Peer pressure... how do you handle it?

[darkchild]

This is a topic only for teenagers, right? Wrong!

I have been doing very well on my juice only fast for the last few weeks and thought I could withstand the pressure to eat cooked food at a gathering my family had yesterday.

Boy, was I ever wrong. I had people telling me all day to eat something, I would waste away, or worse yet, get sick, etc...

Well, I caved in. Not because they were so peruasive, but because I wanted to. I had a really weak moment and I allowed them to give me excuses to eat something (mexican food and lots of it).

I won't go into detail about what I ate, but I feel really sick today. I woke up at 3:30 A.M. with a horribly runny nose and stomach pain. I can't believe I went off a fast with Mexi food! Geez...

The worst part is that I feel like I failed. I know that I have to pick myself up and go on the right way, but the feeling of all that dedication and work just wasted is hard to deal with.

How do you deal with temptation? Peer pressure? Does anyone have a tried and true way that they handle these types of situations? I would really like to know, because I thought I had this licked and I don't. :(

[ella]

i would try to distance myself from those that didn't understand what i was trying to do. they should respect your choices. you also must respect your choice for health. remember at your weak moments- why you started raw.

before you're around people eating what you don't want to eat- be sure to not be hungry! have a smoothie, or a big delicious salad, etc. don't set yourself up.

and hey, we all slip up from time to time. move forward and don't be so down on yourself! you are eating far better than you ever have before, yes? :)

[sport]

I have always enjoyed being different.
Who wants to be the same as everybody else.
Relish your uniqueness and be proud of it.

[Morn]

I ditto Ella. The best way to not slip up is eat before you go to social functions or if you are at a party bring your own food that is safe to eat so you can have something to eat and bring extra to share it with others. Many people haven't had fresh fruit or veggies in a long time and appreciate all the effort of others cutting it up.

[darkchild]

Thanks you guys, I know in my mind why I'm doing this. And, yes, I am eating far better than I ever have before. Normally, it wouldn't have been a problem, but I have been on a juice fast for weeks. I haven't even been hungry for over 2 weeks, so I thought I would be fine. I think it was a mental or emotional hunger that made me cave in. I usually take food with me to these occasions, but since I was fasting, I didn't even think about it. Silly, right?

[Eva]

Obviously you don't want to avoid a family gathering because you won't eat the food they'll eat, but you see what has happened to your body as a result of giving in to their pressure.

Next time, you could nicely inform them of how your body reacted the LAST time they pressured you to eat against what your body tells you is okay. I hope that they would understand that a little better than just telling them "no, thanks" or "It's not part of my diet."

[Ariannah]

Getting over the lifelong default habit of saying how high, when other people say "jump", is an ongoing struggle for me.

I've always been brought up to be a people pleaser, and it has been so hard to break away from that mentality.

I'm going to be 40 this year, and only now am I starting to be at peace with coming into my own.

[Revvell]

The worst part is that I feel like I failed.

So, when you were a child and were learning to walk, did you feel as though you failed every time you fell on your bum?

Eating raw and dealing with peer pressure is a learning process. Once you get that handled then you'll be able to help others do the same... across the board.. not just with eating raw foods.

Whenever I have challenges I figure they are opportunities to grow, learn, share and teach.

Revvell

[darkchild]

Too true, Revvell. When I say I failed, though, I'm talking about the fast. I had committed to a certian amount of time and then didn't complete it. I came to within a few days of finishing and then caved in. I have a very bad habit of chasing success and then when I have it in my sights, I run the other way. I think that is the mindset that has to change.

My family members know this behavior and I think they all wait to see how long I can do something before I give up on it. I have a list a mile long of things that I have really wanted to do, and did do, to just let the dream go when I have the goal right in my grasp.

My Husband says that I have a self-discipline problem, and I think he's right. He says to join the military (I think he's only half joking), because they teach that to you. I am really wanting to take a class in martial arts for the self discipline, but I am afraid I will do the same thing I have always done and give up before I can make the habits stick. I really don't want to add one more thing to the list...

[Revvell]

I really don't want to add one more thing to the list...

So, what are you going to do? Stop?

Understand something ~ no matter what you do, whether you complete something or not, at least you're doing SOMEthing more than those who do nothing.

Suggestion ~ baby steps. Seems to me as though you're taking large steps AND hanging out with people who don't support you in your growth and alivenes... and THEY are another story.

For me, I don't hang out with folk like that. I tell them straight out ~ "If you wont support me, you don't get to be with me"... (good way to find out if they care to see you or not, isn't it? And there's ANOTHER thing to contend with. )

There are LOTS of threads here about non-supportive families and friends... you may wish to check those out.

Now, baby steps... consider this... Shoot for the stars, reach the moon (or vicey versy ~ whichever is closer). When I work with people on outcomes I have them do long term... then break it down to short term (bite-sized pieces) ... so they can take the steps to the long term.

