hi again

[Lunar*Fey]

Hello everybody.
It's been a long time. I am visiting home for two days...so I just wanted to quickly say a hello while I have the chance. I was sent to New York Presbyterian hospital because my doctor forgot to take me off the waiting list. so even though I was mentally healthy and getting physically healthier every day (and my doctor knew this) I was sent there anyway. It was horrible there and they had me gaining weight sooo quickly that I have stretch marks and cellulite all over. It is sad but I don't think about it and don't care unless I reallly think about it. Anyway, I had to eat horrible cafeteria food on top of like 6 bottles of Ensure Plus daily with absolutely no movement. Then I was at a point there were I was allowed to chose what I wanted and feed myself. I stayed there, maintaining a weight that did not seem healthy for me {I weighed over 20 pounds less before I ever lost weight from depression two years ago..I mean is it normal for a girl who didn't grow at all (sadly...stupid weight loss) over two years to gain over 20 pounds in those two years. I highly doubt I would have looked like this naturally. Honestly, I look horrible. Then they decided that my home is a negative environment so straight after the hospital they sent me to a place in Massachusetts. It's like a school for girls with problems. The dorm I am in has mostly eating disordered girls. It is very very very strict there and it is horrible. The only good part is that we can play sports and go out on "out-activities" like to the YMCA or the mall and things like that once we get to a certain point which I have gotten to.This is my first time home in at least 4 months and now I am only here for two days.

Here is an example of what they feed me daily:

breakfast~
4 oz. Dannon yogurt
8 oz. water
8 oz. soy milk
1 bowlful of raisin bran (or one of the other cereals there)
1 apple

snack~ 8 oz. water
1 Quaker's granola bar with lots of peanut butter (hydrogenated crap) on top
1 peach

lunch~ 8 oz. water
8 oz. soy milk
two slices pizza
1/2 cup salad DRENCHED in ranch dressing
1 peach
1/3 cup three-bean salad

snack~ 8 oz. water
1 mini bag of pretzels
1 serving sized package of cream cheese or hummus for dip
1 pear

dinner~ 8 oz. water
1 1/2 cups white rice in margarine
1 or so cups tofu in some sort of sauce or spice
3/4 cup green beans
1 apple
8 oz. soy milk

snack~ 8 oz. water
1 mini-bag goldfish crackers
1/2 grapefruit
1/2 mini-bag of Quaker's mini caramel rice cakes

TEARS...it sucks

any way,,, I miss you all and someday I WILL be raw and healthy again.

love,
Lunar*Fey

[JulesRules]

Lunar Fey

Your dilemma makes me cry, but you are also inspiring. AS you live through this challenging stage of your life, you are keeping your eye on the prize, a future with a healthier lifestyle. I will especially celebrate my opportunity to make choices and my gratitude for this has risen to a new level.

Thank you...My prayers and best thoughts are with you.

Jules

[Lady Green Jeans]

Lunar*Fey,

It is so good to see an update on how you are doing. Just seeing your words that you will be going to raw and the health will continue to inspire yourself. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, too. Please keep us posted whenever you can.

[luckitri]

Hi Lunar Fey! You have been missed!

I was also in hospital recently and they tried to get me to drink that Ensure. Yech! I tried. I really really tried. Got some of it down.







Then I threw up so bad that it clogged up the whole floor! They had to call in a TEAM of plumbers to fix it - and it took HOURS!

ha ha he he!

That stuff is nasty.


You know more than any of their nutritionists so I know you just have to play the game until you are of legal age to have rights as a person.

[StarFire]

lunar http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/th4c71a056.gif fey...

I am sooo sorry to hear that you are going thru this. I wish I could reach thru cyber space and give you a great big hug and kidnap you and wisk you away to Hawaii where you can run through the forest, dance in the rain and whisper secrets to the wind!....

this part of your life will become part of an amazing testimony. You are very strong to endure this... soon it will be over and you will be free to live and through this you will become stronger and stronger! The weight that you may have gained -- will come off - so please don't stress about it... just know that we love you... we are here for you ~ even if you can't contact us -- know that you are in our hearts and our minds and that we are all sending you love and light...

blessings....

