So stressed out with my toddler

[Live Free]

We go to story hour at the library on Tuesday. They usually have a snack. I try to get it from her before she can eat any. I have no idea what kinds of things they will be serving.

Well, it has been 90 degree days with very high humidity. It has been very uncomfortable here, so the library served ice cream cups. I couldnt give the snack back to them and I couldnt take it from my baby. I tried to get it home before she could eat it. She dug it open in the car and I had to feed it to her or it would be all over the car.

Mae, my baby told me that it was going to give her a tummy ache, but she wanted to eat it anyways. She ate it so fast, that after she was done with that she ate some raw crackers that I gave her. Within about 15 minutes she puked all the crackers up. Gross!!

Ever since then she has been a terror, hitting, kicking...ect. I see this behavior from her everytime she eats something that has sugar in it.

I am so stressed, I have this huge headache now and I am sure the heat doesnt help my head any.

I have a call into the library, to help remedy the situation for later on. I cant take my child anywheres to entertain her without her being given foods that make her crazy.

[Sheryl]

My friends grandson is the same. He eats a very clean mostly raw diet with no white sugar... usually. When he goes to get his hair cut they always give him candy, and he's a terror for the rest of the day and the day ends with tears. So sad!

Can you just tell them no thanks and bring your own snack so she doesn't feel left out?
Sheryl

[juliebove]

Here's what I did with my daughter. Now granted she was not on a raw food diet, but I've always been very picky about what she is and is not allowed to eat. If I were leaving her somewhere, I'd make sure to pack a suitable snack (or meal) and I'd tell the adult in charge that she was not to eat any food other than that. I'd also pack a drink for her. In some cases, the person I was leaving her with was also very careful with their own kid's diet so I felt safe with them understanding my instructions as to what she could eat, if necessary.

This usually worked, but there were always people who felt that I was going overboard and they would sneak foods to her that I didn't want her to have. I too had an ice cream episode. Because my daughter has a bit of a weight problem, I've always had the rule that she could have no more than one sweet per day. Of course most days she didn't have even one. But if she did have one, that was it for the sweets.

We were living in military housing at the time. There were a lot of apartments all crowded into a small area. And the apartments were small. This was in Northern CA where the weather was usually mild and nice. So we were outside a lot!

We'd gone over to one of the play areas where a lot of people were sitting. One of Angela's friends gave her a cupcake. I didn't want her to have it because it was about an hour before dinner, but it all happened so suddenly!

Instead of asking me, the mom just handed it to her. Her friends all went to the preschool that was located there in the housing area. She wasn't eligible to go to it, given that she is an only child and our income was too high. Because of this, she felt left out. The other kids had decorated the cupcakes at preschool and had saved her one. I was a little peeved at this because the mom who gave it to her knew that she was not to give her food without asking me first. But she and my daughter were both so excited about it, I guess she got caught up in the moment or something. Yes, I was annoyed, but I didn't say anything. I let my daughter eat it. Or rather I should say I didn't try to stop her from eating it since she had already stuffed it into her mouth!

Then the ice cream truck came by. Everyone started flocking over to it. My daughter did not. Why? She didn't know what it was. I'd never bought her ice cream from it. So to her it was nothing more than a big truck that played annoying music. People even commented on how she just sat there and didn't run up to the truck like the other kids.

Then someone yelled, "What kind of ice cream does Angela want?"

"She doesn't need any ice cream", I replied.

I am not entirely sure what happened after that, but it wasn't good! I think maybe someone thought I just didn't have any money with me or perhaps couldn't afford to buy her any ice cream. People persisted in asking what kind of ice cream she wanted. "But everyone else is eating it!", and stuff like that. To which I replied, "She just had a cupcake. It's almost dinner time. She's not having ice cream."

Next thing I knew, people I'd never even met before started yelling at me and telling me how mean I was being not to let her have it! One woman even took her aside and told her she would buy her some. Her dad wasn't being any help either because he rode up on his bike about then and started in on me too! He thinks kids should be allowed to eat whatever they want whenever they want.

At that point, I totally lost it. Stood up from the ground I was sitting on and shouted, "She's MY kid! She is allowed ONE sweet per day. She already had it. It's almost dinner time. She doesn't need ICE CREAM before dinner! And if *I* say she's not having it, she's NOT having it!" I can't remember my exact words after that because by this point I was reduced to tears. Said something about how I had diabetes and was trying to be careful with what she ate in the hopes that she would not get the diabetes. I then walked back home and hurled myself down on the bed, sobbing.

