Overwhelming guilt....and some personal history

[Shanti]

Hi Everyone

I'm part of the raw challenge, and last night, I screwed up :( I had brought food with me for a BBQ, but my partner and I stayed out longer than expected, and so I was eventually "forced" to eat what was available, being so HUNGRY. I ate chips. I was on Day 6 of 100% Raw.... and the negative self-talk was coming in like waves....I was so disappointed with myself. So, now, if I can share a bit with the group, I have a history of an eating disorder, and part of my going raw is to retrain my relationship with food completely. And so far, it's been absolutely wonderful..... but this felt like such a huge setback; the mean voices in my head were saying what a failure I am, or how weak, or whatever,,,and that just leads me back to eating for emotional reasons and the self-esteem issues.....
Anyway, I'm back on track this mornign and hope that i can still remain as part of the 30-day challenge:confused:

[garden granny]

You ate chips? That's all? Don't worry about that, it's really ok. I've heard of the most dedicated raw foodists that slip up and eat a lot worse than that. DONT WORRY BOUT IT.:) :D

[OneBite@aTime]

First of all, you are not a "failure", nor are you "weak"....you were on day six, so for 5 days you stuck to it. I cannot speak for anyone else....but my first 30 days I "messed up" 4 or 5 times, I cannot imagine many people are "perfect" the first 30 days. For me, the first 30 days were about learning....I learned what to take to the movies (by trial and error), I learned how to handle social situations (by trial and error) and I learned how to beat out that negative voice (again by trial and error). When I had my first "slip up" one of the other members wrote "I'm sure your body appreciates the previous 5 days". So....don't sweat it....today is a new day!

Now, I'm on my 2nd 30 day challenge....and it is so much easier...not an error yet!

Be good to yourself!

[moonstar]

... I am in the same place...

There's a good song that was out a few years ago -- "Dust Yourself Off and Try Again" were included in the lyrics...that is what we are doing today...

Today is a new day. I try to "arm" myself with power by packing a bag of raw crunchy veggies, some fruit, a few baggies of portioned out nuts. Some tools to help! :-)

If you are on the road to retrain -- think of this as part of the learning process - as all training is! :-)

[ccrider]

I've been raw for over 2 months 100-95% and I'm def not an expert (who is?) - but I think like any road to recovery it's a journey - and sometimes there are stops along the way.

I think the important think is that you start up again and keep discpovering new things and figuring it out - rather than beating yourself up just say to the 'mean voices' - "hey - I'm learning here and noone is perfect"

You just do the best you can with everything in life - the energy you take to beat yourself up could be used to try a new recipe, go for a walk etc.

Also - you learned something. You now know that in situations like that BBQ, you need an action plan incase you stay later - -or if you want decide before the party if you will eat something cooked what certain thing will that be

baby steps - - hope that helps

[Shanti]

Thanks all. That helps tremendously..... I've heard before also that the only failure is in giving up..... I really love the feeling of HUNGER that I get now with this program. I used to just eat because it was the right time, or out of boredom or convenience.... but now by body really tells me that it's time to refuel; but when it's time...there;s no waiting, I guess. So i have learned that being prepared might mean OVER prepared...for example, pack a cooler next time :o

[RAWk Angel]

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You had some chips, it isn't the end of the world. This is a journey and we are still learning. look at it this way, you made a "wrong turn" In life, if you make a wrong turn while driving... do you just give up and head back home? or do you correct your mistake and continue to the place you were head towards? sometimes when you make a wrong turn you have to stop and ask for directions, so think of this forum as the place you would stop and ask for directions. (we are here to support you and to also learn with you)

[rawzeit]

Next time: bring more food. Being raw is not about starving yourself, in fact it's the opposite. :)

I went to a BBQ too last weekend and I brought my own bag of mangos and bananas and some other stuff even though my friends promised there would be veggies and fruit. Of course, the veggies were mostly iceberg lettuce and the fruit came from a can, so I should have brought my own greens too. ;)

I ended up putting some banana on the BBQ, so technically I "slipped up" but it's no big deal... :D

[NYbutterfly]

I have a very long and tiresome history of eating disorders as well. I am also a perfectionist, and one time I ate cereal while trying to be raw and was SO distraught that I posted an entire thread about it. The voices don't shut up sometimes, you know? It is hard to let go of your old eating habits and its also hard to be healthy, too. Sometimes we get so used to being not well that when we finally are well and healthy it feels odd and uncomfortable. For me, thats when I relapse.

You did an amazing thing by going raw for those 6 days or so. Chips? No biggie! I was stuck at my boyfriends family reunion where they forced fed me cookies! I wanted to cry and I didn't sleep bc of it!

