Hiding my rawfoodism

[kaleidoscopeeyes]

Hey guys. I'm 15 and my parents are divorced. They have joint custody. My mother approves of the raw lifestyle and has been VERY helpful and accepting, but my dad had a hard enough time when I switched from vegetarianism to wheat/gluten-free veganism.

I haven't told my dad and stepmum that I've gone raw, and if I were to do so I would be forced to eat cooked food. How do I hide being raw? My anxiety over eating cooked food has gotten so great that I've started having nightmares where I *accidentally* ate some! This happened when I went vegan too, I would have nightmares of eating cheese or milk by mistake, or forgetting I was vegan.

So what do I do? How can I hide this for the next two years until I go to college?!?! My stepmother is taking me out to lunch today at a vegan food place (they've accepted the veganism even if they aren't happy about it) but I can't just order salad, and I can't order anything blatantly raw. Any suggestions?

PS: If we were to go to Real Food Daily (right now she's taking me to California Vegan) there are two options that I think MIGHT be raw, but I'm not sure --

Living Paradise
Julienne vegetables, avocado, raw almond cheese, rice paper, raw tomato sauce, pickled cucumbers, watercress

Living Wrap
Red pepper sunflower spread, cucumbers, guacamole, lettuce, tomato, salad mix, citrus herb dressing, collard greens

Are these raw?

Sorry for such a long post, but please help! :( Thanks so much

[rawsurfer]

yes they are raw. i duno what advice to give you. my opinion is that you just need to tell them that you are raw and if they wont let you eat raw, then dont eat the food and just bring some nuts and dried fruit with you when you go over there. loving parents are not gonna try to feed you something they know you will not eat. so if you just make it clear to them that you will starve unless there is raw food to eat, they will probably come around. but i dont know your dad so i cant say for sure. i am just a really in your face kind of person.

[River Mom]

kaledidoscopeeyes,
Sweet girl,
At 15 and parents divorced, I'm sure you have enough to deal with in your life. This food thing is probably a control issue for you and your dad. In the struggle no one wins. Both of those choices sound very good to me. You could ask at the restaurant about the rice paper and sauce on the other salad,
BUT from everything I'm learning about Raw, it is supoata be STRESS FREE AND A JOURNEY. Lighten up on your self honey, if you would happen to make a mistake, and that is all it would be, there is always tomorrow and time when your home with your mom. Take the time when your with your dad and his wife to enjoy them...Maybe you could make "Raw treats" for the whole family (dad's side) with mom before you go over there. They might not even like them so much that you'd have plenty of food for yourself:) .No questions ask.

Either way, God bless you K'eyes! Enjoy being 15!
River Mom

[rawzeit]

Don't an anxious about eating cooked food or anything "bad". It won't kill you if you eat something that isn't ideal, especially not if you're raw the rest of the time. Fear won't improve your life so try to get rid of it.

Therefore, I don't think hiding your food choices (or any other choices you make in your life) is a good idea. Be bold!

You're at an age where you are beginning to make your own choices -- even if they are bad ones -- and if your parents disagree it's probably partly because they're still getting used to the idea that you're becoming an adult with a mind of your own. These types of changes don't happen without struggle, and learning to deal with it will be a good life lesson, both for you and your parents.

I disagree with the advice to go on hunger strike if you don't get what you want. You run the risk of parents and other authority figures mistaking your food choices for an eating disorder. The consequences of that (forced admission in a clinic etc) are much worse than eating the occasional piece of cooked food.

You will have to be very diplomatic here and perhaps accept that while you are living with your parents, the ideal of eating 100% raw may not be achievable for you. If you cannot expand the awareness of your parents to include the idea that eating raw is the better food choice -- if that is indeed the reason why you are eating raw and you're not really a closet anorexic -- then you may have to compromise.

I'm talking about a compromise based on practicality, not fear. You are a minor and therefore you cannot be 100% independent from your parents (unless you become legally emancipated, but that's pretty very far out). So, learn to live with it and try to make the best of it.