It took me a while to get over that. I was to the point of being livid about the whole thing. I called my mom who really couldn't understand why I was so upset. She told me to look at it from their point of view (really guessing as to what that point of view might be). She pointed out that these people I was dealing with were younger than me. True. Some as much as 20 years younger since I had my daughter at age 39. They didn't have much money (also true) and probably saw ice cream as one luxury they could afford. Perhaps. But that still didn't address the fact that they were trying to force me to give her something I didn't want her to have. That's the part I couldn't understand.

I would never ever give a kid food of any kind without asking the parent first. I learned that lesson when I was in my 20's! I was working at a store at the time and a woman reported to me that there was a toddler in a dirty diaper roaming around in the parking lot. It was Christmas time and cold outside. My friend and I went looking and found the boy in an old car. He was eating part of what appeared to be a petrified sandwich. It had a toothpick in it. My friend pulled the toothpick from his mouth and commented that he was lucky he had not choked on it!

We brought him into the office where we cleaned up up as best we could and gave him a cup of water. He said he was hungry. We'd had an office potluck earlier that day but the only food we had left were a few cookies. So we gave him a cookie while we waited for the police to come (we couldn't locate his parents). As he bit into the cookie he said something like, "Is this chocolate? Chocolate gives me bumps on my bottom!" At that point we took the cookie away from him. We felt bad because he was obviously hungry but we had no clue what was safe to feed him. The police had arrived by then and said we could not give him milk, juice, formula or anything but water because he might have other food allergies.

The mother finally wandered into the store while the police were there. She had been playing bingo at the bingo hall that was in the same strip mall. The police released him back to her custody, pending an investigation of the matter. So hopefully he got fed. But now I always think of that and know it is not safe to give any kid food unless I ask the parent first!

Now that I know my daughter has food allergies, having snacks is not at option at all unless we both know they are safe. People tend to understand food allergies more than they do what they would simply consider a picky mother! Some people do anyway. There are still those people who think just a little bit of something is okay. Well, it's not! But obviously I don't need to tell you that.

Luckily my daughter is old enough now to know what she can and can't eat. She knows to look at the ingredients on packages and to question the way a food is prepared in a restaurant or someone's home. And she knows how sick she will get if she eats the wrong thing. She is very good to stick to her diet. She has a friend who is not like that though. Both have similar allergies. The friend keeps trying to sneak foods she shouldn't have and then can't understand why she feels so sick afterwards. The mom then complains about the kid's behavior. However, I've also found the mom giving me excuses for why the kid had to eat McDonalds (whatever that means) or other things she shouldn't.

Perhaps that is the difference between the two kids. I've taught my daughter since birth that there are healthy ways to eat and unhealthy ways to eat. And there is no excuse to eat unhealthy food, ever! Yes, people do it and when they do it they feel bad. If for some reason my daughter had to go to McDonalds, she would know that she could eat the apple slices or the vegetable parts of a salad. She is used to ordering special foods. We've even checked the various fast food websites to see if there is any food she could eat if for some reason we were stranded somewhere and needed a meal. But hopefully that won't happen because we always try to be prepared when we leave the house and bring at least a snack with us to tide us over until we can get a suitable meal.

[jjonak]

It is always really a struggle, at least it was for me with my daughter as well. For the first four years of her life, I raised her vegan with no sugar and no processed foods. Relatives and others used to try to sneak her sweets all the time. I'm not sure why people see it as necessary to do that. The children themselves have no sense of deprivation, and it's well known that the kind of junk food passed on to kids is not good for them. To this day, my daughter loves all kinds of vegetables and fruits which most people will not try and is extremely open-minded about different kinds of foods.

At one point, I actually used to get clippings from well-meaning relatives or acquitances in the mail about how I was probably crippling her growth and health by not feeding her milk and meat. That was always very depressing. At a certain point, I remember even thinking, can it possibly be true? Can I be brainwashed into thinking that I'm right and this is just another phase of health/science, just as they thought 50 years ago that smoking cigarettes was healthy?

I think sometimes people see the parent as overly controlling and trying to place our views on our children. I didn't want this to be the case either. So I raised my daughter for as long as I could with a healthy diet and comforted myself that even if she wound up eating meat, at least she would have a background for appreciating fruits and vegetables and whole grains, unlike many meat eaters who claim they want to change but just never learned or never grew up eating healthy food.

