Can't stop crying

[Eveleaf]

I just got off the phone with my (formerly raw) twin sister. She's is six weeks pregnant and told me she just can't do raw right now, and she'll have to pick it up again after the baby is born.

It really was a raw miracle that she got pregnant. A few years ago she had a 14-pound cyst removed from one of her ovaries (the size of a watermelon), and we feared she was infertile after that. I really am thrilled that she and her husband are going to have a baby. But now I feel like I'm losing her.

And really, I AM losing her.

This is the girl who got me INTO raw, calling me estatic after two weeks on raw back at the beginning of May. We've been raw buddies ever since, and closer than I can remember in a long time, calling each other several times a day to share our raw joys and sucesses, losing weight side by side, comparing new recipes and all the wonderful side effects of our raw lives together.

I know she is the MAJOR reason my journey this time around has been so easy and lovely, as opposed to the isolated struggle I had with raw a few years ago. I'm sure I would not have been able to do this without her.

Now I haven't argued with her choices, but I'm so heartbroken. She says just the thought of raw food is making her stomach sick, and I totally understand that (having experienced major food aversions with my last pregnancy). And she's moving to an area where good raw food is going to be scarce, and I appreciate that too. But I really don't know how I'm going to do this without her. I feel as if all my joy in this raw life has been sucked out.

I feel so alone. I don't do alone well. (Consider, I am a twin, and then I married a twin too...) I can't stop crying and I'm scared that I won't be able to do this by myself. She's been such an encouragement and source of happiness for me, and it was so lovely to have this in common and grow closer to her again in the last few months. She seems so distant now.

You know, I've told so many people in my life about RAW, and they've all watched the dramatic changes in me. But while a lot of people have "dabbled" with raw as a result, she was the only person in my life truly committed along side me. Now it's just me, and frankly, I feel like a freak.

SADdened...
Eve

[lissomllama]

*hugs* I'm sorry you and your sis are dealing with this stuff.

First of all, no matter what, you can do raw by yourself if you must. Raw is how you were meant to be so it is right and natural. Just don't let yourself quit. The universe always works out just as it should. Try not to worry.

Now the other issue. Tell your sister how you feel, tell her exactly what you said here and don't forget to mention hopw much easier her pregnancy would be health wise if she stays raw. Find every bit of raw pregnancy information you can and show her. I know it may be hard for her what with all the cravings and such, but it would simply be unhealthy for her to 1) not be raw and to 2) quit raw right as she has become pregnant. She will be dumping all sorts of toxins into her now, more fragile body. Tell her that if she wants to give this baby the best, healthiest start possible and remain glowing and healthy herself, she needs to stay raw. Be persistent and stick with her and hope that she listens. If not, then you did your best and when her pregnancy is over, help her get right back on track with raw. I'm sure you'll be able to make her see the good sense in staying raw all through the pregnancy though.

Some of the benefits are (in no particular order): Less weight gain, healthy, perfect baby, almost no chemical toxins getting to her or the baby, no hormones or mucous from meats and dairy products (she'll have enough hormone issues with the pregnancy alone), she'll get and absorb all the nutrients she needs much easier and more efficiently with raw, less painful and shorter delivery, she'll get back to her previous figure much faster after the birth and most importantly she'll be close in touch with the wonderful earth mother energy that all pregnant women feel. What could be better than being pregnant and eating the luscious fruits and vegetation of our wonderful earth? As a pregnant woman, she'd be much closer to that wonderful energy with raw.

I hope this helps you a bit, feel better :)

[Eveleaf]

Thank you so much for the kind words, lissomllama. I can't argue with this girl, unfortunately. Any attempt to make her change her mind will only cause her to dig her heels in more. She is pretty stubborn, and that is the SAD truth. :(

I loved what you said about this being the natural way my body was designed to eat, that helps, it really does. I have started feeling like a freak on display. Everyone watches me and praises me and says they'd love to be "able" to do this, but no one does. No one but HER, and now she's stopped as well. I miss her support so much, she was my raw heart. She was my rock.

[Coriander74]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time.

I agree with Lissom...

Hang in there.

[lissomllama]

Thank you so much for the kind words, lissomllama. I can't argue with this girl, unfortunately. Any attempt to make her change her mind will only cause her to dig her heels in more. She is pretty stubborn, and that is the SAD truth. :(

I loved what you said about this being the natural way my body was designed to eat, that helps, it really does. I have started feeling like a freak on display. Everyone watches me and praises me and says they'd love to be "able" to do this, but no one does. No one but HER, and now she's stopped as well. I miss her support so much, she was my raw heart. She was my rock.

