My life is a rollercoaster of stress, but isn't everyones'? Share some support!

[lore-ah]

My husband is Australian and we're going through an immigration hell. He can't live here with me because his visa keeps him about four states away until the paperwork goes through (in about three months hopefully). Basically I see him about once or twice a month and keep two households. Of course I have the same problems most other people do: a mouthy teenager, more bills than money, etc.

What I end up doing is hanging out with my husband and eating some SAD garbage. It's a pathetic excuse, we all know we can find delicious raw foods when we go out. I don't have an all out binge, but my love of bread and beer bubbles right to the surface when he's around-mostly out of old habits.

I know I'm not alone; I've noticed similar threads. I always come back to my green smoothies and yummy salads after I fall off the wagon. I just hate how it takes a couple of days to feel like everything has filtered through.

I think I just wanted to rant a little bit; this whole post is pretty personal and I'm not sure how to even structure a discussion around it! Maybe tell me some of your secrets to getting eating derailments?

[shooting star]

Gosh, that can't be easy. I bet you really miss him.

One thing I did on my last holiday was set three circles of behaviour. This was suggested to me by Karen Knowler when I was on her coaching call.

Draw three large concentric circles.
In the centre circle you write down your ideal behaviour (whatever that is for you). So your ideal behaviour when you see your husband would be to eat raw and you would give examples of the kinds of places you would go, types of foods you would eat, types of things that you could prepare and take with you. Be really detailed and think of the things that really work for you and inspire you.

In the next circle write down behaviour that would be acceptable even if it isn't your ideal. For example, eating a 50% raw meal so long as it had some greens, or eating 1 cooked meal a day if the other 2 are raw. It doesn't matter what it is so long as it is acceptable for you in situations where you may need to compromise.

In the outer circle write down what is unacceptable to you and all your trigger foods that you will avoid.

So now, you have grades of behaviour. If you stick to the centre circle then that is great because that is your ideal. If you have some cooked and balance it with raw then that is fantastic because it is still acceptable for you even if it isn't your ideal. If you do go into the outer circle, reflect and learn for next time what triggered that.

I found it a really useful tool for making me think through what I could and couldn't do and felt much more in control - rather than feeling overwhelmed by the situation.

Also are you taking time to do nice things for yourself when he isn't there? Do you lay the table or eat of your lap? Do you make an effort with meals or not bother because he is away? Do be good to yourself.

Hang in there, I hope his visa comes through soon. :)

[Angelina]

my advice on "eating derailments" is to LET IT GO! once it happens accept it and move forward...we've all been there, its definitely not easy to completely change the way we (at least most of us) have eaten our whole lives ~ there are bound to be slip ups:rolleyes: or perhaps try this (ok, I know it may seem a bit unorthodox to our raw rules!) maybe you can "schedule" your SAD food ~ you did say that you always go back to your smoothies and salads after, how about planning on eating some non raw foods when you see your husband, you know how they say the whole mind over matter thing and how when we "don't allow ourselves something" or make something taboo its harder to resist? I bet if you allow yourself to have that tiny slip up it probably won't be as bad as if you didn't plan it! And I am sure in no time it'll seem like no big deal and you won't have to allow the non raw food for long... ohhh..and as back up bring lots of raw treats :p

[lore-ah]

ShootingStar, I really like that idea. I'm big on writing and plotting things out so I think that will help me a lot. I already do that thing where I think "well if I'm going to eat this SAD thing, I'm going to have a smoothie/big salad first. That helps me, too. Thank you!


Angelina, thanks for the advice! I do sorta do that actually. I know when he's here, we're going to be going somewhere that I'll most likely slip up. I try not to beat myself up, but we're all our own worst critics

[EZ rider]

I know this post is going to sound hard line and I can't help but notice that its the only one here with this perspective but I can't help that because this is the way I see it. To me allowing any cooked food into a raw program is the same thing as an alcoholic stopping drinking by having just a sip of booze. You know what happens next, right ? The alcoholic wakes up with another hangover. Figure it out - if you close the door on something then don't open it again. If somehow you find yourself with the door open close it and try to learn something to prevent it from opening again. I liked the 3 circle idea just so long as you put the inside circle on top of a mountain and the rest of the circles on the slippery slope down to SAD.

[bluejaunte]

Hi there.

I've done a lot of reading on this forum (I guess you could call me a lurker) but I had to register today, just so I could say I feel you. My husband is English (I'm American) and we went through the same immigration procedures for the better part of 3 years. We just completed the last step -- removing the conditionality on his permanent residence -- last week. So I don't really have any great advice that others haven't already given .. just wanted to wish you the best with the immigration procedure. You're right: it is hell. But it does eventually end! :)

[amyambro1]

I agree with EZ Rider. It is ridiculously difficult to stick with raw unless you make a serious commitment to be 100% and stay that way. If you don't go 100%, you run this risk of constantly craving sad food and constantly being in a battle with yourself about whether or not you are eating right.

