unsupportive spouse

[soulshine78]

Does anyone have a spouse or bf/gf that is unsupportive of their decision to be raw vegan? It hurts my feelings so bad, and makes me so angry, because it's just food, he can eat whatever he wants, I don't mind. He thinks that I make it up that I am milk intolerant, I get wicked ear aches, sinus pain, awful sore throats, and he thinks its in my head! UGH! I'm sorry... I am just so angry!:(

[walnutty]

Soulshine78, I am sorry for your sadness.

Hang in there! No matter what do not give up what you have found. Hopefully, when he sees that you are not going to give in and stop eating this way then he will stop harassing you.

What a bully! :D

[soulshine78]

Thanks walnutty, I don't know what his deal is. I really am so upset about this, I just don't know what to do

[romanticsnet]

My hubby was the same way at first, but is now completely supportive. Just sit back an let him know that you have no intention of changing his eating habits, and that this is something that you want to try. Also let him know that his support would mean a lot to you. Mak sure you do not judge him for anything that he puts in his mouth, though. Just let him watch you, and say absolutely nothing about the way he eats or the garbage he puts in his mouth.
This is important. He will come around after he notice all of the positive effects, and trust me when that happens.. everyone lse will notice as well. :)

[mulch]

my husband told me that i am doing the raw thing so i can get out of cooking:D

[jenimac]

My husband is like that too. He always talks about us both getting healthy but when I actually want to do something about it he wants to go buy takeout or go to the buffet. :(

[Weazelchef]

My husband doesn't like it either. He always says.. you don't think meat is healthy? or you don't think rice is healthy? Those are natural!

It's like omg..

[Eva]

My husband alternates between being supportive and being an (ahem) "expletive" about it. He'll eat it, then complain. I've been pretty firm about the kids eating a lot of raw even if he doesn't want to because they have huge successes in school and are more behaved when they eat raw. We're talking different kids... monsters to perfect little angels. I feel like I must be exaggerating, but it's bizarre how much of a difference there is.

When we argue about it, it seems like it's not about the food. It's about control. He also comes from a country where rice, beans and barbeques are the normal diet, and anything else is just not right apparently.

Because I bring up the changes in his kids every time we discuss the topic of them having a lot of raw, it just becomes a waste of time. He wants to see the kids physically able to concentrate and feel calm.

I guess everyone has their own issues with food. Sometimes addiction (real, genuine addiction!), sometimes cultural sensitivities, sometimes control, and who knows what else. Just be loving and calm and remind him how much better you feel on raw.

And drop him if he won't support you and your needs. There is something to be said for a man discouraging good health and whether he has your best interests in mind. That's not cool. :cool:

[Green Life]

Afterall...it's just food. That's it. It's just food.:eek:

People have the right to eat what they want.

ANyone who tries to contol you with food, will do it in other areas in your life, too. The food arguments are just a symptom of a bigger problem....

it's not the food..

Do you know what I mean?

My DH would never tell me to eat anything he knows I won't eat. He eats what he wants and I eat what I want...thats a natural thing... but he isn't a control freak, eaither. I do what I want and he is happy if I am happy.

So, I say that there is more to this then food incompatibility going on in this relationship.

[PATH301]

If he loves you he, he should support you no matter what you choose to eat.
Yes it's just food, but you eat it 3 or more times a day plus our society is biult around it on all the advertisments and such and friends and family and all the get toagather's there's always food involed. If you support him in his decisions to eat unhealthy, ( doun't overly critize him if he's not ready to learn, this won't help your cause), then he should at least support and or respect your decsions as well......just my 2 cents worth:D

[4forme]

I have an intolerant husband as well. I guess it's not too bad, since I had a real heart to heart with him about support. I mean really, I support his fettish with golf, why shouldnt he support my passion for health??? He agreed about that, but doesn't get it and thinks I am too obsessed with it all. I have many food intolerances as well, and he thinks those are not really valid. Even tries to give ds dairy when he knows very well he is intolerant to it! I get so frustrated with it, I mean, it's a child, trusting we will do what's best for him. And ds knows that dairy hurts his belly, so if someone gives him anything he always asks if it has dairy. He would be so confused if daddy gave him something that was harmful.

Okay, stepping down before I get too worked up:o
All this to say, I understand. Do what is best for you, and don't critisize for their choices is what I have found works best.

[lore-ah]

Mine has more of the "I can't wait until this phase is over" attitude. He's been really good about me not eating meat since that's how I've mostly been since we met.

I think it boils down to people don't like it when you change. It screws with their little world.

[EZ rider]

Sometimes people change in ways that take them in different directions. If a person finds themselves in a relationship that is no longer serving their needs it is my belief that they have the right to be their own person. Sometimes decisions are necessary to be true to ones self. Sometimes a compromise can be achieved that allows everyone to continue on - talking the issue over is the key to this option. Give the other person the right to have their preferences and assert the right to yours. I liked what romanticsnet posted above.