I know it is hard, but you'll get through it just fine. Even if you can't argue with her, it will help both you and her to tell her once and for all, your view of the situation. Say your peace and then you can leave it at that. But she is your twin, she needs to know how you really feel and hear it from your mouth. Then she can do with it what she will.

I meant every word of what I said. This IS how we were meant to live. Look at our anatomy. We are built for a raw, vegan diet. No exceptions. It is the REST of society that are eating the 'different' diet. To our ancestors they would be the 'freaks'. The strong earthbound people of our past would be left scratching their heads if they saw people stuffing their faces with dead food. Simple as that. You may be a minority but then again, most of the truly enlightened ones always are. Forget about all that. Be consumed with raw and consume only raw :D

[D'vorah]

You said, "She seems so distant now," and "She was my rock." Part of that distance may just be the fact of being pregnant and not about you at all. When I was pregnant the first time, I all but crawled into the womb with the baby. He became my whole focus. You have to grow and learn to be a rock for yourself. This is hard, terribly so, for you, but it could also be a blessing in forcing you to learn how to lean only upon yourself and not be a slave to the availability of another.

I've talked about this book before here, The Pathway. Before I got the book and started using the techniques, I was totally dependent upon others as my sense of support, I had little sense of self. I would try and try to meditate, but it was impossible to sit alone with myself. One of the tools taught early in the program was asking, "How do I feel?" and "What do I need?" I had no idea.

http://www.thepathway.org/

Hugs, Eveleaf, you CAN do this, I'm sure you can.

Blessings,

Deborah

[Sharon in Colorado]

What D'vorah said struck me. This may be a sort of preparation for you. When that baby comes, your sisters attention will be toward him so much that you may feel left out too. So maybe this is something that will prepare you for the times ahead.

Also, is she going to be 100% cooked? How much cooked will she be having? Maybe she'll stay high raw, knowing how healthy it is for her.

[rawfigure]

Eve...{{hugs}} I feel sad that you are hurting. I am an Identical twin myself so I can appreciate your feelings about losing your twin in your Raw Journey. BUT Eve you can do it alone. You can !

My twin sister introduced me to RAW a year ago and we are both still Raw. If she decided to be un Raw I would think she was nuts :p but I would try not to feel alone or abandoned because we are so close, soulmates and what ever she feels is best for her I support.

I hope you do not mind me asking, how old are you ? Being twins you will go thru various growing stages and emotions as things change over the years. But one thing will never change and that is how special you are to one another.

I remember when my twin had her first child, I never did have one. It was odd at first to see her pregnant and I was not...we are always the same size.I have a special place in my heart for her 18 yr old son, it has always been that way. SO It is a special time for her and she may feel Raw is something she can concentrate on right now. She will come back !

I say embrass the growing pains. As your relationship evolves with your twin, it will also GROW !!!!!!! :) :)

[jujube]

I agree with the above posts, but would also like to add...

The body goes through some incredible changes during pregnancy. Cravings can be unbearable. Even Shazzie ate cooked food during her pregnancy, despite being such a well-known raw advocate. And I know plenty of vegetarians who had crazy cravings for red meat while they were pregnant, and ended up becoming omnivores during that time. I don't judge any of them for it. I don't know what it's like to be in their place, so I assume they did what they felt was best at the time.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to watch your sister become un-raw... but the best thing you can do is support her in whatever she chooses, because pregnancy is a tough thing.

[rawpriestess]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but please remember there are hundreds of us on this board, who would be great raw buddies, just get on this board, and type out what you would have told her,

I know it's not the same, but you know we'll be here.

And I agree that she needs to focus on herself and the baby, that is the way we are made, to survive, and to procreate, it's the basic part of our nature.

Pregnancy can be strange enough without all of this too.

please keep calling her, and helping her through this, just because she isn't raw, doesn't mean she doesn't want to hear from you or talk to you.

she needs you more than ever now, and as you continue on your raw path, and get thinner, and more healthy, she's going to want to be right there beside you, just allow her to make her choices, as she is allowing you to make yours.

[vgloveforlife]

Eveleaf- you have us here!!

I have a twin sister too so I do understand were you are coming from.

