Eating Disorders

[granolamama]

Hi, there.
I am pretty new to this forum and have been totally inspired by all you awesome raw people! I just thought I would make the comment that I have noticed a lot of we raw food people have struggled with eating disorders. I have too. Maybe it's because we ED people tend to have such hard core, all-or-nothing personalities. I just thought I would briefly share my story, and I hope that maybe some of you would like to share your too.
I was a chubby little kid who started dieting before puberty. I became annorexic in high school and bulimic in high school and college and have taken a long time to get some healing. I struggled with laxative abuse, extreme fasting, over-exercise, depression, cutting myself, all the regular stuff. I am a Christian and give the credit of my healing to God. I was really changed after reading a chapter in the book or Isaiah. I think the biggest lesson I have had to learn is that I don't have to please everybody and have everyboody's approval. I am thankful for where I am now and thankful for how raw food has helped my mind to be more clear and has helped with healing me physically.
What are your stories?

[Morn]

I also had food addiction issues. I used food when I was happy, stressed, bored, sad, etc. I had no self control when it came to food and ate everything and anything (especially carbs and sweets). I have been on every diet imaginable for the last 17 years and nothing has ever helped. I just became more obsessed with food and temporarily would control my intake with diets but then go back to the way I was eating. I was desparate and cried out to God for help. After hearing a pastor on the radio talk about how we should eat a mostly raw diet and him explaining about the enzymes, it peaked my interest. I had never heard of a raw foods diet before. So I started doing some research on the internet and found Alyssa's site. The rest is history. Now I have been 4 1/2 months raw and for the first time in my life I have self control. When I eat raw I don't overeat and I have so much more energy and life in me. I know it is God honoring my prayer cause he showed me this way of eating and brought me to Alyssa's site (He is also giving me strength to eat this way after eating 37 years of a very SAD diet). I thank God cause I am learning how to respect and love myself again. I was so much in bondage to food before and now I am free. I am not where I need to be yet as it is a journey but for the first time in a long time I have hope again!

[Firicia]

I'm so happy that both of you are healing now :)

I actually have a similar story to Morn, I would eat for every reason, and not a little, I could easily sit and eat over a liter of ice cream in one sitting making myself feel so sick, and then 3 hours later go back and finnish the bucket. It's honestly hard to even say that because I feel so bad for the abuse I put my poor body through. But now I am on the right path, and I am proud of all the hard work I am putting into changing.

Morn, I have a question for you. How did you get to the point where you didn't use food for those things? I made it almost 3 days raw a few days ago and then somehow the cravings got to me. It was like I didn't have enough wilpower. Did you go through anything like that at first, or maybe your mindframe and the way you think of this is different. Right now I am trying to change my mind so that I don't feel so deprived. But maybe that feeling doesn't go away? Just a couple currious questions to a 4 monther ;)

[dreamrawalwz]

Hi, there.
I am pretty new to this forum and have been totally inspired by all you awesome raw people! I just thought I would make the comment that I have noticed a lot of we raw food people have struggled with eating disorders. I have too. Maybe it's because we ED people tend to have such hard core, all-or-nothing personalities. I just thought I would briefly share my story, and I hope that maybe some of you would like to share your too.
I was a chubby little kid who started dieting before puberty. I became annorexic in high school and bulimic in high school and college and have taken a long time to get some healing. I struggled with laxative abuse, extreme fasting, over-exercise, depression, cutting myself, all the regular stuff. I am a Christian and give the credit of my healing to God. I was really changed after reading a chapter in the book or Isaiah. I think the biggest lesson I have had to learn is that I don't have to please everybody and have everyboody's approval. I am thankful for where I am now and thankful for how raw food has helped my mind to be more clear and has helped with healing me physically.
What are your stories?

I have basically the same store and have struggled with every issue you mentioned, and still do. At first I just stopped eating because of depression when I was about 12 due to a trama situation. I THOUGHT I was overweight then b/c I was in gymnastics so I was extremely muscular. I was engulfed by anorexia and got to a critically low weight and damaged my heart. I recovered, relapsed, recovered, the relapsed with bulimia when I was about 15/16. I've never said this on here before, but since you said it first....I've struggled with self-injury since I was....5. I have many many issues I'm still dealing with that I use the bulimia and self-injury to protect me from (mentally protecting me from the hurt I endured), so it's not just food addiction for me. Yes, raw has helped the severe depression. I may still be depressed, but it's a HUGE change consdiering I've been chronically severely depressed with some manic sessions since I was 12. Wow, I'm sharing a lot here aren't I? I think sharing can be healing too. The bulimia....still am struggling with it daily, even if it's just thoughts. The anorexic mindset is still there as well, but both more so when I eat cooked. I truely believe if I stick with raw and I get some temporary help through therapy that my mind can heal.

[puffysmom]

I guess I have had a problem also. Eating to much and all the time. I have been a yo yo person my whole life. NOw that I am in my golden years I have decided to treat my body better. I have a lot of weight to lose but health is the one thing I want to see get better. Before going completely raw i was doing a lot of salads and such and not much meat so it was not as hard. Course this morning my DIL made fried sausage and eggs on whole wheat toast and I got to tell u it was so hard to not make some for myself. I didnt though. I ate a banana instead.
Now it is time for my smoothie so off I go.

