How do you do all this?????

[MarciRoundtheWorld]

I must be the single most incompetent mother in the world!

How do you all (especially you fellow homeschoolers) find the time to do everything you do? Homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, AND create fun raw dishes for your kids????

I homeschool and I take language class and workout (usually while my girls are taking a lesson). Yet, I just don't have it in me to be creative with raw foods for them. I don't even have to clean my own house! When I do make something from a raw cookbook, my kids don't eat it. That makes me mad. I guess they just want it simple, huh?

Okay, I am going to hire a cook (don't get too excited, I live in Indonesia where a cook costs about $150/month full time). I am going to find someone to make fun stuff and keep us all on track. Actually, I hired someone who was to start today and she didn't show up. I'm frustrated, can you tell?

I just needed to vent and to find out, exactly, how you moms do it. HELP ME!

[spicyfull]

I am at a loss for words.........That's right, you said you just wanted to Vent...Okay......NOW......GET ME A COOK FOR $150 A MONTH and A MAID WHILE YOU ARE AT IT...........Thanks....

[juliebove]

Well, I don't home school nor would I do that. It just wouldn't work with my daughter. She's an only child and sometimes she and I are like oil and water when working together.

My house is not perfect and I don't care. I do believe that I should not be the one to do all the housework. My husband is pretty much a lost cause. If he does do something he manages to cause additional problems in doing it. I'm sure that's done on purpose so I won't ask him to do things. But since he's an adult there's not much I can do to change that. My daughter is another matter. If she makes a mess she must clean it up. She must also help with the food preparation, dishes, laundry, etc., when I need the help.

My daughter does eat some raw food but is not totally raw. Neither is my husband. And neither of them like creative food. Yes, sometimes my daughter likes those vegetables or fruit made into cute little animals and such. She likes the way they look. But she won't eat them. So I don't make them except for things like parties where they are mainly used as decorations. I mainly try to concentrate on things they will eat. I sometimes make different things for myself.

I wouldn't want a cook. I like preparing my own food.

[Hitomi]

Oh, Indonesia must be a raw food paradise!!! With the abundance of fresh ripe fruits you need not do any 'cooking' - just eat the fruits and nuts! The biggest thing to do would be making nut milks and fresh juices.
I must confess I am a bit jelous because it is winter now where I live ;)

[RawMamaLee]

I also homeschool and know what you mean about not having the time. I homeschool my 3, plus 2 I babysit. I am still new at raw but I tell you what I do raw or cooked, I include the children in as much as I can. They love it!

They do have their regualr chores--make beds, pick up their rooms, the playroom, feed their pets and wipe down the potties and sinks and days end. But I am also including them more and more in the kitchen now and they love it!!

They like to set the table, help make the meals, help plan the meals etc. I let each one pick a couple meals each week then they get to help in the prep--and clean up-- of the food. They can use a dull table knife to slice things (these knives won't slice their little fingers!). They can wash vegis and fruit, arrange pretty things on platters, mix things with their hands and put on dehydrater etc. They get to spend time with me individually, have fun with mom and get the reward of a nummy meal they made (not that mommy helps -TeeHee). Even my babysitting kids love to help with lunch. They always ask if it is their day. So cute.

Try to include them in all you do. They can do so much. Have them sort socks, do windows (with only cleaners that won't sting in eyes etc), set tables etc. Put on some fun music and do things together. Your work load will lighten, they will love helping, they learn so much and things get done more quickly.

Hope this helps.

[raw-siobhan]

I am a divorced mom with three little girls. My oldest is really up for the raw challenge, but for the last 11 years she has been indoctrinated with the SAD way of life so it is hard to break old habits...same for me. My two younger ones wont touch anything that looks ugly...so that leaves me kind of stuck. The smoothies will work most of the time with them, but they are turning their noses up at most everything now...it is a big struggle.

You couldnt possibly be the most incompetent mom in the world!!! You just feel like it...and frankly that offers me a bit of comfort because I FEEL LIKE THE MOST INCOMPETENT MOM IN THE WORLD! The only thing I can tell myself and honestly believe is that some day my house will be clean the way I like it and my food wont be scoffed at because I will be making for only myself. Our kids will only be young for a period of time and before we know it our homes will be empty...AND CLEAN!!!!

