Dealing with others

[Lizabethian]

We (DH, DD1 and 2, and I) are currently lacto-ovo veggies. He's away on business but once he gets home (tomorrow!!!) we are making the switch to raw. We'll probably be around 90% raw. As it is right now we have issues with family over just being veggie. My sister is veggie as well and even she has issues with us! She says we are still so new to it (6 months this month!) that we are a tad strict in it. We probably are but honestly if you are going to make diet change (which is also a lifestyle change) why "cheat"? She has no issues eating meat to make things easier if she's eating out or at a family members house etc. My FIL is a big time meat eater (he's also Chilean and that does influence what he thinks about food) and while he wasn't ok with it he didn't outwardly have issues with it. Until recently. He read some quacks no exercise take my pill email he got and in it it mentioned that vegetarians die sooner. He called to tell us all about it and has now become very outspoken. We go to their house every Sunday for dinner and while his mom is excited and accomodates us by having more veggie friendly options for us he just help himself from saying things.

Anyhow we are around people who have issues with OUR food choices. We blow most of it off because we know the motives behind it and we can laugh it off. Lately though it's bugging me and now that we are going to take the plunge into going raw I am dreading it. His mom will be ok with it, some of my sibings in law will be ok with it. I don't doubt that they will think we are crazy (they already do for other reasons! lol) but I do know some will just be curious, ask a few questions, and then be done with it.

How do you deal with negative family members and still keep the relationships intact? I know I could just tell them to shove it or keep their comments to themselves but the family members we are dealing with are sensitive and have no problem holding grudges. Very immature but thats how it is. We also happen to like these ones and don't want to not talk to them. lol

So what can we say to a Chilean man who didn't come to America until he was 29 years old and is completely in love with everything that people associate with Aerca: McDonalds, steak and potatoes, large heavy meals?

What do I say to a sister who thinks our food issues are just overblown, that we are overly strict in our diet, that raw is restricted, and is very set in her thinking in regards to food such as you need animal protein and that diets such as raw or vegan are extreme (mainly because she doesn't understand them and only knows what is portrayed by mainstream media)?

I don't want to offend them or make them angry but I also don't want our diet yo be a constant topic and issue.

[Amethyst]

First of all, I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with this at all. What a person chooses to consume is a personal matter, and even if folks have an outspoken opinion on the matter, it's flat-out rude to continue to push it on others who disagree. I understand your not wanting to offend your family members, but honestly? What about the fact that THEY are offending YOU? Respect has got to go both ways, and I think that in situations such as yours (and I know it's a common problem!), oftentimes the best thing to do is to simply state, whenever the topic arises, that you respect their beliefs and choices, and ask them to extend that same courtesy to you. Refuse to discuss your dietary lifestyle (unless someone has an honest desire to know from a learning/growing standpoint). Make it known that since there has been disagreement among you, in order to preserve the peace and harmony that you value within your family, the topic's not open for discussion.

All the very best to you on this journey!

[Holli]

I have been dealing with this too (only have been trying the semi-raw for a few weeks) and I have been surprised at how "weird" people think it is...and, I have also been surprised at how cool some people think it is. I think that most of the judgment and doubts come from myself and that when people react it is my own fixed beliefs that I am trying to retrain or self-consciousness that is upsetting me more than anything.

Maybe you could try bringing your own food to these family get togethers. Try some fun, raw desserts that everyone will like. They probably just don't understand what you are doing and they think you are eating a plate of sprouts 3 meals a day. Show them how fun and guilt-free it can be to eat raw. Also, they will see as you start to change (whether you lose weight or just have a healthy, vibrant look to you) that this diet is really beneficial. If it keeps becoming a topic of conversation, maybe you could shorten your visits, eat before you go over there...make your gatherings more about the family socializing, than eating!