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s43/FireStar_830/grouphugsmiley1.gif

[Veganforlife]

Hang in there LF. One day you will emerge and be much stronger and wiser. It's just something that has to be done, for whatever reason. Don't fight it, use positive energy thinking.

[dreamrawalwz]

Bristol! ::hugs:: I emailed you, but I just wanted to say that you were missed and try to just stay positive. On the bright side...how long until you are 18? This won't last forever and soon you can take your life in your own hands. Also, it seems that they at least let you stay vegetarian? Keep your head up hun.

[Lunar*Fey]

ohh thank you all so much. You make me smile :)

While on this "home visit" my mom is supposed to serve me all my meals without any word from me and I must finish it all. She has been nice so far. She has allowed me to chose things that we have in the house and stuff.

so far today she gave me...

breakfast: oatmeal and ground flax seed
1 cup Store bought almond milk
1 large orange
8 oz. water

snack: 8 oz. water
Lemon hummus
raw vegetables
red delicious apple

lunch: 8 oz. water
8 oz. soy milk
spinach and romaine salad (plus cucumbers, tomatoes, celery)
with lots of pine nuts
Whole wheat pita bread and a little salsa
1 nectarine

soo nice compared to the place I currently "live" in.


thank you all again! sooo much. Someday I will be out of there and come home again. My plan is to get my license and get a job when I get back. Then I can buy my own food and eat mostly raw during the day and then just eat what my mom cooks for dinner (minus the meat part of course) so that she stays happy and we are both happy.

love,
lunar*fey

[dreamrawalwz]

ohh thank you all so much. You make me smile :)

While on this "home visit" my mom is supposed to serve me all my meals without any word from me and I must finish it all. She has been nice so far. She has allowed me to chose things that we have in the house and stuff.

so far today she gave me...

breakfast: oatmeal and ground flax seed
1 cup Store bought almond milk
1 large orange
8 oz. water

snack: 8 oz. water
Lemon hummus
raw vegetables
red delicious apple

lunch: 8 oz. water
8 oz. soy milk
spinach and romaine salad (plus cucumbers, tomatoes, celery)
with lots of pine nuts
Whole wheat pita bread and a little salsa
1 nectarine

soo nice compared to the place I currently "live" in.


thank you all again! sooo much. Someday I will be out of there and come home again. My plan is to get my license and get a job when I get back. Then I can buy my own food and eat mostly raw during the day and then just eat what my mom cooks for dinner (minus the meat part of course) so that she stays happy and we are both happy.

love,
lunar*fey

That actually sounds like a good plan for you. Don't force the raw issue because you know from past experience it wasn't working (with your mom and the doctors I mean). Just take it a step at a time and try not to stress out. I'm glad your mother is being nicer about this. Maybe she had time to work on her issues too and is glad to see you eating. Ok, I mean that eating to her = eating cooked.

[luckitri]

Yes you are growing up fast and soon your mom will lose you as you will be on your own. It hurts, being a mom. Maybe she is realizing how close you are to being grown.

[veganman]

Hi Lunar*Fey!

So great to hear from you. I will send positive thoughts and energy your way....

[spicyfull]

Peace to you.............

[GreenPrince]

Lunar*Fey
Daughter of the forest...

I believe in you, always and forever.

[oceanee]

Lunar Fey,
Oh the very best of all good things to come. You sound like a survivor with a huge heart and you shall have good things come your way. Your diet sounds much better, and I aghree don't stress over the weight just focus on feeling good about who you are and what you are doing.
Oceanee

[lodestar]

sweet lunar fey...i send love and compassion your way. xox

[Adagio Breezes]

Hey LF.

I know you won't see this until you're next trip home, but I wanted to take a moment to post.

You are so strong and so intelligent, and you are such a truely beautiful person. Please, never forget that.

It's great that your mom lets you choose some things to eat. I was surprised at how strict she was, but she seems to be more understanding. Your plan of eating mostly raw during the day and eating her dinner at night sounds fantastic!

Hang in there honey, I look forward to hearing from you again.

