View Full Version : Stop Eating Eggs
07-19-2006, 04:38 PM
as I have mentioned before, my hubby eats meat. A lot of it. I try to encourage him to eat vegan as often as possible. He seems into it when we are at home, but then I find out he buys chicken sandwiches at work- sometimes he just forgets about the bread and just buys the pieces of meat; always buying burgers, double pattie, extra cheese. I cant even get him to eat a veggie burger! I know I shouldnt force him to give meat up, but I want so badly for him to become healthier (every man in his family who has died, has died of cancer. And quite a few have died.), but i feel as though he just doesnt care enough to try hard at eating healthy. He also loves those nasty sodas and "juice" which are chock-full of sugar and additives-You name it, he will injest it.
Sunday, i opened up the link to the NotMilk site and I was completely appalled at what I learnt. I told him to come over and read it, and when he did, he got sooo defensive (and kinda offensive to me) cuz he "doesnt drink milk but will NEVER give up cheese!" All I had done was ask him to read the article. That started us fighting every day so far for this week. We've been arguing about everything. We're still not speaking. He even went so far as to scramble about five eggs last night. Five! and he knows I detest the idea of anyone eating eggs, so much to the point that it makes me sick, just looking at cooked eggs; and I actually threw up last time he asked me to make them for him. I dont buy these things when we are shopping for groceries, but somehow it ends up in the house. I want so badly to purge the house of all these things, but I fear he will become upset and will say I am forcing my beliefs on him. I want him to stop eating unhealthy for his own good, but my efforts always backfire. I have been direct, indirect, loving, shouted, cried about it, but to no avail. Nothing works!
I know, I know, he is an adult and I shouldn't tell him what to eat, what kinda lifestyle to choose. But there's one small problem: He's the love of my life. I refuse to lose him to any preventable disease!
*sigh* Now if only both of us would think like that...
07-19-2006, 04:53 PM
Really, the best thing you can do is lead by example. If you try to force a diet on him, you're going to lose him to divorce much sooner than to a preventable disease. Do vegan dinners but let him have his non-vegan lunches. If he likes juice, then buy him 100% juice, not the stuff that's loaded up with extra sugar. It may not be as good as fresh juice, but it's better than what he's currently drinking.
07-19-2006, 05:05 PM
I agree. Lead by example. Preaching and trying to convert people only antagonizes them, no matter how much you love them and are only trying to help.
When he sees you lose weight, and heal from aches and illnesses and thing, and get that beautiful raw skin glow and energy, that will have much more of a positive impact than words ever could.
07-19-2006, 05:10 PM
I have not had to deal with anyone but my children with my Raw journey and I can tell you that at this point I am glad about it, however it is my experience that people that act like that KNOW deep down what is right and they rebel anyway and YOU are the person that represents what he knows he should be doing and he is gonna take it out on you. Fair? No, but life isn't fair.
Plain and simple, He is going to have to make those choices and there is NOTHING you can do about it.
I agree that you need to be the best example you can and leave it at that.
I have read alot of threads here with couples that share their lives together and have totally different views on eating. You will most likely have to be one of those people.
If the day comes and your man sees for himself the need to eat better, than you can praise the day it happens. Till then? I'd leave it be and focus on the things you can do for yourself.
Be good to yourself :) Read and learn and Love your meat eater if that's who you love :)
07-19-2006, 05:11 PM
Preventable disease? What disease is that? *Is wondering why she asked this question, because she probably doesn't want to know the answer.*
Here's my take on the situation. We're all different. What we like to eat is different. Even here among the raw foodists we all prefer certain things and/or find that we feel better when we eat a certain way. I can say that this way is right for me. And only me. I can't even say what is right for you!
My husband is a big meat eater. So is my friend Joanie. If I ate the way they did, I would not feel at all well. I just can't do it! But neither can they eat the say I do! My husband once got all excited over a spinach salad with honey mustard dressing on it that he got in a restaurant. So I took note of all that was in it and recreated the same thing for him at home. The problem was, I made a huge one, meaning it for it to be the meal. It and only it. He commented on the huge size of the bowl I gave him, apparently not comprehending what I said when I said the salad was the meal.
He plowed through the salad for a while, said he was tired of eating it and was ready for the rest of the meal. He put the rest of the salad into the fridge where it sat until I thew it out all wilted and disgusting, several days later. He then ordered out for pizza because there was no other food in the house. This was back before we were married. I had my own apartment. He never kept any food around. Just ordered out for pizza or got fast food. I would occasinally bring food to make a meal as I had that night.
