rawpriestess
08-16-2006, 02:02 PM
As I continue on my RAW eating, I realize so many things about myself.
I have nothing to stuff down my feelings, of insecurity, of unworthiness, of fear. NOTHING.
I quit smoking 30 years ago
I quit drinking 23 years ago
I quit eating meat 11 years ago
I quit eating cooked food 5 months ago
I quit hurting myself with relationships 2 weeks ago
I quit torturing myself with what I was "supposed" to be TODAY!
is it a progression through life?
is it an age of awakening?
is it a transformation, that we all take?
is it a spiritual path?
is it just becoming who I always was?
I don't know, and I suppose it really doesn't matter all that much, what is the reasoning behind this progression.
or even what path it will take, or is even taking now.
I do know that as I continue on, I feel more like ME, like the ME, I've always been inside.
I can choose to love myself, even with all of my issues and challenges and problems, and addictions, and I can choose to love each and every being on the planet too.
That doesn't mean I need to LIVE with them.
LOL
My therapist told me that (1995), as I was allowing my 4th husband to be who he was, that just because I loved someone, and wanted to help them, didn't mean I needed to take in every derelict on the street.
I've always thought there must be a higher purpose to life, some etherial awakening, a spiritual path of sorts, and that I was to do more than just make pretty pictures.
Well, I have decided that pretty pictures are exactly what this world needs more of.
And YES, I can help people, but that doesn't mean that I should give up who I am to do that.
Just because I have money, doesn't mean I need to give it away, just because I have a house, doesn't mean I need to allow people to stay here, and just because I have a heart, doesn't mean I need to allow it to break.
I have made choices in my life, and they have made me who I am, and given me what I have.
Everyone makes choices too, and their life and surroundings reflect those choices, some may seem better than others, some people's lives may seem better than others, but everything is a trade off.
If I choose to spend time, laying in the grass, I may find relaxation, but will I make enough money that day to pay for the priveledge of owning a home with grass?
If I choose to spend money on something like a home, then I will also need to spend time making enough money to take care of it.
Life is all a trade off.
Time is irrelevant, we are all growing at the perfect speed.
Life keeps going on, and although I may choose to leave this life at any moment, it won't much matter in the big scheme of things.
I'll have done exactly what I was supposed to do here, and that is to live my life. No one elses just mine.
My life and all of that which I experience are my creation, my joys, my sorrows, my life, my choices, mine, all mine.
No one, can change my life choices, only me, it is all up to me.
I have manifested loving freinds and family into my life, lovers, companion animals, my home, my vehicles, my talents, and I am content with those choices. Each one has brought me closer to who I truly am. Myself. My spiritual self.
And as I contemplate that which my life choices have given me, I am thankful for all that I have become, and all that I will become. I am thankful for all that I have experienced and all that I wil experience in my life.
My life is joy filled, and blessed, and all I can say to everyone is
Please forgive me, I'm sorry and I love you.
Please forgive me for not being pefect, please forgive me for struggling with myself, my life and my issues, please forgive me for all my transgretions.
I'm sorry, that I haven't always been there for you, I'm sorry that I allowed my stuff to come up, and I tranferred it on to you, I'm sorry that I wasn't always kind and loving, I'm sorry that I hurt you.
I love you, all of you, every one of you, for you are all creations of my Universe. I love all that you are, were and will be, I love that you are here, as a part of this world and part of this place, and each one of you has touched my life and my heart with yours.
I have nothing to stuff down my feelings, of insecurity, of unworthiness, of fear. NOTHING.
I quit smoking 30 years ago
I quit drinking 23 years ago
I quit eating meat 11 years ago
I quit eating cooked food 5 months ago
I quit hurting myself with relationships 2 weeks ago
I quit torturing myself with what I was "supposed" to be TODAY!
is it a progression through life?
is it an age of awakening?
is it a transformation, that we all take?
is it a spiritual path?
is it just becoming who I always was?
I don't know, and I suppose it really doesn't matter all that much, what is the reasoning behind this progression.
or even what path it will take, or is even taking now.
I do know that as I continue on, I feel more like ME, like the ME, I've always been inside.
I can choose to love myself, even with all of my issues and challenges and problems, and addictions, and I can choose to love each and every being on the planet too.
That doesn't mean I need to LIVE with them.
LOL
My therapist told me that (1995), as I was allowing my 4th husband to be who he was, that just because I loved someone, and wanted to help them, didn't mean I needed to take in every derelict on the street.
I've always thought there must be a higher purpose to life, some etherial awakening, a spiritual path of sorts, and that I was to do more than just make pretty pictures.
Well, I have decided that pretty pictures are exactly what this world needs more of.
And YES, I can help people, but that doesn't mean that I should give up who I am to do that.
Just because I have money, doesn't mean I need to give it away, just because I have a house, doesn't mean I need to allow people to stay here, and just because I have a heart, doesn't mean I need to allow it to break.
I have made choices in my life, and they have made me who I am, and given me what I have.
Everyone makes choices too, and their life and surroundings reflect those choices, some may seem better than others, some people's lives may seem better than others, but everything is a trade off.
If I choose to spend time, laying in the grass, I may find relaxation, but will I make enough money that day to pay for the priveledge of owning a home with grass?
If I choose to spend money on something like a home, then I will also need to spend time making enough money to take care of it.
Life is all a trade off.
Time is irrelevant, we are all growing at the perfect speed.
Life keeps going on, and although I may choose to leave this life at any moment, it won't much matter in the big scheme of things.
I'll have done exactly what I was supposed to do here, and that is to live my life. No one elses just mine.
My life and all of that which I experience are my creation, my joys, my sorrows, my life, my choices, mine, all mine.
No one, can change my life choices, only me, it is all up to me.
I have manifested loving freinds and family into my life, lovers, companion animals, my home, my vehicles, my talents, and I am content with those choices. Each one has brought me closer to who I truly am. Myself. My spiritual self.
And as I contemplate that which my life choices have given me, I am thankful for all that I have become, and all that I will become. I am thankful for all that I have experienced and all that I wil experience in my life.
My life is joy filled, and blessed, and all I can say to everyone is
Please forgive me, I'm sorry and I love you.
Please forgive me for not being pefect, please forgive me for struggling with myself, my life and my issues, please forgive me for all my transgretions.
I'm sorry, that I haven't always been there for you, I'm sorry that I allowed my stuff to come up, and I tranferred it on to you, I'm sorry that I wasn't always kind and loving, I'm sorry that I hurt you.
I love you, all of you, every one of you, for you are all creations of my Universe. I love all that you are, were and will be, I love that you are here, as a part of this world and part of this place, and each one of you has touched my life and my heart with yours.