Just sorting things out....ramblings

[Veganmama]

I just needed to get this out so i thought i'ld do it here where no one knows me IRL and also i feel i won't be judged to harshly.

I am really struggling to be 100% Raw, i feel it should be easy as i know it is th eopitmal thing for me atm as i feel so wonderful when i stay 100% for even a day, i really start to glow. I've just gone through a nasty seperation and now i'm a single mum with two toddlers and i'm stuck in a State with no family and no close friends and i have this Huge loving family in the next state and i can't leave. So my Ex comes over nearly every day and stresses me out and i end up eating some crap.

Now my main excuse i use for myself is that compared to what i use to do it really isn't that bad.

From the age of 12 i became an alcholic and a heavy drug user. This behaviour continued to esculate until i was pretty much homeless and had nothing. But one positive i have to say for myself is that during this i kept most of my morals. I remaind a Vegetain or VEgan, i kept my spirituality and i always worked for my money never stole or cheated and had many beautiful friends, but they all wante to save me and the only one who could do that was me.

When i go Pregnant with my daughter at the age of 25 i gave everything up the day i thought i might be pregant, so newly pregnant i had to go through withdrawls all by myself, i also had to leave all my friends behind as i knew i couldn't do it around them and that i didn't want anythign of that lifestyle around my baby.

So over three years later i'm still clean and haven't even had a sip of beer or anything.

I really want to go 100% to help my body do some major healing that it needs to do, i know i've done some damage but my GP is amazed to this day at how healthy i am, even through the darkest days i still had a love of nutrition and still kept taking suppliments for my liver and immune system so i've done no obvious damage.

So i've gotten over many addictions in my time why is cooked foods so hard....Maybe because its not seen as that by mot of society.

SOrry just rambling trying to work out thigns out

[ConsciousCuisine]

Thanks for sharing Veganmama. I had similar struggles with my ex (I was pregnant and divorced at 19 and also had been a multiple addict to many unhealthy things and stopped once I was told by the Goddess that things were changing within me). If you ever want to chat, please PM or email me. I understand. ;)
For me, making the choice to stay Raw is all about loving myself enogh to give my body and mind only the best of the best so I can heal and become stronger everyday. Sure, a bean, potato and guacamole burrito would boost my serotonin and put me to sleep, but it's not a restful sleep I would be getting and I would wake up puffy-eyed and in pain were I to revert to medicating myself in this way. I keep remembering that I must love myself enough to take as good care of myself as I would the next person, a baby, MY baby...and it keeps me on track...You are worth it. You are loved and whole and good and worth the effort, and deserve the rewards, too...
Blessings!
Brande

[Kristi]

How very brave of you to post this. My how you've struggled. I've struggled with alcoholism, as has others in my family. There has also been drug use and addictions. I honor that you stopped all the moment you thought you were pregnant. Children are such a beautiful and oh so challenging gift. The baby deserved what you did for her and you deserved what you did for yourself. Don't let the ex have enough power to make you eat crap. Don't let his keep you out of control over your food and what makes you glow.

Keep trying and know we are here not just for raw food support but for support in anything!

[Analeah]

Hey Veganmama, thanks for sharing this! I can really relate to what you said! I used to wonder that too about the addiction thing. I thought well if I can stop doing all these drugs which are supposed to be some of the hardest things to stop doing then why is it so hard to stop eating cooked food! Then I remembered going to this workshop with the Boutenko's and what they said about cooked food. It really is an addiction and although maybe not recognized as such by 99% of the population, it still is and is as far as I know the hardest addiction to break. More difficult even than quitting cigarettes or heroin or any other drug and when you look at it that way it really puts it into perspective. Whats more we have all been addicted to cooked food since birth so breaking out of it can be hard but it's not impossible! I truly believe that once you are 100% raw for a long enough time there won't be any cravings anymore. Anyway just know we are all here for support so you're not alone!

[Veganmama]

Thanks for the support, it's much appreciated. I'm doing well today after a big bout of abuse i was a mess but i turned to a cup of camonmile tea, not a block of choclate and feel so much better. Not Raw but a step in the right direction. I've been 100% for over 3 days now and hopefully the headache will start to subside :)

[NWgal]

Your children are so blessed to have such a wonderfull mother!
What a great legacy you have given them by makeing such changes in your life. You have my admiration!

NWgal

[Veganmama]

I'm the one who is blessed to have them. I thin kone of the main reaons i had no self worth is the fact that i wasn't meant to be able to have children, and all i ever wanted since i was just a baby myself is to have children so to get told at 17 that i wouldn't be having any was quite devestating and then over the next few years another couple of health matters made it even more unlikely. My whole life plan was thrown.

My girls are blessed gifts and i thanks the God and Goddess for them.

[sararaw]

wow, you are really such an inspiration, all of you. thank you for sharing!

[FEELIN'GOOD]

Dear Veganmama,

Just know we are all here for the same goal... it is hard- and that's why it is so great to have these boards... everytime I come here I feel stronger in my desire to be raw... You all inspire me... thanks for sharing!