I have tried on other occasions to get him to eat vegetarian or vegan meals be they cooked or raw. Even when he does enjoy that food, he is still looking for that meat, or cheese or eggs. He just seems to have to have them! Exception being Bocca burgers. Not sure why that is. Of course he WILL eat an entire package of the things all by himself. But otherwise, he is not satisfied unless he has these animal products in him.
I did not grow up in a vegetarian or vegan household, but we did have what my parents called "Meatless Mondays". They actually started doing this in the church we went to at the time. What we were to do was figure out how much money we would have spent on meat for that meal and donate it to help feed the poor. Now monday wasn't the only time we had no meat. We were at times poor ourselves so sometimes our dinner was only a "salad bar", popcorn and soup, pancakes and fruit, etc.
I thought perhaps my upbringing had something to do with my not feeling the need to eat meat. Until I met my inlaws. My husband himself did not come from a wealthy family. His dad had a huge garden where he grew veggies and fruit. His mom frequently fixed meatless meals and in fact his dad preferred to eat vegetarian meals.
So it has got to be something inside of us. Something in our own individual chemistry that leads us to eat the way we do. Of course I am no expert on the matter, but this is what I'm going with for now because it's the way it seems to be!
I do not tell my husband what he should eat. Rather I ask him what I should buy from the store for him given that his diet is much different than what my daughter and I eat. She is not 100% raw but has food allergies, so neither of us eat what you would call a standard diet. There are certain foods I simply don't want in the house though because they skeeve me out. I won't get into the specifics of those. But if he wants them he knows where he can get them and he can go eat them there.
I have to leave soon to go get my organic produce box from the store. There will be eggs in it. He asked for them. The farm I get the box from also sells chocolate, bread, coffee and some other non-produce things. I will no longer cook the eggs now that I know I have a severe egg allergy. I would even prefer that he not cook them when my daughter or I are in the house because both of us are allergic and there is a chance that particles of cooking egg wafting through the air could make us sick. So far that hasn't happened, but technically it could.
I figure my husband is an adult. It's up to him to make his own choices, whether I like it or not.
07-19-2006, 05:12 PM
Sure! I agree. Did you like it when your parents nagged you or forced you to eat a certain way? People are always judging what you do....by what you ARE. They figure.....hey! here's a successful and joyful person....and they eat healthy....so that means I can eat healthy and be that way too!
OR.......here's a person who is defensive, unhappy, preachy, pushy....etc.....is THAT what eating healthy causes you to be?! NOT for me! Ha! ha! (I'm not saying you're that way). :)
-Let him eat any way he wants....and offer him delicious fresh food at every opportunity. It's a spectrum for all individuals.....of awareness....and of diet.
-Just my opinions.
07-19-2006, 05:17 PM
all I can say is, "How would you like it, if your hubby treated you the way you are treating him?"
so, let's say he is trying to get you to eat right, he wants you to eat meat and eggs and dairy, I mean after all, there are plenty of people, even doctors who say YOU MUST eat this stuff right?
So, what would you do if he showed you these websites? and wanted you to eat more healthy (in HIS opinion)
just turn it around, and see how you would feel.
probably very defensive, very upset and very unhappy.
so, you can make a decision now (if you wish),
either your husband or your attempting to control him
one MUST go,
which will it be?
now, please know that I totally agree with you, I think ALL people SHOULD eat raw, and not smoke and not drink and not take drugs, I think we should all tell everone we know what wonders we have learned about raw, the problem is that life doesn't work that way, not one person can or "should" try to control anyone else. ALL you will receive is defenciveness, arguments, and anger, it may even break up your marriage.
So, allow him to do what he wants, just like you expect him to allow you to do what you want, and let him be, make his food with love, at least he will be getting love in each meal, even if it is dead flesh, but at least you will be giving him your love.
07-19-2006, 05:40 PM
I know you are right. I'm just so afraid of losing him. Since I've been blessed with finding Raw and all of you guys, I have realised how sick I was making myself by what I ate. I feel like my way of eating before was akin to suicide; as if I had been slowly poisoning myself. I ate the same way my husbad does. He influenced me all the time to binge on this or on that. Now, i wish I had that same effect on him.
Was it Hippocrates who said "Let your food be your medicine, let your medicine be your food" ? I believe it. I believe that if I had only discovered raw 6+ years ago, I would not be in the predicament I am currently in (health-wise, that is) The reality is that I didn't, so I'm working on getting my health back on track with Raw. Cant cry over spilt milk.