[Morn]

Morn, I have a question for you. How did you get to the point where you didn't use food for those things? I made it almost 3 days raw a few days ago and then somehow the cravings got to me. It was like I didn't have enough wilpower. Did you go through anything like that at first, or maybe your mindframe and the way you think of this is different. Right now I am trying to change my mind so that I don't feel so deprived. But maybe that feeling doesn't go away? Just a couple currious questions to a 4 monther ;)


I have struggled daily with this from the beginning. I too have strong cravings (especially because I am around my whole family who doesn't eat raw) and I too have been tempted to eat wrong things when my life has been stressful (like about a couple of weeks ago when my niece was dying of cancer). These are the things that have helped me:

When I began to eat raw I decided for the first 30 days that I would just stick to it and try to follow the diet as closely as I knew how to and tried not to give myself any wiggle room. I also offered my experience up to God as a type of fast (because believe me I ate next to none of these foods before I went raw and for me eating raw was a sacrifice). Before, If I ate a piece of fruit in a month's time I was doing good. Before, I did eat salads but with meat, ranch dressing, croutons, cheese, etc.

Secondly I told many people for accountability purposes so at least when I was around others like my husband, children, coworkers it would be harder for me to cheat.

Thirdly I have not been perfect there have been those moments that I have allowed myself a french fry here and there or once my craving for popcorn overtook me and I decided to eat a very small portion of it. If you tell yourself you can never have it again you might go crazy. So while I don't daily or weekly indulge in such things, occasionally I have (but it has been rare because I know I don't want to slip back into my old way of eating again because I could lose self control). Only you will be able to gauge if a particular food for you will be a problem. One of my favorite foods is pizza and I think I made it over 3 months before I caved and ate some store baked pizza and it wasn't that good. But I couldn't fight the temptation any longer. I was Obsessed as you could say. But immediately the next day I went back to eating raw. So you might have stuggles that you win and some that you lose. It is a journey and you will come across some bumps in the road here or there.

Next I guess the determination God has put in me to get healthier and leaner is also very strong. I want this year to be my year where I change. I have realized that using food to numb me or soothe me has only caused me more pain, a loss of self esteem and countless other issues. It truely is a vicous cycle where my eating issues have affected my whole life. It doesn't feel good to be in bondage to anything. I guess I am learning what abusing food has costed me and I truely was not happy with my life and what I had become. Now that I am not focusing so much on food I can concentrate on other things I want for my life. (I.e. for years I have wanted to take ball room dance lessons and now I am doing it.) :)

Also what has helped me is to make goals and to post them here on this site. This site has been a huge blessing to me as far as accountability, encouragement, etc. I am also part of the exercise challenge and I the monthly raw challenges where I post daily. This reallly helps me when I consider cheating or not exercising as I don't want to have to report that I failed. But sometimes I do fail and there are many who are there to help pick you back up again. Also I posted my pictures so I would stop hiding and get real with where I was at. I hate my pictures and have done so for years. I think it helps motivate me to get where I want to be. I also post my measurement monthly to see if I make progress there (as weight is not only the thing that shows progress).

Sorry for the book I wrote. The problem is that I couldn't answer your questions in a short paragraph. Eating issues are complex and so personal. Remember we have a huge history and lifetime habbits we are going against and it is hard! The only way to win this is daily one victory at a time. I would suggest in your weak moments to pray and leave situations that could be a problem. Sometimes it will take extra planning on your part. I often bring raw fudge to the movies so I will have a snack while others eat popcorn. Or sometimes I eat before I go out to eat with others so I am not tempted. I know the feeling of feeling like you are deprived. It gets better. You just have to find things you like even better that are raw. It will get easier as you keep going. I hope some of what I wrote helps. Also when you start seeing the benefits of raw eating like losing weight, having more energy, better health, etc. these things help to continue to motivate you to keep going. And finally I think my tag line says it all. I can't do this on my own cause will power only gets you so far! I truely believe it is not in my own power that I have been able to achieve these things. In my own power I was 230 pounds and more at times! For me it is a daily battle - but one I want to win!

Best wishes to you! You can do this! :)

[Morn]

Dreamrawalwz and Granolamama - thank you for sharing your story. I know you will be an encouragement to many others! I think sharing does bring healing. Keep fighting the fight! :) We are honored you are here!

[sweet pepper]

It seems we all have a lot in common. Struggling with cooked food addicitons, overeating, undereating, emotional binging. I too am in my autumn years and struggling with food issues and it has been a lifelong journey for me. When I found my first book on living raw, about 10 years ago, it changed my life completely. I finally knew the truth of my illness. I yo-yo dieted all my life! Since a young teenager. What a waste of youth.

Even though I still struggle with staying 100% raw, the lessons I have learned from my failures have brought me to a sort of mindset at this time. I have realized that every day of these last ten years of my reading, experimenting, sharing and learning all that I have about raw, has brought me here today. When I falter and eat the cooked I realize it isn't that good! What a blessing! So, today it is easier to pass up the cooked than it was 10 years ago. I have managed to stay with raw long enough to know how much better I feel with raw than on cooked. I guess what I am trying to say is, for those of us, who have a food addiction, the process may take a little longer. We are working to put in balance our physical, spiritual and mental. This is not an easy task. One thing for sure - You cannot overeat on raw! The body is free to tell you when you are truly hungry. What a blessing huh?

For me, right here and right now...........I see the light through the tunnel. Just being exposed to this website has brought me encouragment, understanding, acceptance and empowerment! Empowerment to change. We can do this.

Namaste'
Sweet Pepper

[chilove]

Hello there,

So many people in our culture have food issues, it is just amazing. I think our culture has really done us a huge disservice by making food so all important. It often seems that everything revolves around food. Our society has such very unbalanced, love/hate relationhship with food that it is no wonder to me that so many people have unbalanced relationships with food. And it is so sad that we blame ourselves! (until we know better).

Anyway, I used to be a major compulsive overeater and binge eater. I literally lived to eat. My day was consummed by thoughts of eating and I went through life looking forward to the next meal. Even when I was a little girl I remember being excited about going to new places (like Disneyland) not for the experiences themselves, but for what we would be eating there! Crazy! (and so very sad) Food was my constant best friend. Like many others I used food for everything: to celebrate, to console myself, to distract myself.