Good luck to you. I know it's hard when family, especially, isn't supportive. Just do what is best for you. My husband said a very profound thing to me the other day...he said there is difference between caring about what others think and caring about others. Show your family you care about them, (they might be honestly worried about you getting into something that would not be good for you...even if the way they say it is offensive), but try not care what they think. We all have a great intuition about our bodies and our health. I've felt it already, and I've only been doing this a short time.

[Lizabethian]

First of all, I'm really sorry that you're having to deal with this at all. What a person chooses to consume is a personal matter, and even if folks have an outspoken opinion on the matter, it's flat-out rude to continue to push it on others who disagree. I understand your not wanting to offend your family members, but honestly? What about the fact that THEY are offending YOU? Respect has got to go both ways, and I think that in situations such as yours (and I know it's a common problem!), oftentimes the best thing to do is to simply state, whenever the topic arises, that you respect their beliefs and choices, and ask them to extend that same courtesy to you. Refuse to discuss your dietary lifestyle (unless someone has an honest desire to know from a learning/growing standpoint). Make it known that since there has been disagreement among you, in order to preserve the peace and harmony that you value within your family, the topic's not open for discussion.

All the very best to you on this journey!

Good point. DH has no problem telling his dad to back off so I think I need to adapt that attitude. lol

Holli great idea about bringing something with us. His mom has asked us to bring veggie dishes since she has no idea what to cook/make since she is unfamiliar with it. We've agreed but for some reason I spaced on that in regards to being raw.

I've become less and less tolerant of negative, misinformed view points lately. I have been talking to my sister (we talk every day) and telling her little tidbits (like a cool tidbit about beehives) and whenever she finds out its a raw thing she sighs and acts so put out over the idea. I've managed to not let it slip that we are going raw because I don't care to listen to what she has to say. I can't keep it a secret and I don't want to! I know I'll problems with her....heck I had a craving for Arby's one day and we were talking about and when she came up after my UC she brought the largest one they offer! Ad then bugged me about eating it! I didn't but it was an awkward situation...I think she did it to make herself feel better since she has gone back to meat since getting pregnant. It bugs me she thinks we are militant and I know it bugs her that I think she's slightly hypocritical in regards to diet.

[dreamrawalwz]

People tend to be more outspoken and against something if they don't know anything about it. I just realized this in my own life. At home many people say my diet is "unhealthy" or argue against anything with me. I just try to stay quiet. At school, since I'm surrounded by dietetic majors, they understand, listen, are interested and want to learn about being raw vegan. In fact, one girl was raw vegan so that's hopeful.

What YOU do shouldn't matter to others, yet it does because it's just different to them. Just don't argue back or sound defensive or it'll come off to THEM as if ....lost my train of thought, sorrY! I think you know what I was trying to say, right?

[Riiiya]

you know..... the best thing to do IMO is to just smile back and try to talk about something else. It's so easy to get passionate about defending yourself and then make everyone else happy by living up to the "angry hippie" stereotype they might have (i heard people making fun of vegetarians that they're always angry because they're hungry all the time)

I try to stay calm as a rock about it.. my friend recently started to bombard me with criticism of RAW and i never even started the subject! it's amazing, i just answered calmly without giving too much opinion unless asked. In the end i just propose them to read one of the raw books (like The China Study) and THEN debate with me... at least then we'll be on the same level of knowledge.:rolleyes:

[Rawlicious]

I think Dreamrawalwz is right. Sometimes the less said the better. You don't have to convince others that what you choose to eat is right for you. Just do what you have to do and let the results speak for themselves. When you shine, others will follow your lead.

[StarFire]

I think Dreamrawalwz is right. Sometimes the less said the better. You don't have to convince others that what you choose to eat is right for you. Just do what you have to do and let the results speak for themselves. When you shine, others will follow your lead.


yep... the best way imho to deal with it ~ be the example!

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/sun.gif

[samariah]

yea i don't really talk about how i eat but i think my parents are noticing that my skin is almost clear and that i have lost a little weight/look more toned. let the results speak for you, as rawlicious said.

