Birthday Coming Up...need Help!

[GoingtoRAW]

My birthday is coming up next month. The problem is I have a boss who always insists on getting cake and ice-cream for us for our birthdays - even if we tell her we don't want it. She will just hound you and hound you and even after you continue to say no, she will buy it anyway and force us to sit in a room, have a celebration and share cake and ice-cream. I know it sounds unreal - but she is a total control freak in every way. We work in a small office and I know that she will be insistant on this little celebration, especially this year since it is the big-FIVE O for me.

I am already getting irritated just thinking about it because she will start hounding me a few days before my birthday asking me if it's "OK" if she gets cake and ice-cream. Even though she already knows that she is going to get it anyway even if I say no, she plays this stupid little game anyway. I will tell her over and over again that I don't want to do it - and she will not listen. She has to have everything her way.

I just thought about something as I write this. I think that this year I will just grow some YOU KNOW WHATS and just sit there and NOT EAT THE CAKE AND ICE-CREAM. As soon as she says "why aren't you eating any cake?" I will say "I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT ANY CAKE AND ICE-CREAM BUT YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN...I MEANT WHAT I SAID - I DON'T WANT ANY CAKE AND ICE-CREAM"!!! Is that too rude!? I'm not sure if I really care if it's rude. :D HELP!!!:(

p.s. I also can't afford to buy a raw cake for the office nor do I want to make one. I really don't want this at work celebration.:(

[rawstrawberry]

Ahhh the controlling boss.

Why not tell her right now you are eating raw or vegan at least and email her a two options one a grocery where they can pick up a fruit plate or the price and location of a raw cake.

I would start with an email or just talking to her ie.

Dear Boss,

I know how you like to get everyone cake and ice cream for their birthday, which is very nice.

As you know my big 50 is coming up and I am doing something I have always wanted to do I am trying to become vegan now is the best time to be in the best health of my life I bet you can agree and the best gift you could give me is either no party or a great big fruit plate.

Thank you so much for you kind thoughts on my birthday.

yada yada yada :)

RS

[Dakini]

what a diplomatic letter, strawberry!

[luckitri]

Dang, can't win for losing! LOL! I was just reading on another site about passive aggressive behavior. I really thought that the whole label was inappropriate to apply to work situations where distribution of power is grossly uneven. I like Rawstrawberry's suggestion. Let your boss know that she needs to show true leadership with flexibility and being able to adapt to change.

[spicyfull]

Why not go in or take a Vacation Day or GROw Some...........

[GoingtoRAW]

Ahhh the controlling boss.
Dear Boss,

I know how you like to get everyone cake and ice cream for their birthday, which is very nice.

As you know my big 50 is coming up and I am doing something I have always wanted to do I am trying to become vegan now is the best time to be in the best health of my life I bet you can agree and the best gift you could give me is either no party or a great big fruit plate.

Thank you so much for you kind thoughts on my birthday.

yada yada yada :)

RS

I love it Rawstrawberry! I don't think I'll send a letter though - I will just tell her when she brings it up (which she definitely will). The fruit plate is an excellent idea. The truth of the matter is - my boss is really obese. She eats healthy foods at the office like lots of fruit, veggies and organic frozen meals that she gets from Whole Foods and then I guess when she goes home she eats what she really wants because she keeps getting bigger and bigger. SO, even if I don't tell her about my raw diet/lifestyle, the fruit plate might even appeal to her! Even if she decides to also get the cake at least I will be able to participate in her little (unwanted) celebration. If she doesn't get the fruit plate, which is also likely, then I will just not eat and then she will know better the next time.:D

Spicyfull - I honestly did consider taking a vacation day and it is still an option I will definitely consider. I feel like my office is a kind of toxic place anyway (due 99.9% to the overbearing boss). I don't think I want to spend my 50th birthday being ticked off.:(

[DavidZaneMason]

I agree with the above posts......which are great. Just tell her you are on a 'special diet' of fresh fruits and vegetables. Most bosses should accomodate you. Don't elaborate or explain your diet....as defensiveness or excuses do NOT make people want to emulate you! No matter HOW good your choice! ;)

-David Z. Mason

[Riiiya]

or if she thinks that you can "skip" the diet on your birthday ( many people say things like OH comeeee oooooooon it's your birthday just have A LITTLE BIT and they PUSH and PUSH grr), say you simply can't have cakes/sweets due to some health issue (?) or that your doctor recommended you don't eat that for awhile... then they can't really force you.

