Another social situation

[Sharon in Colorado]

My husband and I were invited for dinner. The couple attends both our church and tae kwon do, and my husband knows the man but I've never met the wife before.

So anyhow, we got invited over for dinner in a couple of Sundays ahead.

They don't know I'm a veggie or raw.

My issue isn't so much the food as it is that this is just another one of those "situations" where I might have to answer questions or get into a discussion about my diet. I just get tired of it, as many years as I've done it.

The problem isn't the food itself but the whole explaining thing. And also my own concern about possibly insulting the hosts by not eating their food.

Since my husband is in communication with the man, I have no idea of the menu, but since they have young children and they are inviting another couple with young kids I am assuming that it will be buffet style, and is much easier than a sit down type of situation.

I am not sure that I even want to get in touch with the hostess and explain anything so that they don't go out and buy an extra lb. of meat for another person. I would just rather not get into it, or the discussion. Also another time I've told the hostess about my diet, I end up getting some kind of vegetarian cooked dish with cheese, and then feel obligated to eat what they put so much trouble into, so why bother with the before-hand discussion.

Probably I'll be eating before hand and bringing some kind of fruit bowl but like I mentioned that really isn't the issue that is challenging me at hand. I dont' even care about missing a meal so much as having to deal with handling the new folks and possible questions that arise.

I'd like to hear others who have gone through this - specifically getting invited over to another's home, a new friend who doesn't have the low-down on your diet.

[rawpriestess]

I always feel there is a polite way to handle things, and that is to as you said, take a fruit bowl, eat before you go, and simply eat what you want.


I've never had anyone ask me about my food when I do this.

usually if someone says anything, they say, "Oh, you chose to eat healthy huh? Good for you." and that's about it,

I've never gotten the "no meat?" or "rabbit food?" type of statement from anyone,

I think it is a matter of there are so many types of allergies to foods, and diets and all that. that most people won't even notice what you are or are not eating.

I'd just go and enjoy the company, as you say, it's not about the food.

and I've seen your wonderful dishes, they are tantalizing, I'm sure you'll make the most beautiful thing there on the buffet table.

[Gosia]

When I go to my family gatherings (which these days happen very very rarely, as I live in a different state), I simply bring my own food. They know I will, and there is no worry. They also know that I like salads, so if they feel like, they make one.

So perhaps tell them that you will bring your own food? You could even bring some to share with them.

Gosia

[spicyfull]

I welcome the questions and sharing. But I guess you are saying you have been where I am and you are tired of it.........First to thine own self be true..........

[LNdolls]

Sometimes I want to share, other times I just want to do my thang and be left alone... so trust your feelings. Eat beforehand, bring fruit, or a delish raw dessert and only bring it up if you feel like it. It is perfectly okay to keep your own counsel about your eating habits. The energy it takes to explain sometimes takes away from the pleasure of socializing. Don't let it.

[fallenangel]

Sharon
thats a tricky one alright, sometimes i tell a little white lie to get me out of situations where I dont want to offend anybody. I often say something like Im allergic to dairy , that I come out in a rash. and this way they seem to be more accepting. I know its a dishonest approach but its not a malicious way rather just sparing somebodies feelings. well in reality most of us are allergic to dairy, it causes all manner of crappy reactions. hope it goes ok for you Sharon keep us posted! hey or you could say your on a detox most women can grasp this rather than RAW which they may not have heard of!
xxxxxxx
best of luck :)

[juliebove]

I know what you mean. I just hate having people make a fuss over me. For some reason my husband's side of the family tends to freak when they hear the term "vegetarian". Back when I was still eating eggs and cheese I could almost always get enough to eat from just what was on the table. But then after the word got out that I was a vegetarian, everywhere I went, people were putting out all this food for me. Once I was even offered grape tomatoes as a snack when others were eating sweets. This person knew I didn't eat sweets because I'm a diabetic. Heh! But another time, this woman literally covered her table with every kind of vegetable and fruit she could find, many of which I didn't care for. There was no way I could eat it all! And she kept pushing and pushing it.

What I have done in the past when invited to neighbor's houses was to mention that I was on a special diet and ask if it would be okay for me to bring a raw veggie platter because I had to eat a lot of that kind of stuff. They never seemed to mind and sometimes I was actually able to find something they were serving that I could eat as well.

Or you could try what some other people I know have done when they were on liquid diets for various reasons. Tell the person that you would love to come but are on a liquid diet and will be unable to eat but will bring some of your special "food" so they don't have to worry about feeding you. Then bring a smoothie.

