Self Sabotage!!!

[rawpriestess]

Most of you understand that as humans we identify with like minded people, we tend to live in groups, or have friends of like mind, and as we change in our beliefs, i.e. eating raw instead of cooked, sometimes our lives change in many other ways, people leave our lives, we move on in different jobs, we congregate in different places, i.e. juice bars, in stead of coffee houses.

And as we change, as we will inevitably do, we change our identity, I used to identify with being a belly dancer, now I don't do that, so I don't hang out with belly dancers anymore, I don't go to the shows, I don't buy all the pretty fabrics, although you couldn't tell by my home, which still looks like a cross between a Bedouin tent and a castle. LOL

But as we change our life styles, our life choices, we move on into different circles of friends, we may start exercising or we may start doing different things, and yet there may be part of us that doesn't want the change, or doesn't like the way that "NEW" part feels like.

Then we self sabotage.

We don't do this deliberately, but we do this in subtle ways, like eating just a bit cooked, so we go back up the scale, missing a workout, not returning a phone call of someone we would really like to get to know, because we don't feel comfortable in that new friendship.

we as humans deal with so many little subtle things in our lives, and yet, we continue to change.

I have noticed that I have been self sabotaging because I don't feel comfortable in my new skin, although I still weigh over 200 pounds, JUST BARELY, LOL, I don't feel comfortable that size, I feel comfortable and identify with myself at about 260, YIKES!!!

now what am I saying??? I am saying that the closer I get to 200 pounds, and I am mighty close, the more I want to eat cooked, the more I want to sabotage my weight loss, the more I want to hide in my cooked food addiction, the more I want to press down my feelings of whatever.

It isn't easy to be objective while dealing with yourself, it's really easy to see this behavior in someone else.

I can spot self sabotage a mile away, then I finally had to acknowledge that -- that is exactly what I have been doing to myself.

I was at 203 just a couple of days ago, now I am at 214, what happened?

I bloated up, I ate some wheat and salt, and I gained a bunch of bloat, now I know it can go away really quickly, and I know I ate the wheat because of some weird reason, but the REAL reason I ate it was that I didn't feel comfortable at 203, and I probably won't for a while.

So, what do I do now?

I can recommit to raw, that would be a start, IF I'm ready, but I'm not sure I'm ready, I probably need to look at for what purpose was my weight/size serving me, and do some inner work to release the need for the weight.

I would suppose it has something to do with keeping men away from me, but that hasn't worked, I'm still going out with a bunch of guys, so the weight isn't a deterant.

Maybe I am keeping myself heavy for some other purpose, and I don't know what that is.

I thought my ex maybe left me because I was getting thinner and he was threatened, but I doubt that is the real reason he left, I thought maybe that I was trying to protect myself from sex, but I doubt that too.

There are countless reasons that we can self sabotage, and yet, we may never know exactly what they are.

I do know that everything is perfect in the Universe, so my weight, no matter where it is -- is perfect, and I know that I can lose this or not, easily.

I also know that no matter what I do with my weight, that my ex won't come back, so I can release that.

and I know that I am me, no matter what my size.

I used to think that I wasn't important enough to matter, because I was short, and yet, many people are short and hold high ranks in many fields.

I suppose this may come from the fact that my mom was 5'8" and I am only 5'4" and I was the shortest by many inches in my entire family of 6'3" and 5'10" so, that may be something to that, it could be also why I put on weight as a child, to be a BIG girl, I've thought about that wording too.

So, no matter what the reasoning is, I feel better on raw, and I was very content eating 100% raw for many months, so I've hit a stumbling block-- as it were -- and I will get through this, or over this, or around this. LOL

But get past 200, I will do that is for sure.

I just need to allow it to be okay, that I am that size, and make sure to BE that size, and really be okay with it, no matter what my mind is telling me, or my past beliefs are reasoning.

I just wanted to post this, because I know if I am feeling this way, then maybe others are too, and maybe somehow this may help you.

I know that when I read posts I often relate to them and feel at least I'm not alone in my feelings.

So, whether you are self sabotaging or just wish to say something, please feel free to post in this thread.

We are all here for support, and help, and sometimes I don't know which one I'm doing, but I know typing all this out helps me vent, and think and relate to others.

Now, I've eaten all raw 100% today, I'm going out to dinner with friends, so my plan is to eat all raw 100% TONIGHT TOO, I'll let you know how I do.

But no matter whether I eat all raw or not, I'm still me, I will make my best choices and I'll post again.

I do think eating 100% raw is the best for me, and all beings actually.

I do think that committing to somehthing is a good thing and I do think that my choices matter in this Universe.

So, my choice right now is to be 100% raw today, I'll think about tomorrow -- when it comes, but today, I'm going to eat `100% raw, and be happy with those choices.

Because today is all I have, I may have tomorrow, and I may not, but I do know that I'll be happier with myself for sticking with my convictions, and knowing that I am doing the best thing I can for my body.

Now, that I've posted all of this, I have you all to answer to. and I will come back and be honest with what I did or didn't eat.

wish me luck, I may be the Rawpriestess, but I am not infalible. LOL

[Revvell]

Excellent post and excellent example of upper limits.

Explanation ~ When one reaches an upper limit, one needs to break wayyyy through (in this case going from 260 down to 203) so that when they go back, they stop before going alllll the waaaay back ~ (in this case 214). Now it seems, you'll maybe hang out there until you're comfortable in your new skin then maybe go waaaaay below 203 and when you self-sabatoge again, you'll be around 200.