Keep educating your parents (and yourself!). Not simply by words, but by showing the difference that eating raw makes. Always focus on the positive and on what you want, not on what you don't want.

Hope it helps! :)

[RawDancer]

Hi kaleidoscopeeyes,
I'm in the same situation as you. I'm 15, my parents are divorced and I want to be 100% raw.
It's so great that you want to be raw and your mom supports you. I live mainly with my mom and she doesn't support me.

Like Rawziet said, i wouldn't do the hunger strike thing and don't worry about being 100% perfect. When I first started going raw (I wasn't trying to be 100% at first but I eventually go to that) about 2 years ago I basically did that. I just wouldn't eat it if it was cooked. Well, I lost alot of weight and because I was so controlling about not eating cooked food my parents took me to the doctor and they diagnosed me with anorexia. It totally skrewed up my life and I'm still trying to gain the weight back. I was and still am forced to eat some SAD crap like meat, pasta, bread because my parents think that i'm anorexic and the only way to 'cure' me is to have me be confortable with eating anything. If I refuse to eat it they will put me in a eating disorder facility so I really have no chioce. My advice would be to not try to go 100% raw all at once. Just eat a little bit of cooked, healthy, vegan food when your at your dads. Like have a huge salad or something else raw and then put something cooked on your plate and only take like bite or 2 and say that your full. Slowly but surely your dad will get used to you eating mainly raw and they you can go all raw and he might not notice or he will be used to it. But seriosly don't stress about eating alittle cooked food it really wont hurt you(I even have to eat meat which I havent eaten in like 3 years). Trust me it would be much better to eat like 95% raw then be forced to eat SAD crap.

[Lilly the Naiad]

I'd try to get either a book from the Boutenkos or Alissa's book and ask my dad to read it. When you're young parents don't always take you seriously, but if you bring them proof that what you are doing is indeed smart, by bringing them sources from other grown ups, chances are they will be more willing to listen than not.

I say the Boutenkos or Alissa becuse while there are tons of raw food books out there, those two sources are the most down to earth I know of.

I'd say this is a communication issue and the best thing to do in these cases is try to find the best ways to communicate.

As for eating something that doesn't fall within your dietary choices, stress will kill you faster than anything. Just relax and live.

Sometimes I don't have money to buy raw food while having things like rice at home and if I don't eat that I will starve for days. A bowl of rice for a few days won't hurt me the same way starving would. You have to be flexible in life or you'll break!

Best of luck with your dad :)

[mulch]

i agree with everyone else don't put worry/stress on your
dad because it will make your raw journey take 10 steps back. if and when you are with them have a salad and a smoothie. if they insist on something else--> EAT IT. there isn't a raw food police.

raw food is suppose to ENHANCE your health not stress you out. having nightmares about food means you are having inner turmoil about this food issue that you need to resolve internally.

i promise you this
if you live a low profile with your dad
he will not bug you
if you start protesting and raising he$$
he will start complaining about your diet and everything else and involve your mom and then everyone
will look at YOU like you have a problem

REMEMBER low profile (keep getting good grades, adhere to curfew, don't bring home crazy looking friends, eat enough food so you don't look sick etc.)
good luck

[Lindazkewl]

Hi there. Everyone who responds to your posts means well and hopes for the best for you. After all is said and done, it will be your decision. Myself, coming from a home where my every move and action were controlled (how I wore my hair, what and when I ate, how I dressed, how I walked - I could go on and on) I can relate to the control issue. In some cases, it's about control, sometimes parents really mean well and feel they know what's best for you - sometimes they're right, sometimes they're not. I kind of think that in this case, it might be a little difficult for you to stay 100% raw. For now, I think it's more important to be happy and peaceful. Perhaps you can just eat balanced raw as much as you can, and your vegetarian/vegan other times. You are very young and have your entire life ahead of you to live life as you please. You will be independent soon. Two years might seem like a long time, but you'll be surprised at how fast the time goes by. Don't think I'm advocating giving in or giving up - what I am advocating is making the best you can of the current situation, for now.