[Lunar*Fey]

I'm home again for the weekend and just wanted to say hello.
Thank you for all of your kind replies :)

I do eat much healthier when I am at home....but at the school in Massachusetts they make me eat like the first one I posted....crappppy.

This will be my second home visit. It's hard being there because its so strict and scheduled and I really don't need to be there honestly. So it's really hard. But once I come home for good, I will do the mostly raw thing while eating my mom's dinners and then once I am living on my own it will be rawwwnesss. hehehe.

oohh I miss freedom and I miss real life.

Love to all of you :)

~Lunar*Fey

[luckitri]

I remember in the 1960's a classmates' sister was put in an institution for having any association with another race. (?) I don't know but it just seems similar to me. Right now I am being questioned because the doctors think that it is mentally ill of me to be concerned about being so physically weak. I had made the half-joking comment that I would sure hate to be mugged in the condition I am in now while undergoing strength testing. My sister fought off a mugger once and all of us (in my family) have been mugged at one time or another so I really fail to understand why they think my thoughts are inappropriate. I think that some people really need a reality check with how freely they throw around these terms - or some kind of check.

[Ginger]

I soooooooooooo feel for you! You are handling this so much better then I would LOL! Big hugs to you.

[kiropa]

hi sweetie,

hang in there, you're doing great!!!! one day at a time, right. try not to think about food. just do the school thing, make friends and before you know it you will finally have some independence and freedom.

well, i actually tried to call you once at Columbia Presbyterian. i didn't get you. i was worried when you had to go away so abruptly. i am so glad you checked in.

look at it this way -- baby steps. hospital thing is OVER. school for girls will be over soon too. how long will you stay there? where in mass? i have great friends in belmont.

don't you have a brother? is he still at home?

anyway -- like i said, i really think you are doing what needs to be done. focus on everything but food and you will be done in a flash!!!!!!!!


huge hugs -- i am sorry for what you are going through. i just want you to see the glass half full, you know?

[Lunar*Fey]

thank you :)

Lucktri,
yes it does seem similar. And I can't believe you got that reaction from what you said. Your thoughts seem quite appropriate. hmm.

RawVeganMom,
aww thank you *returns Hug*

Kiropa,
Thank you. That is what I am doing actually....focusing on everything else I mean. But its just really umm crappy there. They keep most people there for at least a year. But I hope to be out around december. we'll see.
Thank you for trying to call me when I was at NY Presbyterian. that was so sweet of you :)
It's in Arlington Mass (germaine lawrence)
I do have a brother but he lives at my dad's house. He is here right now though.
Thank you *returns hugs*

[kiropa]

e-mai me, okay? can you have visitors. my best friends live in the town next to arlington. maybe i could take you to lunch one time when we visit?

what is the name of the place?

good -- focus on getting through and getting out!


thank you :)

Lucktri,
yes it does seem similar. And I can't believe you got that reaction from what you said. Your thoughts seem quite appropriate. hmm.

RawVeganMom,
aww thank you *returns Hug*

Kiropa,
Thank you. That is what I am doing actually....focusing on everything else I mean. But its just really umm crappy there. They keep most people there for at least a year. But I hope to be out around december. we'll see.
Thank you for trying to call me when I was at NY Presbyterian. that was so sweet of you :)
It's in Arlington Mass (germaine lawrence)
I do have a brother but he lives at my dad's house. He is here right now though.
Thank you *returns hugs*

[Lunar*Fey]

Kiropa,
I can have visitors but they must be approved visitors.
That would be lovely! I wish it could happen! Thank you sooo much :) that is so sweet of you!

[luckitri]

Hi Lunar Fey!

3 months from today you will be one legal year older!

And so will my son who will turn 14.

He's itching to go. I miss him already. Mentally, emotionally, he is already too far gone for me. I hope he comes back when he is a little older. I wish he would humor me with his presence more often. I have to cook SAD dinners trying to get him to come home. He has actually threatened me that if I am not making something that he wants - well he will just find a friends house to eat at that night. So I have to tell him my menu! :eek: :mad:

Dang I never knew that food could be so controversial.