This happens in so many areas. Wealth is another one. How many people get to where they've got more money than they've ever had before, then lose it all and go back to and even below where they started? The difference between them and RP is ~ awareness. RP is maintaining and examing what's going on. The why's and the wherefores. Most people don't.

This is a great and supportive thread so others can realize ~~ we're ALL human. We ALL self-sabatoge yet, many of us have no idea why we are doing it or even that we, and we alone are responsible.

Thank you for having the courage to put this out here Christine.

Revvell

[being]

Wow, yes thank you RawPriestess.

I am really waking up to my own self sabotage right now, so reading your thoughts really hit me over the head a few times.

Ow!

I am afraid to really look at the emotion that is surfacing, hidden under a coping strategy or two...

There are some beliefs I've been clinging to that I need to release, and I'm afraid of that.

Because I have to admit to myself I was wrong.
Because I'll have to confront some less than pretty realities about my current state of becoming.

I hit up the grains/salt too :( ... strange...

Anyway, I concur with Revvell who put it so well:

" The difference between them and RP is ~ awareness. RP is maintaining and examing what's going on. The why's and the wherefores. Most people don't.

This is a great and supportive thread so others can realize ~~ we're ALL human. We ALL self-sabatoge yet, many of us have no idea why we are doing it or even that we, and we alone are responsible.

Thank you for having the courage to put this out here Christine."


I ask for the courage to do the hard work, like you are doing.
I've been plateauing for quite a few months. Weight wise, Growth wise, Expanding Awareness wise...

Time to turn the corner and head back toward the light ;)

Thank you again for sharing. Always Inspirational, Highly Motivational.... :D

[Seren]

Time for my confession. I self sabotage every day that I am doing well on raw.

Today for example, I have been reading RawNoras website recently and so I decided to not eat until I felt true hunger. I didn't eat until after college (3:15PM) and I still hadn't reached true hunger. I was about to go to work so I decided that I needed food before I went, and so I had a papaya (I had decided on this before I had got home from college).

Once I had had the papaya, my digestive system had woken up, and obviously had not yet registered that I had eaten enough. So I had a banana, a small mango, some cashew nuts and some cacao nibs. Ate them so fast that my stomach had not realised yet still that I had had enough. Then I had a fig. Then a bowl of muesli (non raw with soya milk). Then I had some guacamole in some cabbage leaves. I ate all of this within half an hour.

This in my eyes is self sabotage as I had decided to eat only when hungry, for one thing, and wait 20mins after food before eating something else to give my brain a chance to register that Im full, for a second thing.

I was ashamed but I though to myself, you are still doing well, the only bad thing youve eaten is muesli and soya milk.

I go to work and all is fine, Im not hungry (clearly after all that food I ate!), then my boyfriend picks me up and we go back to his house, I have an apple. Still going well.

I plan to come back to my house and go straight to bed, not eat anything.

In reality, I come into the house, there is cooked food about. I give in to my cravings and have a quorn mayonnaise and lettuce sandwich. Then a peanut butter sandwich. Then a marmite and almond butter sandwich (None of which I am truly enjoying, but which I feel a compulsive need to eat).

THEN I have a bowl of cereal with soya milk and soya yoghurt.

Self sabotage? Definately. I was doing so well, and for some unknown reason I went and ruined it all. I could have gone into the kitchen, seen the food, thought nothing of it and got a glass of water, and went to bed.

WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT? Well, to be honest, everything.

[solarliving]

Aargh! Self- Sabotage. I have recently addressed this with smoking. I did a lot of muscle testing and seriously could not find the reason as to why I would sabotage myself. I have probably tapped on over 300 things in regards to smoking. So I just tapped on the need to sabotage myself for whatever reason. I actually quit for 11 months by EFT-tapping. At that time Rebellion was at the core and I quit very easily after I tapped on that. Then started by smoking 1 clove with my sister during the holidays. Of course that lead to another a few months later when she was visiting. Stress came and guess what I did? Bought a pack of cloves. Smoked 10 in 1 night (I was drinking). I wanted it out of my body so badly I rode my bike hungover in turbulent wind. Yet..still Continued to smoke after that. I have cut back in the last 2 days due to some serious tapping on sabotage and some old sadness. I went way back to when I started, at the age of 12. Balled my eyes out. I know we have talked about EFT before and this could help with what you are going through. Have you thought about getting rid of the scale? So you don't know what weight you are? I don't have one. I don't believe in them.

If you need that website it is:
http://theamt.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=201

The Set-up Phrase is below

Start by rubbing the sore spot,(on the chest between sternum and arm) thinking of the situation and stating the setup phrase:
Even though ……………. I deeply and completely accept myself or Even though ……………. I choose to……………. (do this 3 times)

2. Tap on each point, repeating the main part of the phrase: Meaning the Statement. This issue, this pain etcc..

3. Breathe deeply in and out at the end.Repeat steps 2 and 3 until you feel your unwanted reaction to the setup phrase has reduced. If you feel you need to change the wording in the setup phrase then go back to step 1, otherwise continue with steps 2 and 3.

You may need to get your brain more involved with the process. The following exercise accesses all parts of your brain and often speeds up the EFT process.Do this exercise at the end of a round.Keep tapping on the gamut point (back of the hand, web between pinky and ring finger) and keep your head still whilst doing the following:Look up quicklyLook down quicklyLook leftLook rightMove your eyes in a clockwise direction as if you are reading all the numbers on a clockMove your eyes in an anti clockwise-directionCount 1 2 3 4 5Hum a few notes such as the first line of Happy BirthdayCount 1 2 3 4 5

What I really respect about EFT is that the person who created it wants the technique to be available to everyone, for free.