It was very, very difficult for me to deal with my emotional dependance on food when I went raw. I devoted a great deal of time and energy to it, and I persisted. I had to because I was so desperatly ill. I am so glad that I stuck with it and now I can honestly say that I have a healthy, balanced relationship with food and feel genuinely satisfied eating 100% raw. It is amazing to me. If you had told me several years ago that I would be 100% raw, eating mostly fruit and happy to do so I would have thought you were crazy! But it's true! :-) It is such a blessing.

I really admire everyone's courage in addressing their food addictions. It is not an easy journey, but it is one well worth taking. I really believe that when we have been raw for awhile we are finally able to become the wonderful, healthy, happy, joyous beings of light that we are meant to be.


All the best,

Audrey
www.rawhealing.com

[cassidy]

Raw has been the only thing to help me with bulimia. The only thing. It has given me room to breathe. Therapy has helped me cope and learn about myself - but, honestly, raw has done more. I feel like I finally have some freedom. I have/had bulimia and "orthorexia" if that is even a real thing. Raw made me nervous at first because I wasn't sure if it was an excuse to restrict and loose weight - but now the health aspect is so overpowering that I know I'm doing it for the right reasons.
I have been bulimic for 7 years now. The last month however has been nearly all raw and bulimia free!
I feel like ED's are an emotional crutch just like drug use, alcoholism and addicition... they are dangerous and potentially fatal. They are a really dark thing and I never thought I would ever surface again. I'm so thankful that I have raw to thank for allowing me to have my life back. For letting me have my power back - the power I gave to food so long ago.
I'm glad you guys have realised this as well. This is a nice little community isn't it? I'm glad we can share like this.

[cassidy]

If anyone is interested -
I'm compiling inspirational testimonies on how raw has helped those with eating disorders.
If you want you can e-mail me with your story so I can add it. Anonymously of course.
Or you perhaps, with your permission, I could cut and paste from here.
Please let me know if you would like yours added! Thanks - I'm working on a little project ;)

It would be VERY much appreciated!

[aimsee]

I'm so happy that both of you are healing now :)

I actually have a similar story to Morn, I would eat for every reason, and not a little, I could easily sit and eat over a liter of ice cream in one sitting making myself feel so sick, and then 3 hours later go back and finnish the bucket. It's honestly hard to even say that because I feel so bad for the abuse I put my poor body through. But now I am on the right path, and I am proud of all the hard work I am putting into changing.

Morn, I have a question for you. How did you get to the point where you didn't use food for those things? I made it almost 3 days raw a few days ago and then somehow the cravings got to me. It was like I didn't have enough wilpower. Did you go through anything like that at first, or maybe your mindframe and the way you think of this is different. Right now I am trying to change my mind so that I don't feel so deprived. But maybe that feeling doesn't go away? Just a couple currious questions to a 4 monther ;)

Hi Firica,

I am actually pretty new to the whole raw experience and completely understand where you are coming from - I've had similar experiences with abusing food and then struggle with having enough strength to stay away from that pattern. I've done some research & I have to recommend either book written by Natalia Rose. What I like about her is that she talks about not having to go 100% raw or vegan right away. It's okay to incorporate some cooked foods & she gives you a ratio or how much raw you should try to have while you body detoxes from all of the garbage you used to eat. For me this is so helpful because it is such a scary thing to completely let go of food as a source of comfort! To tell yourself you can never have any of those things again can make you want to rebel, but if you adopt a not so black & white mentality & grow into it, I think this will set us up for greater success! :)

My prayers are with you all! :)

Amy

[aimsee]

Thank you for being brave enough to start this thread! What a tough topic! I have struggled with food for about 10 years now. I was bulimic for awhile and have always managed to find some type of diet or motivation to stay away from food long enough to not feel so weighed down by it when my life isn't stressful. But as soon as my life gets hectic & stressful, I turn to food every time. About a year & a half ago, I did a candida cleanse and managed to eat close to a raw lifestyle for almost 2 months. My skin never looked better, weight that I struggled with for years fell off & I was for the first time in a long time happy with myself and confident in my appearance. And then somehow I began eating emotionally again. Life has been stressful and crazy the last few years and I am realizing that it will probably always be! I have to learn how to deal with it in a healthy way & nurture myself in the process! I want to be around for a very long time! What attracts me to eating raw is that I know I will be able to heal my body, break food addictions by clearing out toxicity & I know I will feel better about myself and know that I will be honoring the body God gave me. This time around, I don't want to restrict myself so severely like I did with the Candida cleanse. I saw health benefits, but I didn't have all of the energy that I know a raw food lifestyle will give me. All of Gods foods are created perfectly & I want to enjoy them! I want to learn how to cook inventively & creatively so I never feel deprivied!

God be with us all as we heal our bodies, minds and emotions. We can do all things through Him.

:)

[Morn]

Anyway, I used to be a major compulsive overeater and binge eater. I literally lived to eat. My day was consummed by thoughts of eating and I went through life looking forward to the next meal. Even when I was a little girl I remember being excited about going to new places (like Disneyland) not for the experiences themselves, but for what we would be eating there! Crazy! (and so very sad) Food was my constant best friend. Like many others I used food for everything: to celebrate, to console myself, to distract myself.


Wow that was said so well! I was exactly the same way before raw. My thoughts were always consumed with food and what I was going to eat next and a lot of my experiences were the same way. I also lived to eat instead of eating to live! I wonder if this had to do with my life not being what I wanted it to be. I was pretty unhappy and I turned to food as my best friend. I thought it brought me happiness (but it was only temporary and always left me feeling worse in the end). Humm - more self revelation.