Given as none of the men in hubby's family ever survived the various cancers they got (except for one, who had his colon removed and now wears a colostomy bag) I want to do all I can to prevent him from getting ill like that. He thinks he may be genetically predisposed to it. I just feel if he would eat more raw and cut out the refined sugars and known carcinogens he'd be further away from cancer, you know? I read about sugar's effect on the body as it relates to cancer cells, and how you should keep your body alkaline ect. Now, I might be wrong, but I just feel that by being more proactive in his eating habits it might prevent him from (or rather decrease his chances of ) getting cancer.
I just dont want to lose him. But I will take the advice offered thus far and I will try not to force anything on him. What I think I will do, however, is try to offer him healthier options to the things he loves (as suggested with the 100% juice). I will try.
07-19-2006, 06:15 PM
I'm not married, but my fiance and I do live together. I asked him to try raw with me for a week once and it didn't go over well. He was reluctant to agree and then he didn't like many of the things I made. What we do now is simply plan our meals separately. Sometimes he asks to try the things I'm making (or eat them as his full meal too), sometimes he makes his usual pasta or chili or whatever. I do pay attention to the healthy things he likes and try to get those frequently. Cran-grape juice (I try to get 100% juice rather than the cocktails), bananas, Granny Smith apples, green grapes... the other day he chose to have grapes and a banana for breakfast instead of cereal and it's things like that that make me happy. :)
Sharon in Colorado
07-19-2006, 06:40 PM
Check this out.
I've been at this for several years and I have a non-raw family.
Trust me - the more you try to push, persuade, pressure, talk into, beg, plead, bribe, etc. the more HE is going to eat the opposite, not necessarily that he even wants to eat it, but you are probably ticking him off enough that he's going to eat whatever he wants to just to "show you" he's not gonna listen.
What you CAN do, is eat the best you can eat around him, always make extra just in case he wants some, and if he doesn't just eat it yourself at the next meal.
Stay consistant. If/when you backslide, you don't need to say anything and neither do you need to say anything when you get back on the raw wagon. Sooner or later he will get used to you eating this way and all this great raw food around him, he'll end up eating a lot of it and sooner or later when he eats his old favorites, like the abundance of 5 eggs he won't feel so great.
This very thing is happening with my dh and family. They cannot eat a ton of meat or cooked food without feeling the effects. They still eat cooked, but just in smaller amounts. And they still have fast food very occassionally, like maybe once a month. And they feel the effects. My dh even said he didn't want to eat a lot of meat. so I make a lot of vegetarian meals, like beans, rice, veggies, etc.
I would suggest not discussing this stuff with him anymore. Trust me, I've gotten in my share of heated arguments sharing websites and maybe it planted a seed, but it just created a lot of stress in the relationship.
Sharon in Colorado
07-19-2006, 06:49 PM
I wanted to add one more thing.
If you can sit down with him and tell him you will not discuss this with him anymore, because you know that it bothers him when you do, but for him to tell you when he's ready to turn his health around, you will be more than ready and willing to help him.
And then leave it at that.
Or...perhaps you can try some reverse psychology on him. Tell him that you will start cooking fried foods, pork chops, dishes with gravy, pizza loaded with meat and extra cheese - and buy him all of the junk food that he wants. Make him "Coco Puffs" cereal in the morning with chocolate milk and put some Hershey's Chocolate syrup on top. He will ask you why the change of heart? Tell him that him dying sooner of cancer is much cheaper than a divorce. I am kidding of course.
Take it slowly with him.
My wife didn't want to try raw with in the beginning, so I started down this pathway alone. I was reading as many raw food books as I could and started feeling great. She tasted a few of my dishes and liked it, so I started making portions for two. She gobbled up everything I would make, so that was pretty easy. She also loved the green smoothies that I would make for her. (I had to make them every morning for her for about a month straight before she started shopping and making them for herself.)
She had an issue with cholesterol and thought she might as well go for it a little more with the diet. Still, even after 45 days of her being about 66% raw, and the fact that her cholesterol dropped 80 points in a month and a half, she is very "left brained" and wanted some hard proof from some case studies. So I gave her the book "The China Study" to read. That was it! She was even telling my dad the other night all about the book!
She is now doing the 30-day challenge with me - and I came home the other day from work and had raw fettuccini Alfredo and raw blueberry cheesecake waiting for me! I think I fell in love with her all over again that day.
07-19-2006, 07:29 PM
I'm in the same situation with my parents actually. The more I talk about how it'll heal my mom's fibro. she rebels. For one week she was really good and tried vegan and food combining. Now she's going backward and having dairy, a lot of chicken, and cheese again :( My dad on the other ahnd...just laughs at me and doesn't believe a word I say. "riight...." is what he always says. He's a slow learner and makes changes very slowly. Took him 10 years to get red meat out of his diet....I'm afraid it's a slow death for them. Both sides of the family have a long life expectancy, but still. Anyway, I've noticed the more I'm bugging him the more he is wanting to go against it.