[my_sunshine]

I think acknowledging it is more than half the battle. So many people choose not to look within themselves for the answers. You are aware of what you are doing, and you are searching. You've almost won the battle. Now you just need to decide if you are ready to face yourself.

I wish you all the best. I hope tonight went well for you, regardless of your eating choices, and that you had fun and enjoyed yourself.

[GreenPrince]

Don't blame yourself, rp. You did everything right. Don't worry. You will succeed.
What happened to you is a quite normal but fascinating phenomenon, described in several fields of knowledge.

Maybe I can write a few lines Saturday afternoon, New York time.
It's in the middle of the night here and I have to go to sleep.

[girlsmiley]

Thanks RP for your honesty and enlightenment.

That is exactly what I have been going through - self-sabotage - and I didn't know what it was - yet now it makes perfect sense. :eek:

I am still a newbie at this and I did so good in September yet through most of October I have been craving, and giving in to cravings, more than I've been eating raw.

I know I feel so much better when I'm eating raw and after a huge binge last night I was so bloated this morning I didn't want to go out in public ... so much so that I called my boss and asked to take a vacation day.

I just got the Green For Life book and I plan to start back on track in the a.m. by starting my day with a green smoothie ... I know this is the life I want. Fresh and raw!

I am so thankful for this site/community! :D

[rawfigure]

RP, what a thought envoking thread, and good replies. I love this forum for such posts as these. Right now I cannot comment to much on it as I need to think on it as I see myself in this post. Hmmm..... :rolleyes: interesting.

One thing I do want to point out is Yes ! it is so important to accept oneself where we are at at this MOMENT...even if we are there for awhile..before we can move to the next level.

[Conscious Midwife]

Another layer removed...BRAVO!!!! :D

Been there and still there in some areas.

[Sharon in Colorado]

Fantastic thought RP. Yes, sometimes we are inhibited about succeeding, even moreso than failing and it causes so many road blocks to our path to healing, but we'll get there.

Let us know how the dinner went, and whatever you had, you know we support you 100% because you are on your journey, you're on it with a smooth or bumpy road, and you will keep moving ahead!

[romanticsnet]

Wow RP. That was powerful, and yet describes me exactly. I have been on this constant wheat/salt binge for the past 2 weeks....ever since I came off the 3 week fast. People kept remarking about how great I looked, and yet, I was very uncomfortable thinking in the back of my head that I will gain most of it back due to water retention, and the like. I WAS doing it for mental clarity though, and not for weight loss, but people kept going on an on... and it made me scared when I realized that I would probably not keep most of it off. (I know I should stay and think positive!) I just kept sabotaging myself. And now... I am SO stressed about this Halloween Party I am supposed to be going to next weekend. I feel like a HUGE pig! I mean I am REALLy swollen! I keep telling myself to go on another fast if only to get this water weight off...(when I fast i can stay away from everything!) but then I also tell myself to just be raw, and not worry about it so much.

Problem is, that I am always hitting these weird stumbling blocks and cravings 2 weeks before my period. I am like a CRAVING INSATIABLE lunatic! I have tried stuffing myself with bananas, and fruit, but I always end up hungry! Then cooked starts rearing its ugly head again... and I start eating rice with soy sauce and cereal with rice milk. I crave all things salty... and yet there is this raw pie and cake in the fridge that does not interest me in the least bit! Nuts do not interest me either anymore... and I feel horrible after eating them. Salad is not interesting me either!

Does anyone know a good natural way to supress my appetite? Or is this caused by my stress?

I am also feeling guilt because when I went on my 3 week fast, I stopped working out completely, because I read somewhere that you should let your body rest while fasting...( I was woking out for at least 4 months, 6 days a week!) After the 3 weeks of no workouts, I didn't have the energy to start working out again! I am MISERABLE and mad at myself!

I guess I just needed to let it ALL out!

[rawpriestess]

Hi my dear raw family,


Thanks for all the wonderful words of encouragement, and thanks for all your honesty in posting, I know it's sometimes hard to really look at ourselves.

Well, I decided NOT to go out tonight, and before I could call my friend to tell them, they called me to say they couldn't make it, how cool was that?

So, I stayed home and made some raw veggie soup, and had a nectarine for dessert, I was going to have my decadant brownies, but wanted something lighter, I may have another nectarine, as it was soooooo good.

I am also having orange juice, and tea, my favorite drinks.

So, so far so good, I am 100% raw as we speak, have been all day, and tomorrow I have a brunch date, so we are going to this place that serves the most beautiful and lavish fresh fruit plate around, it is totally yummy, so I'm ordering that.

So, I am feelling so much better about myself, I know that all of this is a process, I did some inner work and just told myself that whatever we do is perfect for right now, and we can stay here at 214 for a while, or we can go up or down, that it really doesn't matter, as long as we are comfortable with ourselves, and that seemed to help me feel better.

I think maybe I was trying to achieve a certain number on the scale, then it freaked me out, or maybe I was trying to be someone who I'm not (YET), or maybe I was -- well, who knows what I was doing. LOL

I am feeling better about my chocies now, and I'm feeling like I can keep at my 100% rawness for today, and we'll start tomorrow as another 100% raw day, and just keep going.