[RawMamaLee]

I think it must be a three way tie for Incompotence. I am WAY up there on the scale these days too. One of the beautiful things about children is that they are so loving and forgiving. When I blow it, they still love me, give me a smile, forget it and move on. It is a beautiful thing. Now that isn't an excuse for me to a bad mommy but it is sure wonderful, especially on the PMS days.

I love having mine little and dread the day when they will be old, my house will be clean and I will be cooking for myself. How sad :-( If we could just keep them little forever. Maybe for now, I can try to enjoy messes, think of them as a blessing for having children. I am not there yet but I will try.

As for meals, it is very frustrating when you make things and they all look at you with that "what is this" look. Again, I guess some day I shall miss that so I will try to smile at it today.

Hmmmm.....I have a long way to go. Guess it is that incomptence thing.

[raw-siobhan]

It came to me like a flash of light...

It is the mommy gene...along with that gene comes self-criticism, desire to be perfect with the sickening realization that is IMPOSSIBLE, and the deep desire to do right by our kids...knowing all the while that, too, is not 100% possible...but of all genes I am glad I got that one because I am convinced it will bring great joy when my kids grow up to be happy, well-adjusted adults (crossing my fingers on that!) :)

[MarciRoundtheWorld]

It came to me like a flash of light...

It is the mommy gene...along with that gene comes self-criticism, desire to be perfect with the sickening realization that is IMPOSSIBLE, and the deep desire to do right by our kids...knowing all the while that, too, is not 100% possible...but of all genes I am glad I got that one because I am convinced it will bring great joy when my kids grow up to be happy, well-adjusted adults (crossing my fingers on that!) :)

That really struck a cord with me. I am so hard on myself. Not only do I expect myself to do things right with my kids, I also expect myself to be good at tennis after 2 lessons and to know how to speak Indonesian after 2 months. What's up with that? This is new to me as I didn't really had this trouble pre-kid.

[MarciRoundtheWorld]

Thanks, everyone. Thanks for letting me vent and your words of encouragement. I was frustrated. Some is probably adjusting to the move and new culture, the headaches of actually having housestaff, trying to homeschool and get the house ready, learn a language, deal with my daughter's rat bite, and the list goes on and on.

And, yes, hitomi, Indonesia is great for raw. Wanna visit?

Spicyfull - I'd get you a maid and cook (or one to do both) if I could. After I get them trained, it should be really nice. Yes, I fully admit to being incredibly spoiled (now, there are many, many headaches with having staff).

[goodbeets]

Having had food issues most of my life, I did not want to force any eating dogma on my kids. They are offered loads of fruit. We make fruit leather and raw cookies and smoothies. My youngest eats the most raw but I figure the more I am an example to them the more they will be interested. It is hard on me to cook meals for them and not eat any, sometimes I do, but we just eat very healthfully and between meals they are offered raw foods only. I also notice they are less interested in "gourmet" raw and love simple stuff (again fruits and salad). From what I read about long term raw fooders, that is what starts happening anyway, a gradual draw to simple meals. Do not feel guilty!!! Be proud that you are an example. Feeling bad is felt by your kids, too. Think about the improvements you have made and when they want to be more raw, they will do it, JUST LIKE YOU, MAMA!!!!!!!!

[goodbeets]

It came to me like a flash of light...

It is the mommy gene...along with that gene comes self-criticism, desire to be perfect with the sickening realization that is IMPOSSIBLE, and the deep desire to do right by our kids...knowing all the while that, too, is not 100% possible...but of all genes I am glad I got that one because I am convinced it will bring great joy when my kids grow up to be happy, well-adjusted adults (crossing my fingers on that!) :)
This is great!!!! Christiane Northrop, a women's Dr., said the greatest gift her mother gave her was NOT being perfect. As she herself got older and had a family, she never felt that she was supposed to be perfect. Hey, I am giving my kids the gift of load of imperfection to aspire to!!

[musicalfruit]

Rat Bite??

[caramba]

It came to me like a flash of light...

It is the mommy gene...along with that gene comes self-criticism, desire to be perfect with the sickening realization that is IMPOSSIBLE, and the deep desire to do right by our kids...knowing all the while that, too, is not 100% possible...