In the end, what we did in the past is in the past and we can't go back. All we can do it keep looking up and ahead and make better choices for today. You are safe, and you have TONS of support here.

[Shanti]

Ny Butterfly
Thanks soooo much..... Raw has freed me from calorie counting, and although it is restrictive, it's nothing like what I used to impose on myself. Thanks for sharing your own story. My boyfriend is Portugese, so if that is any inclination of the food harassment that goes on whenever I am there!! They want to admit me to a psych ward! I'm just glad that my boyfriend is supportive.
For others, nobody drinks a beer or a glass of wine anymore, either? I gave this up a long time ago, but I'm curious

[Revvell]

Let me see. Alissa took about 10 years before she became 100%; Jinjee has been off and on for... how long? 5 children over a what, 12 year period and 2 of them during a cooked food phase? Hmmm, me, so far, about 7 years.

Gee, I guess you're not doing so badly are you?

Look outside yourself at yourself. Read what you wrote as though you hadn't written it. What would you say to that person?

Revvellicious :)

[Shanti]

Well, I have to say.....when I first tried this whole program, I could barely crawl through three days....my caffeine dtox was so horrible, my partner wanted to leave me for sure!!!, I was so miserable....and now, it was really sort of by default that I screwed up... I made my first lasagna ever (I don't cook, and I made this raw!) and I've spent all weekend doing granola and cookies..... and feeling good..... so I'm happy about that and I do see the change. I think I was worried that my 6 days of success would be down the drain and I would have to start allover again..

[EZ rider]

I'm part of the raw challenge, and last night, I screwed up
Pick yourself back up and give yourself a hug and step out and continue your raw food journey. Think "Rocky" (the movie) he just wouldn't stay down. One meal at a time -- one day at a time. Remember the old saying "inch by inch everythings a cinch, yard by yard everything hard. Take this journey into raw foods bite by bite.

[Coriander74]

Shanti... http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n221/Coriander74/smiley_consoling.gif

I've also battled eating disorders and found Raw to help me with my relationships with food, too. It's a difficult journey to take, but you've discovered how you can have a good relationship with food, too!

I had a tough weekend too, had to eat what there was or else starve. Don't worry about it :) Just continue with Raw as if nothing happened. That's the wonderful thing about Raw... it's not a "diet". It's not like you've commited a crime if you eat Cooked. It's easy to beat yourself up about it, but remember that you have this wonderful new knowledge and this fantastic group of Rawbies to help you get back into your healthy lifestyle! :)

http://i113.photobucket.com/albums/n221/Coriander74/flowers-1.gif

[puzit19]

Congratulations !!! on waking up on track again.... the thing is keep trying ! don't give up yourself you know you worth it and you know you don't wanna live like you had been so far for longer...
I myself had the same problem on about the 4th day.. but i ate cakes etc.. after a family party .. long story...But i was soo lucky to get back on track... my food disorders are dissapearing and the mental state and physical are soo huge and wonderfull...
Just keep going on and no worries... so you failed once.. so what? you still got all your life to eat raw !! and try again and again... it will work eventually !!!
also try to go to some holistic emotional teraphist.... been to psychologists about my food disorders... and i have to say it might have open some point of thinking in me... but the healer ive been going to was just another world... i understood so much more... and oh my god the emotional detox is the best thing everrrrrrr.... because after that the feeling is superior !!
Lots of love !
Mary

[Shanti]

Thank you both...thanks Coriander.... Ive seen everyone about my eating disorder....and to be absolutely honest, yoga was the first move toward health for me....something shifted.....Yoga is my miracle; it's given me everything that I consider to be important in my life now.... I can't remember the last time I was sick from eating or starved myself....probably 3 weeks ago, which some of you might know is incredible in and of itself.....and not even considered it since RAW. I have to keep this up. I just find that the recipes can be laborious, and it's hard to make stuff "on the fly". I'm putting in my notice at work TODAY though, to instruct yoga full-time, so that should really change my schedule.....

I know RAW is for me.....and this support group is...AMAZING

[Revvell]

so you failed once..
y

I fail to see how you've "failed". You took a detour, back-tracked, side-stepped, but failed? Not even close. The only time you've "failed" is if you're dead and can't get back on the path.... and even then I'm wondering.

Revvellicious :)

[Shanti]

awesome...thanks Revy!

[Shanti]

Coriander And Puzit....

THANK you.
Your words are sooooo reassuring. I'm back on track starting today.... every day I learn something new from this site, from you people. I try new recipes... and I don't starve, because that leads to binging, and that leads to worse...and that's a road that I cannot continue to go down. Im sure this journey is different for everyone, so I'm taking it at the pace that I need to....

Thanks again ladies
xo Shanti