I do realize, that in the past, I have had three good days of 100% raw, then the wheat cravings kick in, so I will be especially careful about my choices in a couple of days, but right now, today, this minute, I'm 100% raw, and that is all I'm going to think about right now.

So, thanks for all of your support, I'm glad a few people could relate to my thoughts, and my post.

I know we are all here to learn and to help each other, and I appreciate all of you so very much, as my support, and my friends.

So, thank you for being YOU, and



WE RAWK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rawpriestess]

Excellent post and excellent example of upper limits.

Explanation ~ When one reaches an upper limit, one needs to break wayyyy through (in this case going from 260 down to 203) so that when they go back, they stop before going alllll the waaaay back ~ (in this case 214). Now it seems, you'll maybe hang out there until you're comfortable in your new skin then maybe go waaaaay below 203 and when you self-sabatoge again, you'll be around 200.

This happens in so many areas. Wealth is another one. How many people get to where they've got more money than they've ever had before, then lose it all and go back to and even below where they started? The difference between them and RP is ~ awareness. RP is maintaining and examing what's going on. The why's and the wherefores. Most people don't.

This is a great and supportive thread so others can realize ~~ we're ALL human. We ALL self-sabatoge yet, many of us have no idea why we are doing it or even that we, and we alone are responsible.

Thank you for having the courage to put this out here Christine.

Revvell
Revvell, I found your post to be of major help to me, I knew it was a boundary issue, and it is so much more clear with your post, thank you.

I appreciate your words so much.

[spicyfull]

I wish you everything you Need to Stay RAW...................

[rawpriestess]

Well, it is 1:30 am, and I just went up to the kitchen to get a snack, I found a piece of bread, that was left over from yesterday, I took it out of the refridgerator, and before I could take a bite I tossed it to my dog. YES!!!


then I took some soaked and dehydrated almonds and a brownie, and some herbal tea, and went back down and enjoyed those instead.

YES!!!!!!!!

I feel very powerful, for tossing that piece of bread to my dog.

it is amazing how one little gesture like that can make you feel about yourself.

Just imagine how I'm going to feel tomorrow when I go out with my friend and I make the choice to eat that great fruit plate, instead of my cooked food addiction of pasta, which is my demon of choice these days

I am so happy that I made that great choice tonight, I feel so empowered and so centered, and alot of the reason I could do this, was because, I KNEW I would come here and post what I ate.

So, thank you for loving me no matter what my choices are, and have been.

and I thank you for your unwavering support, as I make this raw journey, may we all support each other totally in all situations.

[lily]

I have just read this amazing thread -- it's early morning in the UK.

I just wanted to say that this describes so well what I have been battling with and didn't understand.

Eating 100% raw goes really well for several days, then, blow me down, I see my husband's loaf of wholemeal bread out in the kitchen and before I know what I'm doing, before I go to bead I start making myself TOAST!

I don't really want it, I don't need it -- but I just seem to do it. Then I eat other things, and the raw slips a bit for some days. Then I get back into it, and the same thing repeats.

Maybe being 100% raw is so scary for me in terms of human relationships, eating out etc that I just have to sabotage it.

Anyway, love to you all, and to RP for raising this -- it's very illuminating and helpful.

lily

[Raine]

My test for self-sabotage will occur in about 10 days. The last big motorcycle event of the year takes place in Galveston -- 300k bikers. These events are like fairs and the food to match. I must be in attendance because of the nature of my work.

But I can absolutely say that I feel sick at the thought of deep fried, battered, sugar coated anything. Luckily I will be there a couple days before the event begins so I can at least scope out "healthy" places.

What's amusing to me is that I am having so much fun (loving the health / health / spiritual results) on this juice fast that I am seriously thinking of extending it from my original goal of 30 days to 40 days. But either way - I've managed 20 days and 27 pounds gone!

[rawpriestess]

It is 10am, and I am getting ready to go to lunch with my friend, my plan is to get the breakfast fruit plate which is divine, I won't even look at the menu, I know the restaurant, so it shouldn't be a challenge.

I will also get herbal tea, and ice water, so I can allow the water to cool to warm then add the tea, this way I will have something warm to drink with my cold fruit, why they have to keep it so cold, I don't know LOL

I like my fruit at room temperature, but they do have a marvelous fruit plate, last two times it was

red grapes, banana, kiwi, strawberries, honeydew melon, cantaloup, pineapple, apple,and I think there may have been some other fresh berries, I live in the Pacific Northwest, so we usually have some kind of berries in season, alas, now they are no longer, so they may import them, or maybe they won't have them.

But I am looking forward to meeting my new friend, and having an exceptionally marvelous raw meal and enjoying myself, and who knows, something may come of this? We shall allow all things to move forward a the perfect pace.

Thanks for all your words,

and Raine, congratulations on the 27 pounds, that must feel GREAT!!.

All of you must feel great, you are all doing so well, just remember this is all a process of progress, each step is a step in the right direction, even if we step backwards, it makes such a beautiful dance that way, forward, back forward sidways, back, it's all good, we are becoming who we truly are inside, we are just finding ourselves.

[ElainaThiemann]

I don't know if this is helpful or not, but one reason I self-sabotage is because when I reach a goal, I fear that I will find I was capable of doing it at any time. That means that years of not being where I wanted to be were wasted. I am trying to move beyond this kind of thinking. I am starting to realize that where I am is where I am supposed to be. If and when I reach my eating or weight goals, it will be the right time.

