. Conversely, yes when I first got sober on SAD food I experienced weird sensations that tasted like alcohol or some other recreational drug ie: cocaine, crystal meth...a sort of taste down my throat that I didn't even do that much (three years into my sobriety). I am definitely the former. Also, I have known a handful of close friends on the program who had your eating issues. This is a very serious disease one that thank god I did not fall prey to, but I watched them go through this firsthand and it is hideous. You need to get the proper help. A forum like this is very simply about raw eating. You can find other women with your disease (and that is what it is) at free programs like OA (Over-Eaters Anonymous). Not all OA people are overweight some have issues like you are dealing with and you need to go there and get yourself a sponsor. I would suggest going to both OA & CA and getting yourself a sponsor now. On a side note, when I went raw about two months ago my SAD Sugar issue was glaring and it is something I had to address (many people on the program have to address this), so yes, when you go raw, other issues are going to make themselves known. Someone else may think what a joke she is comparing SAD Sugar to drugs. Well, I used SAD sugar like a drug and because I have chosen to be on a sober path it does not allow me to abuse myself anymore in any way. The other day I was knealt down looking in my fridge and a precious thought flashed through my mind about raw eating and here is what I heard 'raw eating is sober eating'. What your going through is a good thing. Not a breakdown, but a breakthrough. Go to the meetings and get yourself a sponsor now. If you don't know where they are at call the operator or get online.

Thank you trememdously for sharing that with me, and finding some links!! Sometimes people's goodwill amazes me. Thank you! But since i've done some research in the past and those are based on 12-step programs, which are religion (christianity) based, it is definitely not for me, I am uncomfortable placing myself in the victim's role, and placing blame on "a higher power" on "god" as though it is just my challenge, so to speak, a test. I don't agree with that reasoning, i do not believe in religion, does it show? :p. I feel it was my doing, and only my effort and strenght of mind will relieve me. i am empirical through and through.

I completely appreciate all you have done, thank you dalimeindacoconut!!

[AnonymouslyRaw]

Here's a cyber hug.

heheheh THANK YOU!! :D, right back atchya, just in case ;)

[dreamrawalwz]

Hi, dreamrawalwz, that's definitely along the lines of what i was wondering about! I figured that there had to be something along those lines, it just may apply to drugs as well, very niteresting! Thank you for your response and kindness! I have tried therapy, didn;t help, it;s just not for me, i guess, I have always done better repairing problems on my own, it seems, e.g. the drug use. i though professional help was necessary for the ed, but to no avail :(

I'm just curious, not trying to pry or anything. As far as the ED therapy goes, what type of therapist was it? Did the person only focus on ED's or the route of the problem? Have you only had a few experiences with therapists? I've gone through many and for some it's the perfect person the first therapist, for others it make take many many tries until you hit the spot. just keep trying and don't give up. I hear you about the fixing it yourself thing though, I'm the same way.

[dalimeindacoconut]

There are many people of all different races, religions, backgrounds in all programs. Many people are atheists. There are meetings specifically set up for atheists. Many people get around this. Everything you have expressed are not lighthearted issues. Trust me I have been around long enough to witness many people die, including Johnny who started CA. What you are dealing with is bigger than you. You need to be around people who have been there and are on the other side. I can't make you do anything. If you get the help you need now your ahead of the game. If you don't you will have to deal with it as some point in your life. Better to do it now and if you don't there are consequences to be paid. This is coming from experience.

I do have to laugh at the 'God' thing. Do you think any of those totally wild out of control F*$$&d up program people are religious? LOL! That gave me the greatest laugh. There is no victim role and there is no placing blame on God in any of the programs that is definitely a misconception.

As long as you know where to go when the time is right that is all that matters. I sincerely wish you all the best.

[Stina]

I know you said you haven't used for some time, but are you aware of amino acid therapy to treat addiction? The idea is that if we're deficient in any amino acid, we'll experience cravings. It may be partly that, it may be part of the detoxing process that is triggering the craving. Regardless, a variety of leafy greens providing bio-available amino acids will greatly help the healing process. p.s. 12 steps aren't religious programs; they're spiritual programs. I learned to rise above any of the linguistics I don't agree with and look for the higher message. But 12 step work is for people who want to address why they ended up with the addiction in the first place and heal underlying spiritual/emotional issues. And, from an empirical perspective, they're effective.

