Parital Hospitalization - anyone?

[dreamrawalwz]

Has anyone been in a partial hospitalization program or intensive outpatient? I know this is a personal matter, but I'd like to hear experiences if anyone has been in one. I start tomorrow. Not just for an ED, but for everything.

[exurb]

hugs to you and best wishes dream!!!

[dreamrawalwz]

hugs to you and best wishes dream!!!

Thank you. It seems so surreal.

[NYbutterfly]

Yes, I have.

It was an 8 week program and I stayed for 8 months. Scariest, most difficult thing I have ever gone through, and I got worse before I got better. I was in the best hands, though I did not know or appreciate it at the time. I rebelled, I freaked out, I didn't want to be well, and I landed in the hospital (FYI if you are admitted into a hospital long term for an eating disorder, you go to the mental ward... motivation to eat better!)

The program I was in saved my life... and though I have had one relapse since, I used the tools that I learned in treatment to help me through. I won't lie, this won't be easy and it's one thing you shouldn't try to do perfectly. Recovery is different for everyone and it works at its own pace, when YOU are ready.

Best of luck to you, please keep us posted...

[dreamrawalwz]

Yes, I have.

It was an 8 week program and I stayed for 8 months. Scariest, most difficult thing I have ever gone through, and I got worse before I got better. I was in the best hands, though I did not know or appreciate it at the time. I rebelled, I freaked out, I didn't want to be well, and I landed in the hospital (FYI if you are admitted into a hospital long term for an eating disorder, you go to the mental ward... motivation to eat better!)

The program I was in saved my life... and though I have had one relapse since, I used the tools that I learned in treatment to help me through. I won't lie, this won't be easy and it's one thing you shouldn't try to do perfectly. Recovery is different for everyone and it works at its own pace, when YOU are ready.

Best of luck to you, please keep us posted...

Ever since Friday when it was mentioned to me I have been absolutely terrified. I can't even express how scared i was. I know it'll get worse before I get better. I have to deal with things I've never dealt with before in my life. I'm not as scared after the intake session today. I know I'll be in a safe place.

[NYbutterfly]

You will be so safe, and that's very important to realize. I made very dear friends during my time in my partial hospitalization program. We would laugh at how silly and petty our problems seemed on some days... other days we would cry, scream, hug, feel like hitting something or someone. But no matter WHAT the feeling you are feeling, someone understands. Someone gets it, and for once you feel somewhat "normal"... and safe. I broke down some major walls and went down dark and scary paths I never wanted to go down. It's like crawling out out of a very deep ditch that you fell down, a ditch that you dug yourself. You see the light above, you use all of your strength to crawl out, yet you slip over and over. Sometimes you feel that the ditch isn't so bad after all, you are used to the lonliness, the darkness... and you fear what may be outside where that light is coming from. But you keep trying, and it's hard, and it hurts, but one day you do make it out, and realize how much better life is in the light of day, in the real world. You spend the rest of your life looking towards that ditch you once fell down and you carefully avoid it, remembering how easy it was to fall down and how HARD it was to come back out.

If you need anyone to talk to (although you will be doing plenty of it) I can certainly be part of your support/recovery network. Be sure to sleep tonight! I know it will be hard, but you can do it!

[dreamrawalwz]

You will be so safe, and that's very important to realize. I made very dear friends during my time in my partial hospitalization program. We would laugh at how silly and petty our problems seemed on some days... other days we would cry, scream, hug, feel like hitting something or someone. But no matter WHAT the feeling you are feeling, someone understands. Someone gets it, and for once you feel somewhat "normal"... and safe. I broke down some major walls and went down dark and scary paths I never wanted to go down. It's like crawling out out of a very deep ditch that you fell down, a ditch that you dug yourself. You see the light above, you use all of your strength to crawl out, yet you slip over and over. Sometimes you feel that the ditch isn't so bad after all, you are used to the lonliness, the darkness... and you fear what may be outside where that light is coming from. But you keep trying, and it's hard, and it hurts, but one day you do make it out, and realize how much better life is in the light of day, in the real world. You spend the rest of your life looking towards that ditch you once fell down and you carefully avoid it, remembering how easy it was to fall down and how HARD it was to come back out.

If you need anyone to talk to (although you will be doing plenty of it) I can certainly be part of your support/recovery network. Be sure to sleep tonight! I know it will be hard, but you can do it!

That is a great analogy and it's very true. It makes me feel like you really understand where I'm coming from. I guess part of that is that we've struggled with similar issues. I really appreciate the offer to be part of my recovery/support network and I may just take you up on that offer. I was going to email you just now, but your email is not available so if you want, you can email me any time. Oh, and how did you know I was up and wide awake and didn't want to go to bed? lol

[exurb]

dream, that's great that you've found butterfly to help you too.:p

I hope you don't think I'm sticking my nose in, but the one thing that I worry about for you is that your eating is so "narrow" (avoiding so many things that are usually part of a balanced raw diet) that you don't have the necessary materials to synthesize all the hormones, neurotransmitters you need to feel happy and good.

I hope they will find a way to work remotely within your belief systems (and of course your beliefs will have to be pushed beyond where they are now), but not just totally impose a whole world you don't agree with, find something that is at least reasonably congruent with your values, and will gradually pull you to a better place. I cringe when I hear stories about people being almost pressured to eat half a hamburger or some bad hospital food that is so far out of what is a reasonable step for them.

For me I would hope to find a therapist or counsellor who had an ED herself. I always think is so easy to just tell other people what to do, when you haven't walked a mile in their shoes. Someone who's recovered, to me that would be like gold in my hands, so if you come across any...

My friend Caroline who has had excellent recovery was helped greatly by going to an "athletic" model for life. Maybe it's just a subtle transition in a way from full-blown ana, maybe she's not over all her issues about body and all, but for her she seems very healthy, eating great food and keeping very fit, actually wanting to bulk up a little here and there, and she's been fifteen years without relapse into life-threatening thinness. So maybe she still obsesses a little about an athletic bod, about running, about eating healthfully etc., but she seems quite healthy overall. I read something by a psychologist that said forget about working on our weaknesses, just lead with our strengths. I think it sort of translates to her recovery when I think about it.

Warmest wishes to you, I hope you find your way!!!

PS - Dream, I love this site, but remember that it is a place where a strictly positive view is forced, to remain "supportive", so there may be potential pitfalls to watch out for with raw that you may have to find out about elsewhere. There's quite a few folks round here with EDs. I have had to be careful to avoid deficiencies.

Good luck in moving forward, you brave and awesome soul!!

and Butterfly is awesome and brave and generous too!