I was thinking about this the other day. Back in May, I was raw for almost a month. The rest of the summer, I rebounded and stopped exercising and ballooned to my highest weight again. This fall, I started working for a natural doctor who teaches raw food classes. The other day, I was thinking about being unhappy with my eating habits (I had a burger and cake the night before) and where I am going in life. I've really been mourning the unlimited opportunities of my youth when I had the whole story of my life left to write. I've always felt that I have a big job that I am supposed to do during this life. When I look at where I am, it gets scary because I can't see what that big job is. I know that working for this doctor is a step on the right path. I also know that whatever I am supposed to do is linked to my health. Therefore, when I see myself at my current weight (which is my highest ever) it makes me question my progress. I am always so critical of myself at every step and focused on what I am doing wrong. That is why my weight yo-yos. I am either very focused on losing or I get sick of the work and gain.

Then I remembered something a friend told me. She asked me if the perfect opportunity landed in my lap (work, life mission), would I be able to commit to it right now. Of course the answer was and is no. My life is not my own nor will it be for at least another 5-10 years. Until then, my kids are my highest priority. When I remembered this, it gave me some relief. I have another 5-10 years to work on these eating issues. Seen in that light, I am making great progress. I think the frustration comes because all though I am making great progress, I have enough slip ups that my weight doesn't go down. If I were to actually ignore the side effect of my weight and think about my eating habit now and those five years ago, I would see huge improvement. There is even great improvement from two months ago. When I realized that, it was easier to see my slip ups as a learning process and not something to beat myselg up about. I have time still to figure out what is right for my body. It is another path that I am on.

Good luck to you, Rawpriestess with all of your new endeavors, food and otherwise and good luck to all of us who are still figuring life out.

[rawpriestess]

Well, I went to breakfast and it was grand, I had an herbal tea, fresh squeezed orange juice and a beautiful fresh fruit plate. YUMMY!!!

And I had a wonderful time too.

[lodestar]

Victory!!!!:D

[carolg]

RP,
Be encouraged as you are moving forward with the journey. I haven't met a perfect soul, so keep up the great work that you are doing. You have a team who are right behind each other lifting each other up. Together the WE works. You are an inspiration so just keep moving. It's when we stop the real problem is--just my thinking and reflecting. Some reach the finish line faster, but finishing is the key whatever time that times. You and the rest here can finish on whatever journey one is on: weight, exercise, clutter and more. Hang in and grateful for your being "real." This message can be all as we are never alone in challenges. At least I'm not. Thanks.

carolg

[Missrawdiva]

I am with you with the cravings two weeks before your period.. have you tried maca? I have been taking that for the last month, and this is the first time I have not had any pms or bloating.. and this is coming from a person who would get cramps and bloatiness for two weeks before my period.

[Revvell]

Revvell, I found your post to be of major help to me, I knew it was a boundary issue, and it is so much more clear with your post, thank you.

I appreciate your words so much.

You're quite welcome. I appreciate your courage in all that you're going through and your continuous words of wisdom on all you've done.

Revvell

[Trinity]

Dearest RP and Everyone who shared,
I hear you on the cooked food addiction and the self-sabotage. I am a two time cancer survivour and I am only 40. I cam e to be raw to live, to never experience that kind of disease or any other ever again. HOWEVER, when there is addiction, we/I sabotage as well. I believe it comes from our own thinking that we/I am not deserving of a full, healthy, vibrant life. Now, that's really a disease:). Louise Hay has a great book, "Heal Your Life" with amazing afirmations for any and all maialise and disease, this book ahs helped me tremendously. I still have to be on top of myself at certain temptation times and say this is for my life, the small pants size is gravy(ha ha). I have a 12 year old daughter and an awesome husband who support my choices and my lifestyle. Just know that we are all deserving of abundance and vibrant health, it is our birthright. If we fall, trip or stumble we are still loved beyond all comprehension, we just need to feel the same inside. Love and Blessings to you all:)

[Nenyath]

All of you must feel great, you are all doing so well, just remember this is all a process of progress, each step is a step in the right direction, even if we step backwards, it makes such a beautiful dance that way, forward, back forward sidways, back, it's all good, we are becoming who we truly are inside, we are just finding ourselves.

Thank you so much RP for your wise, kind words and this broader perspective! I too can relate to the self sabotage, now you mention it it becomes so very clear to me. On very good days I make a raw resolution in the morning and stay raw for most of the day. I feel great, appreciative of myself, my choices and the opportunities grandly handed to me. Then it happens, it is going TOO well and I eat unraw (Changing the words here, no more "cooked" it will be raw or unraw but that way I have double raw at least in my thinking). My downfall is wheat too, wheat and salt- bugging chips! But as you say RP, it is a journey and when I look at my habits now I know what I would prefer as I used to self-sabotage with chocolate and chips, now it is sanwiches.. :rolleyes:

Congratiolations for staying all rawsome RP and well done!

Fly forever free..