[AnonymouslyRaw]

I'm just curious, not trying to pry or anything. As far as the ED therapy goes, what type of therapist was it? Did the person only focus on ED's or the route of the problem? Have you only had a few experiences with therapists? I've gone through many and for some it's the perfect person the first therapist, for others it make take many many tries until you hit the spot. just keep trying and don't give up. I hear you about the fixing it yourself thing though, I'm the same way.

You are most certainly not prying!! You are offering me your help and support, you have the right to ask anything!:)

I have had a few sessions with a number of therapists. Specializing in EDs, except for two, one of which had a higher-up who specialized in EDs, whom she consulted.

More often than not, discussion came to include the same point, how I recognize what a silly thing i see it as, and hated it for that reason. none were able to pin-point a reason and go from there. Maybe i hadn't stuck with any long enought, at a certain point i would see it wasn't going anywhere, not much progress, could do better myself and with more money is my pocket, haha, and move on, searching for someone else.

Thanks again!! Sometimes just typing it all out helps a lot, as well. Thank you!

[AnonymouslyRaw]

There are many people of all different races, religions, backgrounds in all programs. Many people are atheists. There are meetings specifically set up for atheists. Many people get around this. Everything you have expressed are not lighthearted issues. Trust me I have been around long enough to witness many people die, including Johnny who started CA. What you are dealing with is bigger than you. You need to be around people who have been there and are on the other side. I can't make you do anything. If you get the help you need now your ahead of the game. If you don't you will have to deal with it as some point in your life. Better to do it now and if you don't there are consequences to be paid. This is coming from experience.

I do have to laugh at the 'God' thing. Do you think any of those totally wild out of control F*$$&d up program people are religious? LOL! That gave me the greatest laugh. There is no victim role and there is no placing blame on God in any of the programs that is definitely a misconception.

As long as you know where to go when the time is right that is all that matters. I sincerely wish you all the best.

Hehe, glad i got you to laugh! :) and didn't offend you, that was the furthest from my intentions.

I appreciate the suggestion, and if "god' ;) forbid, i ever went near that route again, i would consider that option. I am truly grateful that i never intend to. It's been years since i touched the stuff, i am also grateful that i was able stop without a program or facility, and to recognize it for what it is- garbage, the "white devil".

If i may ask you a question, through your episodes of detox, did you ever experience any type of pull or thoughts towards your past use?

[AnonymouslyRaw]

I know you said you haven't used for some time, but are you aware of amino acid therapy to treat addiction? The idea is that if we're deficient in any amino acid, we'll experience cravings. It may be partly that, it may be part of the detoxing process that is triggering the craving. Regardless, a variety of leafy greens providing bio-available amino acids will greatly help the healing process. p.s. 12 steps aren't religious programs; they're spiritual programs. I learned to rise above any of the linguistics I don't agree with and look for the higher message. But 12 step work is for people who want to address why they ended up with the addiction in the first place and heal underlying spiritual/emotional issues. And, from an empirical perspective, they're effective.

Thank you for your perspective! I have never heard of amino acid therapy, very intriguing. That is highly impressive that you were able to rise above the linguistics, as that is what they are in a sense, I am just incapable of patiently listening to what I believe to be nonsense. After all patience is a virtue, one lost upon me.

Statictically, i have read differenty on its effectiveness, maybe i should update my past research..

Thanks again, Stina!

[Aleesha Sattva]

i have experienced some addictions myself and was able to stop using on my own. i have a good friend who was an alcoholic and he beat it (17 years clean and sober) on his own. AA etc is not for everyone... but it is a good program.

it sounds like you have a handle on things... and if you loose your grip you know where to turn. http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x87/recyclinggoddess/throseglasses1.gif

i wish you more than well... i wish you GREAT health! spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically... (within your own definition of spiritually that is)

and here's another cyber hug for ya! http://i182.photobucket.com/albums/x87/recyclinggoddess/icon_hug.gif