Also, why put yourself in a position where you're bound to "fail"? (your words, not mine) When on a fast, why go to a feast? Does that sound reasonable to you? AND if you KNOW there's a feast coming up and you WANT to go, why start a fast?

It's like people who start fasting just before the winter holidays (winter is NOT the time to fast, btw). Like d'uhhh. Setting oneself up for losing, eh?

Here's a good saying: "People tend to do what people tend to do." So, when you know this about yourself, do something differently to break the pattern and create some self-esteem and self-love. More power to you.

Revvell

Ummm, I know this isn't my biz (well, it would be if I were being paid yet...) but, personally, if I wanted to be a winner, I wouldn't put up an avatar like yours. Just a consideration. :)

[KatK]

Oh you poor thing! My stomach's groaning just thinking about it. A lot of my friends get all worried when I'm fasting. It does wear on you. Maybe you could explain how you can't break a fast on regular food.

[Little Blueberry]

The most important thing in life is not what happens to you but how you deal with it.

This experience has given you an opportunity to know yourself better.

You only fail if you fail to learn from your experiences.

The past is over, the future is yet to be, and there is only NOW. If you want to continue your juice fast, continue right now and focus on where you are today. Stop carrying the negative emotions of yesterday. Instead, focus on the positive of what this experience has taught you. You are now equiped with a greater wisdom than you were 2 days ago.:D

Morn & Ella give you good ways to help with future situations. Another way I have found that works for me is to visualize my experience before going. I simply think of the people I will meet, the comments they may say and the temptations I may have to face. Think of how it makes you feel. Then imagime the positive outcome you wish to realize. Feeling strong, happy, energetic, radiating...

If you stay focused on this positive feeling and embrace these qualities, you will be surprized at how much you actually have control of your situation. Your friends will come to you saying things like "Wow! You look so beautiful! What have you been up to lately? You are glowing!"... Make them interested in YOUR lifestyle. They will admire you for what you are while they are eating nachos and wonder how they could get to do what you do....:)

Stay positive!

[darkchild]

Thanks again to everyone who has posted concerning this thread. I know that my choices are mine and I can't let other people dictate to me IF I don't want to deal with the consequences of taking their advice. This is a turning point in my life and I have to choose the direction that I go. I guess I have given up my power and control in my life for so long it has become a really bad habit. No more feeling sorry for myself, because I have only to look in the mirror to see who to blame for it.


And to Revvell specifically...I agree with what you say. I always do plan to fail by failing to plan. It's my M.O., I am finally mature enough to see that and to make it a priority to change. Baby steps is right (although it makes me think of that movie "What About Bob") :)

As to the avatar, it is probably not appropriate for this forum. It's one that I use on other forums dealing with my spiritual interests. I am studying to be a Celtic Shaman, this whole delving into my Shadow self is essential for personal growth. I think I have opened up a whole can of worms that must be dealt with now, and part of me wants to maintain my childish behavior of the past. This is probably too much info for this particular forum, but it's all closely linked with my behavior patterns and I am trying to seperate individual characteristics that are harmful to me. I do appreciate you investing your time and obvious wisdom on my problem. Thank you.

[Revvell]

You're welcome. Thank you for taking it in the spirit it's meant.

Revvell

[Dj 247]

Darkchild, you seem to see yourself in a very negative way. Think of all the positive things that you are! Just by reading some of your post I see you as a caring person who cares about her health both physically and spirtually. I can tell you care about others because it show in your words. Don't let other people's thoughts and emotions bring you down. So you did not finish the fast maybe it was time to stop.

[darkchild]

Darkchild, you seem to see yourself in a very negative way. Think of all the positive things that you are! Just by reading some of your post I see you as a caring person who cares about her health both physically and spirtually. I can tell you care about others because it show in your words. Don't let other people's thoughts and emotions bring you down. So you did not finish the fast maybe it was time to stop.

Thank you for that. I do tend to look at myself in a negative way, it's what I have known up until recently, not to mention, it's an easy out when things get tough. This is the behavior that I am trying to stop. I really do see the positive aspects of my personality, but it's hard to let them apply when they never have before. I am a work in progress! :D

[Raw Creator]

Dark Child,

I just read your message after posting about my own brief slip into SAD eating yesterday. The key thing is that was THEN - right now, we're RAW! Ah... the present moment :) Reminds me of that saying - something like "fall down 7 times, get back up 8" ;)

You've received a treasure of excellent responses to your post. I'm happy to read that you're back and moving along.

Thrive,
RC

[darkchild]

Dark Child,

I just read your message after posting about my own brief slip into SAD eating yesterday. The key thing is that was THEN - right now, we're RAW! Ah... the present moment :) Reminds me of that saying - something like "fall down 7 times, get back up 8" ;)

You've received a treasure of excellent responses to your post. I'm happy to read that you're back and moving along.

Thrive,
RC

Isn't that the truth. We have to keep moving forward! I truly appreciate the advice you have all been kind enough to give. I tend to get bogged down in the moments that show my weakness, so I need to remember that those moments are past and new and better moments are mine for the making. Thanks again, you all are wise!