[jaurequi]

Dearest RP and Everyone who shared,
I hear you on the cooked food addiction and the self-sabotage. I am a two time cancer survivour and I am only 40. I cam e to be raw to live, to never experience that kind of disease or any other ever again. HOWEVER, when there is addiction, we/I sabotage as well. I believe it comes from our own thinking that we/I am not deserving of a full, healthy, vibrant life. Now, that's really a disease:). Louise Hay has a great book, "Heal Your Life" with amazing afirmations for any and all maialise and disease, this book ahs helped me tremendously. I still have to be on top of myself at certain temptation times and say this is for my life, the small pants size is gravy(ha ha). I have a 12 year old daughter and an awesome husband who support my choices and my lifestyle. Just know that we are all deserving of abundance and vibrant health, it is our birthright. If we fall, trip or stumble we are still loved beyond all comprehension, we just need to feel the same inside. Love and Blessings to you all:)

Well, that was just beautiful, Trinity, and I whole-heartedly agree with you. You sound very content and know yourself very well. What we believe about ourselves is at the core, yes, I agree :).

Congratulations on your recovery! You are amazing. All the best on you road to healthful eating :)

Best,

[ShelShel]

RP~ wow. I'm so glad you wrote this. I have been struggling so much this week. It's been weird for me. I have maintained 100% raw, but it hasn't been that easy. Usually I feel like I'm soaring...this week...it's a bit of a crawl. :o
I have been evaluating why this is...all week. I have come to one conclusion for me. Now that I have lost so much...I feel very on display...like everyone can see me...and I bounce between being happy...and comfortable...to being shy and confused. I feel a bit naked. When I was a lot larger...I had something to hide behind.
I think the thinner I get...I feel more exposed. Not sure if you are feeling this...but thought I would share.
I've always been confident and outgoing...and feeling anything else is a bit difficult for me. So...I will need to work through these feelings....but I'm not sure how other than be this weight long enough to feel that it is normal. ;)
Thanks for this thread...it just proves...I'm not alone.

[romanticsnet]

I agree with the feeling that when you are thinner you feel more exposed. I know that for me, when I am thinner, people cannot stop commenting on how I look, especially after I complete a fast and drop 10-15 pounds. (Or when I lose weight in general) But then there is always the point after where I cringe when I see the same people again.. . just after I complete the fast or gain 5 pounds. I feel like they are judging me behind my back especially when they are pointing at me to their friends, or telling me that I look bloated or like I did not get enough sleep, and they gets me feeling terrible. Makes me want to start eating.

All my life my Dad told me that I would be prettier if I lost weight, and that men did not marry fat girls, or that I would never land a worthwhile job unless I was thinner. When I dyed my hair platinum blond during highschool (15 years ago) he remarked about how much better I would be if I stayed blond. I am olive complected 1/2 Korean. Both of my parents would immediately notice if I gained 4 or 5 pounds, and would never hesitate in telling me so. Even today my Mom would tell me, "wow it looks like you gained some weight." All the while trying to get me to eat as much as I could at her house. She even tells me that my kids look weak, and need to eat more meat for stamina and energy. Even worse is when she sabotages my kids by making them cake at every visit and letting them have soda, and telling them that since I am not around, I will not know.

For me, it may be the judging that wrecks my resolve. I have these deep inner fears that people are judging me behind my back, and laughing at me if I don't make my goals. I feel like they are saying that my diet is ridiculous, and how can it be successful, if I keep yoyoing. My in-laws make me cringe as well, when they keep asking how much more weight I have lost every single time I see them. I feel like I am having to lose more weight in order to see them, so I try to avoid them. My mother-in-law never hesitates to tell me that my diet is ridiculous, and goes into hysterics about how I am limiting myself so much, and that no reasonable person can expect to live like that for long. Whn I slip and start eating cooked vegan, they immediately feel self righteous, and let me know that it was only a matter of time, and that I cannot expect to sustain health and happiness only raw.

When people gush and fawn over how much weight you have lost, it makes me feel like I was so HUGE and GIANORMOUS before, that it scares me, and makes me feel worthless.

[Revvell]

You know what's interesting is, we're not as much of a focus in other peoples' lives as we think we are. We judge ourselves WAAAAAYY more harshly than others do. Remember two things ~ "It's not all about you" and, "It's not personal". IF/when folk do talk about other people it's so they take their minds off of themselves. That's why they watch soap operas and such.

Revvell

[rawpriestess]

Hi sweet raw family, ah this thread has turned into such a great thread. WOW, all of the posts are so isightful, It is great to read all that is going on here.


I am so amazed at all of us.

I wanted to drop in and let you know about what is happening in my life as far as raw is concerned.

I ate a wonderful raw veggie soup yesterday for dinner, and today I had a marvelous fruit plate for breakfast, and am having veggie soup again for lunch, so all is well in my world.

I am back on track, and feeling more in control.

Life is good, you gize all are great, and I am so happy that we can all support each other in all of our choices.

And right now, I am choosing raw, just for today, that's all I can work on right now, tomorrow I will think about tomorrow, but today, I am raw, and that works for me.

YES!!!

[ShelShel]

Good morning. RP~ I just read a few of your other threads and came back to this one...thrilled to see you standing strong in raw! ;) Congrats! How are you doing today?

[rawpriestess]

Hi Shel shel,


100% raw and I'm back down to 203!!!! yeah!!, I KNEW it was mostly salt and bloat, LOL

NOW, I'm determined to cross that line below 200, and it will happen in the perfect space and time that it is supposed to happen, I am feeling so empowered and great!!!!!!!!

So, watch me melt!!!!!!!d

I'm going in to town on Wednesday, so I will take my camera and attemtp to get some friends to take pictures of me. who know, maybe by then, I'll be 199.99 pounds. LOL

and if I am, GREAT!!
and if not, GREAT!!

as my beloved son says, "It's all good." LOL and he's right!!!