[Morn]

I guess what I am trying to say is, for those of us, who have a food addiction, the process may take a little longer. We are working to put in balance our physical, spiritual and mental. This is not an easy task. Namaste'
Sweet Pepper


This is so true! I have been out of balance for so long and it truely is a process that takes time. I am still trying to work things out about this way of eating. For me I know this is what I need to do right now and I am just taking it one step at a time. When I think about the possibility that I will have to be 100% raw for the rest of my life I get overwhelmed. I want to say I have committed to eating this way for life but something is holding me back from making that statement. All I know is the benefits I have seen and I don't want to go back. But if I can't have self control when I eat cooked food it isn't worth it. So right now I am committing to eating raw and I will continue to keep doing so!

[misslinda]

I think sometimes my PTSD sets in when I even see the term ED :o

My family is suprised I'm even alive. I spent 17 years of my life as a ED sufferer. Anorexia with bulimic tendencies. Prior to the onset, I started dieting as early as 3 years old I remember--I knew in my mind I was FAT at that age.

Finally discovered raw in 2004 and it's been lifechanging!!!!!



I LOVE YOU ALISSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[granolamama]

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I think sometimes it can be easier for me to share it online than the people who I meet face to face. I am sorry for all of you who are struggling still, but aren't you all so thankful to have been made aware of this superior way of eating?! Cassidy, yes, I am willing to write anything or say anything to add to your compilation. What do you want to know exactly? I will be thinking of ways raw food has helped; it's hard to put some of my ideas into words.
Morn, thank you for sharing. Forgive my computer illiteracy; I have not figured out how to quote yet. But, I wanted to ask who was it that you were listening to who first made you aware of raw cuisine? Just curious. I thought you might be interested in listening to a free download at nogreaterjoy.org. The free Romans download they have there was very helpful to me. Thousands have been freed of addiction after hearing this, including eating disorders.
I did want to add one more thought. In addition to raw food as healing to ED's and depression, children are also very theraputic. Having children for me took more and more of the focus off of me and my shortcomings. I stay so busy trying to give my kids the best life possible that I don't have to think about the things that really trigger me. My ED was extremely self-absorbed.
When I read all of your stories, I understand where every one of you is coming from! I wish you all the best in your recoveries from all of this icky stuff. You can all do it!!!

[granolamama]

Morn, I have a question for you. How did you get to the point where you didn't use food for those things? I made it almost 3 days raw a few days ago and then somehow the cravings got to me. It was like I didn't have enough wilpower. Did you go through anything like that at first, or maybe your mindframe and the way you think of this is different. Right now I am trying to change my mind so that I don't feel so deprived. But maybe that feeling doesn't go away? Just a couple currious questions to a 4 monther ;)



I wanted to say that I understand that feeling. Like, food is so comforting, you know. And it is so readily available here in America, the land of the wealthy and sick! My cravings usually hit in the evenings, and it's like I could not relax until I had eaten something I didn't need. You can try doing something non-food that you love. This is what I do. I love taking a bath or taking time to light a candle or essential oils and read a good book. Put on some calming music. Make a mental note of how good you feel when you are in control of your carvings, and call on that thought when the craving hits. We need to learn to calm ourselves without food or deprivation of food. When I have been faithful to my healthful eating, the cravings do go away!!! Unfortunately the rut is very, very deep; and you can expect the temptation to fall back into it. So we need to always be strong, although I have not totally figured that one out yet. :)

[cassidy]

Granolamamma and others who might be interested:
I love it when posts like this pop up... they are very inspiring.

What I am doing is puting together stories and testimonies as to how raw has helped people overcome or better cope with eating disorders. I know for me it is the only thing that has helped.... no cured my ED.
I think that there is a much bigger food/mood connection then therapists, doctors and self help books would like to tell a patient. They would like us to believe that ALL food is OK and that ED's arn't about the food - they are about food being used to evade problems. I absolutely believe that we do use food, restricting, purgin...etc. as a way to evade problems and numb out. However, as you all have realized in the process of going raw AND dealing with your ED's, the connection is much to strong to ignore. How do you explain those of us who simply say good by to an eating disorder that we've dragged around for decades by merely changing our diet?

Raw gives us freedom to confront our emotions, to not worry about weight (as much :rolleyes: )..... to enjoy life with food as a part of it.


I want to compile as many testimonies as I can and possibly some day... put a little book together.

So what I would like to know, in general, is:
What types of foods were/are your triggers?
Have you found that you are actually allergic to some of your trigger foods? ex) dairy? wheat/gluten?
Why you believe you have an eating disorder?
How did you see your eating disorder before raw?
How has raw helped you overcome or cope?
Have you found that becoming raw has helped you confront some of the emotions that you had been avoiding?
How has raw changed your life for the better?
How do you see your eating disorder now?
How would you compare your self esteem now to how you saw yourself before raw? Self love? Love for others? Negativity? Energy? Depression? Anxiety?.... etc

Anything, really would help. Anything you think would be pertinent to my goal would be much appreciated.
Advice or critism welcome as well!


Thanks again!