Well I things work out well for you. Try to enjoy your teen years - try to stay cool - things will work out :)

http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u109/sunflowerhorse/happy.png

[Tinacampy]

One bit of advice, too - if your Dad is concerned about an eating disorder, make sure that you're EATING lots of raw food when it is available - for example, if they have a meal w/ meat, potatoes and a raw salad, pile your plate up HIGH with salad and take a tiny bit of meat and potatoes if they insist.

I agree that you probably could be a little easier on yourself. It's not supposed to be stressful and it sounds like you're doing great eating as much raw as possible. Good luck!

I also agree about having your Dad read a book or two about the raw food diet. If you keep an open conversation going about why you choose to eat raw (as opposed to NOT eating at all - which might be what he is concerned about), it might help.

I don't know you or your Dad and I'm making assumptions - sorry if I'm off base. I wish you the best on your journey. :)

[DavidZaneMason]

I would not mention 'raw'. I would just say, "I'm trying to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables....and that's what I'm in the mood for." Then, hopefully they take you some where where you can get that stuff. If not, then at least they knew ahead of time what you were aiming at! Ha! ha!

-David Z. Mason

[kaleidoscopeeyes]

Thank you SO much to everyone who replied. You guys are amazing, I wasn't expecting this level of support.

I don't eat any of my meals with him or my stepmother, I eat by myself when I get home, and the only meals they see me eat are on weekends when they're home. I've resorted to making frozen dinners, dumping them in the toilet and then having my raw meal just so there'll be frozen trash! Unfortunately, I'm only given $20 every two weeks to buy my groceries, (when I went vegan he insisted I shop for myself,) making it impossible to buy such raw lifesavers as flaxseed crackers, which are about half that for one bag!

The thought of cooked food sickens me, and I couldn't possibly imagine eating some even in compromise. I don't want it to be World War III here, especially since my relationship with them is rocky as it is.

My dad would absolutely not accept my raw food lifestyle, and it worries me greatly. Thank you so much for your support, maybe I will try slowly introducing him to the idea, but he is very closeminded. For now I'll just keep sneaking around, against my good judgement. I understand that raw is about being stress-free and happy, but that doesn't stop me from fretting about Thanksgiving. I can't remember there ever even being salad!

[DavidZaneMason]

Remember: You cannot control other people's behavior. It is a challenge just controlling our own! ha! ha! And you're NOT doing anyone else (or yourself) any favors by eating the same crap they do! LOL. You CAN do your thing....without requiring anything from anybody.....and making it clear to them what of food you are eating. After that......if they want to be rude, insensitive.....or unsupportive.....that is THEIR issue.....and my feet do the talkin.......

-I mean, heck, I LOVE my family.....but giving space to them and myself.....and allowing/supporting THEIR decisions.....makes our relationship(s) so much sweeter.

-David Z. Mason

[Riiiya]

I understand that raw is about being stress-free and happy, but that doesn't stop me from fretting about Thanksgiving. I can't remember there ever even being salad!

Well you can always MAKE a salad :) on Holidays/birthdays i make sure there's at least something i can eat..then i might put other stuff on my plate and pretend like i ate some by messing with it with with a fork hihihi...
or just participate in food preparation day-to-day and make something raw..... i am sorry you have such a stressful situation..it's sad but true- many people might look upon raw as something anorexia-related....

good luck!

[Riiiya]

i see ALissa's and Boutenko's book being recommended i'll add the Sunfood Diet.. by David Wolfe.. although it might seem a bit "nuts" and radical to some people :S

[River Mom]

but that doesn't stop me from fretting about Thanksgiving. I can't remember there ever even being salad!

Bring one or three from Mom's. Don't people do that where you live, bring wonderful dishes to family gatherings. If not maybe you could start a new trend.

