Is it anyones business but your own?

[Blixy_33]

Do you think that eating raw or losing weight is anyone elses business but our own?... for example...a friend finds out you've decided to go raw and he/she sees you reaching for a chocolate... do they have a say in it?.... how about a boy/girlfriend that asks if you're still raw and that you shouldn't eat that piece of pie cuz it's not raw nor fat free and you'll never lose weight that way... how about the people who see you fat and try to convince you to be thin cuz they think you'd look prettier or more handsome or just plain better... do they really have the right to say anything?... What about all the crap they feed you about inner beauty...shouldn't they love you for that?..isn't that beauty enough?

It's hard facing any eating disorder and even harder trying to change it or better it.... should we surround ourselves with people that will love us no matter how unhealthy or fat we are or is that just a way of surrounding ourselves with people that'll say..."it's okay if quit...if that's what really makes you happy"... I'm not sure. If someone asks me, on a regular basis, if I'm still raw...should I feel unsupported? bothered? If someone knows I want to be raw and I feel like eating a chocolate bar (just one) should I runaway, hide and eat it somewhere safe just so that person'll let me be?... is that even a healthy state-of-mind?... Being fat (to those of you who know) or even just having an eating disorder is tough... should we just shut out everyone that makes us feel judged, should we try to change them instead of them "changing" us or should we learn how to see things differently?... is it even really anyone elses business but our own?

Would love to hear everyones thought on the matter.

[Revvell]

You have a lot of "shoulds" here. How "shoud" we feel? What "Should" we do?

Each person will respond differently to how they see what others are doing. IF I've told someone I eat raw and IF I choose to eat something cooked and they ask if I'm going to eat it, I take it they are supporting me in my choices.


Do you think that eating raw or losing weight is anyone elses business but our own?...

If you put it out there for all to see, SOMEone will mention it to you if you are going against your own wisdom.


for example...a friend finds out you've decided to go raw and he/she sees you reaching for a chocolate... do they have a say in it?.... They most likely will. It's up to you to decide how you'll receive what they say.



how about a boy/girlfriend that asks if you're still raw and that you shouldn't eat that piece of pie cuz it's not raw nor fat free and you'll never lose weight that way...
See above.


how about the people who see you fat and try to convince you to be thin cuz they think you'd look prettier or more handsome or just plain better... do they really have the right to say anything?...

People have the "right" to say anything they darn well please and we have the "right" to respond (or react) as we do.


What about all the crap they feed you about inner beauty...shouldn't they love you for that?..isn't that beauty enough?

Do you feel it's enough? Is there beauty there or bitterness, anger, unhappiness with oneself? You seem to have a cycle going. You don't want folk to stop you from going against your own wisdom and eating poorly yet, do you want them to just love you as you are? Do YOU love you as you are? Are YOU happy with how you look? Are YOU looking outside yourself for how YOU "should" feel about yourself? Seems like a terrible conundrum to me.


should we surround ourselves with people that will love us no matter how unhealthy or fat we are or is that just a way of surrounding ourselves with people that'll say..."it's okay if quit...if that's what really makes you happy"

That's up to you. Does it make you happy to be with people who say that or not?


If someone asks me, on a regular basis, if I'm still raw...should I feel unsupported? bothered?

Seems to me you need to get in touch with YOUR feelings and not ask others how YOU "should" feel. It sounds to me that you are feeling bothered and unsupported. How about if you change how you feel and START feeling that they ARE supporting you in what you say you want and THANK them for their reminders. I'm thinking YOU're the one living outside of your integrity and you've got some really good people around you.



If someone knows I want to be raw and I feel like eating a chocolate bar (just one) should I runaway, hide and eat it somewhere safe just so that person'll let me be?...

If that makes your heart sing.


is that even a healthy state-of-mind?...

What do you think/feel?


Being fat (to those of you who know) or even just having an eating disorder is tough... should we just shut out everyone that makes us feel judged,

No one can judge you without you having already judged yourself. They're just reflecting your own feelings about you.



should we try to change them instead of them "changing" us

Can't happen.


or should we learn how to see things differently?... is it even really anyone elses business but our own?

People are people. They will constantly be in others' business. You're in theirs, they're in yours. It's the way of the world. You have to choose what you are going to do. IF you don't want people in your business, then don't tell them what you're doing.

btw ~ you do have the right to isolate yourself totally from people and then you wont have to deal with them yet, it's really not a good way to go. Don't ask me how I know.

Having a support group of people who will nudge one in the direction they say they are going is wonderful. Ask me how I know.

Injoy,

Revvell

[Forever Young]

You have a lot of "shoulds" here. How "shoud" we feel? What "Should" we do?

Each person will respond differently to how they see what others are doing. IF I've told someone I eat raw and IF I choose to eat something cooked and they ask if I'm going to eat it, I take it they are supporting me in my choices.