And then she can get a fruit plate anda cake and you can actually enjoy the unwanted celebration! if you can't avoid it- try to minimize your negative feelings toward it :)

[RawHeaven]

Does she know about your raw lifestyle? If so, tell her sure she can get cake and if she does you will throw it in her face. Apologies I haven't worked in an office environment for a couple of years and have lost my political correctedness, LOL.

Seriously, just say "No, Thank You!!" and offer alternatives like a raw chocolate cake - YUM. Order it on-line or make it yourself and bring it in with some raw ice cream.

Be true to yourself!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

~Crystal

[dalimeindacoconut]

Sounds like she is one of those who will never understand. Just lie and tell her that you recently found out your borderline 'insert health issue here...can't use diabetes as you will be eating fruit' that is why you've decided to go raw HA HA! She'll buy you a raw food cake for sure. I am not a proponet of lying, but in situations like this with 'borderline' people who don't respect others boundries you have to deal with them in a fashion they will understand. Give her a website with the cake that you want. That way you can have your cake and eat it too!

[EZ rider]

if she thinks that you can "skip" the diet on your birthday ( many people say things like OH comeeee oooooooon it's your birthday just have A LITTLE BIT and they PUSH and PUSH grr)I have read some threads here on RFT about people who had been 100% for awhile and then decided to eat a cooked meal and got sick. If you decide to eat the SAD food you might want to start eating a little SAD food a week or two before the event. After you start eating SAD you might try increasing the amount of SAD each day until you are completely SAD again. Maybe that way you could avoid getting sick. Then after the event you could start your journey back into the raw lifestyle again. Or you could just say NO.

[Tinacampy]

Maybe just take a personal day? Sounds like your boss just really likes cake and ice cream and wants an excuse to indulge... :)

Sorry you have such a stressful work environment.

Hope you have a very happy birthday!

[currious]

In some ways it is really cute of your boss to want celebrate everyone's bday, tad controlling lol, but sweet too :)

I don't like to lie, but it is easier to skate around the fact your on a raw diet. often times i jabber on about it, but it brings about a lot of questions and sometimes jokes and pokes, which i just slide off and say :p

anywho, I really think you should deff. talk to your boss, tell her you have made some dietary changes and that you have slight food allergies(which really is merely something your body can't tolerate) , which on the most sever of technicalities is true....often if you eat cooked food all of the sudden after being raw you may feel ill, because your system won't be able to recognize it so to speak. i don't like lying at all, but i find this the best way to get people to understand you just aren't going to eat that steak, or that cake(granted i have food allergies, just discovered ones too!)

course the, 'no i don't want any thank you anyway' works too, but you don't wan to urk the boss!

good luck and happy birthday!

oh, ya know, you could always offer to bring in your own cake/dessert, its a little bit more work but would cover all the bases, you'd get yours, your boss won't get too confused or insulted, you'd be able to introduce the raw diet unknowingly to people, etc :D

[Maria]

On my 50th I would do entirely what I WANT TO DO. That would include doing something I love outside of the work environment! Maybe a day at the spa??

Just thinking...

Maria

[beppa66]

You could always ask her to do a huge bowl of berries and whipped cream.
And then you could omit the whipped/ice cream. That's easy.

PS. Happy Birthday!

[luckitri]

Could be considered like forcing an alchoholic to take a drink, no?

[DianaH]

Maybe just take a personal day? Sounds like your boss just really likes cake and ice cream and wants an excuse to indulge... :)
That's what I'm thinking too. For people who just won't listen to you, I have absolutely no problem lying to them, particularly in an office setting where office politics can kill ya. How about going with the sugar angle. You could tell her processed sugar has been causing huge sugar crashes for you (hypoglycemia) and if you have cake and ice cream, it's very possible you would have to go home for the rest of the day afterward so you don't crash at work. ;) Or something like that.

[GoingtoRAW]

Could be considered like forcing an alchoholic to take a drink, no?
That's exactly the way I think of it luckitri. That is serious. And wrong!:(

If I could really explain how totally controlling this woman is....arghhhh!!!! I hate to lie but with her that's kinda what you have to do to get her off your back. Gotta tell her what she wants to hear! I am leaning toward either taking the day off (which won't stop her from buying cake - she would just buy it the day before or the day after). The other option is that I will make up some health issue and "insist" that if she "insists" on having this celebration (that I don't want from her), that she get fruit!!!! I am determined to have things my way and not be forced to eat something I don't want.

You all have been great and very helpful in your responses. I am getting stronger by the day and when she brings it up I know the right answer will come!;)