Depression & "Numbing" Oneself

[haresmum]

I have fallen off the wagon in a big way. I have fallen into a complete funk and depression and it happens to me each time I go 100% raw....Things go amazingly at first and then I am hit out of the blue with feelings of depression and anger and absolute refusal to continue on raw. I was beginning to feel good about myself, good energy, positive body image and now I feel lousy about myself again, worse than before I went 100%. Has anyone else experienced this? There is a teeny tiny voice within me trying to be heard that says I am just trying to numb myself, push it all down but the larger voice inside of me is winning and telling me to shop and eat!! Sounds silly but it's true....I guess these are mindless numbing things for me that keep my mind off of bigger issues I need to deal with. I just don't know how to get past this. I don't know what I am trying to "push down" or avoid but there is something large looming there. I feel no desire to go on eating raw bc I feel lazy and the food doesnt sound appealing at all. But I know deep down that I need to keep going if I can just find the strength. Sorry to ramble on, maybe I just needed to get this out to a group of understanding people....I really have no one to talk to as my husband really is unsupportive of me in general and especially regarding my eating raw. He has been mad at me since the day I became vegan 6 years ago!! Anyway, thanks for listening.

Allison

[tracyinfo]

Allison, there was a thread on this type of feeling. I will try looking it up and then pasting the thread into here, so you can read the old thread. There was a lot of great things said.

I am at work now, so I don't know if I can right away.

Blessings.

[Rawkinlocs]

(((HUGS)))

Wow, I'm not sure what to say/how to answer this..but one thing I wondered - do you become depressed with the whole raw thing or is it other things in your life...past things...or what?

I was sitting here looking at your "45 minutes N. of Detroit" and wondering, maybe we need to get together in person. Meet up somewhere or you come to my place or me to yours (which would be a bit more of a challenge as I currently am not driving and my husband works and is in school full time).

But I'm sure we could work something out to meet up and sit and chat and talk and eat...if you wanna, that is.

[Alissa]

Allison,
This is an amazing, enlightening thing that is happening to you right now! WOW! YEAH!!!
You see, if you were not having this experience there would be nothing for you to 'do'. You would see no way out of it. The only thing you would know is that you are having a hard time and cannot seem to stay raw. BUT you ARE in touch with what’s going on, you KNOW, or think or feel as you say, that something is going on, and something is giving you a knowing inside of yourself.
sooo...food is very much like any other addiction, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes...
We use food as a way to numb ourselves and not feel.
It doesn’t seem to me like you need to hear a whole dissertation on this from me or anyone else. You know it, you said it in your post. Now the fun part, dealing with it :o
Not always easy, but... necessary.
Like i always say, its not about the food... what raw food will do is clear your mind and free your body of heaviness and force those issues that your ignoring, force that part of your life that’s not working for you, to be highlighted and if you cannot bear to face it - too painful, too hard, too uncomfortable - then we will reach for our choice of drug -cooked, numbing, heavy, comforting, creamy, food - that keeps us from feeling.
When we eat light, airy, fresh energizing whole foods our bodies vibrate to a higher resonance, but its hard for us to stay there at that resonance vibrating at that higher frequency when we have other things that our pulling us down in our life. So we either need to get rid of the old or allow ourselves to be pulled back down into the gunk. We either move forward or back, we never stay in one place.
Its not always easy to see our stuff or to process it out, you may need help with it - process work with a therapist, network chiropractor, body healer, etc... Whatever it is, but it is necessary for growth and to staying raw which is really about taking care of ourselves the best way possible. Its NOT however about being hard on ourselves as none of us are perfect and even though we may be dealing with our issues and getting rid of the old and doing the emotional work, we still slip up or make mistakes and are learning while we go through the process. So its not about perfection, its about the journey and beginning to tare through the layers to reach our true selves and about how you pull yourself back up and dust yourself off and start again. What fun! We know you can do it. You already are!
Best,
Alissa

[swingbolder]

Great post, Alissa.

[veg-one]

Haresmum,
I think that this is why so many people go off raw. But like Alissa said, it seems like you are aware of it so at least your not kidding yourself thinking its just about the food. You are seeing that it has to do with deeper issues and when you eat well and start to get clarity it all comes up.

That’s such a great way to look at this like it’s a gift! Thanks Alissa, you reminded me of what i need to remember when im struggling with raw.
Veg-one

[DennisMB]

Hi haresmum
I know all about un-supportive people. My girl friend broke up with me after I was on raw for 3 weeks. Said I was to fanatical for her. Also, family/friends have some rather amusing nick names for me now. For the most part I just laugh it off. After all, my head aches I used to get have gone away and I look and feel healthy. I would rather live with the silly names they call me then some old dead diet that makes me feel ill and fat.



Cheers
P.S. The nice thing about falling off the wagon, you can always jump right back on!

[VeganVixen]

thats silly of her, dennis people have lost the passion in this world and have a hard time understanding what passion these days - its like its an alien concept to americans ! now that your'e riding on the raw wagon - keep up the passion!!!!:)

about the depression
I typically numb myself when Im alone or bored -Im like that a lot now! So I have to watch what I put in my mouth or I WILL get VERY sick!!!I drink lotsa water and do ballet or yoga when Im down -----of course a bit of shop-therapy doesnt hurt either!!!

[Torakina]

Hi Allison, you struck a chord with me because I've been there.

I believe what you're describing is emotional detox.

In my case, I found this aspect of raw so difficult that I went seriously off the rails after three months doing well.

That's despite all the extraordinary benefits I experienced (clear mind, boosted creativity, weight loss, shiny eyes, glowing skin, happier disposition).

Nine months later I'm still only just getting back into a rhythm with this lifestyle again.

It is only now looking back that I realise that emotional turmoil was the trigger for my downfall.

In my SAD days I wasn't aware of these feelings because I stuffed my mouth with food to contain them.

I have had a happy life so I can therefore only assume that most of us have these feelings that we try and mask with our choice of poison.

So I think we're the lucky ones, having been introduced to a lifestyle that helps us strip away all the garbage to get to who we really are and what we feel.

I wish I had the magic words to inspire and motivate you to continue with raw.

In my case, what has motivated me to keep trying after dozens of failed efforts that would end in horrible junkfood binges is the memories of how awsome I looked and felt during those successful three months.

It is not acceptable for me to just look and feel average anymore.

I also finally grew tired of feeling fat and bloated when I had the knowledge to could fix it.

I've also noticed that even when I failed, my diet was better overall than before I learnt about raw. So I wasn't perfect but I was sure taking steps in the right direction.

So if it takes a couple of years for you to adopt this lifestyle, it takes a couple of years.

Hope this helps