[dreamrawalwz]

So what I would like to know, in general, is:
What types of foods were/are your triggers? anything steamed/cooked, even if it is just vegetables and brown rice
Have you found that you are actually allergic to some of your trigger foods? ex) dairy? wheat/gluten? yes. I'm allergic and intolerant to: soy, all grains, all nuts (except walnuts), all seeds (except pumpkin), sugar, dairy, egg, corn, and I react to meats b/c they eat corn/wheat. Recently I reacted violently to oats, so I believe I now have a gluten intolerance
Why you believe you have an eating disorder? Started wtih depression and spiraled down from there. Now I still have it mostly for emotional reasons. Never really was for weight loss and deep down I knew that, but on the surface it seemed like it.
How did you see your eating disorder before raw? I didn't think of health at all and have an "i don't care what it's doing to my body" attitude. I just figured I'd be like this the rest of my life. I didn't see any way out.
How has raw helped you overcome or cope? Oh yea! When I'm raw I actually feel "recovered" even within a few DAYS. I still have things mentally and emotionally to work through, but it's SO much more clear. The ED isn't in the way and I'm able to focus on ME.
Have you found that becoming raw has helped you confront some of the emotions that you had been avoiding? As I briefly mentioned above, yes. The brain fog is lifted as well as depression. The ED thoughts aren't constantly overwhelming me and I'm able to cope with the emotional issues.
How has raw changed your life for the better? definitely yes
How do you see your eating disorder now? Well, now that I know there is a way out and I don't have to be stuck in this vicious cycle I just need to stick with raw. I have a glimmer of hope. While I'm raw I see how it harmed my body and want to continue to make it healthy. I hope that one day it'll repair what I damaged internally because of the eating disorder. I want to be healthy and strong while I'm raw (thats my mindset) instead of sick, frail, and ill (my mindest on cooked).
How would you compare your self esteem now to how you saw yourself before raw? Self love? Love for others? Negativity? Energy? Depression? Anxiety?.... etc On cooked I focused on others. I loved helping others. There is nothing wrong with helping others and I do that on raw as well, but the problem on cooked is I ONLY focused on others. I didn't take time out for ME. I didn't care about myself enough to do so. I wanted to keep my mind focused on ANYTHING but the issues at hand. I was severely depressed, had extreme anxiety, as well as other issues while on cooked as well. Once I went raw the depression was a HUGE relieve to be gone a huge amount in comparison, as well as the anxiety. I want to be strong and healthy and focus on me. I need to care for myself before I can truely help others with all of me present. Hmm, on cooked I'm snippy, irritable, and want to be so isolated and never see anyone. Cooked I smile and laugh a lot more, which is a nice change. Sometimes foreign.

I hope this helps

[Ariannah]

I'd been through many eating disorders in my life. Bulimia, anorexia, but the compulsive overeating, and bingeing were harder to let go of. But through perseverance, prayer, patience, and a desire to get that monkey off my back, I eventually got rid of all unhealthy practices except overeating - often on foods not fit for human consumption (think, at the parties, what they serve, yah that stuff)

Enter Raw: My body is now getting real food. Our bodies are instinctive and fight for what they need. Since I am giving myself raw, ripe, whole foods, there's no "fight" going on. I'm in every respect happy and content.

[cassidy]

Dreamraw - Thank you (again :) ) for you honest answers. Yes, testimonies like yours will help so much!

[granolamama]

Cassidy, here you go, and best wishes with your book.



Raw gives us freedom to confront our emotions, to not worry about weight (as much :rolleyes: )..... to enjoy life with food as a part of it.




So what I would like to know, in general, is:
What types of foods were/are your triggers? Dessert, buttery breads
Have you found that you are actually allergic to some of your trigger foods? ex) dairy? wheat/gluten? no
Why you believe you have an eating disorder? I did not know I had an eating disorder until I read in a book what the symptoms were, and I had all of them. I just thought I wsa a fat person who had to focus on dieting alot in order not to be fat.
How did you see your eating disorder before raw? I wanted to overcome it, but I really didn't deep down. I couldn't focus enough to muster up the will power to change. Everything was too fuzzy in my thoughts.
How has raw helped you overcome or cope? It has filled my body up for the first time in my life. I feel full and satisfied. My body is saturated with nutrients; therefore my mind can be clear to think properly.
Have you found that becoming raw has helped you confront some of the emotions that you had been avoiding? I suppose...I would have to think a long time on that one...
How has raw changed your life for the better? I am living "in the moment" more and am able to spend my time much more efficiently. I accually enjoy life and can go to a social function and not hate myself the whole time.
How do you see your eating disorder now? It is something of the past, but I know I must be on my guard. I have only felt tempted to fall back about three times this year, but each time, my thinking is clear, so I can make wise choices.
How would you compare your self esteem now to how you saw yourself before raw? I am accually more humble. Before I always was trying to be the best. Now I have realized that I am not the best, and will never be the best and should not measure my self worth by how I look or what I can do. Self love? Love for others? I think about others more. This is where healing starts. Focus on someone else, and you will start to heal. This is my beleif that children are very helpful for a depressed person, because children require you to look to their interest rather than your own best interest. Negativity? Sometimes it is there, but when t comes, I don't dwell on it. Energy? An alltime high. Depression? There only a little, but if I were more consistently raw, it would be less. Anxiety? not a problem.... etc

[christiahall]

Its nice to meet you Granolamama. Thanks for starting this touching thread! I didn't have an eating disorder that would be classified by people that eat the Standard American Diet, but I realized that I was so emotionally addicted to food that I am still, after 26 days of raw, trying to figure out how to have a good time with my friends and family, and in any other situation, without it involving junk food. I know to some degree its normal to develop a culture and society around food, but I just took it too far. If I hear about a social gathering, I first think: I wonder what food is going to be there. If I go out with a friend, I want to go out and get food. Really all I cared about was eating. Now... I am trying to find myself and my life in a world that doesn't involve food. And that is only made possible because most people are eating things that I won't eat. If everyone ate raw food, I'm sure this would become an issue again. Emotional eating is so hard to get over! Bored, frusterated, depressed, happy, thinking, relaxing, or wanting to have fun... I used food.

[cassidy]

Granolamama ~
Thank you so very much for you honest words! Isn't that interesting that you didn't know you had a "problem" until someone (or something in your case) told you? Eating disorder can be a scary and sometimes embarassing label.
I'm so glad raw has helped you and you are in a better place.
By the way, you are so right about children helping. They are perfect little being that bring light into any situation... even when they are screaming, whining etc. I know my daughter has showed me the true meaning of selflessness and love... and for that I will be FOREVER greatful!

