brawdwaybaby
01-25-2007, 07:45 AM
Hi everybody! I've been lurking for about a week now and finally decided to sign up and tell you all a little bit about myself.
My name is Amanda, I'm 19 years old and live in Upstate New York. I'm not really sure where to start, because I've struggled with my weight and body issues since i can remember, but i guess it all took a humongous, giant free-falling leap for the worst about a year ago.
I went away to college ( In Cincinnati) in September 2005, and had a great time. I got along amazingly with my roommate, and i made friends quickly. By December, when i got back to school after christmas break, i got on the scale and it said 240 lbs. I had actually gained about 10-15 lbs. I was mortified. I stood there, standing on the scale, looking at that number and was numb. I had to do something.
I have always had issues with food, but i have never fit perfectly into any one category, but i was pretty much somewhere between COE and BED. So the next day I fasted, my plan was to fast for the weekend and then start with a modified diet of calorie cycling, i would have 200, then 400, then 600, then 800, and then go back down. I soon found that that led to binging for me, and ended up just restricting my calories to less than 800 a day. By the time i went home in march i weighed 220 pounds. I was feeling pretty good about my weightloss but new that i still had a very long way to go.
When i got back home in New York, it was like everything i had changed about my habbits was so much more difficult to stick to, because i was back in the same old environment that i had eaten and binged in for so long. I struggled for about a month, but then got back into the swing of my restriction, and in july actually moved in with my boyfriend.
by october i weighed 206. I was so **** close to being in the 190's, which was something so important to me. I struggled a little bit, and by thanksgiving i was around 213. And then i flipped out. Someone flipped a switch in my messed up brain that said, eh christmas is almost here, just wait until after christmas. And i didnt care what i was eating. But the problem was, even though i was eating 'normal' food that 'normal' people ate, i still felt like i was bingeing. I felt guility, and like i had to eat when no one was around. After christmas i struggled to get control back, but a month later I'm still struggling. Right now i weigh 223 pounds, and its almost painful to write this.
But then i saw a video by someone i watch often on youtube, and she said she was doing the raw diet. and something else happened in my head, except this time it was more of a 'ding' than a nightmarish howl.
it makes so much sense! I've always been kinda 'eh' about meat, not really eating it much at all, and always loving fresh fruit and vegetables. I knew its what i wanted and NEEDED to do to get myself out of this spiral that is going no where good.
So for the past week i've been about 75% raw, and i really want to get to 100%.
and erm.....thats about it i guess! :-P
sorry for the long winded intro....hehe
it will be nice getting to know you all!
Amanda
My name is Amanda, I'm 19 years old and live in Upstate New York. I'm not really sure where to start, because I've struggled with my weight and body issues since i can remember, but i guess it all took a humongous, giant free-falling leap for the worst about a year ago.
I went away to college ( In Cincinnati) in September 2005, and had a great time. I got along amazingly with my roommate, and i made friends quickly. By December, when i got back to school after christmas break, i got on the scale and it said 240 lbs. I had actually gained about 10-15 lbs. I was mortified. I stood there, standing on the scale, looking at that number and was numb. I had to do something.
I have always had issues with food, but i have never fit perfectly into any one category, but i was pretty much somewhere between COE and BED. So the next day I fasted, my plan was to fast for the weekend and then start with a modified diet of calorie cycling, i would have 200, then 400, then 600, then 800, and then go back down. I soon found that that led to binging for me, and ended up just restricting my calories to less than 800 a day. By the time i went home in march i weighed 220 pounds. I was feeling pretty good about my weightloss but new that i still had a very long way to go.
When i got back home in New York, it was like everything i had changed about my habbits was so much more difficult to stick to, because i was back in the same old environment that i had eaten and binged in for so long. I struggled for about a month, but then got back into the swing of my restriction, and in july actually moved in with my boyfriend.
by october i weighed 206. I was so **** close to being in the 190's, which was something so important to me. I struggled a little bit, and by thanksgiving i was around 213. And then i flipped out. Someone flipped a switch in my messed up brain that said, eh christmas is almost here, just wait until after christmas. And i didnt care what i was eating. But the problem was, even though i was eating 'normal' food that 'normal' people ate, i still felt like i was bingeing. I felt guility, and like i had to eat when no one was around. After christmas i struggled to get control back, but a month later I'm still struggling. Right now i weigh 223 pounds, and its almost painful to write this.
But then i saw a video by someone i watch often on youtube, and she said she was doing the raw diet. and something else happened in my head, except this time it was more of a 'ding' than a nightmarish howl.
it makes so much sense! I've always been kinda 'eh' about meat, not really eating it much at all, and always loving fresh fruit and vegetables. I knew its what i wanted and NEEDED to do to get myself out of this spiral that is going no where good.
So for the past week i've been about 75% raw, and i really want to get to 100%.
and erm.....thats about it i guess! :-P
sorry for the long winded intro....hehe
it will be nice getting to know you all!
Amanda