If you put it out there for all to see, SOMEone will mention it to you if you are going against your own wisdom.

They most likely will. It's up to you to decide how you'll receive what they say.





People have the "right" to say anything they darn well please and we have the "right" to respond (or react) as we do.



Do you feel it's enough? Is there beauty there or bitterness, anger, unhappiness with oneself? You seem to have a cycle going. You don't want folk to stop you from going against your own wisdom and eating poorly yet, do you want them to just love you as you are? Do YOU love you as you are? Are YOU happy with how you look? Are YOU looking outside yourself for how YOU "should" feel about yourself? Seems like a terrible conundrum to me.



That's up to you. Does it make you happy to be with people who say that or not?



Seems to me you need to get in touch with YOUR feelings and not ask others how YOU "should" feel. It sounds to me that you are feeling bothered and unsupported. How about if you change how you feel and START feeling that they ARE supporting you in what you say you want and THANK them for their reminders. I'm thinking YOU're the one living outside of your integrity and you've got some really good people around you.



If that makes your heart sing.



What do you think/feel?



No one can judge you without you having already judged yourself. They're just reflecting your own feelings about you.



Can't happen.



People are people. They will constantly be in others' business. You're in theirs, they're in yours. It's the way of the world. You have to choose what you are going to do. IF you don't want people in your business, then don't tell them what you're doing.

btw ~ you do have the right to isolate yourself totally from people and then you wont have to deal with them yet, it's really not a good way to go. Don't ask me how I know.

Having a support group of people who will nudge one in the direction they say they are going is wonderful. Ask me how I know.

Injoy,

Revvell
Well said little miss sheepie, glad your back. :D

[Revvell]

Well said little miss sheepie, glad your back. :D

Thankie Mr. Goatie. :D

[StudentforLife]

I think before you question the thoughts and feelings of other people you need to question the thoughts and feelings of yourself. Once you answer your own questions and solve your own fears you can deal with other peoples.

We all deal with differing reactions from different people in our lives. The way that you get through is to be secure in your beliefs and in yourself.

I believe I had an eating disorder before going raw. No I wasn't anorexic or anything, but I don't consider eating ALL of my husband's two tier birthday cake in one night, or when going to the buffet eating every different choice of dessert, or when someone brought donuts into work for everyone and I had to eat almost all of them, to be healthy. I finally realized that I had a problem and I needed help. I think that was the first step in gaining control of myself- realizing that I had a problem.

Everyone close to me knows that I'm raw and I'm very fortunate to have supportive people in my life.

When I would start to feel like I was going to give into SAD cravings my husband would say,"you shouldn't do that. Just think of how dissappointed you'll be after. You've worked so hard." Did I get offended-NO. Did I get defensive-NO. What he said was absolutely right and he was saying it because he truly supports me and loves me.

When I told my best friend what I was doing her first reaction was, "How are you going to get enough protein?" Did I get annoyed with her and stop the conversation?-NO. I explained to her how I would get all of the nutrients I needed. She wasn't trying to discourage me, she just cares about me and wants me to be healthy.

You've got to be comfortable with people in your life asking you questions because chances are it won't completly stop.

Keep coming to this forum, too. It was the best thing I ever did in my persuit of raw.

I wish you well on your raw journey! :)

[Nenyath]

Hi Blixy..

The only one who can ever have control over your life is YOU and it is within yourself you have to maintain the peace. Those questions can make you doubt, they can seem unsupportive and even be it but you still have YOU! I have recieved those questions myself and that won't stop anytime soon. My dear mate might ask me if I should eat that, and that is really because he cares for me because he KNOWS I'll get both sick and dissappointed afterwards. Some people are just curious to know how you are doing with it because it really is an unusual lifestyle for most people. The word lifestyle is the key for me, raw is no standard diet, it is a consious choice I make every second of my day. People seem to have a better understanding of lifestyle compared to diet, a diet you can fail, a lifestyle is more of your own choice it seems. While the ideal is that everyone loved eachother for just what they were, the truth for many is that they feel insecure. When you feel that way it can be easy to feel attacked if someone is doing something (like raw) that works and they improve while you don't and then we, as humans, get defensive. And what better defence than attack? Just know in those situations, it is not about you, it is about them. As you said, surround yourself with the people who makes your heart smile and let the rest do and say what they want..

Fly forever free..

