raw changing relationships

[orayguno]

so... i think i saw a few threads awhile back about something like this when i was still very new to raw. and i don't think i completely understood it. however, i am finding more and more that being raw is changing my life in so many more ways then just dietary ways. i have been high raw for almost 2 years now and one of the things that has been just as dramatic as the physical transformation is my internal transformation. many of the ways i view the world and reality have shifted.

i find myself much more open and also much more aware of the impact i have outside of myself be it with people, environments, etc. i am also much more aware of the impact these things have on me and as a result many of my relationships are changing. there have been a few relationships that have had tremendous growth, however, most for the most part seem to have experienced some tension. it may sound elitist to say, but for lack of a better description, i seem to have a lower tolorance for people who are not "as conscious".

i'm not one of those people who goes out preaching and inflicting my views upon others. and i certainly don't mean to sound snotty, i just don't have any other way to describe it. as you can imagine this has caused some tension and distance between a few select friends and family members.

has anyone else had this experience? how do you handle it?

[sbaker]

i called my boyfriend white trash in haste. he made him and his 3 year old son hot dogs the other night....his son asked me if i liked them and i said no, and he asked me why and i guess i must have used a negative tone about it...and my boyfriend and i got into a tiff...leading to me calling him white trash:) i havent eaten meat since i was 11, but just thinking about putting that crap into your body makes me way more grossed out the more i read:) :D

[sevenbravo]

I had to really back off on how I judged how my extended family and the rest of the world eats. I was really turning into someone I didn't like. I don't want to be a food snob, but I have become one. I am now making a conscience effort to be more understanding and non judgemental of how others eat.

[girlsmiley]

I have several friends who have been watching my on my raw journey since I started (September 2006). They keep cheering me on and telling me what a good job I am doing and they "could never do that."

I don't *preach* to them yet I do share, and forward, information as I'm learning about it. Most of them see the sense in the information and agree that it is probably true. However, they continue to eat SAD. Oh, every so often they will go a few days and eat healthier and tell me how good they are feeling, and then they just go back to their old ways. I have "been there, done that, got the t-shirt" too.

And, I too, find myself seeming to lose my patience with them. I have a book by Victoria Boutenko, "12 Steps to Raw Foods" and she has a chapter in there about how to get along with SAD people. So, I just continue to love them where they are at and know that, in time, our friendships *may* change (either closer or further apart).

[JGex]

Maybe instead of calling it a SAD diet it should be changed to something more positive sounding so it doesn't bring negative connotations along with it.

I propose RAD - Regular American Diet.

Seriously, the one thing that always turns me off to anything that has a level of fanaticism to it are the fanatics themselves. I do not want to be that person. It's my right to choose any diet I want; it's others right to choose theirs.

Lead by example.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Live and let live.

[thevoyager]

while i don't think i'm less tolerant to those who lead an SAD lifestyle, i find myself often frustrated because the large majority of those i know who eat SAD are not tolerant to my eating and bash it extremely. it doesn't help that the majority of people i know thought it was absolutely insane when i would eat only vegetarian, and think plain old vegan is ridiculous.


it's really frustrating, they see it as such an obscure impossible thing that is REALLY unhealthy. and they're completely set in there ways.

[being]

I have definitely struggled with my family members.

First, they just rolled their eyes and thought it was just a "phase".
When I lost some weight, and started to feel super-energetic and wonderful and glowy, they began to question whether or not I had an eating disorder.

I found it difficult to go out for meals, or over to people's home with my family members for meals, or have a special meal or whatver.. If I stuck to my eating raw, I got harassed A LOT about protein, or calcium, or told I must have some MAJOR issues and shouldn't I go see a counsellor..

I learned the hard way, to stop struggling against them. I just eat what I want when I want, and try not to broadcast the fact, or mention it, or ask them to try something raw I made that's really yummy. The less they have had to deal with it, know about it, be aware of it... the better off I've been.