Congratulations on her pregnancy though. My twin sister just had a baby girl. It is just so special to watch my twin sister become a mother. It's incredible!

Maybe your sister will get back to raw food soon. Hopefully! Meanwhile I wonder if anyone on these boards lives closeby to where you live. You could find out if there are other raw foodists in your area and maybe start a support group...good luck! :)

[chilove]

I know this is hard and disapointing right now, but how what a blessing it is that your sister discovered raw and led YOU to it. She might decide to go back to it later, especially if you are a shining example of raw wonderfullness. :-) You have all of us here, don't despair. You CAN do this! I promise! :-)

In light,

Audrey
www.rawhealing.com

[free]

Be encouraged. Like the others have said you can do it. Try focusing on the fact that your sister who once was not able to get pregnant is now about to give birth. Share in this joy with her as this will make you forget about your sadness. Don't give up. ;)

[Sharon in Colorado]

Was gonna say that maybe she just doesn't want raw now, in the nauseas stage. Once her food aversions go away, she might be welcoming more raw.

Wouldn't it be great for you to send her some delicious homemade raw treats?

[Eveleaf]

You said, "She seems so distant now," and "She was my rock." Part of that distance may just be the fact of being pregnant and not about you at all. When I was pregnant the first time, I all but crawled into the womb with the baby. He became my whole focus. You have to grow and learn to be a rock for yourself. This is hard, terribly so, for you, but it could also be a blessing in forcing you to learn how to lean only upon yourself and not be a slave to the availability of another.

I've talked about this book before here, The Pathway. Before I got the book and started using the techniques, I was totally dependent upon others as my sense of support, I had little sense of self. I would try and try to meditate, but it was impossible to sit alone with myself. One of the tools taught early in the program was asking, "How do I feel?" and "What do I need?" I had no idea.

http://www.thepathway.org/

Hugs, Eveleaf, you CAN do this, I'm sure you can.

Blessings,

Deborah

You likely have a point. I do depend on a select few very close relationships to support me and keep me together. I just assumed that was my innate twinness. :) I don't know. But I know I HAVE to be raw and I don't want it to get miserable like it was my first time around. I didn't have this board then, either. But really, there's very little I can say here that ya'll haven't heard a hundred times already. :o

[Eveleaf]

What D'vorah said struck me. This may be a sort of preparation for you. When that baby comes, your sisters attention will be toward him so much that you may feel left out too. So maybe this is something that will prepare you for the times ahead.

Also, is she going to be 100% cooked? How much cooked will she be having? Maybe she'll stay high raw, knowing how healthy it is for her.

She said she was going to just focus on being vegan for the duration of the pregnancy, but then when I asked her further, she admitted to having pizza for lunch. All I could think was, great! The baby's had it's first pizza! Yeah, this is so much (sarcastic...) better than raw for your child's nutritional needs! But I wouldn't have said that out loud to her.

Eve

[Eveleaf]

Eve...{{hugs}} I feel sad that you are hurting. I am an Identical twin myself so I can appreciate your feelings about losing your twin in your Raw Journey. BUT Eve you can do it alone. You can !

My twin sister introduced me to RAW a year ago and we are both still Raw. If she decided to be un Raw I would think she was nuts :p but I would try not to feel alone or abandoned because we are so close, soulmates and what ever she feels is best for her I support.

I hope you do not mind me asking, how old are you ? Being twins you will go thru various growing stages and emotions as things change over the years. But one thing will never change and that is how special you are to one another.

I remember when my twin had her first child, I never did have one. It was odd at first to see her pregnant and I was not...we are always the same size.I have a special place in my heart for her 18 yr old son, it has always been that way. SO It is a special time for her and she may feel Raw is something she can concentrate on right now. She will come back !

I say embrass the growing pains. As your relationship evolves with your twin, it will also GROW !!!!!!! :) :)

Rawfigure, as you're a twin also, this post meant a lot to me. I think you appreciate how painful the seperation can be. My sister and I haven't been close in YEARS (we're 29), we really grew apart when I got married and she moved away, and then I struggled with terrible depression for years due to my SAD diet. Often times she would avoid calling me because I could just be so, well, *itchy. :o But then when we started doing raw again everything just blossomed back up, and my personality was so much happier and we were like girlfriends again. *sigh*... So maybe part of what scares me is the possibility of losing this fragile relationship that is only a few months old again.

Thank you again,
Eve