Watching my husband eats makes me sick.. Help..

[denisedeland]

I know this will sound really strange, but does anyone else have this problem? I am 100% RAW. My husband is not. He perfers to eat alot of fast food and junk food.. My problem is.. Watching him eat makes me sick to my stomach.. I can't help thinking about all the fat, and calories and carbs and all the unhealthy stuff that is in his food.. And he eats massive amounts.. For lunch he can go to McDonalds and order 2 quarter pounders with cheese meal and super size it.. And eat it all... And it really grosses me out. I can't eat after watching him eat this. So everyday we eat at different times because I can't stand to watch him eat. And then he asks me for help on how to lose weight... And after I tell him to stop eating that stuff and he needs to cut back on the amount he gets nasty about it.. I'm now at the point when he asks I tell him that he doesn't want my advice so don't bother asking.. My kids are starting to notice. They have started asking why I don't eat with them. I'm still using the excuse that I'm not feeling well. But I can't go on like this forever.

Denise

[Pailani]

I don't feel sick, but it does bother me to see what dh eats - all that butter! And then he thinks he needs to push it on the kids. But he doesn't ask for advice when he wants to lose weigh. He just starts fasting and eating one SAD meal a day - then, when the weight's off, he goes back to eating the way he did before.

So - I have no help for you, but I know what you're going through. Hopefully, some of the responses will help me, too. I have less of a problem with giving dh freedom to eat what he wants (partly because he's at work a lot and eats away from home!) but I hate seeing him setting up our kids to love food that's bad for them because of his sense that it's important for him to share the foods he loved as a kid with his own children, and it's important to share his favorite experiences with those he loves. He sees it as tradition and family togetherness, but all I can see is them struggling with weight issues as adults and inheriting the heart problem their grandfather had.

[BGVDiva]

Rent "Supersize Me" and watch it as a family. It's very entertaining and educational.

That movie changed me forever.

[garden granny]

My husband also eats fast food, hamburgers, hot dogs, etc., at home he'll eat steak, pizza, wings, lots of beer, twinkies, etc. He has absolutely no interest in anything I eat like salads, fruits, vegetables (all raw of course). Sometimes I can get him to taste something I've made, but that's about it. I think he believes his diet is ok because lucky for him - he's thin, I think if he were overweight it would be different. But, he's always been very thin. So, I eat my food, and he usually makes his own at home, and he eats at work because he is a restaurant manager. So, I realize that's just the way it is, and it's not gonna change. I don't let it bug me anymore. However, if I had young children, I would try to give them the most nutritious foods I could and not let them eat junk food. When my girls were little, I never bought hot dogs, and my kids never ate one - when they were adults - they tried them and hated them, and they to this day will not eat one. They don't eat in fast food restaurants either. I used to work all day and then come home and cook a healthy meal just about every night (I was a divorced/single mom). I have always been interested in a healthy lifestyle since I was a teenager. Anyway, just know you are not alone in this, and I'm sure there are many in the raw foods lifestyle who have spouses that are not.

[luckitri]

Yes and my dh smells bad from the kind of food he eats. Very unappetizing in a non-food way as well.

[Lunar*Fey]

I understand completely...only I am a teenager in a house of very SAD eaters. I hate sitting with them at the table....especially since that usually means slabs of animal caracass and disgusting things they call food. that sounds harsh but its really how I feel. They feed my poor three year old sister tons of crap. Her lunch might be a HUGE amount of highly processed cheese (sometimes like half a block almost) with ritz crackers and ham or something like that! disgraceful. My mom used to be reallllly into health...now she might have oatmeal for breakfast but she infests it with brown sugar and the like! then she eats crap all day long...cookies, ice cream, etc. I don't even think she realizes it, she used to be miss fruit, vegetables, and whole grains with small portions of meat a couple time a week...and junk food every once in a while. now? heh yeahhh right. she puts extra butter and cheese on everything and we barely ever used butter before! Sorry I am ranting but I fear for her as she is always sick and gained weight and has no energy :( I hate to see my loved ones suffer so from self induced behavior.
Like this morning...my brother ate 3 cinnamon buns, a rice krispy treat, and a couple of chips for breakfast! And my mom was totally fine with it! It just disgusts me....sorry if this makes anyone feel bad it has just been really worrying and bothering me. They think I am super extreme, but I think they are extreme too... no matter what I say they just take offense and get mad and say its just because I am "anorexic" or something :(

It makes me sad that they can do such things to their bodies, it makes me feel like they don't care about themselves at all...which doesn't set a very good example for me or my poor poor baby sister.

[Ariannah]

he's thin, I think if he were overweight it would be different. But, he's always been very thin.

There are so many people, too who think that because one is thin, then therefore there must be no reason to alter the diet. They can be guzzling down Maalox every night, but if they're thin, they must be eating the right way.

The media hypes it so much that they think that losing weight is the ultimate goal, to the exclusion of being the only goal.