[freedomfighter]

Hi, this is my first post at this site and on this thread. I'm excited to be here and found my experience of reading all your posts on eating disorders kind of like coming home.

I've just started eating raw in the last 4 -5 weeks and am excited and a little overwhelmed by it too.

I am struggling with, (that's the mild version) severe depression and have all my life dealt with a compulsive eating disorder as well. I'm 70 lbs overweight with health issues that I'm too tired at 2:15 am to even think about much less write about.

I look forward to sharing more with all of you and getting to know you better as we move forward one day at a time in this journey that we are all on.

I'm thanking God for this connection that I'm making and look forward to coming back here soon to chat with you all.

Thanks for being here!

[Morn]

Morn, thank you for sharing. Forgive my computer illiteracy; I have not figured out how to quote yet. But, I wanted to ask who was it that you were listening to who first made you aware of raw cuisine? Just curious. I thought you might be interested in listening to a free download at nogreaterjoy.org. The free Romans download they have there was very helpful to me. Thousands have been freed of addiction after hearing this, including eating disorders.

It was a local pastor that has a prayer ministry line early in the morning. I get off work early in the morning and he was on the radio. I called in and asked for prayer. His name is George Bogel. He ministers out of a church that is in Detroit. It is interesting that after he prayed for me (the same morning I found Alyssa's web site). However, I didn't do anything until 2 weeks afterward. I ate the same way as I normally did and then decided to jump in feet first thinking I would try it for 30 days. In 9 days I will be raw for 5 months. Anyway thanks for the link, I will check it out.

[Morn]

Welcome Freedom fighter - I am glad you are here! Also 4 to 5 weeks raw that is great! You are on the right path! I am glad you have included us in your journey! :)

[cassidy]

Your story gave me the chills!

[Springtime]

hi

I'm all new here, have been posting and reading for a few days now. I'm doing as much raw as possible, even though I'm not sure how many %. Just sort of trying it out.

So I see this thread, and read all thes inspiring, tragic, hopeful stories, and I once again get the feeling that raw is the thing for me.

I have never been diagonosed with an ED, but I've had a very complicated relationship to food all my life. Someone here wrote they started "dieting" aged 3, and I can really relate to that. I've always been extremley aware of what I've eaten, and had a time when I was 13-14 when I barley ate at all, and was deeply into my dancing. I was never dangerously thin on the outside, which also has always been a thing. I've always felt as if I'm not allowed to feel this way about food/EDs since I don't have ribcages poping out like claws.
Still I think about my body like "that" every day. Some days I can not even look into the mirror, some days I love myself. Those days come more often now when I move around dancing/acting in a very uplifing, non-demanding way.
I still consider myself to be recovering.

When I think about going raw I think that there's a world where food is something that heals, not harms. I feel very attracted to that thought.
But at the same time (as I've said in another post) I'm worried that this fascination might be the ED coming back again, reading about loosing weight and all. And I'm so desperate not to get back into that again. Thank fucking shithole (sorry).

I will keep reading about healing foods, maybe one day commiting to 100% raw.

love
/rebs

[Raisingplenty]

I know this is an old thread but one close to my heart! I have suffered from bulimia for the last 12 years. I have had mild success here and there with different things over the last 2 years and I am excited to be at this point. I think the biggest breakthrough regarding raw food is comfort. I find EXTREME comfort in the fact that I know that what I am putting into my body is GREAT for me because it is the closest to nature as possible. So, if I gain weight, then obviously I needed it. As long as I am healthy and energetic, it's "ok". If I overeat, then I overeat. Besides, these bodies of ours will ALL pass away one day so to fret about what they look like right now just seems silly. Now, I am not saying that using food, even raw food, as an emotional outlet is good. I do believe that we should always look to our motives and change/grow. However, it will take time and we don't have to freak out over eating too many nuts or carrots. I hope I come across okay, sorry if I have offended anyone!
P.S. It's so much easier to thank God for an apple rather than a subway sandwich!
Crystal

[MSV3GG3]

Hi everyone! Thank you for sharing all of your testimonials. I too have suffered this for as long as I can remember. Just recently I began to see a therapist to help me beat through this ailment. But like already mentioned, this is in fact a very destructive and vicious cycle. I really don't want anything more than to break through this. I have such a crazy history with food and body image presented to me in such a negative light as a very young child. But I am not going to sit here and blame everyone else. I know our creator has a design for all of us and maybe the fact that I have to beat this is just a lesson for me to learn to become a stonger woman. At first I dreamed of having six pack abs, toned arms, and legs, look like a model. But a true model to me now is women like you... People who have fought or are fighting through this sickness. The remainder of this month I am going to fast- juice fast, eat raw... and really try to wean myself out of food addiction. I know many may frown upon this idea, a person with an eating disorder "fasting" But I am looking at this through many different lenses. I will become more intune with my spirit- recognize that i need food to live... not live for food... I also want to cut any of my cravings that have been setting me off lately.... I also want to decrease my apetite for JUNK! Physically I want to clean my body... I read somewhere where you have to have a clean body to have a clean mind... So I will be blogging my journey for the next few weeks about my experience... You all are very inspiring and am touched by reading through your posts.

Peace and Blessings
AURA

[Vivafree2]

I was affected by imbalance in my eating dieting overeating fasting cycle that i was hopeless untill i discovered raw. Slowly - SLOWLY - my balance is regained after trying everything what worked for others....
I am calmer, food is to be eaten and enjoyed, cravings are more undercontrol and so the emotions... my battle is still not finished but i am winning!!!