07-19-2006, 07:38 PM
hey take it easy on the guy. My hubby has health issues, hates vegetables, family history of cancer and diabetes. I have been on this raw journey for n 3 years this month. He is just now coming around some. I never ever forced it on him. Actually when I first started doing it he said "I'm not doing that" and I said "Good, cause produce isn't cheap" and then we both laughed. Now that I have gone 100% raw again in April he completly cut our fast food and now sodas. He is drinking fresh lemonade and is eating smoothies for breakfast and fruit for lunch and snacks. He is getting there, but it has taken hime 3 years to get there.
He only got to this point by watching me, never by me showing him articles, not cooking for him, etc...etc...
My hubby was much like yours. Until we married he had never had any raw vegetables I don't think in his entire life and he really was not used to eating much fruit either. He still is not much on raw vegetables, so he just enjoys lots of fruit!
07-19-2006, 10:14 PM
I would apologize to him for trying to change him, it will let him know that you are not trying to change him, and make things run so much smoother. He might even be more open to trying new things, because you are accepting him for who he is. I am guilty of this myself, I finally did what I told you to do, and saw my friend eating more and more meat and fast food, and he was falling asleep after every meal, and I started getting tellling him how bad it was for him, and that he is falling asleep all over the place, and that if he doesn't make a change, he is going to get sick! :( :) We have not been getting along because of it! The thing is, when they are ready, they will decide it on their own. They already know that it is bad, but for some reason they are eating it anyways.
I wish you luck on this matter.
07-19-2006, 10:48 PM
I have gone through something similar and now hubby knows that I want him to be healthy and eat this way but as much as I would like to make him, I can't. He is an adult and I am as rebellious as he is and wouldn't want him forcing me to eat his way (although sometimes he tries and I fall off the wagon a couple times a year under stress). I have found over the past year if I have plenty of readily available washed and cut veggies and fruit available that he snacks on those more now then chips and junk. He is eating red meat less and having things like wild salmon more often and is actually eating steamed veggies now or salad with dinner (he never ate veggies cooked even in the past) in place of other things. I am trying to remember that any amount of raw he is eating is better than none. A year ago he probably ate something raw once a month and now naturally because its here and easy is eating more than 50%. I will take what I can get and hope in time its more and more :p
07-20-2006, 12:57 AM
Leading by example sums it up, and I don't want to restate what so many have said with so much eloquence already, so I'll just provide a few concrete examples about my fast-food-loving, soda-chugging boyfriend:
- When I go to Wild Oats or New Seasons, I call him to ask what I can get that he'd like. If he wants a soda, I ask, "They don't carry Diet Pepsi... what about a Blue Sky instead?" It's still soda, but it's a step in the right direction, and he always says yes.
- When he eats garbage (like the sack of Taco Bell he brought over last week), he sometimes admits to feeling yucky afterwards. When he does this, I do NOT lecture him with "I told you so's". Instead, I tell him I'm sorry he's not feeling well, and I offer him some fresh fruit, water or juice.
- When he tells me he's going to get garbage, I say "Okay. I'm going to have xyz instead... you are welcome to bring your food over so we can eat together." That allows me the same freedom to eat what I choose without disdain or pressure.
- Whenever I make or juice something, I always offer to share. If he says no, I say "okay!" and nothing else. I just offer again the next time.
- I share my successes as mine alone (19 pounds in five weeks, no more cold feet, better skin, more energy, waking up early without a struggle), rather than as a broad example for living, and thank him often for his love and support of the choices I'm making. I also accomodate his whining about my breasts getting smaller (*wink*).
- I talk in more detail about my choices only with the friends who express a sincere interest in learning about them... thankfully, my best friend is *very* interested. We change the subject when he joins us, so he doesn't feel pressured, but he knows the dialogue is available if he wants it.
My path to raw has been long, and it's still a long road ahead... I got here on my own time and I hope that he'll join me. But it had to be MY time, and it will have to be his, too. I love him enough to wait.
07-20-2006, 03:00 AM
When I got together with Dragggon in 2002, he was eating almost all fast food, drinking and smoking and I was struggling raw foodist,
he NEVER said anything to me about my food,when I went off raw. or back on or off or on or off or on, he was always there to support me anyway he could, what ever I chose.
when I am eating raw, I make plenty and I offer it to him, and if he wants some fine, if not, fine,
What I have found, is when I eat what I want and let him eat what he wants, he almost always chooses the raw food over any cooked food, because it is already made, and he knows it tastes good.
he eats fresh fruits and veggies and greens all day long, as he wild forages, and walks in our gardens, so I KNOW he is getting alot more fruits and veggies and raw nuts then he was when we met, he's not 100% raw, and I don't care if he ever is, because that is up to him.