[ShelShel]

Good for you RP! :D Keep up the good "raw" work! I'm glad you were able to lose the bloat weight quickly. I used to eat cooked once every week (Sunday with the fam)...and by Tuesday, I would always lose that two pounds of water I would retain all of Sunday and Monday. :rolleyes: Why did it take me so long to give up that last meal once a week? It made me feel horrible. I have been 100% raw for two weeks and one day today...and I can't believe the difference that one meal has made. ;) I have lost another two pounds this week! Raw Power! Yes! :)

[rawpriestess]

Shelshel,

good for you, you are doing so RAWSOME, how marvelous, isn't it surprising how just one meal a week can really change our lives?


YOU RAWK!!!!!!!!!!!

[ShelShel]

Thanks RP! :D Yes, actually, I was just shocked that one meal a day could make such a huge difference. My husband looked at me the other day and said out of the blue, "Your stomach is really shrinking." YYYYEEEESSSS! Do you know...I have tried for years with exercising and nothing has helped. (had two c-sections)
I read a thread from RawNora and she mentioned that a stomach was the last to go. So, I had hope that perhaps, with time!
I will actually be at the top of my ideal bmi for the first time...in adulthood...in just another 6 pounds! I just can't believe it. It seems impossible to think...I'm actually going to do it this time!
Raw has truly changed my life. I feel like I can accomplish anything!
Thanks for all your encouraging threads RP...I really love hearing about your Raw Journey. They are an inspiration.

[Nenyath]

Go you Shelshel! Really sounds like you are getting this going! And thank you again for the wake-up call RP and you will go below the 200 this time because you know what kept you! I had a conversation last night with my mate about not keeping eyes on the goal and how I do detours (I am unemployed at the moment, writting a book) and this talk reminded me of this very post and got me realise a few things. I am afraid of becomming an author, I am afraid of taking those few steps and get a book written and published. The question why has haunted me for days, "why don't I get any ideas", "why don't I just eat all raw" but no more asking when the answar is already given. I think Revvell posted something about this, to step out on unfamiliar ground makes you afraid. This led to an interresting dream tonight(as I write it is 7am); I went to see or do something and when I got there, Cirque du Soleil had a show there, I was thrilled as I love the Cirque so I went to watch it. Somehow I ended up IN the show instead! I had one day to get familiar with my role(we where backstage and the people were awesome!) The next day as we went over to the tent I realised that I was not even sure what I was supposed to do, but I knew it would go well still. The last of the dream is me walking down the aisle and there are people all around eager to see us artists and then there are phenomenol firework too! :rolleyes: I was so thrilled when I woke up because I had pushed myself out on unfamiliar ground and it felt great!

Fly forever free!

[Aasyah]

RP,

You hit on a lot of excellent points of Self sabotage a.k.a self destruction. I think as humans we are a bit frighten or intimidate to something new or to change. This will interrupt what we call our comfort zone. :eek:

My struggles with transitioning to raw have been a Major challenge, but i can say that it has gotten more easier once i started to REALLY think more honestly about my overall health, and see that i desreve better than what i have done in the past. I look at my living food chef certificate, and question my actions and intintions of what it represents to me as a person who made a commitment to live a much healthier life and share this gift with others.
So now i have to kick my self in the rear and start putting my purpose into action, and quit the mental and physical sabotage.

"you can't afford the luxury of a negative thought"
I remember reading this from a title of a book i saw many years ago, and sometimes it comes to mind when negativity comes a knocking lol lol.

Thanks for your post i will keep it in my "favorites" as a reminder. :)

Cassandra

[Advid]

Hi everybody.

I experience the same slipping efect altough I'm not concerned about my weight. The fact is that it's not only food, but exercising and meditation as well. For example, I eat 100% raw, I run regularly, but I'm not able to do my yoga exercise and meditation regularly (every day). When I succeed doing that, I slip in food etc. Does anybody experience the same thing? It seems to me that I need to target to focus on and that if I do everything like I want, I lost focus. Any ideas? :confused:

[Nenyath]

Hi Advid..

I know the feeling.. Earlier today I was actually thinking about it and I think I came up with a solution. I learn about so many tools for self growth and I ever only manage to hold on to a few at the time. What I am doing now is making each thing a habit! A habit to vizualize with feeling in the morning and be grateful for the new day etc. Once a habit is stuck it does not need the same amount of attention as new things. Actually it is reprogramming of the brain I am doing.. Maybe the same would work for you?

Fly forever free..

[Advid]

Nenyath: Yes, I'm doing it this way. I try to practise little of everything and since it happens a habit, I'll extend its duration. But sometimes I fail even with the small amount of activity. Perhaps because of my new girlfriend (100% raw :p ) and time spend with her.

[Nenyath]

lol.. Add a new thing to the routine and it is bound to mess a few things up along the way :rolleyes: But it sounds like the rest was already routine, then I guess it is easier to settle as routine again..

Fly forever free..

[aquagirl]

RP you must realize a lifetime of habits good or bad will not dissapear overnight it has to be practiced everyday and forgiveness to yourself, for being just like anyone else.
i plan my life knowing this is what i need so i won't sabotage my diet- i allow myself certain day(s) 1x month or week to be
and eat whatever (not permission to pig :rolleyes: ) it usually ends up being something cooked but healthyish and or sweet it helps me get through when i'm getting to the point of going overboad this way it's controled planned and forgiven. When will this not be nessassary? for me it's a lifestyle i am raw-enough for now.