[chocoholic]

So what I would like to know, in general, is:
What types of foods were/are your triggers? chocolate, peanut butter
Have you found that you are actually allergic to some of your trigger foods? ex) dairy? wheat/gluten? NO
Why you believe you have an eating disorder? yes, I believe I have had some sort of unhealthy relationship with food since I was young. I spent a few months anorexic after quitting gymnastics in high school, then followed with years of overeating and psycho exersize.
How did you see your eating disorder before raw? it was taking over!
How has raw helped you overcome or cope? so far, yes
Have you found that becoming raw has helped you confront some of the emotions that you had been avoiding? not yet, but has allowed me to be more clear minded
How has raw changed your life for the better? I feel healthy and not out of control all the time
How do you see your eating disorder now? yes, but healing
How would you compare your self esteem now to how you saw yourself before raw? Self love? Love for others? Negativity? Energy? Depression? Anxiety?.... etc self esteme is climbing...

[stacyface]

i feel a little less alone. rawness slipped this month for me, and now i'vefallen hard. i've been bingeing and purging and starving everyday for a week...yikes! i've fallen into it again and i am lost and don't even know how to eat. i did go to 2 eating disorder groups and i am seeing a new therapist tomorrow. i gotta break the cycle. i know what makes me feel good: raw, exercise, sunshine...yet still sometimes i sink into depression and isolation and cling to the thing that hurts me and that is this awful eating disorder. sigh. i will pull myself out...i do NOT want to do this anymore...

[pamparred]

Stacyface, Fear of new things can make you return to harmful or addictive behavior. Even though you know it is harmful, it is a known quantity. You lose weight, start feeling good about yourself and suddenly you panic, what if you fail, what if you change and no one likes you, what if, what if. For me I run back to old destructive habits because I know how it feels, I know what the consequences will be; there is comfort in what you know. Sometimes even if it is for the best, changes can be very scarey. Hang in there, and with the help of this new therapist and all your friends here and out there, you will be able to make these changes. Have faith, it will work out.

[Betsy]

Before going raw, I ate huge quantities of food at one sitting. Now that I am eating all raw foods, my weight is literally falling off, and it is sorta scary to shed these extra layers of fat. The thing is, now that I am not eating cooked food, my body won't allow me to over eat to the point of gluttony. It's amazing how the body responds to raw food so differently then to cooked. It just keeps getting better.

[SuBu]

Betsy, I envy you. I can still overeat on raw. In fact, it's making me miserable--physically. Just when I thought I had this all under control, I find it is still with me. I have been raw since 7/07 and thought I was in control and eating healthily. Now I am fighting to stay raw every meal, dealing with awful cravings, and overeating even the good stuff. Whatever issues are hiding--they're making their presence known. I hope I get to the point where you are--and soon!

[Betsy]

Subu~ don't worry, it will happen for you. Just have faith. I never could overeat raw foods, even in the beginning. It was just cooked food that caused violent reactions to overeating. I mean, I can probably overeat raw, but not to the point of having it come back up. You know what I mean? Keep it up, though. Raw is healing no matter what the circumstances.

[SuBu]

Betsy--well, I've never been one to let any food come back up--hate that. But I have always abused laxatives, diuretics, enemas and am back to that since feeling so miserable.

[Betsy]

A small bit of the food would come back up while I was sleeping kind of. I don't know what that is called., It never did during my waking hours, thank God. Yeh, it's tough.

[SuBu]

According to Tim Allen that would be a "vurp"!!

[Betsy]

HA! LOL!! :rolleyes:

[krissyb]

MSV3GG3 You said in your post: "At first I dreamed of having six pack abs, toned arms, and legs, look like a model. But a true model to me now is women like you... People who have fought or are fighting through this sickness. The remainder of this month I am going to fast- juice fast, eat raw... and really try to wean myself out of food addiction. I know many may frown upon this idea, a person with an eating disorder "fasting" But I am looking at this through many different lenses. I will become more intune with my spirit- recognize that i need food to live... not live for food... I also want to cut any of my cravings that have been setting me off lately.... I also want to decrease my apetite for JUNK! Physically I want to clean my body... I read somewhere where you have to have a clean body to have a clean mind... So I will be blogging my journey for the next few weeks about my experience... You all are very inspiring and am touched by reading through your posts."

Wow, I was totally thinking the exact same thing, so when I read this it was oddly weird. I have struggled with a bad food realtionship since I can remember. I think it really started around 8 years old. I was bulimic starting at 15, and struggled with it off and on for a few years. But of coarse along with that was diet pills, a little bit of laxatives, restricted eating, I could go on, but you get the picture... I too always wanted aspired to have this body type, that no matter how skinny or how hard I tried just isn't genetically possible. Anyways, I would say I have done better the past couple years, however the emotional eating and depression still happens. I tried going raw, and failed after a few days. I have been under tremendous stress lately, and I just feel like a lot is falling apart for me. I was thinking of starting the Master Cleanse, to start off. But I didn't know if maybe that was a bad idea considering my eating problems. I thought it would help myself to become more intune with my spirit and mind just like MSV3GG3. It seems as if many of you have done very well just going 100% raw. I hoping to get some recommendations on where I should start. I'm getting desperate for some advice. Thank you for having this topic brought up and with all the advice!:)

[MiahTay]

MSV3GG3 You said in your post: "At first I dreamed of having six pack abs, toned arms, and legs, look like a model. But a true model to me now is women like you... People who have fought or are fighting through this sickness. The remainder of this month I am going to fast- juice fast, eat raw... and really try to wean myself out of food addiction. I know many may frown upon this idea, a person with an eating disorder "fasting" But I am looking at this through many different lenses. I will become more intune with my spirit- recognize that i need food to live... not live for food... I also want to cut any of my cravings that have been setting me off lately.... I also want to decrease my apetite for JUNK! Physically I want to clean my body... I read somewhere where you have to have a clean body to have a clean mind... So I will be blogging my journey for the next few weeks about my experience... You all are very inspiring and am touched by reading through your posts."