I was so excited at first and really wanted to share with them. And I had to finally accept that none of my family is ready to be open to something as different as raw food seems to be for them. It certainly took me awhile, but once I gave up on them, raw-wise, things have been easier.

Maybe one day they'll come to me and say, tell me more or I want to try, once they get to whatever point they need to get to.

There are tons of excellent and supportive people on this forum, and if I'm feeling a bit lost or frustrated, reading posts here or asking questions here, has helped fill the void of my lack of support in my day to day life :)

[BuddyLive]

JGex, I like that, the RAD diet. I think I will go with that from now on.

[trinity082482]

For me I have changed some of my views as well.

I personally don't crave cooked foods anymore. If I cheat and I had some.. honestly it doesnt excite me the way it used to. I used to be an over eater and going to an all you can eat would make me light up so much and I would rate it a 10/10 now.. maybe a 3 or 4... Im just meh. I rather eat something cold, fresh and flavourful.

Even being 1 week raw, I think how can that man mowing down on a grease dripping burger eat that? Of course.. I used to also. I remember late night orders to Mc donalds before bed. Those were the days.
Now watching people pig out on unhealthy food grosses me out. Even seeing someone eat healthy stir fry on white rice.. *vomit* I think Ive always enjoyed meat less, fresh options but never before thought to make it a 100% life style but I cant see my self ever going back.

My raw diet was supposed to be an 8-9 month trial to cure some aliments but I dont want to stop. :eek:

[misslinda]

I let go of making it a subject or topic. I quit reminding myself that "I am a raw foodist" If anyone around me discussed my diet, I would keep it brief and go on to other topics like weather,life,travel etc. I stopped judging people about what they ate etc......then I focused more on them as a person. :)

[TimmyC]

I think I know what you're talking about.

I'm just a beginner. My raw journey started in Sept of 05. I didn't handle a personal situaiton well and was off raw for awhile, although I still ate lots of fruits and veggies while off.

For me since 05, my worldview has turned almost upsidedown, but that's probably exagerating a little. I know a lot of it had to do with being raw, learning about healthy living, and actually living it. My awareness of the world and people is greater than ever before, and that has something to do with the internal change I'm sure.

When I was raw in the begining, I noticed this way for me was causing tension for others too. The subject always came up. And I was preaching mildly about raw for awhile not even knowing I was doing it. I was so excited about spreading the good news, but that got me nowhere fast with them.

My opinion is this. Being raw for me is turning out to be a very personal thing. I think being raw for anyone is, but that's for them to figure out. Ideally, I'd like to be an example that people are interested in because of an example raw lifestyle that I lead. Additionally I strive to help others understand when they have interest, that this is my choice for me, and reasons for doing it. It is not my desire to push, but rather to be their when there is interest to help others with their own journey.

I look at it like this. If I'm going to be an example, then I want people to feel invited to ask me questions or inquire. I want it to be easy for them. I try really hard to help people understand (when asked) that I am not a judge of what they do with their bodies. All of this and I know what people and society in general are doing when eating SAD. I used to be one. If people in the raw community looked down on me, then I probably wouldn't be here today.

I believe that most people are good and want to do good things including being healthy. Some will follow, some won't. That's their personal choice, and I'm ok with it. I will gladly associate with most of them, and be very happy to be associated with the followers too. This is how I can make an impact on the world.

TimmyC

[VeryBerry]

I also disagree with the term SAD. Very few people I know actually eat sad, they are not raw, but it is definetely not all junk food. I think using the term creates separation, as if anything that is cooked is SAD. Everyone's diet is different, people like diffrent foods. Who are we to judge enyone?

I try not to fall into this trap of feeing superior just because of diet. I did it when I was cooked vegan and ate tons of soy. Now I see how unhealthy that was and how silly this feeling of "moral superiority" really is.