Namaste

[Cinnamon]

Having dealt with the opinions of others on my way of eating for 20 years now as a vegetarian/vegan and then onto my raw food journey I've had more than my fair share of people teasing me, tempting me with foods I do not want to eat, and asking me time and time again about things like "where do you get your protein or calcium" as so many of us on this site have heard this too.

What I've found (and this is just for me) that my biggest personal problem with all of this is not sticking to what I know I want to do. Say it is a holiday and I cave and eat what everyone else is eating (slipping up) well, then what do I hear at the next gathering when I again try to avoid the cooked foods? "Well, I've seen you eat that just a month ago, what do you mean you won't eat that now!"

So for me, I've got to "show" others my conviction simply by "doing" it. Something I am still learning all these years later and believe me I do still stray on occasion.

Just trying for the best I can be to lead by example as quietly and peacefully as I can around others and the comments and pressure really do subside. I don't now if any of this helps, but it is all a learning process!

[hypnocmt]

First let me say, that if you are moving forward..that is real progress. You may wobble a little here and there, but big deal. Very rarely is the path to success a straight road...Success and fulfillment are natural. Natural things seem always to have minor irregularities and deviations from uniformity. Therefore, since success is natural, it will be inclusive of these variations.

Next time when you fast, you will know that you can make it "x"number of days with no problem. You will be more conscious of separating yourself from temptation, even if you are surrounded by it. You have an opportunity now, to alter the way you identify with yourself, and make it more positive.
If you accept and perceive of yourself as someone who CHOOSES to eat or behave a certain way, it no longer needs to be an issue of self-denial, or temptation. Also, why do we assign value judgments to whether we eat raw one day or have a little cookie the next? Can anyone really fail in the raw way of eating? Is someone a failed cooked food eater if they have a carrot stick against their better judgment? Of course not.

Also, let's consider the purging and purifying effect of fasting. Maybe if your consciousness decided that your issue of quitting a few steps shy of the finish line is an important issue, it sent this as a red flag that you must deal with it. Fasting has a way of bringing that stuff to the surface. So here it is...begging to be dealt with and understood. Go for it.

[darkchild]

Cinnamon,
Yes, what you say makes perfect sense to me and I know that leading by example is a very powerful tool. Not only for how others perceive me, but how I will react the next time I am in that situation. Very good advice, thank you.

And hypnocmt,
Progress is something that I am learning to view differently. In the past, if I didn't do something perfectly, I felt that I had failed. Now, I am learning that the journey is so much more important than the destination if I am going in the right direction. It's really hard to change the old mindset. I've spent 37 years perfecting it, LOL. It's really good to come to this place and have myself jerked back into reality by all of you who have dealt with or are currently dealing with issues like this. I am not alone and I am not a failure. That is my affirmation for the rest of this month!

[rawsurfer]

i find whenever i stray from raw food i just stick it out and think of why i am doing this until i can get to a computer or a raw book so i can read a little and align myself with my purpose. then i have all my conviction again and the cooked food doesnt tempt me. the further along i have gotten into it the easier it becomes, and the longer those readings last me.

peace

[darkchild]

I do try to keep a raw food cookbook in my car, usually so that when I go to the grocery store, I can have recipes handy for my grocery list (maybe I should do that ahead of time, LOL). That's a good idea though, Keep my goals uppermost in my mind, reminding me of why I am doing this. I really enjoy eating this way, just so you guys know. I do feel free when I'm eating raw food. I just have a weak moment now and then, and I tend to blow it out of proportion in my mind when it does happen.

[Sharon in Colorado]

Once while on a fast I attended someone's bridal shower. There were lots of yummy looking salads and such, everything looked so tempting. Nobody tried to persuade me to eat anything, but I did explain to a few that I was drinking the mastercleanse drink.

Anyway, I broke the fast after that. Being around all the good fresh food drove me insane, I was bothered by the fact that there were alot of healthy choices instead of the usual junk at parties.

So whether or not people are persuading you, your mind could be doing it. I decided not to go out to functions when I am fasting, it makes things too much of a challenge.

[darkchild]

Yep. Totally me. I could have just said no. I talked myself into breaking my fast knowing what it would do to me. There were really no good choices there, it was all cooked food. Greasy, cheesy, gross non-food. Another thing that bothers me is that it didn't even taste good. Why do that to myself? It has taught me a good lesson. I will go with my first thought from now on, which would be the question I just posed. Why do that to myself?

[hypnocmt]

You can make you affirmations even MORE powerful by phrasing them in the positive...b/c the subconscious doesn't hear negatives like not/no/-n't/never.

So something like" I am NOT alone"

Sounds to the subC like I am___alone.

Instead, try

" I feel safe and supported by a vast network of friends and people who care about me. I accomplish my goals easily and enjoy my rewards more deeply because I have their support."

[darkchild]

Ah, yes. I have read that before. Positive in, positive outcome. :)
Thanks.