Totally agree with Siobhan. As Mums we need to be compassionate to ourselves and give up on trying to be "perfect" (we are all "perfect" in the way The Universe created us...it's our self talk that makes us "unperfect" as we travel down our paths of "learning")

If your kids are eating lots of gorgeous tropical fruit Marci, then that's raw enough for starters!

[RowanC]

What I remember about MY mother was that she worked full time and our house was so clean you could eat off the floors. Her weekends were spent cleaning.

What I would RATHER remember would have been time she spent with us.
But she didn't.

I don't think kids will care if their house was spotless ... what they want is someone to listen, to spend time with them, to read to them, to giggle with them and play with them, to hug them, and just to love them.

The rest doesn't matter.

I was a single mom.
homeschooled 3 boys AND worked full time.
I cleaned house once a week on Saturday. It took about 4 hours.
The rest of the week, THEY had chores from about the age of 3.
If they got out toys, they picked them up.
Toys that did not get picked up got put in the UNCLAIMED box.
The UNCLAIMED box was a cardboard box in MY closet. If you had a toy in there you had to PAY ME 25 cents to $1.00 to get it out (depending on the toy and the age of the child). This worked better than yelling or nagging. There were NO second chances.
They did their own laundry from about age 7.
They began learning to cook about age 6.
A 4 year old can set the table.
A 5 year old can load a dishwasher.
They did dishes from about age 6.
They took out trash as soon as they could lift the can.
They stripped the sheets off the bed at age 7 too.
I helped them make the beds when the sheets were dry.
They folded their own clothes starting about age 5.
They got a paycheck (depending on age) from about age 3 and I SUBTRACTED nickels & dimes when they did NOT do their work.
We did a lot of things together like camping, scouts, cooking classes, stargazing, gardening, etc. We went to the library weekly. We went out to eat about once a month to a fun place they liked. There was a lot of love and helping each other.

All I know is it worked....and I survived... and they all turned out great.

[Imani]

I homescool
I have four children 13, 10, 7, and 5.
They clean
they study and play

I am not at my best all the time, but I strive for perfection. I just redifine perfection.

When I fall I get up, perfect.
When I am not loving I apologize, perfect.
WhenI have know no tools to help me be at my best I admit I was not at my best and you had better leave me alone, perfect.

I am the perfect mom. If they have a complaint. I say complain when you are 40, you have some kids and you work hard for purpose and clarity everyday. I am perfect you can find no other Imani who works harder or feels deeper than what I do for my life as a mom.

That is what I tell me kids :D

[caramba]

Thanks for sharing some great tips RowanC and I like your attitude Imani :)

[RowanC]

You are very welcome.
It's just a fact that children don't come with instruction manuals and that there is no one perfect way to rear them. Each child is different. Each mother is different. Each parenting style is different. And it should be different for each child, depending on that child, really.

I had set ways to rear my kids that were based on my own childhood, some good and some bad. When I look back now, I'm proud of some things and ashamed at some of the things I did. But I've spoken to my boys and in all honesty, they remember the good things. The bad things, they don't hold against me because the good outweighed them.

When I did an exercise on the Camino where I had to remember the nurturing of my mother, I couldn't do it. My mother never nurtured me. I had to replace my grandmother's image because she and my grandfather were my nurturers. My mom was too busy keeping the house clean, entertaining, and working. I know she loves me, but she just didn't know how to do it. She did the best she could and I have a great relationship with her now. But it's more of a friendship. I think of my grandmother as my 'mom' because she taught me manners, wiped my tears and nose and butt, held me on her lap, took me camping, taught me to sing, etc.

I have a daughter in law that drives me nuts. She has done this intense one-on-one relationship with my grandson since he was born. She has been glued to his side since he was born. She hasn't really given him a lot of strict boundaries, and allowed him to do things I would not have allowed. She picks him up every time he cries. I wouldn't do that. I let mine cry sometimes. She rocks him for 45 minutes before bedtime and sleeps with him when he whines. I complained loudly the first year.... and almost ruined our relationship beyond repair.

I have another daughter in law that I get along with. She rears that child the same way I would do it. She is a bit more lenient than I would be, but for the most part, does things the same way.