Looking forward to "Being Thankful"
That's what T-day's all about.
RM

[kaleidoscopeeyes]

I love the idea of bringing something I can eat to share! Are there any good Thanksgivingy recipes floating around the forum?

[rawsurfer]

tons. also the rawfreedomcommunity.info/forum is wonderfully organized with recipes to spare. and ya i know my advice is kinda radical, so dont feel you have to follow it. as a side note, i have always clashed with authority figures telling me what to do when they have no idea what is best for me. so ya. i agree though that some cooked vegan food aint gonna kill ya. if its between that and your parents thinkin you have an eating disorder, i would go for the cooked food. also, if its possible, you could always seriously up the fats so that you dont look "too thin" (my dad says i look like a refugee). but between high fat and low fat/ with some cooked, i would go for the low fat cooked. i duno man. feel out the situation. i second the eating a lot in front of them advice. i mean, i barely eat anymore, but people, especially those who dont know about raw, are not going to understand that a few hanfuls of food can fuel an entire day of rigorous activity.

[kaleidoscopeeyes]

I wish I were brave enough to stand up to them like that! I think it's fantastic advice, I just can't carry it out while they still have power over me.

Well, I certainly don't look "too thin," I was 40 lbs. over my desired weight when I went raw (although I did not choose raw as a way to lose weight) and I've lost about 5 lbs. since. I'm actually eating more than the reccomended caloric intake for people my age, and I eat about an avocado and a half per day!

The problem with eating in front of them is they're never home, so if they say they never see me eat, they're right! I'll take a look around the forum for some Thanksgiving ideas, I just have to phone my aunt and ask if it's okay for me to bring some food. Thank you all so much, for now I think I'm just going to keep it a secet as best I can.

Lots of love,

Luna

[Lindazkewl]

Oh and about some of you who say that people think this way of eating is "radical" yah, they do think that, but I think it's a lot more radical to kill gentle animals, cut them up and chew on their bones than cutting up fruits, nuts, and veggies :o

[RawKev]

Your body is yours and nobody elses. No one should have controll over what you choose eat unless it is to the point of over/under eating. If you are healthy and feeling better on a raw only diet then I think you should come out to your parents about it, and explain to them that you won't make any comprimises.

Holidays are especially tough. I was invited to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night(Canada) at my auntie and uncles house and nobody there knows that I eat an all raw diet. I don't want to offend anyone by showing up and not eating or by not showing up at all. It's a tough situation but the best way out is always honestly.

[rawnhealthy]

a couple thoughts:
for being closeminded, you dad seems to have accepted you being vegan. maybe he just needs time to warm up to the idea of raw food. and once you feel more comfortable with your own choice, he'll feel your level of comfort when you speak...which will help.

the other thought is:
if you do want to "come out of the raw closet"- one perspective is that this country has an epidemic on it's hands with childhood obesity. there are so many children(people in general) that do not get enough fresh fruits and veggies etc, they are brought up on junk/fast food.
you could speak about how you want to be healthy, want to eat more fresh, alive foods etc and just be really honest about your deepest truth on the subject.
obviously not trying to put words in your mouth...this is simply an exercise to see the things from another angle. if we take what we are looking at and just turn it slightly, we can see more...there is more perspective.

from reading your posts, you are a very wise person, especially for your age, you seem quite grounded...when the timing is right you Will find the words that match your actions. but when you do you will find those words are really more for you than they ever were for anyone else:)

[Ginger]

I 100% agree with David on this. I would not say you are 'raw' but rather that you realize you need to eat more healthy food like fruits and vegetables. Then every few days you can bring up a new article you read about how important omegas are and how great the flax seed is and how it's important to eat them unprocessed and not heat them or they lose much of the good stuff or how the antioxidants in highly colorful fruits & berries are beneficial etc. Then they will see that you are interested in eating and living healthfully. Make it about whats good for your health instead of saying you are part of some freaky new extreme vegan cult hahaha :D