View Full Version : Just a small vent
02-22-2005, 10:27 AM
My mom, who has been my inspiration and main guidance always in life is not being the support I need now :( She is now saying that I shouldn't cut dairy out of my kids diet because they are "too young". She says she would be OK with me feeding them raw organic milk but that they have to have dairy. She is my only babysitter at this time so I am kind of scared that she is gonna feed them milk and eggs and cheese and who knows what else every time she sees them, which would so delay my efforts.
The funny thing here is that directly after that she acknowledged that when we were young people had the same attitude about feeding me and my brother meat (we were vegetarian growing up).
I think the thing that makes me saddest is that she has always told me that she is impressed with how well I research things as a parent, so wouldn't you think she would give me some credit for having researched this too???
02-22-2005, 10:35 AM
Try not to let it get you down Spinducky! I know how frustrating it can be, though. I'd suggest sharing some info with her that you've found if you haven't already. Something like the www.notmilk.com website.
Also, I'm not sure what your children's ages are, but perhaps they will pollitely turn down any dairy she offers them. Would she simply offer it or actually try and force them to consume it?
But explain to her the reasons you don't give them dairy and that if calcium is her concern, share that very thorough list of calcium sources that was shared here by Caramba. Explain to her that we are the only species who consumes milk past the weaning age and the only ones to consume milk from another species when their milk is designed for their young as our milk is designed for our young. Just take her to notmilk.com and let her read for herself and if she won't, then let her know that you do not want your children having dairy and to please respect your wishes. Share with her what you shared here about how you always valued how much she respected you as a parent and the research you do, etc.
Hope it all works out for you!
02-22-2005, 10:37 AM
Ohh, sounds like a difficult thing to go through. I am sorry your mom isnt in your corner on this. I am sure it is only due to false information. Maybe you could print out some information and give it to her...asking her to please read it with an open mind?
Best wishes-hope it all works out!
02-22-2005, 10:37 AM
my first thought is that she had her turn to be a parent, now it is yours. YOU are their mother and YOU are the only one that should be able to dictate what they do/do not put into their mouths. she should respect your wishes. but, its not like you can say that to her. that would not be very nice.
maybe you could ask her to step back, follow your wishes and feed them raw and dairy free, and watch how they do for a month.....and THEN you two could talk about the effect it has had on your children - both positive and negative. a month is not long...my mom would go for that.
Sharon in Colorado
02-22-2005, 11:45 AM
I'll bet it would be effective for you to do a little research about how much calcium & protein is in milk, find a superior source of it and then let her know exactly how much *more* calcium they are getting through the alternate source. This way she knows for sure they they are getting nutrients. Because it really sounds like she is more concerned about them getting adequate nutrients more than just drinking cow's milk.
If you think about how much calcium is in the USDA guidelines and then sub almond milk, sesame milk, almonds, sesame treats (honey/sesame cookies) and greens that has got to convince mom that the calcium intake is more than adequate.
02-22-2005, 12:27 PM
Thanks guys :) I am going to print some info up for her right now (she is so not web-saavy).
I think a big reason it frustrates me is that she was the catalyst to my research. She reads Above Rubies magazine and is always talking about how one of the daughters is raw, she gave me "What the Bible says about healthy eating" which advocates a mostly raw diet, and my favorite cookbook was one she gave me when I got married (and one she used the whole time I was growing up called "Ten Talents" which is also mostly raw.
I think you are right, when she did her research back before I was born she decided that milk/eggs were important to the diet, so now she is worried that I am being too extreme for the kids.
02-22-2005, 01:27 PM
I can relate to the frustration! My mom (and M-I-L) both have concerns regarding my daughter's diet. Every time we talk they'll ask if she's raw and what's she's eating, as if I'm doing something wrong or harmful. I know that my mom has many hang-ups and mis-information that her doctors have been feeding her from way back when. I have sent her magazine articles or suggested different reading materials for her to read. Some of it she's taken the time to read, some of it gets tossed I'm sure. But I have learned to just engage in the conversations confidently and respectfully, that seems to have helped immensly. When I can quote my own research with accuracy and confidence, she usually listens. I try to remember what I used to believe and how long it took me to see the truth (at least my own personal truth). That helps me when all else fails and we hit an standstill. Best wishes!