[trinity082482]

Aw, I am sorry to hear that hun. Shame on him :o

[MangoMyst]

I would suggest that you let him read all of these posts...Have a long talk with him....With absolutely no food around and try to find out what the real issue is...If it is a matter of control, then you need to decide whether or not you want to be controlled, but if it's just the fact that he's not understanding the whole raw food thing & you're not understanding his reaction to it, then the best thing to do is to work on telling each other how you feel....

food is such a special social part of all of our lives, that it should never be eaten in hurt & anger...

But I agree, just let him see all of the good that comes from raw food, don't try to change him, but let him see the change in you, after all, it will be beautiful & I think that the two of you may fall in love all over again!!

[soulshine78]

It doesn't have anything to do with control issues, he isn't like that at all. I think he feels defensive because he doesn't understand completely, also I think he feels I will try to change him which I would never do. All will be fine in time, there is no need to "re-evaluate" our relationship for something such as food, I think thats silly.

[mulch]

as women, i think we are more open to change our diets more often than men. my husband has seen me as a pescatarian, vegetarian, vegan, jenny craig, weightwatchers, and slim fast.

so of course initially he is going to say another "diet". he does want to see me eat healthy and very often, picks from my plate when i make something that he thinks looks good. i absolutely do not criticize his food choices. i feed him lacto-ovo vegetarian food most days and some weeks i throw in a hot pocket. it is better that my husband slowly adjusts to eating better than me making 100% of his meals vegan although i would love to. men get scared that you want to "change" them. i don't think the food thing is that much of a control issue as it is a bonding issue. people bond over food and if one person changes, the whole dynamic of that portion of your relationship changes.
everyone knows how men like change:D :D .
i remember when i had a fat friend. i call her my fat friend not because she was fat (there was some fluff though) but because whenever she was around, we would eat the most fattening food. she would suggest pizza, cakes, candy and i would go along for the ride. once i started becoming healthier, and she did not change, we ended up seeing less and less of each other. eventually we moved away from each other and have a really good phone friendship
(no food ). she is always talking about loosing weight but she is not ready to do what it takes to get to that point.
hopefully when we see each other again and she sees how healthy i am, we can talk about raw stuff.

[MorningRuby]

My husband was a bit worried at first, he thought it was too restricting and didn't understand why I wanted to do it because he's always ate SAD and felt fine... I kept to it anyway, actually..wanting to show him that I could stick with it was my support for myself, and now he's happy about it because I'm so much happier, energetic and confident. :)

Stick with what you feel is best for you, no matter what anyone else likes. People don't like change, so they avoid it, even at the cost of hurting their relationships sometimes.

You'll feel better about yourself every day knowing you're following your needs.

[Eva]

I had the impression that he was being really mean about it....

You be you! You be strong! You be healthy! And remind him you are those things when/if necessary!

It sounds like you really love him, and maybe I heard something you weren't saying, so please, please just don't you forget to love you too! He would also benefit from that. :)

[Eva]

And if anyone cares, finally the last few days (after 7 months of going back and forth supportive only sometimes) my husband is suddenly eating raw right now!!! He complains too (what a kook), but he sees us all getting healthier, so he's still eating the stuff (and definitely not being forced, maybe tricked/duped :D :eek: but not forced!)

[soulshine78]

And if anyone cares, finally the last few days (after 7 months of going back and forth supportive only sometimes) my husband is suddenly eating raw right now!!! He complains too (what a kook), but he sees us all getting healthier, so he's still eating the stuff (and definitely not being forced, maybe tricked/duped :D :eek: but not forced!)

That's great Eva!

[Queen Bean]

I met my partner 13 years ago. Before I met him, I was very disciplined. I was all raw except for one cooked meal a week and was very strict about it. But with him, he wanted to share meals. We eat out a lot. I have become more of a cooked person than I was. Even though I still try to be raw as much as I can, I don't have the ability to be as raw as I once was. I have to transition. I am more addicted to cooked food than I was, because of caving in for social reasons...

[Marcus]

My wife is not unsupportive, and even understands the benefits of eating more raw fruits & veggies. But she's not really interested in walking down this path with me.

But I feel better, and I'm trying to make more fresh fruit (especially) and veggies available to my wife & step-sons. I'm slicing up all kinds of good stuff for everyone to snack on. I can only hope they grow to enjoy it more as they experience it.

No one likes the raw cacao, but I haven't worked out any great recipes for that yet.

[mulch]

the fresh fruit cut up and laying around helps
my husband always grabs something from the fruit table
(i always have lots of fruit on a table in our kitchen)
this place has loads of support
i think that change starts with one person albeit positive or negative

[Marcus]

change starts with one person albeit positive or negative

Well said, mulch.