The interesting thing is ... both children are near 3 years old now.
And both are just fine.
They both mind well.
They both are intelligent and bright.
Both are joys to be around.
Both mothers are doing a fantastic job, although a VERY different method.

I've learned a lot... and I'm trying now to repair the relationship with my daughter in law #1 by telling her that I'm sorry, that I see the validity in her style of childrearing, and that she's doing a great job. That's all I can do....even if I wouldn't do it that way myself.

I think the bottom line is this.

Just love them!
Do your best.
Treat them the way you would want to be treated.
Talk to them the way you would want to be talked to.
Teach them to love and help themselves.
Teach them to love and help others.

Nobody will remember if your house was clean or dirty.

They'll remember the hugs, kisses, support, singing, respect, laughing, playing, and teaching... the IMPORTANT things.

[Frog]

Nobody will remember if your house was clean or dirty.

They'll remember the hugs, kisses, support, singing, respect, laughing, playing, and teaching... the IMPORTANT things.


So true.

I dont homeschool as I only have one child and I think it would be too isolating for her - anyway she loves her school.

I dont have time to do all I would like to in the house. Still, I prepare good, wholesome food, make sure the family have clean clothes, hug and kiss a lot and always apologise if I rant over something little which was actually my issue, not theirs.

I hope my daughter remembers how she got breakfast in bed at the weekend when I need looking after!! :D

[Rawkinlocs]

Awww...RowanC, you have some of the most wonderful ideas...thank you!

I'm so sorry that you didn't get that nurturing from your mom, but inspite of that, you provided it to YOUR children and that is wonderful! I have gleaned a lot from your post.

I, too, love to give my kids lots of hugs and kisses and spend time with them talking and acting goofy. But sometimes I wonder if I'm too much their "friend" - sometimes they push their limits a little, but I'm glad they know how far to go and when it's serious-time. I watch some of their friends and they truly do not have what we have...in a material fashion we may not have what some of them have, but we always seem to come out on top in the "love and support department".

To the original poster - Marciaroundtheworld - Honey, what has been said here (and I haven't fully read all, but kinda skimmed through) is right. Be there for them - most kids don't even want all the fancy meals and please don't allow yourself to feel obligated to make a lot of raw meals either. You can take one or two days out of the week to perhaps make some things AND you can also make making raw food a part of your homeschooling day! Let the kids get in on it and help you in the kitchen. Don't make it a "moms-gotta-do-it-all-by-herself" thing, but rather make it a fun, "come-on-kids-lets-make-something-yummy" thing.

My little girl loves making (and eating) the zucchini pasta 'cause she loves turning the spiral slicer or spirooli. My little boy loves putting all the ingredients in the blender for smoothies. They are always asking if they can help out in the kitchen.

Same with cleaning. I used to try and do everything myself...but my kids are all capable of doing something around the house. The two teenagers do dishes, take out trash, vacuum (well, they can do it all), the 7-year old can also do dishes, wipe off counters and cabinet doors, dust, clean the bathroom and sweep - the 3-year old can wipe cabinet doors, put away his toys in their proper place and he even tries to wash dishes while standing on the step-stool...though he ends up playing in the water more than anything. So again, don't try and take it all upon your own shoulders.

But feel good knowing that whether you make full-blown raw meals or you provide them with LOTS of fresh, yummy fruit, veggie snacks (carrot sticks with dips, etc.) and other raw foods that you are STILL being a GREAT mommy simply because you ARE homeschooling them, feeding them the best, healthiest diet you can and still finding time for yourself (the language class and working out). Sounds like you're doing an excellent job. But as RowanC said, just make sure to provide them with lots of love, hugs, kisses and support along with that!

[mschele]

What I finally discovered was to stop obsessing over meals for the children. I just keep offering frest fruit, nuts, raw bars (larabars) as snacks all day. They don't eat raw veggies, so I will make sure they eat some cooked. I stopped trying to make complicted recipes that takes up all my time and they don't eat anyway. I figure simple is best. I get more fresh fruit in them now that I stopped worrying about breakfast & lunch.

[Conscious Midwife]

TIME is relative. Make every moment a teachable moment and go from there. Schoolage children can help uncook in the kitchen and with housework.

Be sure those working in your home are treated with dignity and fairness. You want the energies that nurture your home and food to be as life giving as the food itself.