02-22-2005, 01:47 PM
Sounds like your mom is really a great person, but just needs a little education.
I mean raising you vegetarian, babysitting your kids, how great of her.
And how great to grow up with that support.
She probably just needs some information to dispell all that "milk is good for you" stuff that the dairy industry has been force feeding us for years.
Just like the meat industry, and every other industry like pharmasuticals.
I think you are doing the right thing to print out some info for her, talk to her openly about your wishes, and truly thank her for caring enough about your children to want them to be healthy.
good luck with this,
02-22-2005, 09:10 PM
Small world...Above Rubies is such a small magazine, but I've met so many people that read it. My son's story was in it a while back, maybe a year ago. Nancy has asked me to update it with our raw food story, so I am considering doing that.
I don't know if your mother knows this or not, but Nancy's daughter just had another baby about two weeks ago. She is all raw, and the baby is the picture of health.
I agree with Shelly...try to remember the things you used to believe about health and how long it took you to change. Be confident, but don't waste energy arguing.
02-22-2005, 09:51 PM
That is so cool. Now I am gonna ask my mum if she has back issues so I can see your story :) I am really appreciating thier message of biblical simplicity lately.
02-22-2005, 11:23 PM
This sounds like my Mum too! (and DH on occasions) Look - IMHO dairy is some kind of poison! I only found this out in the last few months, I mean about the mucus forming properties of dairy. My kids & I are much healthier off it. I found Harvey Diamond's take on dairy in any of his Fit for Life books, very readable & very informative.
02-22-2005, 11:37 PM
I too am sorry that you are going through this. It is hard for me with my husband- he still brings home choco milk for the kids and I just get so mad like he isn't listening to me about how bad it is... I don't have an answer except to educate your mom on why you prefer not to give your children dairy- like Rawkin said-NotMilk.com is a great start...
Good luck to you...
Sharon in Colorado
02-23-2005, 09:08 AM
You can make your daughter almond milk with carob in it. She would get a ton of calcium that way!
I was looking through my calorie, fat and carb counter under the calcium section and it said that carob flour was really high in calcium. Imagine that. Then I found this:
Week of January 1, 2005: Carob (St. John's Bread)
Carob is native to the Mediterranean regions but cultivated in other warm climates. The large red pods have been used for food for animal and man since prehistoric times. The pods and their extracted content have numerous common names: locust bean gum and St. John's Bread. The name of St. John's Bread came from the belief that they may have been the "locust" eaten by John the Baptist in the wilderness for 40 days (Mark 1:6). It has been claimed that the seeds were the origin of the carat, the measure of weight for precious jewels and metals.
100 grams of the edible portion of the carob pod (about a cup of the entire pod, minus the seeds) contains 352 mg of calcium, making carob one of the richest nonmeat calcium sources. Using the same volume compared to milk (considered a good source of calcium) carob is nearly three times richer in calcium. Carob is also a good source of B vitamins, though not a complete protein.
The pods can be eaten (spit out the seeds). The pods can be cracked and the seeds removed then ground into a flour, which can be added to bread and pasty recipes or blended into liquids like rice or soy milk.
Throughout southern California and the Southwest, there are tens of thousands of carob trees, mostly along streets and in parks. The brown leathery pods ripen from September through February.
02-23-2005, 01:53 PM
Since you said a little vent - that is what it is - pray and ask for the necessary guidance to allow you to talk to you Mom without being offended. She, as many have said are a product of the early vegetarian diets, and may have even grown up doing the time, where there were serious defiencies from calcium - I know I did.
Share samples of things that you have made with her to show her the flavor and also as suggested the calcium. Another note: Sesame Seeds make a great milk and are extremly high in calcium.
I too receive Above Rubies - it is a small world :)
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