View Full Version : what is WRONG with me?
12-10-2006, 12:59 AM
Ug...please forgive me for venting...and please be gentle with me with your responses (as you all normally are) as I am really in a delicate state right now...
I have picked up a serious amount of weight over the last several months due to some relationship problems with my mother and me just throwing my hands up and not caring about myself anymore. I long to be RAW, to be the kind of healthy, caring mom who can put her own health and the health of her children in front of other things in life that clearly should take a back seat in life, but I am failing miserably at this. I am so overwhelmed with life in general. I dont mean to say that I havent been IMMEASURABLY blessed in so many ways. I am so grateful for the people who have blessed my life, for the love and kindness that has come my way that I truly feel is because of God's love for me, but somehow I still feel like a failure, empty, sick of being chubby, sick of waking up with RAW goals and going to bed having sabotaged myself in that department. I want to do more in my life - dance, paint, spend time in the back yard on my trampolene with my girls, enjoy life outside the walls of my home, but I constantly am holding myself back from doing those things - things that are for me that dont involve working to support my family, cleaning, and doing things for others.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? ...and how can I change the course of my life?
12-10-2006, 01:19 AM
* wowsers *
hey there Raw-siobhan.........we've seen you go thru some pivotal changes in your life and most warmest admiration to your making sense of all this.
Why do you feel like a failure when this is going to be an [opportunity] for you to mend pieces of yourself together?
I think sometimes when we are at the "lowest" point in our lives, it's tempting to look at the world around us (they appear to be moving forward) when we, the ones going thru a "soul" moment, need to stay in one place in that swivel chair to work thru the most intimate parts of our selves.........
Do you feel like you are learning how to take care of yourself for the first time?
I believe that the self questioning is the best way to get the heart of the matter. Perhaps sometimes the not [knowing], is the answer.......
Why do you hold yourself back? What will a happen if you set out to do the things you want?
The weight gain...........my heart goes out to you...........only makes the situation more (((( stressful ))))) BUT know that it is changeable and doable so no worries.!!!!!!!...........everything in life changes........ that is one thing we cannot change. :)
Lots of radiating love,thoughts and memories
12-10-2006, 05:21 AM
The answer to your question is- nothing. You are human, it is human to feel like you do but luckily we are blessed with the ability to lift ourselves up to ever (k)new hights. As Miss Linda so wisely states, you are at a point where you have the posibility to lift yourself out of it. Hold on to the positive, you are beautiful and you have so many great gifts to share with your world! Sometimes we stand at the edge of the void and the only way forward is to jump. When that happens it is time to gather you courage, your hope and your dreams and then jump. It is a beautiful thing, to let go- spread your wings and soar! If you are not happy yourself, who will be happy for you?
Fly forever free- soar on those wings of yours!
12-10-2006, 09:47 AM
Hi Raw-Siobahn... It sounds like there is a LOT GOOD with you and who you are. And, from reading other posts of yours... you're clearly an intelligent and caring person. I can appreciate what you shared so much. ((hugs))
It sounds like you spend most of your focus and time sustaining a loving, secure life and home for your daughters. Which is wonderful... the love you have for them shows. They are lucky to have you as a Mom.
I don't know your situation with your Mom... but it does sound like a difficult relationship for you. Such a primary relationship can have impact on our emotions in deep ways. I don't know what will be the best for you with that. But, I am so moved by the incredible joy and love you express about your girls. It is beautiful... and I see that you are so wise about love... and capable creating more for them than you may have had.
You've shared things you want to add to your life... with healthy eating, art and other activities. I encourage you to take small successful steps... with gentleness for yourself. It doesn't have to be perfect... all or nothing. It can be a green smoothie for breakfast or fruit etc. It can be looking through an artbook at a bookstore. Or taking a few minutes to enjoy watching your girls on the trampoline. Or a simple creative project with your girls for Christmas. Simple things... positive small choices that you can feel good about... and add to as you feel comfortable and want to do more.
As a single Mom... you're probably very busy and at times tired. Be gentle with yourself. And, appreciate all that you're already doing well. Accepting and loving yourself is a gift you can give your girls, by example. When they see your self-approval and positive feelings... they'll learn to have more of that for themselves. And, when they see you taking some time for yourself... nurturing yourself with things you enjoy. They'll be more likely to do that for themselves along the way... and when they are Moms. We learn by example so often.
Just to mention, when I used to emotionally eat. A lot of it for me, was that it was 'how' I nurtured myself. I gave so much out... so little back in to renew myself. What helped me overcome that, was to discover new ways to give to myself... that appealed to my other senses... aromatherapy baths, homemade beauty treatments, art, dancing, meditation, sunshine... my creativity and vibrancy bloomed. And, in time I was naturally eating healthier... the better I felt, the easier it was to add more good things into my life.
Nurture your spirit, your joy, your creativity... celebrate and appreciate all that is GOOD with you and your girls today. And, add to that... as you can and want to. Small steps... bright joys...
12-10-2006, 09:58 AM
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? ...and how can I change the course of my life?
Not a darn thing is wrong with you and you can change the course of your life by focusing on at least 10 things daily that you appreciate. You can do this 2-3 times a day. Right now your are focusing on what you don't want. Appreciate what you do have and you'll have more of it. Question is ~ How much good can you stand?
12-10-2006, 10:47 AM
Go watch [The Secret] everyday until you do get it. It's a really good video about how to change your life, if you really want to? Forever young :cool:
12-10-2006, 06:16 PM
I appreciate all of your help...I will be working on figuring things out and taking your advice. Also, I really appreciate hearing your comments about me as a mom and person...stuff like that really goes a long way for me. It makes me feel needed and important to hear your positive opinions of me. Thank you so very much.
You can do this - If you don't believe it for yourself we will believe it for you! It is like Paul in the bible where he talks about doing the things he doesn't want to and not doing the things that he should. Like others have said you are human. Cut yourself some grace and rely on God's grace and strength. You or I or anyone for that matter cannot fight the fight alone. Just make up your mind and do it. Don't look back. My prayers go out to you!
Remember in 6 months our picture plan. Maybe that will help you get motivated. We are here for you!!!
Best to You!!
12-11-2006, 10:43 PM
Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself as you love others. You are doing THE most important job on this planet, raising little people. Identify small goals to work on. Remember it's the journey that counts. Remember all of the things that you do very well all the time. We so often focus on our so called short comings or failures rather than the hundreds of things that we do right all the time! :-)
All the best,
12-20-2006, 02:44 PM
Take heart my friend and don't be discouraged. This is only a season and this too shall pass. Your spring is just around the corner. I too feel frustrated and hurt in my relationship with my Mother so hopefully I can understand a bit. For me I feel rejected by her quite often and still at 37 years old find myself at times experiencing that same old hurt. I just have to remind myself if she was truly aware of how she made me feel, maybe she would change and we could have the relationship I long for. Then I remind myself I can find fullfilling strong connections with other women and can only change myself. I too have gone through seasons of discouragement with my weight and have struggled with it my whole life. I have only truly been successful with eating raw and just recently have come back to this "way of life". I started by quitting coffee..yee! Finally!...and headaches to boot. I began eating only fruit until lunchtime. Now I am mostly raw. I am doing my very best and that is simply all I can do.
You are doing your best right now too so Hang in there friend.
"Yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me" (John 16:32).
12-20-2006, 03:49 PM
Watch The Secret!
Watch it right now!
Go on... get yourself a smoothie, sit down, put your feet up, and treat yourself to a life-changing pep talk... do it... do it.. :D
Nothing's wrong with you. You're beautiful and strong.
We're with you!
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