Wow, I was totally thinking the exact same thing, so when I read this it was oddly weird. I have struggled with a bad food realtionship since I can remember. I think it really started around 8 years old. I was bulimic starting at 15, and struggled with it off and on for a few years. But of coarse along with that was diet pills, a little bit of laxatives, restricted eating, I could go on, but you get the picture... I too always wanted aspired to have this body type, that no matter how skinny or how hard I tried just isn't genetically possible. Anyways, I would say I have done better the past couple years, however the emotional eating and depression still happens. I tried going raw, and failed after a few days. I have been under tremendous stress lately, and I just feel like a lot is falling apart for me. I was thinking of starting the Master Cleanse, to start off. But I didn't know if maybe that was a bad idea considering my eating problems. I thought it would help myself to become more intune with my spirit and mind just like MSV3GG3. It seems as if many of you have done very well just going 100% raw. I hoping to get some recommendations on where I should start. I'm getting desperate for some advice. Thank you for having this topic brought up and with all the advice!:)

Fasting is not usually the part those of us struggle with... it is coming OFF a fast. PLEASE seriously consider this and be honest with yourself about the reality of responsibly consuming food after you have gone without. My suggestion would be to enjoy raw foods, try new recipes, surround yourself with raw food literature and cookbooks. Learn how to eat first. I know this is just my opinion but you know yourself and remember the fast is not the problem ... it is after the fast.

Blessings,
Heather

[avolove]

Thank you for this thread! Sometimes it's good to know that I'm not alone, so much of my eating and not eating is secret. The shame of what I've done to myself and how I've let my eating control me is overwhelming. Since I was 6 years old I've felt fat/disgusting and through the years I've "discovered" ways to stay thin/acceptable. Before going raw I would only eat every 2 days and throw up much of what I did eat. It's a weird sense of control. The admiration of other women, all who claimed they wanted to be thin like me, was dangerously gratifying. I was living a total lie and in my heart felt envious of the women who wanted my 5'9" 120 lb body, knowing that my skinniness was totally false and they were real. Finding raw changed my life and most certainly saved it. At first, I'll admit, it was such a great pleasure to just eat and not get fat. I hadn't allowed myself food without shame or throwing it up for so long, just eating was pure joy. Now, almost a year later, being raw has released so many hidden emotions and false beliefs, I can say that I'm healing and mending those basic misconceptions. I still deal with those misguided thoughts and I certainly slip up. But I'm getting to a place that I know I need to be. I see that I am not just a body. I have more to give to the world and my family than my size 2 jeans. I see my past as being so sad, empty... truly pathetic. Now I can see beyond food. It's an awareness. Being raw provides me with the ability to see the futility of my out of control eating and my constant desire to be perfect. It shows me that food is something to feed our bodies, nothing else. I have become aware of my food addiction and the foods that trigger my crazy thinking and behaviors. It has taught me that food will never fill the void and being thin is not nearly as important as being happy and content. For so long happy and thin were synonymous terms, I now know they are not. It is subtle, but I have begun to feel the sun shining, hear my kids' laughter, feel my husband's hugs, see my future. Food and my obsession with it, is slowly moving to the back seat. I know that I will always deal with my "issues" and I'm okay knowing that I will need to be vigilant. I've made more progress and felt better over this past year of being raw than I ever would have imagined, and that gives me hope! I know I'm on the right track with raw and when I do slip up I am so happy that I know where to return to. It's quite a journey!!

[Elouet]

Thought I'd join in on the discussion...
I've had eating issues for a long time, like many of you. I was always chubby, when I was young my grandparents took me to exercise classes and such. It never really bothered me until middle school when I began feeling very uncomfortable and unhappy. I went vegetarian in 7th grade and started dieting in 8th. In the summer before I entered high school I was eating so little I was dizzy and occaisionally had heart palpitations. I continued to impress my personal trainer with my weight loss, and her encouragement made my happier than anything else. I denied for a year or so that I had any eating disorder, then finally began to admit to myself and take my therapist more seriously. Even when I began trying to resist these tendencies, I was subconsciously still controlling my intake and continued to lose weight. I started at 145 pounds in 8th grade and by sophomore year I was 95 lbs. My mother broke down and I finally started working as hard as possible to eat normally and put on weight. I started a mainly raw foods diet the summber after sophomore year and felt incredible. I spent that summer at a healthy 110 lbs without any effort to restrict and the next year I tried to keep as many raw foods in my diet as possible. The next year I gained to the point of discomfort and at the beginning of my senior year I had my first brush with bulimia. I am now struggling immensely and have gained nearly all the weight back that I lost. I am, needless to say, very unhappy. I never thought I would get back to this place and I can only pray that RAW will get me out of it.

[missvitreous]

I don't have an official diagnosis, but I do overeat/binge sometimes, and had a bout with eating very little at all. It all seems to be common in our society. I see it all the time in the dorm (I'm a college student). The funny thing is that it seems so normal, unless it's very extreme, enough so that people really notice. You'd think it would be easy for me to figure out why I do these things. It doesn't help that my mother has issues with food, and acts like it's all she has left to look forward to. Now I've got to recognize why I overeat. There's gotta be a sane way to eat, instead of starving/binging.

What has helped is experimenting with eating consciously and knowing that I can be more satisfied with less food. Seems a contradiction, but it's not. I still struggle though. I think it'll be helpful to find some activity to replace eating with, but I don't seem to be too interested in anything at the moment, except raw of course! :D I'll find something to do, never fear. We CAN do this. I think it comes down to having a compelling vision of the future we want to achieve, after going raw. Right now my vision of the future is a bit blurry, which doesn't help. And then there's emotional detox to be factored in. Anyway, here's my rambling post and hope it offers help and support. :o