[TheAvocadess]

Recently, I met family who was visiting at a local restaurant, and btw, the ONLY reason I went is because they have wonderful salads with real baby greens, etc... I brought my own dressing & an avocado, anyhoo my stepfather watches my take out my tiny thermos of raw dressing, my avo, and my little grinder of celtic sea salt and launches into a tirade about how it's illegal to bring food into a restaurant. :rolleyes: I laughed. I made no comment other than to look at my son, and in a gruff voice say: "Whadaya in for?" Reply: "Bringing an avocado in The Chatterbox." LOL! We cracked up and I just smiled the rest of the time.

The man was so incredibly threatened by me taking care of myself, as Amethyst stated, incredibly rude! I ignored him and made a joke out of it. When they come take me away for my salad dressing I guess I'll concur, but until that, I'm ignoring comments. I'll never convince such an egomaniac who is borderline diabetic, eats Nutricrap and then more cooked food because he's starving, rageaholic, that raw is logical - so I won't try.

I figure this lifestyle is best promoted by attraction rather than promotion. Anyone can look at Alissa or other longtime Raw people and totally tell a huge difference between those raw and those cooked.

So I'll just continue to smile and say little if anything at all because people like that love a reaction. I won't fall for it. Pretty soon they'll just stop being rude when they don't get a reaction/rise out of you and eventually start asking questions.

Also, this is how I live my life now. It's first, because without raw, I don't have my health. Without health, I have nothing. If that means NOT attending family gatherings, fine. I won't be swayed or manipulated from my raw path. :)

Good luck! I hope things turn around...

Love,
The Avocadess

[luckitri]

It is wonderful to have family to dine with. Bringing food to share from your menu might help them understand the vast variety that can be done with raw foods as well as stress the cook out alot less!

My mother started getting a little nutty in the food department and we say nutty because before she came to visit I got a huge list of what she could not eat. Then she filled up the fridge with her "antidotes" for some things that she might eat by accident. Then she ate all of our food (SAD at that time) that included the things she needed antidotes for and enjoyed the cuisine, never got ill, never took those antidotes. . . but I was so afraid of her visit. After she was telling me all the things she could not eat I finally said "Mom, why don't you tell me what you can eat - I think it would be a shorter list!"

Whatever you have to do to enjoy being part of a family - it is important.

My husband is also of Hispanic descent and here in the border towns even the Walmarts have desiccated beef balls in the nutrition section for the macho Mexican male who thinks he has to have his meat or be effeminate.

[EZ rider]

I find that if I don't make a big deal out of my food choices nobody else does either and if they do then I know who to steer clear of. Everyone is changing all the time. Its nice when everyone is changing in the same direction at the same time but that isn't always the case. Sometimes you just have to look out for yourself and decide if your direction is right or wrong and if someone else should have the power over you to dictate your direction. I find it strange that so many people consider eating fresh produce as alien and eating a chunk of greasy, dead, cooked cow as "normal".

[Lilly the Naiad]

What Amethyst said.

I made myself clear early on in life with my family about the choices I make for myself as being my own. I mean, I don't do drugs, I don't sleep around, I'm not in a ditch, I'm healthier than anyone in m family and I'm not insane as far as I know so there's really nothing anyone can rightfully give me a hard time about.

But you have to create boundaries for yourself and make them clear to others who take the liberty of trying to choose for you what you do in your life.

What I do is generally something I don't talk about unless someone seems truly interested. People often like to mirror themselves onto others and this calls for way too much drama and issues. If you politely but firmly let them know that it's your business, don't take the opposing stance, and just go about your business without getting into the drama, they will have to find someone else to pick on.

When people show genuine interest in what you are doing and want to cooperate then something wonderful is happening. Like when people want me over for dinner but aren't sure of what to make for me, then we just come to an agreement, for instance they make me a salad and I bring something of my own that I can share.

But you really have to ask yourself if you are sure you want to take charge of your own life without others intruding. Oftentimes when these issues never stop, it's that people are not sure of themseves and ready to let others' "concern" go.

It's your life, live it, enjoy it!