I would never try to make him anything, to control him, or to subtly, talk him into anything, if he wants info, he can read all my raw books, that I've bought, he can read all the websites I've put as my favorites, or he can just ask me.
But, the one thing that makes our relationship work, is that I respect his choices, they may not be my choices, but I'm not him, we are different people. and just because something works for me doesn't mean it will work the same for him.
I love him enough to let him be the person I love, and not try to change him in any way, shape or form.
he's my perfect man.
07-20-2006, 03:07 AM
Rawpriestess said it right... I hereby retract "I love him enough to wait" in favor of "I love him enough to let him be the person he wants to be."
07-20-2006, 05:35 AM
Oh boy, this thread is right up my alley. I was a vegan 8 yrs ago when my hubby and I began dating, once we moved in together and got married...off the vegan wagon I fell. I was cooking meat for him so I ate it too, it was just easier. However, I never went back to drinking milk, its just something that absolutely repulses me. He was a HUGE milk drinker. So I started leaving articles in the bathroom about how bad milk is...out of the blue, he tells me that I don't have to buy milk anymore. I couldn't believe it! We haven't had cow's milk in our house for 5 years. Now that I'm getting back on track with vegan/raw, I find myself 'preaching' to him and wanting him to do this with me, but I'm learning that he just has to come to it on his own. Everyone does really. I would've been pi$$ed off if someone would've tried to make me take this route too. On the other hand, I'm in charge of the grocery shopping, so things have changed a little for the hubby. I don't buy coke for him anymore (which he said I didn't have to, so I didn't 'shove' that one on him) and the meat that I do buy for him is all organic. I know its still meat but at least I know that he's not eating all those hormones, antibiotics..blah, blah, blah. He told me just last night that he likes all the organic stuff much better. I also only cook meat/chicken about twice a week for him, the rest is either raw or vegan. I can get away with vegan much easier. Once a week we have fruit smoothies for dinner too. Him and my two boys love those!! Anyway, I think one day he'll take the leap. Until then, I'll just be a role model. I'm definitely rubbing off on the kids. My 3 yr old doesn't even like meat. GOTTA LOVE THAT! As for my hubby, I print articles and leave them laying around the house all the time, the bathroom is the best place to leave them 'accidentally'.
07-20-2006, 07:07 AM
I know I shouldnt force him to give meat up, but I want so badly for him to become healthier (every man in his family who has died, has died of cancer. And quite a few have died.), but i feel as though he just doesnt care enough to try hard at eating healthy. He also loves those nasty sodas and "juice" which are chock-full of sugar and additives-You name it, he will injest it.
Sunday, i opened up the link to the NotMilk site and I was completely appalled at what I learnt. I told him to come over and read it, and when he did, he got sooo defensive (and kinda offensive to me) cuz he "doesnt drink milk but will NEVER give up cheese!" All I had done was ask him to read the article.
I want so badly to purge the house of all these things, but I fear he will become upset and will say I am forcing my beliefs on him. I want him to stop eating unhealthy for his own good, but my efforts always backfire. I have been direct, indirect, loving, shouted, cried about it, but to no avail. Nothing works!
I know, I know, he is an adult and I shouldn't tell him what to eat, what kinda lifestyle to choose. But there's one small problem: He's the love of my life. I refuse to lose him to any preventable disease!
*sigh* Now if only both of us would think like that...
He will say that you are forcing your beliefs on him because it is the truth. You ARE attempting to force your beliefs on him. You didn't call him over to read the website just in the spirit of sharing information. You had an agenda and you wanted him to make a specific choice. As others have already stated, the best thing you can do is say nothing. Don't roll your eyes when he is eating 5 eggs, don't let your facial expression show that you disapprove. Love him enough to Let him make his own choices. When someone is as resistant and defensive as your husband, that is all you can do if you want any shot at all at seeing him eat a healthier diet. The harder you push, the more he will resist.
I know it is hard. My husband is a meat eater and I do all the cooking for our family. I know that you want the best for your husband just as I want the best for mine. But I have learned that the best testimony you can give is just to live raw and be happy yourself. Offer him delicious attractively presented raw food. If he eats it fine. If he likes it, great! If he won't eat it, that's fine too. Bottom line, If you are glowing with health and joy yourself, people (including your husband) will want to know more about how you got that way.
Good Luck To You
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