Food Addiction, Bingeing, and High Water Content

[**jessireebob**]

Hi all,

I've been doing soooo vey much thinking and journaling since starting raw a week or so ago. I have a history of lots of eating problems, as well as some survivorship stuff, so I'm used to really *using* food to help me numb out. One of the things that I think I realised today is that when i am eating raw, and not allowing any cooked stuff, I feel really sloshy. Like I am full of water. Full feels real to me, maybe for the first time ever, and that watery, sloshy sensation feels really strange, and almost uncomfortable. But as soon as I eat something cooked (which for me tends to mean crackers or popcorn - sidenote I think I may be corn intolerant) the sloshy feeling instantly goes away and I am right back to wanting to eat and eat and eat. Which ultimately also leads to discomfort...

For years I have binged, mostly on cooked carbs and processed sugar, and the bingeing numbed me from my pain. Even made me physically numb, as I would eat until I felt ill, stop eating only long enough for the ill feeling to subside, and then eat again until I felt ill again. It was like I felt the sick feeling, but none of what lead up to it.

I know there are a number of folks on here who identify as having ED or being compulsive eater/food addicts. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this. The sloshy, watery feeling is so new to me. And I wonder if all along I simply wasn't feeling *fed* and that was why I kept eating? Is this what people mean when they say the food feels alive? It's like new physical sensations are being awakened in me as I eat like this. And along with them lots of emotional sensations as well.

Not sure why I feel the need to share this, as it's my experience and thats really all that matters. I shouldn't be looking for you guys to label it as "normal." But I guess I was wondering if this starts to subside? If it IS normal? If others have experienced this?

Thanks for any input you all feel comfortable sharing!

[Tamarind the Girl]

Greetings,

Thank you for your post! I think it is brave to open up and share about your various food issues. And from what I can tell from your post, you are trying to make sense of things for yourself so that you can figure out how to traverse the path, and NOT seek approval or a "normal" label. At least that is how I see it.

I joined this forum about a year ago but was unable to achieve more than a month raw at any time. The day would always come when I just *had* to have something cooked, something warm (or something sweet). Even if I got back on track the next day, in the back of my mind I would still think that I could do it again. And before I knew it, I'd be in the throes of eating all the SAD crap foods that got me to where I am -- overweight and unhappy.

I think it is crucial that you learn to deal with your emotions. I say that because the biggest reason for my lack of success with a raw food diet (even though at my core I believe it is right for me) is my inability to cope with emotions that come up once I'm no longer numbed by consuming excess food. I cannot relate directly with a "sloshing" feeling, but I feel so light and airy that I don't feel of the world anymore. It's hard to describe this feeling in words, but I feel very "otherworldly" and almost unhuman. I know that sounds nuts to read, but it's the only way I can describe the ungroundedness and nakedness. It's interesting and new to feel that at first, but after a while, I feel that there is not barrier between me and other people and me and the world. Numbing out with food has been the only barrier I know. So when it's gone, I don't know what to do with myself. Then, I end up blowing it.

I am in a space of desperation where I want more than anything to make this work for me. And I am starting to see that I may need to shake up other areas of my life to make it happen (work, etc.). I don't think there will be an easy way, and for people like us with past food issues or other traumas, it makes it even harder. I am here to support you in any way I can. And your post has really helped me. I have been looking at the forum for weeks but did not post until now. You said where I am, so I felt safe to speak up.

Best wishes.

[misslinda]

Double yes!!!


Welcome and the warmest wishes on your path to greatness!

I too experienced that "feeling" when I for the first time in a long time [ate] a whole raw meal. It was a physcial and mental/emotional revolution that took time to accept and be comfortable in......

You will not regret making this change and it sure is a nice feeling to crave wholesome food and feel [satisfied] for once in your life.

Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your [self].

:)

[free]

Welcome, glad you decided a healthy alternative.

Best wishes and raw success.

[**jessireebob**]

Thanks all for your comments! I actually felt a little silly after I posted that. I guess I was asking several different questions re: what I'm feeling, AND letting a little bit of my fears and past sneak into my post as well! It all came out in a jumble.

I'm getting used to the sloshy feeling. I think after the holidays are over, I'll be able to jump into raw without the weekly detours I've been having. Hopefully then I'll get past the watery feeling.

Tamarind, I'm glad that my post helped yu reach out. It sounds like you and I are in similar places. Wanting to make positive changes re: food and diet, but also realising that such changes necessarily lead to lots of changes in every other area of our lives. I really believe that every*body* is different. That things that work for some may not work for others. And something tells me this will work for me. I hope it does for you. Best of luck nd all the love and light possible to help you get through these difficult transitions.

Thanks Free and Misslinda for the welcome and the positive words. I will continue to push ahead and also try to be patient with my body and lal the new stuff it's feeling! Thanks again!