[rawpriestess]

Hi aquagirl,


Alas, if that worked for me, I'm an all or nothing type of person, one of the ones, who is totally addicted to cooked food,

if I have one bite of cooked food, I'm a gonner for years, months, now only weeks, (thank Goddess)

so that won't work for me, it really doesn't work for anyone, because they keep going back to cooked, each week, each month, whatever,

I choose to eat 100% raw 100% of the time, that is the ONLY thing that works for me

good to have you here.

[SkinniMinni]

RP

Wow, I can really relate to your post. My highest weight was 271, and I'm sitting around 208 now; however this spring I managed to get myself down to 186 (and had promised myself then that I would never see the 200's again) and well here we are. I've been sitting around 205-211 for the last few months, 205 when I am really "good" and 211 when unraw things tempt me. I totally relate to the whole 200 thing, as I seem to have some fear around passing it again. For me, I need to look at what being under "200" means, it means I'm technically not obese anymore, but just "overweight". It means my final goal is close to within reach, and then what? What happens next for me after I am not striving to lose X number of pounds as food and weight seem to consume a lot of my current thinking. When I am at goal I won't be able to blame "FAT" anymore for my problems but need to take accountabilty for the life I create for myself. It's a new and sometimes scary place to be.

A suggestion I have for both of us might be ... what happended if we didn't weigh ourselves but stayed raw (certainly we would lose weight) but not be confronted with that 200 number on the scale and the fear associated with it. Maybe if in two months, we got on the scale and it said 186 - the scary number has been bypassed? Something to think on anyways.

[CAdreamer]

My self-sabotage has nothing to do with food, smoking, drinking etc. I've learned that my problem with self-sabotage happens when external pressures (almost exclusively 'people') are exerted on me in a way in which it puts me at a clear disadvantage, and works on my emotions. Some people have a way of imposing their own self-centered expectations, and then those of us who want to do things the right way, expeditiously, and so that everyone wins, are 'played with' emotionally. That's my biggest reason to self-sabotage.
Of course, it never solves the problem.....

As a child, I used to be very hurt whenever anyone was even slightly disappointed in me....teacher, parent, coach....so I set very high goals for myself (I guess hoping that the goals were higher than anyone else would set for me, so how could they be disappointed ?) In the past few years, and I'm still learning, I've made myself realize that these people are 'lacking' much themselves, so they make up for their insecurity, insufficiency, and ineptness by putting the pressure on others. I quit a very good job because of the constant 'chaos' that my boss and his wife were creating (while at the same time 'adoring' me ...wow, that one keeps you guessing !!)

Anyway, I guess we all have our own reasons for self-sabotage and our own ways of 'commiting it'....none of which solve anything.

[rawpriestess]

I was talking with my friend the other day about this, she isn't raw, but she is a behavioral counselor, different than me, but close enough.

anyway, she was talking about allowing the new "me" to be established as my identity, to allow myself to really feel who I am right now.

I don't think I want to eat cooked to stay here, but I am allowing myself to "feel" who I am and my new size, and to allow being the me that I am right now.

I went to a friend's house today, and his wife is beatifully thin and petite, and he hugged me, and said, there's nothing to hug anymore. LOL

he was right, I am really so much smaller especially around my waist that I was before.

His wife got her arms all the way around me, and she used to only be able to get them around my shoulders, LOL

it is so strange, I do look so much different, and yet I feel like me, when I sit in chairs, I am really surprised, as I used to have to find chairs without arms, because they didn't fit my behind, now I can sit in any chair, and I don't even touch the sides anymore, now THAT is an accomplishment. LOL

what a difference, I'll get some pics tomorrow and let you all see the new me.


in fact, we could use some good pics of all of us, we need to know who we are talking to here.

[honeybee joy]

Thank you for sharing this....I myself have found myself sabotoging myself too. I see the weight come off....and I actually think that my face looks ugly because of it. I guess I think that it doesn't look the way that I always thought it should look if I lost the weight. I know for a fact that if I was not ill, and if cooked food did not hurt me like it did, I would stay cooked, because there are so many reasons to stay fat.
You mentioned not returning a call or a message to a new friend because it felt uncomfortable....I have so done that. I have found I like to keep others at a distance....I am trying to figure out why....but I know for now that is what I am comfortable with....so that is what is going to do for now.

I waffle between 170-181. I get to 170, then I do somthing silly and get back to 180. Then I get upset because I have put 10 lbs on so them I loose it, and gain it. I can't seem to get past 170. I know I am staying there for a reason....

Thanks for sharing you heart! It was comforting to read about it, because I struggle with the same stuff.
I wish you luck and love!

[honeybee joy]

Originally Posted By romanticsnet
Problem is, that I am always hitting these weird stumbling blocks and cravings 2 weeks before my period. I am like a CRAVING INSATIABLE lunatic!

I have had those problems as well. A week before I get my period the cooked food monster comes out and starts talking to me, and buy the time the period comes I have already or do succumb to him. Nasty little cooked food monster! :p :mad:

[Advid]

lol.. Add a new thing to the routine and it is bound to mess a few things up along the way :rolleyes: But it sounds like the rest was already routine, then I guess it is easier to settle as routine again..



Exactly, it has been a routine already, but not perfect and sometimes spoiled. ;) Well, I should stop talking about it and start doing it, right? :D

[Nenyath]

Thats the best thing to do in most cases! :p

Fly forever free..