[orayguno]

thank you all so much for taking the time to share your experiences...

timmy c. i think you made a great point noting the parallel between inter-personal relationships, intra-personal relationships, and relationships with food... it would make sense then that changing onces relationship with food would effect personal relationships.

and RAD... i like that:)

[Ariannah]

Sometimes just the state of being, though, can give off the impression that you're against the diet of someone else. The old "actions speak louder than words" adage can apply here, but it can scream things that are not even in your head.

I mean, if I go into a restaurant where everyone is eating their hamburgers and such, and I order a salad and water, the glaring difference can in and of itself appear to be an affront to their lifestyle.

Getting over this aspect of it has been the most difficult hurdle and rolling with it, has been the most daunting task to overcome. I'd have zero trouble with staying on raw were it not for the choices I am faced with, when dealing with other people. Other people don't "make me" eat cooked, but sometimes picking my battles has led me to choose it.

These were my choices, and the one who had to do the change of mindset was me, since clearly nobody else was applying for the job.

Our society has strong attachments to food, and what food means. One only has to turn on a tv set for a few minutes and they see certain types of food, primarily advertised as definitive for the Holiday Season...

My choice is this, I only want to eat simple foods, I choose simple fruits, and I also choose to have a good time with my friends. I'll say things now such as, "Wow, this house looks beautiful and festive." and focus on things other than the fact that I'm eating a bowl of grapes and they're eating shortbread cookies. It has taken my friends a LONG time to understand that my not accepting their cookies is not a slam on them, but I still love them and enjoy their company. They still struggle with it.

Changes in social dynamics are something that needs to be dealt with graciously. I wish it could be as simple as "Oh, you eat fruit and I eat steak? Cool, let's have lunch". They see my lack of partaking in steak, in and of itself, as a screaming statement that I think THEY should not be eating it. I don't even have to say a word to inadvertently give off that impression.

But being gracious to others is the key. Making it clear that it is something I want to do for my own good and my own health and wishes, is something that, when the topic comes up, is to be imparted. And it's an ongoing practice in interpersonal relationships.

[jaurequi]

Sometimes just the state of being, though, can give off the impression that you're against the diet of someone else. The old "actions speak louder than words" adage can apply here, but it can scream things that are not even in your head.

I mean, if I go into a restaurant where everyone is eating their hamburgers and such, and I order a salad and water, the glaring difference can in and of itself to be an affront to their lifestyle.

.

Yes, I see this often. It's very common with most people when they make drastic (or even not so drastic, just different) changes for themselves. Vegetarians and vegans experience the same "superior" judgment, even if they have no such belief.
The thing to remember is that it is their problem -- those who judge. There is nothing you can do and best not to try as hard as it may be.

It's a good thing to see you back here rawandnatural. I remember you were doing so well. Hopefully, it will be easy for you to ease back in :).

Best,

[Conscious Midwife]

i called my boyfriend white trash in haste. he made him and his 3 year old son hot dogs the other night....his son asked me if i liked them and i said no, and he asked me why and i guess i must have used a negative tone about it...and my boyfriend and i got into a tiff...leading to me calling him white trash:) i havent eaten meat since i was 11, but just thinking about putting that crap into your body makes me way more grossed out the more i read:) :D

Eeeeekkk :eek:

You so gotta mind your choice of words even when your frustration or disdain is justified.

The words we use with each other and especially our children can be just as MALNOURISHING and "gross" as the foods we consume.

TOXICITY is TOXICITY no matter what the medium

[sbaker]

i'm very honest. i have a different opinion on "words used". i feel keeping things taboo can make them more sensitive.

The world is toxic...we can not avoid that. If i sheltered the child from it..he would not have a tolerance for it when he was exposed. As for my boyfriend, he knows i wasnt SERIOUS. The nature of our relationship is one where we joke about it later.

I'm not sure about you..but holding in the toxins is worse than letting them out when im angry. I'm only human, and i say what i feel, my boyfriend respects me for that.

