View Full Version : Concerned Pressure vs frustrated bystander...
12-06-2006, 03:53 AM
Advice needed: My wife is always sick with a host of issues ranging from Coilitus to possible MS. Everytime I mention alternative eating habits she becomes very angry. Since I recently went Raw I am hoping on eventually getting her to take an interest but I am afraid of even mentioning it.
She supports my going Raw but feels that this is one of my passing phases and I explain that I feel that every diet before this way of eating was just a path on the journey to my destination.
She just will not associate illness with bad health outside of prominet and obvious causes (such as e-coli). Every night I see her in pain and I am frustrated because when I try to show concern and mention eating differenly she becomes angry.
I am hoping by my actions and eventually evident changes she will want to consider this way of living for her own health benefit. How else can I encourage her to go Raw? I made strides by at least having her buy more Organic products. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance. :(
12-06-2006, 04:38 AM
Some people simply refuse to believe that what we eat can affect us. And with those people it seems there is nothing you can do or say to convince them. I am thinking of some people I know who have food allergies. They continue to eat those foods they are allergic to and continue to complain that they feel sick! Surely it couldn't be the food they are eating! No, no! Don't even suggest that! It's frustrating to be sure. Especially when they comment to you about how well you are doing, how great you are looking, etc. They can see that YOU have made an improvement but they can't fathom doing that themselves.
And with illness, especially frustrating illnesses that have symptoms but no diagnosis as of yet, the person suffering tends to cling to that which brings comfort. One of those things might be food. Or they might just be too mentally and physically exhausted to want to think about doing anything about it.
If I were you, I'd stop mentioning the diet to her. She may see it as nagging. When she is not feeling well, you can offer to make meals for her. Make her the raw food but don't tell her it is raw. Now of course some foods are obviously raw. But if you make something like RP's brownies or onion bread, people will not realize by the look or taste that they are raw.
That's really about all you can do. You can't change another person. Only they can change themselves. And they won't usually do this until they hit rock bottom or a light goes off in their head and they realize that what they've been doing isn't working for them. They have to WANT to change or they won't.
12-06-2006, 07:47 AM
I don't envy your position Tito - what a loving and dedicated husband you are. I have a good friend that has a similar health predicament as your wife. I have found that living by example, as you are doing now, is the best form of reluctant communication. She can't help but notice how well you are doing. If she wants to help herself (and please realize that there are many people out there who are not willing to take the steps to do so), she will eventually consider your new way of eating as a possible route to healing.
I wish for you patience, love, and understanding.
12-06-2006, 08:05 AM
God Bless you Tito. My DH suffers from some minor ailments such as heartburn, other digestion problems, now joint problems are starting to afflict him. I have been on a journey to 100% RAW for a little over a year now, and DH has always tried the foods I make, but NEVER wanted to go raw. His "new" joint problem is with his jaw, we're thinking TMJ, which others have said can only be treated with drugs. Well, when I asked DH if I could post the question to the board to see what others have said, HE AGREED! This is a MAJOR step. I know he is coming around...slowly, and without me preaching. Just encourage her to TRY what you eat (especially if you know it tastes good!) and let her eat what she wants. From time to time you can mention what you know about good health and eating right. That's just my opinion....
12-06-2006, 08:12 AM
Just keep doing what you are doing and setting an example and maybe soon by your example she will see the sense in it.
12-06-2006, 08:45 AM
You've got the right idea Tito! Your situation is frustrating - but encouraging! YOU will be a great example and success...and people will AUTOMATICALLY want to do what you are doing...so they too can be happy and successful. This is the formula that advertising uses to convince you to do negative things...and you can use it to demonstrate the positive!
-I would avoid labeling things as 'raw' at all! Just mention that you are eating more fruits and vegetables - which is true. Only offer advice / articles / experiences....to those who express an interest or ask polite questions. This applies ESPECIALLY to loved ones.
-Just my opinions.
-David Z. Mason
12-06-2006, 09:05 AM
Tito... would she drink fresh orange juice or carrot/apple if you made it? Not as a replacement to her meals necessarily, but just like "Hey honey, I made some fresh oj, would you like a glass?" and at least get some good stuff into her that way.
Another thing that might win her over are snacks kept around the house, like brownies and fudge mentioned earlier. Also, if you guys are in to ice cream (I know, it's winter) might try making the raw ice cream (frozen bananas, agave/honey, pecans).
There are some good pie recipes that have received many kudos, too. Apple pie, I think. I haven't tried it, but I remember seeing lots of YUM's about it.
Almond chai mylk is good, too, if you guys like chai stuff -- might be a way to reduce her dairy intake a bit.
My suggestion... keep doing raw for you, don't push her into it, but offer her a taste or helping of stuff you make that isn't "weird" to the SAD eater. If she says no, which she might a lot at first, then simply say "okay" and be done with it. To me, raw sweets are the best at winning over those who really have no desire for "that raw food stuff".
She supports you in your raw journey, so that's a start. :D
12-08-2006, 04:15 AM
Wow. I am very happy for all the advice. I am and will continue to be patient. It's just frustrating to see someone suffering in your immediate enviornment.
I am touched by all the replies and will definitely follow this advice.
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