I do know how annoying it can be. I have diabetes and so does my brother. He and I do not follow the same diet and this confuses people. When I try to explain why I am eating the way I am, it only seems to confuse them further. I always get, "But your brother..."

[lissomllama]

I totally hear ya. It has gotten maddening with me too. I am often in the same situtation and feel the same word for word. I just persevere and repeat the same phrases ad-nauseum but with enthusiasm and if people don't like it so what, at the worst they wont invite me over for food anymore and oh well, I won't have to deal with explaining things. At the very best, they'd get curious in a good way, ask questions and end up trying it. Hey, you never know. Sometimes I just skip these appearances so I don't have to deal with it.

[DavidZaneMason]

-I always say something like, "I'm on a special diet of fresh cut fruits and vegetables."

-If I'm going to a party - I tell them I'll be bringing fruit and veggie plates.

-You'll do fine! :)

-David Mason

[Lunar*Fey]

I hear you!! Often I wish I could just say I'm allergic to all animal products and anything that has been cooked lol. But alas, that I cannot do. For some reason it seems many people serve a salad, which would work in your favor. Either way I would bring your own dish to share and enjoy it. Most likely they wont ask questions, but if they do maybe you could say something along the lines of what many others have suggested.
Its awkward going over my friends house, but she is an extremely extremely picky eater and only eats the exact same amounts of the exact same foods every day. but its still awkward in front for me with her parents...but they don't ask questions.

sorry I couldn't be of much help, I hope you can end up having a good time despite the dilema!

[Sharon in Colorado]

Wow guys thanks for all these thoughtful responses!

In the past I haven't really gotten any strange looks or line of questions (well most of the time, save a rude person or two), and don't really expect to this time either.

I guess what I am sort of fretting over is the energy I might have to expell being concerned about it. Actually expelling it now. And it's unnecessary energy I'm expelling. I know that I shouldn't even waste it when there are more productive things I could be doing with it.

Normally I would try to get out of it, but my DH is particularly clicking with the other husband, which is great and I don't want to ruin a blossoming positive relationship by causing him to avoid the function.

Perhaps it will be easier with the large amount of children who are usually picky eaters anyway.

The best scenario is that there will be lots of activity going on what with the kids and all, and not a quiet moment so that I will blend in. LOL.

I have a feeling though, that sooner or later we'll be getting a call or e-mail asking if there's anything we cannot eat, as we usually do. I will probably say that I eat mostly fresh fruits and vegetables to make it as clear as possible and I will bring some kid of fruit or veggie plate along.

[Lay-Lay]

yeah I would do like you said you were going to do, but I would call the hostess and ask her if she minded if you brought a salad and a dessert for the dinner. I never go to someones house without taking something even before raw. A nice salad and some date balls for everybody. How could you go wrong?

[Sharon in Colorado]

Oh I agree with you 100% Lay-Lay. Even when I was specifically told NOT to bring anything, I would bring the host/ess a bottle of wine or something. I can't just go empty-handed.

On the other hand we were once invited to a BBQ where we were told to bring our own meat to BBQ AND a side dish, even though it wasn't labeled a "potluck". Now that was a bit strange!

[Lay-Lay]

haha I went to a barbque once kind of like that. They had us bring the meat, had other people bring the condiments, drinks, side dishes, and buns. They even had someone bring the grill and the charcoal. The people hosting the party contributed nothing. I always thought that was a trip. I would never do something like that. I thought that took alot of nerve. I understand if they couldn't afford to have people over for a meal but wanted to have the company, but come on fix some lemonade or a popcorn or something, LOL.

[Sharon in Colorado]

I wish I had known about your story years ago as I got invited to that strange BBQ. I probably would have facetiously asked if they wanted me to bring a grill and charcoal too. That would have really started the gathering off on the right food, tee hee.

[Larue]

Sharon, I don't think it's ever a problem to call before hand to ask what the menu is when you're invited to someone's house for dinner. These days, so many people have allergies or a preference of some kind or another. And you're right, when someone invites people over, especially that small of a group, they are probably planning a certain amount of food for each person, therefore, it's best to call before hand. However, you don't have to say anything more than you have certain food restrictions and you'd be happy to bring, say, a salad or a fruit bowl for everyone to share. I don't think this will put you in the position to explain anything.

I think the wife would appreciate a guest bringing something special. That's one less thing she has to make!

[Sharon in Colorado]

Update: We went to a cook out today in a park with the Taekwondo families. We saw the couple and I met the wife who was very nice.