I guess there are other ways of communicating with each other and i feel judged. I was just illustrating a point about how feelings change toward food, with a story that i found amusing. Calling him white trash was extreme.... but it related to the subject post of how we view the people around us and the foods they eat now that we have knowledge of a new habit.

[Conscious Midwife]

sbaker
I guess the words "white trash", "three year old" and "negative tone" just caught me off guard.


OP's question
I find that during high raw to 100% raw periods I am more empathetic nurturing, perceptive and less distracted. I also notice tension and toxic energy more so or at least am more bothered by it, not enough to end a relationship but enough to exit the area, especially when folks are complaining and gossiping.

Melons and berries also make me feel more sensuous and sexy.

I like the "light" feeling of raw and the balanced in my blood sugar which helps to make me less irritable. :)

[sbaker]

Please dont misunderstand me, i didnt call the child white trash! The context of those words were very different.

and sadly even if he did hear it, it wouldnt be the first or the last place he heard that or anything else negative. and i hope im not the last place he hears the hot dog process/contents explained in a negative tone!

I fill the little guy with organic fruits and veggies, tolerance and a strong appreciation and awareness for every living creature, which far surpasses the exposure to evil things hes getting from his real mom.

For me to hide the fact that i get angry or say mean things at times would mislead him about human nature and i have enough faith in his maturity that he can handle it when im not mature.

bad words are only bad because we make them that way... and they are way more fun when we arent allowed to say them.

[PATH301]

misslinda I agree with your statement here:

I let go of making it a subject or topic. I quit reminding myself that "I am a raw foodist" If anyone around me discussed my diet, I would keep it brief and go on to other topics like weather,life,travel etc. I stopped judging people about what they ate etc......then I focused more on them as a person.
I was just in the gym yesterday. And somebody brought up the protein thing and I just stayed out of the argument about it.
Until they ask me about certain foods or eating habits, I usually focus on other topics like who they are as a person and what's going on in their life. It's much easier to deal with :D

[Missrawdiva]

I am glad you made this post. I too had a low tolerance for cooked food eaters, especially over weight cooked food eaters who take alot of meds and complain. I have gotten into arguements with my best friend over my diet. I have learned from this thread not to look at what the person eats, but the person. Thanks for bringing this up. Also, I am trying to find some other raw foodist in my area to became friends with,thinking maybe that is what I need at this time in my life.

[Davylp25]

IMO...

I think it has to do with deeper seated issues of how people relate to the DIFFERENT. Not just towards raw, but the 'raws' towards the 'sads' BOTH

Since school, the majority of people have a problem understanding or handling the DIFFERENT. In all aspects of life. People aren't very tolerant for the different things in life. Looks, beliefs,etc--- When you tell people about different ways of eating especially being raw... They react with the same ignorance that they may have in school, it never goes away. Theres always exceptions, people being open... But it's rare, when it happens and people are open, cherish it.

For me though, it's not about being RAW, it's about being conscious and awake, in all aspects of life. About what I consume, read, think, breath and yes -- eat. I know some people get back what they put out. Feeling better than the world. But I became conscious of the fact that when I first became raw, I was the most judgmental to the rest of the worlds eating and living habits, BECAUSE I was at the most judgmental stage towards myself, WHATS WITHIN WILL BE WITHOUT, and boy it was. The more judgmental I was with me, and DAVID, DONT EAT THIS, U CANT EAT THAT, DOGMA, BE 100% -BE 'PERFECT', DONT FAIL....that leaked into my views of the world and there choices.

But as the sun sets and this conscious living things settles and becomes so easy for me.. and my fears and judments decline for myself, they decline for others, Even if they still dont get WHAT IM ABOUT OR DO. That's fine. I wasn't always conscious of the things I do... I have been them in so many ways. Wether it be about someones food choices, or religion, or politics or clothing etc. I have been them in my past. So I have compassion, I have walked in there shoes. I have been asleep as well in my life. And if I dont like them for there intolerant views of my choices, why on earth would I do the same for theres?