I also recall what it felt like when I turned 13 and decided to be vegan and how negative my parents were about it. So I told my daughter that when she was older, she could make her own decisions about what she wants to eat, but I hope that she will take into account that all our decisions have consequences and impacts on the world around us.

As she got older (middle school), more and more of her friends ate cake for school celebrations, meat in the school cafeteria, meat at school outings, etc. I am sure that she tried it at first without telling me. But I didn't ever want my own views to be forced on her, or for her to feel that she had to "rebel" against an imposed vegetarian or vegan diet.

She is now going into high school and has started eating meat. She was very hesitant to bring it up with me at first, and I think she was really relieved that I didn't put any sort of moral judgment on her for it. She doesn't bring it into the house, but does eat it when we go out or when she is with her friends. Her father eats meat, so I'm sure that probably contributed. But rather than looking at it as a failure, I'm just looking at it from the standpoint that I have given her a healthy background and whatever she decides to eat, she will always have a greater appreciation for fruits/vegetables than she otherwise would have had. It may be a phase; it may not. I think it's very important for her to be able to forge her own identity and her own choices, and without that ability, she would much more susceptible to bad decisions through peer pressure.

I will say that she is the most adventurous and open-minded eater of any person her age that I have met, and despite not being crazy about some of my raw foods, she cheerfully accompanied me to a raw food restaurant this summer and tried everything. She also commented that my spinach smoothies "look gross, but are surprisingly good" and has one every day with me.

So I guess what I have learned from the whole process is to do what you can, try not to let others get you down (after all, you know that you are just trying to do the best by your kids) and as the kids get older, and try to involve them in a consciousness of where their decisions lead. I hope that some day as she gets older, she will at least steer away from factory farmed meats, threatened fish, etc., and I hope that I can discuss it with her without being "preachy."

[berrymarymac]

I was raised a vegetarian and mostly vegan from birth until about 4 years old. My dad and uncle took me to McDonald's quite a lot behind my mom's back and someone used to put coca~cola in my baby bottle so I'm told. My mom was livid and never really forgave them. I made a decision 7 years ago, when I was 12 to become a vegetarian since meat made me violently ill (which it seems to do with everyone in my family). My dad still tempts me with meat.

And Juliebove, about the little boy. You all did not know and were trying to help him. Personally I don't think the mother should have gotten him back from what I have heard.

[NuttyRawMom]

I wouldn't have believed that other parents would try to force a parent to give their child something they shouldn't have until it happened to me! My son has true food allergies to artificial additives that result in behavioral problems (see website in this post). When at friends houses who are eating other things, they always try to insist that he has things he shouldn't. At 6 years old, he is so amazing! He knows how it affects him and doesn't want to feel that way. He always stands his ground or takes what they give him and then brings it home to me! :) Must say, I am proud of him for that. As I myself am addicted to junk food, I know how hard it is to resist something when it is put right in front of your face!

I always have backup items to give him. Before raw, it was just additive free so-called 'healthy' sweets. Now that we are raw, I keep chocolate popsicles (which are just green smoothies with very little added cocoa powder, hehehe), chocolate 'brownies', and fruit 'treats' in backup supply. (Can't get carob powder here yet.)

The thing is that our culture has been so engrained with giving food as rewards and special treats that it is hard to get away from that. What about a special playground trip, staying up late to look at the stars, or just simply a special outing with Mommy/Daddy for starters? I we don't teach our kids that sugar and sweets are only special, then they won't go nuts over them!

I just wanted to repeat this information I posted in another thread today:

You will be interested to read the information on:

www.feingold.org (http://www.feingold.org/)

It isn't just your imagination, it is REAL! Food additives are the WORST thing the corporate America has done for our children...and now adult population as it has been long enough. I am battling ADHD symptoms in my 6 yr. old son among other things. He has not been diagnosed, per se, but he fits every classic description.

Artificial colors, flavorings, and preservatives are tearing our children to pieces and no one realizes it! If you must hold on to SAD addictions a little while longer, please take time to read this info and avoid at least these as your first step.

Since applying this program of an elimination diet (before we went raw), we have noticed DRAMATIC differences in our son's behavior. If he eats something that he reacts to, you can see it within 2 hours and it lasts up to 3 days!!