She had "overheard" me telling someone else that my onion dill dip was vegan so she asked if I was a vegetarian. I said yes and the other girl who knows I'm raw asked if I still eat raw food. I mentioned that yes, I eat mostly fruits and vegetables.

The wife had not mentioned anything about dinner the next day, but they both told my husband that they "used" to be vegetarians and they'd have salads and stuff for me. My dh told them that I really didn't care for people to fuss over me, but they said it wasn't a problem and that they make soups in their vitamix all the time now, lol.

I will keep you all posted but I was going to probably bring over some melon or corn salad. Maybe one or the other, not sure if I should bring both!

[Conscious Midwife]

Hmmmm church couple?!?!?

Well I'd read up on my OT Bible and allow any raw diet conversation to turn into a bit of a ministry/ bible discussion. If they are former vegetarians then they are probably open minded about food topics.

At least the park outing allowed them the opportunity to be put on notice. Eat their salad if you choose take some raw fudge and above all enjoy the fellowship of your church buddies. :)

[Sharon in Colorado]

That is a good idea, life. I actually have some dehydrated cookie things around, I will probabaly bring some over with the corn salad.

Somehow I seem to always find diet/health a topic of conversation. It is funny because I don't mean to start it or encourage it, but it always happens. I've been back and forth with the meat/cooked bibilical discussion with my DH, and they don't always end up positive. Sometimes I'd rather just leave the Bible out of it because there are so many variables and verses that could support ANY diet all through the Bible.

[Conscious Midwife]

Sometimes I'd rather just leave the Bible out of it because there are so many variables and verses that could support ANY diet all through the Bible.


YEH BIBLE Interpretation/ Application is "funny" like that.

One thing about it the preflood vegan diet produced folks with longer lives than the post flood diet. :p :D :cool:

[exurb]

oh yeah, that's for sure, there's lots of meat eating going on in the bible, even sacrifices and all...

unless that was Alissa's mock salmon and mock tuna they were serving at the loaves and fishes feast... ;)

though in the garden of eden they seem to be eating raw.

Enjoy Sharon, good luck, I find dinner invites the most awkward thing, especially awkward when you don't know the couple very well. I always take VERY nice gifts for the hostess (and usually a couple nice bottles of something) to help engender good feelings all around. Sometimes even little fun items for their kids too.

IMO it's a good rule of thumb to not discuss raw eating and get all preachy about why it's good when there's someone's lovingly prepared SAD food on the table, so I really try to avert any discussion. It's not the time, when others are eating to get into it.

[Sharon in Colorado]

Okay this is the way it all turned out guys.

We went to the dinner. I brought a corn salad and some 'desserts' I had made, some lemon rings and chocolate macaroons.

Dinner went really, really well. The hostess made some veggies in pretty bell peppers, it was very thoughtful. She said they were all raw and she didn't have any raw dressing for the salad, and I just said, it's not a big deal, I'm fine. She was very gracious and accommodating.

Here is the part that is making me choke up all night here and I hope I can sleep.

Her 4 year old son is allergic to nuts. He throws up and he gets some swelling, so it isn't like he goes into shock but he has a bad sesitivity to them. The mom asked me if there were nuts in the desserts I brought. Trying to recollect what was in them, I told her that the lemon rings had cashews but the chocolate macaroons were made with coconuts, and he could eat those.

A few minutes later, the little boy came up to me with tears in his eyes and told me "you said these are okay to eat"....

I reply: "the lemon rings have nuts but the black ones are okay to eat".

A few moments later the mother pulls me aside, calmly and kindly asks me what EXACTLY was in the macaroons.

I went over the ingredients with her, and then I thought I was going to pass out for minute. I remembered that I had put almond flour in the macaroons, and could NOT believe I didn't even think of that. What the hell was I thinking?

She repeatedly told me "it is okay, don't feel bad please"...both her and her kind husband kept reassuring me that it was FINE. But that certainly did not help me feel like the worst mother and health fanatic in the world!

Even when we left, the husband/dad AGAIN told me not to worry about what happened. But how could I not?

The boy was fine after he threw up a few times, he was playing and happy.

But I feel like crap! I told DH we need to watch a movie tonight or I'm not going to be able to get my mind off of it!

So this turned out to be a very strange night. It was nice, but ended up with a twist, and I was the one who twisted it! Argh! :(

[madmel]

Oh Sharon,

what a nightmare to happen to you - I really feel for you. You thoughtfully prepared the treats and then that. Don't be too hard on yourself, the boy is fine and I am sure this won't happen again ;)

Now go and watch a good movie...

cheers,
mel