Some members of my family are like that. I'm in a tough position in this respect, as far as weight is concerned, because my body still needs to release some weight. And the people who are thin, yet unhealthy think it's all about the weight.

So my own current weight is not a real 'testament' yet. But my energy and lack of chronic symptoms of fatigue, acid reflux, heartburn, depression, are a distant memory. I forget even having some things until someone mentions them.

I was wearing size 14 jeans last year after having been raw for 6 months, and that was the thinnest I had been since leaving high school. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to make the connection between going back on a "normal" diet, and my health issues and subsequent weight gain.

[DavidZaneMason]

You don't need to defend your behavior. Just tell your family you are "eating all fresh fruits and vegetables" to be healthy for them. They will understand. After that, just support THEM and the way they want to eat....and allow your example, health, and exuberance to be the example.

-Just my opinions.

-David Z. Mason

[Indi]

I found this difficult when i first went raw, especially as I was cooking the meals for them!
I think its such a huge change, it takes a little getting used to.
I know that my sense of smell improved, which made it even more difficult!

I was cooking veggie and vegan, but still hated watching them eat it!
I also resented destroying the beautiful organic produce by heating it.

As time passed, I started to include some of the food I ate into their diet.
(I didn't push it)
Eventually the family actually asked for raw chillies, curries and marinated mushrooms, burgers etc.

Two years on, I still cook for them but it does not bother me anymore.
we still share some RV dishes. The rest of the family have cooked rice, potatoes etc to accompany their raw dishes.

I know that my daughter eats fast food burgers (when out with her friends) but i dont have to watch that!

[BGVDiva]

I think he believes his diet is ok because lucky for him - he's thin

I have a dear friend who is tall, thin and very athletic but has a horrible diet consisting of mostly refined whites, whole milk, soda, meat and Mickey Dees. Every vegetable on his restaurant dinner plate that isn't a potato gets taken away by the waiter with his used napkin. :eek: He may "look" healthy on the outside, but his cholesterol and triglyceride numbers are through the roof! He is very unhealthy on the inside. He knows his diet is NOT ok for him, however, I haven't seen him change much of anything except to take cholesterol meds, but that doesn't do anything for his sky high triglycerides.

The best way for me to influence anyone is to be an example. I do notice my friend paying attention when I place my order at restaurants because it's almost always something not on the menu but always ends up being something that everyone comments on as being "beautiful" and healthy. Soon, he will start asking more questions, but for now, he's learning and he doesn't even realize it.

denisedeland, your DH is learning too, remember that. He probably really wants to make some changes. In my experience, men have two criteria for making life changes: 1) they must come up with the idea on their own (rather than jump onboard with your plan) and, 2) they must feel secure that they will not be publicly "outed" to friends and family until a level of success has been reached. He would much prefer to remain "under the radar" until the new plan is determined to be a success so there will be no chance of perceived failure.

To any men out there who might be offended by the above generalization, I apologize, however, in comparison, most women wear their hearts on their sleeve and have no problem climbing onboard a program we see working for someone else AND we usually tell everyone we know right up front that we are trying something new because we enjoy the level of accountability it affords us. We are just wired differently and, once we recognize the differences, we can not only embrace them but work within them to achieve the desired results. Which in your case, denisedeland, is better health for your DH and your family. Kudos to you for caring enough to share here.
Hopefully, working together we can not only better your world, but each others as well.

[Sharon in Colorado]

I understand where you are coming from and it is a challenge being around food that either makes you crave it, or makes you shudder. I also understand how much of a challenge it is to eat with the family. My own issue is timing - if I don't have something to eat with the family, they end up at the table without me and that's not good! My own solution is to have my food ready before theres, since it doesn't go hot or cold, it can sit there while I'm getting their food done.

If you have your own food ready to be eaten, then you should be enjoying your food and not have to be preoccupied with the smells or sights of other's food.

And if it still bothers you try this - surely there was a time when you enjoyed eating what he's eating now. Try to recapture that memory, so that when you smell it next time, you can enjoy the smell and just remember the positive about it. Of course you cannot change his path, he must do it on his own, but you can be supportive of what he does which shows your positivity and light.

[JinxieKat]

It is hard when your spouse is eating completely different from you. My hubby and I manage by making sure that we support the other in whatever they do. I support his hobbies and interests and he supports mine. Before I started on the raw path I always cooked for him, so I continue to do so as I feel that he will eat better if I do the cooking. If I left it to him who knows what he would eat *grin*
You may want to try giving your husband a different answer when he asks about loosing weight. Certianly raw is the ideal way to go, but not everyone can manage it. Next time he asks about weight refer him to a healthy cooked way to do so, like Weight Watchers. Sure WW isn't raw, though it can be, but it is a far cry better than what he is eating now. I firmly belive that the combination of researching better diets for my parrots and the awareness of better ways to eat that were taught to me by WW lead me to where I am now. It is all about steps along the path, raw is a hard place to start.. so start someplace less extreme and move along from there.

Hope that helps!

Jinx