Being conscious means I'm aware of my choices in this life. and what I consume etc etc. I know that being unconscious, your not aware of the choices you make, you are the victim of them so you become victimized. I have been there. Im not perfect. I have learned if you want compassion, be compassion even for the people who are so DIFFERENT FROM YOU. Why? because they just dont know, they are asleep. That doesn't make me better, just different.

But... haha... I laugh because when I tell people I'm raw, however that process comes, because I dont shout from the rooftops, Im getting very bored having to explain it, experiencing there shock, then reassuring them it's healthy, telling them all the great things u can make.

Raw is becoming such a conscious creating process of what I'm becoming that, soon I will be so secure in my food choices, I wont even explain. I will just BE the example...

But maannn, many times I wish just one person, one teeny person close to me was raw as well. Ahh the joy.. Oh well.

[JGex]

^^^^ Great.Post. ^^^^

[Davylp25]

Oh I forgot... Sawwy to be all holier than thou with 2 the posts. But I wanted to add this perspective of how my views have changed to maybe offer some guidance. I can see my self in many of the posts, so much. Especially when it comes to how we feel when we view people eating the food that we now have become conscious of what it actually can do to the beautiful earth vessel called the BODY.

When I would walk past the Carls Jr, Or the Mcd's etc and see people sitting by the windows, I 2 felt the disgust or slight judgement and the whole gross out effect of HOW CAN THEY EAT THAT.

But now as I think about it... I think about my father. Who about 4 years ago lost his battle with colon cancer. During his life he was always in the dark about his food choices, never ever conscious of them. Ate the Mcdonalds, the pizza, the fried foods etc. Until finally he was at work and he began to hemmorage down there, and had to be airlifted from his outta town job, or he would have died. Well after tests, the results were grim, and it was stage 4 and it spread to his liver. He had 1 or 2 years of life. In those years he had to have a colostomy bag. Which was the worst for him. It would break and he would fall to the ground bleeding. So now he had to just sit with all his choices and wait to die.... as his family gathered around him.

During this process of embracing death my dad, couldn't understand why God would do this to him. Why him? Why me? Me only being 20- 21 at the time, and being asleep in life myself I wondered the same.

Then as the process of death loomed, seeing the results of the choices he had made early in his life were devastating. To see this powerful man dissolve month by month into skin and bones, needing his young son to carry him up the stairs, is and was heartbreaking... until finally the day comes when his body starts to shut down one system, then the next, and the only sound he can make is the sound of his weezing breath. Hour after hour after hour... pieces of this once beautiful body says goodbye.....until finally it's over....

Now, thinking about my dad, it taught me a lot. It wasn't gods choice, it was my fathers. He made a choice, but because he was asleep in life, his choices were made in the dark. He couldn't really see the whole picture until the end was near and he said... If he could do it all again, he would do it all sooooo differently. So different.

So I write this because, now when I see these people in the windows of the carls jr's or the Mcdonalds, etc etc, I can see the old me and how I felt emotionally during those dark days, But I can also see my father when I see these people biting into there huge juicey burgers. I can almost see him as a young man eating that food, completely unaware of what will give birth from those toxins.... which means what will give birth from unconscious choices made in the darkness of sleeping while awake.

So I have a detached compassion for these people now... I know that they are chosing to live that way. But it's in the dark. Each one creates and walks there own path, and I have to accept that. I dont condone, or agree. But I have a detached compassion for them. Meaning, when I walk by those windows, and see them, I remember my dad and all the pain he went through, and that this could be a possible outcome for all these people who I once so harshley judged. But sometimes people need such HUGE things 2 wake them up, and no one can intervene until that person is ready with honest intention to change.

So maybe with this new perspective I got, that you all can see things a lil different and not judge nor condone, but have compassion from a distance for these people, because they are chosing a tough path to walk down...

Thats all....

Thanks dad for teaching me with your life.
Thanks you all for helping me remember!