[Blixy_33]

Thanks guys.... I guess I was feeling a little lost and not too sure why I was reacting the way I was. I've been 90% raw for a month and it's been well but this month seems more frustrating and more difficult. I think I misjudged things... wanted and expected certain people to act the way I expected because that was the only way I could be sure they really cared. I read somewhere that the more you really get to know yourself the more in shock you are to find out how wrong you are about a lot of things. I was sooooo sure that I wasn't the problem.. :) and after reading all the posts I realize that I am the root of my problems. Thanks for helping, sometimes its easier to close your eyes and blame everyone else for your own misguided notions. And it's true. I projected my own emotions and didn't just listen... I thought a group of words was more than just support, I actually thought the were bad intentions... but I'm glad to start seeing things for what they are and not projecting false realities... I always felt something was wrong but I never really knew what it was. Thanks a million... knowing is the first step and a pretty big one... now the rest is up to me...I know that....thanks guys... and yep! I surrrre will be coming back again... I've been through a lot of diet programs but never a lifestyle change like this. It feels good...raw feels good:)... thanks :)

[Sharon in Colorado]

The others are so right. We just can't control other people and what they say to us and think about us.

It never ceases to amaze me that I may say something to someone either thinking it through before hand or not, and they give me an attitude about what I said. I've lost a lot of respect for folks like that. Even if we were mind readers, nobody is ever going to behave the way we expect them to.

[Revvell]

Even if we were mind readers, nobody is ever going to behave the way we expect them to.


Huh???? :eek:

:D

[luckitri]

Aw Blixie, I think I can kinda relate. I am really really sick right now with 1 bacterial infection and 2 viral infections. I had to accept antibiotics. My hubby is bringing home my formerly favorite SAD foods which is very difficult as I was too sick to eat for many days - yet he would not consider washing my spinach for me - which would be cheaper and healthier. I say little about it. At work people have been asking what I am doing and now I am missing so much work time - so if anyone does make a negative judgement about raw to my face I will just remind them that I have always been a sickly person on SAD so apparantly I am still a sickly person on RAW - get over it. Maybe eventually I will be a healthy person on RAW......

My father's hobby was to viciously attack others in the privacy of his home. All these years later my brain can so easily switch into that paranoid mode - especially if I speak to him on the phone - I can (yeah read his mind Sharon) just know the negative judgements he is making of me while we talk and know exactly what he is going to say when we hang up......and I often project this onto others - (well often they clue me in to how they are - but no-one - but no-one, well except for Edward Albee, tops my dad on that) .... (Not mindreading but well-trained by painful repetition) I guess I got sensitized to it and it has taken me many years to get as far away from it as I have. And you know what Revell, I DO remove myself from the groups that choose to function at a barnyard level - you know - picking at the chicken because his feathers are a different color - - life is short - I don't need their negativity. I WILL choose as much as I am able what is around me - and for that which I cannot choose - then I will do my best to choose how I respond to what I cannot change.

[Revvell]

And you know what Revell, I DO remove myself from the groups that choose to function at a barnyard level - you know - picking at the chicken because his feathers are a different color - - life is short - I don't need their negativity.

I've never said not to do that. Actually, I've VERY often said to get out of the "killing field".

ReVVell

[luckitri]

Hmmm....I think I like "killing field" better than "emotional vampirism" - although killjoy has come to mind lately as I have had my raw highs. Anyway having an appropriate name is useful to help explain that it is OK to discard certain processes.

Actually I have some good private chuckles from just recently when my raw peace and good nature have shown through and others found it perturbing.....like they are forced to take a second look and re-evaluate a radiant being....

which reminds me, Blixie, you stick with raw and you WILL radiate, your whole state of mind and heart will change and this whole situation will turn around before you know it!

[Revvell]

Hmmm....I think I like "killing field" better than "emotional vampirism" -

Actually, they are two different things although in some cases, there's a very fine line.

Killing Field is when folk attempt to throw water on one's joy (Killjoy is correct) and/or try to stop someone from doing better for themselves and when they DO do better, they'll disparage it while an emotional vampire is constantly sucking ones energy with their own complaints yet unwillingness to do anything for themselves. They often interconnect.

Revvell

[luckitri]

Thanks for the clarification. I daily have to live alongside people who do alot of the lower nature people things, are addicted to it, get their kicks out of it, and they do not accept those of us who refuse to participate in their social structure on their terms. In other words I am not going to trash someone just to have solidarity with you. If someone is different I don't have to make that bad or ridicule it...I might even try to understand it. I do not need to perpetually antagonize certain individuals in order to get my kicks or to provide kicks for you. If you try to dictate to me who I can associate with I will most likely eventually disassociate myself from you meanwhile checking into the merits of those you told me to avoid. I cannot believe that adults live their entire lives this way. I have never learned to function this way, am happy about it, and do not choose to start. Obviously, when one doesn't participate - well in my case anyway, one becomes a target. Then apparantly on another forum that I don't go to anymore there is someone(s) running around doing negative stuff in my name in order to maintain me as a target or to just have fun and not have to take the heat for it? I can tell when that person is active because I can feel the tension around me at work escalate. Anyway maybe if I stay raw I can get enough health and energy together to be as LifeAGift puts it - "Liberated" but on my terms.