[shooting star]

Hi EZ - yes while I agree with you that 100% raw is the ideal, it is important to start where people are. What lore-ah puts in her circles is up to her. She might include in the acceptable circle nuts and seeds that may or may not be raw. She might not. I found just doing the circles exercise affirming and useful in clarifying what I wanted out of my diet and attitude.

I feel it is better for someone to have a jacket potato or some steamed veggies and be ok with it, rather than completely fall into a binge mode because they have had 1 thing that isn't raw and feel that they have failed.

[lore-ah]

I know this post is going to sound hard line and I can't help but notice that its the only one here with this perspective but I can't help that because this is the way I see it. To me allowing any cooked food into a raw program is the same thing as an alcoholic stopping drinking by having just a sip of booze. You know what happens next, right ? The alcoholic wakes up with another hangover. Figure it out - if you close the door on something then don't open it again. If somehow you find yourself with the door open close it and try to learn something to prevent it from opening again. I liked the 3 circle idea just so long as you put the inside circle on top of a mountain and the rest of the circles on the slippery slope down to SAD.

I do agree with you. I'm trying to balance between going 100% from a life of crappy eating to not beating myself up. I have 100% given up caffeine without one slip up and that was by far the hardest thing I had to do. You guys have no idea. I'm trying to be strong but not make myself feel like crap over transistioning to a whole new way of life for me.


Hi there.

I've done a lot of reading on this forum (I guess you could call me a lurker) but I had to register today, just so I could say I feel you. My husband is English (I'm American) and we went through the same immigration procedures for the better part of 3 years. We just completed the last step -- removing the conditionality on his permanent residence -- last week. So I don't really have any great advice that others haven't already given .. just wanted to wish you the best with the immigration procedure. You're right: it is hell. But it does eventually end! :)

Thanks for the post! It's an awful process and I had an easier time buying a house than marrying my husband. In fact I practically did buy my husband since I had to fork over all these financial records and sign all this stuff saying I'm obligated to support him so he doesn't become a drain on the country!

[DavidZaneMason]

My opinion:

-Diet is just the fuel that moves you toward your dreams. If you have a dream / dreams....that REQUIRE raw food eating....you'll find a way to do it. It's all about what you are really MOTIVATED to do on a daily basis....and identifying that. THAT is your starting point. A burning motivation wins out over a shaky discipline. One does not overcome stress by fighting the objects of stress....but by adopting the overwhelming love of a dream....and whatever comes in the pursuit and being of it.

-David Z. Mason

[StarFire]

Lots of opinions here lor-ah -- and lots of great advice...

first I want to say -- you majorly put me in my place when I read your post... I've been working really hard lately -- putting in 12 and 15 hour days... 7 days a week... yaddah ~ yaddah... for months now... and well.. yes... whining about it.... http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/blush-4.gif ... whew...

nothing compared to what you've been going thru! I do realize stress is relative and we each have our thresholds....AAAND of course - there's different kinds of stress.... but girl... you've really been going thru it -- and it put things in perspective for me!! so... thanks for posting this thread!!

okay... now -- you are getting some great advice from our fellow rawbies...

shooting star is correct in her circle technique - and it could be very helpful... and she is also correct that people must start where they are ...

angelina is also correct in letting things go - and now allowing the added stress of having the guilt of eating SAD foods pile on top of everything else... that is so detrimental to any progress....

EZ RIDER is also right... sometimes - we need to just stop and stand up and say ... enough -- just do it already ... close the door and dont open it again. And I looved the alcoholic analogy... that one really hit home for me. Cuz that is very true... and this I know from personal experience.

bluejaunte.. felt passionate enough about this topic to stop lurking!! RAWK ON AND WELCOME BY THE WAY! and she speaks from experience....

amyambro... is also correct in stating that it is ridiculously difficult to stick with raw unless you have a serious commitment...

and I love what DavidZaneMason wrote... it's all about your dream ~ adn what you are really motivated to do on a daily basis...THAT IS YOUR STARTING POINT... the overwhelming love of a dream... now that's saying something isn't it?

bottom line is lor-ah.... do the best you can everyday .. make the best choices you can every MOMENT... if you step outside of the circle... for whatever reason... stress - or just because you wanted to... make sure that your next step is.... to step right back into the circle and keep moving forward....

to dwell on it - to beat yourself up -- you've read time and time again... solves nothing.... so... concentrate on getting your hubby home... so your family is whole... and then concentrate on making sure your body is whole.... I think your fractured eating is also symbolic of your fractured family unit.... It will get better... and you will soon be together -- and so will your RAW LIFESTYLE... it will smooth out and become strong, healthy, joyful and the wonderful adventure it is meant to be!!

no worries... RAWK ON ... AND BLESSINGS...

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/naked.jpg

[MommyB]

Wow, I'm very moved by your post lor-ah, and I pray that you get your husband home soon!!

I am also moved by your post StarFire. You have a way with words, and they really hit home!!

[lore-ah]

Thank for posting everyone! I just got an email from the immigration lawyer. She has all our documents and is filing for us, hopefully this week.

I'm doing a green smoothie feast for the next couple of days at least. Nothing else sounds good to me. I think my body has had enough junk foods.