Too obsessed?

[Firicia]

Hello everyone, I hope everything is wonderful for you all.

I have a question or two, and now I must admit I am not 100% raw, I am still on the jouney of going there. I am hitting a few snags tho, which are and aren't related to being raw.

My frist snag is how I find myself eating all the time (mostly not raw stuff), and I find it to be a hard habit to break. I am not working or going to school until the fall, I just moved back in with my mom to a small town from living in the city with a now ex emotionally abusive bf. I am so happy to be out of there, but I find myself turing to unhealthy food becuz my whole life was turned upside down. I don't have a lot to do, I am kind of in the middle of no where with like 1 friend which I can see once a week. Sometimes becuz I dont have a car I can't even leave my moms house for a couple days. I find myself turning to food. I don't want it to be this way, so I am hoping maybe for some suggestions if anyone has gone through this.

My other concern is living with my mom. This is where the too obsessed part comes in. She is very focused on both of us losing weight. To the point where she said if she doesn't lose weight we can't go get baithing suites for summer. I see her watching what I eat, and monitoring me. It makes me actually not want to be healthy, I can't stand her watching me and judging me. I don't want to take on her issues, especially about how she is fat and worth less in life becuz of it. I want to focus on being confident and loving myself, and being around someone who is so stressed about everything and always putting herself down... it's draining. At 21 I just can't have people watching over what I am eating anymore. It was like that at my bfs house, and it didn't help me then and it ain't helping me now.

I know I want to get healthy for myself, and I want it to only be about me, not about me having people watch me or tear me down if I slip up. I wonder how I can make it about me like that. I just don't want to get too obsessed like my mom and end up hating myself becuz I need to lose 30 pounds, I mean thats no way to live.

So where is the line, heck where is the line when eating raw too for being too obsessed and too focused? I just can't stand thinking about this stuff all the time, I'm sick of it. I am also sick of people thinking less of me or acting like they are so much better than me becuz they are thinner. Why is everyone so focused on this? I guess I am really just asking myself all the hard questions. I want to get over this, and be healthy and fit and confident, for me and for my singing(if you are on stage you want to be confident in yourself). So I am looking for some oppinions and suggestions. This all feels very over whelming sometimes.

Thank you so much for listening to me. Sometimes we all need peoples oppinions in tough situations.

[DavidZaneMason]

I hear you Firicia! It's great that you're sharing how you feel - and your concerns are intelligent.

A couple of opinions / thoughts:

-First: Eating all the time (especially if it's very healthy) is not a big snag. As long as you are doing it voluntarily....and with joy....and not out of a sense of being compelled or forced to do it.

-One does not turn to to food because of outside circumstances. Take responsibility and realize that we turn to food mostly because of needs that we feel are not being fulfilled. Do you KNOW what YOUR needs really are? It's a good question to ask one's self. When you know what those needs are.....you can be a good parent to YOURSELF. You don't NEED a boyfriend or a mom or anyone else to tell you whether you are doing a good job or not. Set your OWN goals.

-YOU chose to move back in with your Mom. If you cannot bring presence...and happiness....and a good agenda to the house....and the place is bringing you down.....well....you have OPTIONS! There are a LOT of other places you can go. They might be MORE scary.....but the important part is that YOU decide....and accept the fears that go with that....whatever they may be.

-Don't be passive/aggressive. TELL your Mom EXACTLY what you would like her to do. Tell her that you do not want to be guided on your weight, diet or appearance in any way....but TELL her also what you WOULD like her to do.....(spend time with you.....listen to you.....take you out places........tell her she loves you...hug you...call you...whatever). It is VERY important that we do this with the people that we love/love us in our lives.....that they KNOW what our needs are. It is very important that this NOT be a mystery to those closest to us....so they can love us fully. We have to TEACH them that.

-All you can do is make positive choices......and all you have control over is your attitude. You cannot control your mom...or your dad...or your friends....or your boyfriend....or the weather......or sometimes even where you live or what you eat (hopefully this changes! LOL). But you can ALWAYS choose what kind of attitude you are going to have and project. This is your ultimate right.

-I hope this long post contains a few words that you find supportive and helpful Firicia. There are LOTS of great individuals (including myself) who are standing by to assist you and support you....and folks on this wonderful board who have tremendous knowledge and spirit.

-Power and strength to you.

-David Z. Mason

[Frog]

Good stuff DZM - it is about choices and whether we are prepared to have courage to make them sometimes.

Although I am not really an advocate of lists, making one can be a good idea to at least focus you on whats important, possible, probably for you.

As David said, you will get lots of support here!

Welcome by the way!

[puffysmom]

David gave u great information. I dont know how anyone can do better. I was wondering if u have anything to do this summer. Can u work? If not working how about taking long walks. I love walking in the country and even the city is not bad. Maybe u can start doing some kind of craft type thing. Can u and your mom start a garden or if u dont have space how about planting some veggies u love in pots. Do somethings that will take up some of your time in the summer. I find if i am busy with something I like doing I can even miss meals......which is a big surprise to me. I love food to much to miss meals but now i dont need to eat like i did before.

Listen to David. He gave u good advice. :D

[greenfeline]

if you find yourself bored, not able to leave the house, and obsessing about food, do something else to keep yourself busy: exercise, read, paint, etc... what are your hobbies? If you don't have one, start one! It helps me to focus on other things in my life besides just food. If you tell yourself to eat raw only, then focus on other things such as the above, it becomes easier. As far as your mom is concerned that is tough. The only thing you can do is be honest with her and live your own life as much as you can under her roof.