I think this is information every parent should read, no matter what diet you follow.

Edit: Just one warning...this diet still follows SAD! It just helps you learn what your child could react to and how to look for it and avoid it. If you follow a RAW food diet, the natural foods list is still of good info, but the artificial ingredients will be no prob!

[juliebove]

I wouldn't have believed that other parents would try to force a parent to give their child something they shouldn't have until it happened to me! My son has true food allergies to artificial additives that result in behavioral problems (see website in this post). When at friends houses who are eating other things, they always try to insist that he has things he shouldn't. At 6 years old, he is so amazing! He knows how it affects him and doesn't want to feel that way. He always stands his ground or takes what they give him and then brings it home to me! :) Must say, I am proud of him for that. As I myself am addicted to junk food, I know how hard it is to resist something when it is put right in front of your face!

I always have backup items to give him. Before raw, it was just additive free so-called 'healthy' sweets. Now that we are raw, I keep chocolate popsicles (which are just green smoothies with very little added cocoa powder, hehehe), chocolate 'brownies', and fruit 'treats' in backup supply. (Can't get carob powder here yet.)

The thing is that our culture has been so engrained with giving food as rewards and special treats that it is hard to get away from that. What about a special playground trip, staying up late to look at the stars, or just simply a special outing with Mommy/Daddy for starters? I we don't teach our kids that sugar and sweets are only special, then they won't go nuts over them!

I just wanted to repeat this information I posted in another thread today:

You will be interested to read the information on:

www.feingold.org (http://www.feingold.org/)

It isn't just your imagination, it is REAL! Food additives are the WORST thing the corporate America has done for our children...and now adult population as it has been long enough. I am battling ADHD symptoms in my 6 yr. old son among other things. He has not been diagnosed, per se, but he fits every classic description.

Artificial colors, flavorings, and preservatives are tearing our children to pieces and no one realizes it! If you must hold on to SAD addictions a little while longer, please take time to read this info and avoid at least these as your first step.

Since applying this program of an elimination diet (before we went raw), we have noticed DRAMATIC differences in our son's behavior. If he eats something that he reacts to, you can see it within 2 hours and it lasts up to 3 days!!

I think this is information every parent should read, no matter what diet you follow.

Edit: Just one warning...this diet still follows SAD! It just helps you learn what your child could react to and how to look for it and avoid it. If you follow a RAW food diet, the natural foods list is still of good info, but the artificial ingredients will be no prob!

The school thought my daughter had ADHD. Turns out it was all food allergies. Her behavior is totally different now that she's off the food she is allergic to. She had been put in special ed since she was struggling with so many things in school. Now she is up to where she should be in most things. Almost up to where she should be in others. Am hoping next year she won't need the special ed. In some ways that makes it harder on her than just being in her classroom. Rather than putting her only in the special ed class, she was going to several of the special ed classes a week. She'd be taken from her regular class to attend those. So she would have to do that in addtion to her regular schoolwork. That meant a lot of homework because she couldn't always get it all done in school.

It also meant she had to try really hard to prove that she could do things. Unfortunately after being labeled as learning disabled, the teachers just assumed she couldn't do certain things. This past year was very stressful. Hopefully the upcoming one won't be as much so.

[NuttyRawMom]

Well, I wanted to share the info above not just because of ADHD (which I am not certain my child has, just aware of its possibility), but because of the behavioral problems described like: being a terror, hitting, kicking, biting, etc... This elimination diet has helped many kids overcome those issues. I just thought you might like to know that it isn't just the sugar, although it is still a culprit, but it is all the other junk added to food and it should rightly be avoided. It is a true allergy and that helps me with not giving in to others pushing junk on us.

The sweet treats that so many people believe that a kid MUST have every once in a while are loaded with artificial chemicals. It can be a single piece of candy that sets us up for 3-4 days of miserable behavior.

I love RAW foods and the liberty it has given us not to have to read labels on everything we buy -- because we buy nothing with labels anymore! :) I feel so free!

I was just hoping that this info will help all of us stand our ground as parents in choosing what is right for our children. For me, I am not just keeping my child from sugar, but I am protecting him from severe food allergies! I wouldn't give my child nuts if he had a nut allergy and broke out in hives. People understand food allergies much more than they understand behavioral connections with food additives.

Again, hope this helps!